Be Okay

Kate Beckett had almost given up hope on seeing her fiance again-almost. But now he was back, and that was wonderful, but things were also complicated for them and for their family. Caskett S7 AU

A/N: There are 10 parts

Chapter 1

Kate Beckett paced the sterile halls of the Yale-New Haven Medical Center in a manner reminiscent of a tiger pacing in its cage just before feeding time. Her heart pounded beneath her ribs, her palms were clammy with sweat, and every few minutes she would take in a deep, shuddering breath while trying to calm the emotions roiling in her gut.

Castle was alive.

For fifteen agonizing months, ever since the day they were meant to be married, she had wondered when—or if—she would ever see her fiancé again. Then, on an ordinary Monday morning, she'd been sitting at her desk when she received a call from the New Haven PD. They informed her that a John Doe had been found adrift in a dingy and picked up by the Coast Guard just offshore. The man was unconscious without identification, but when they ran his fingerprints, the database identified him as the missing writer Richard Castle.

Kate had dropped the phone's handset into her lap and remained frozen for several seconds before regaining her composure enough to pick up the phone and begin firing questions at the NHPD's captain. Unfortunately, the man could provide her only with the information that he'd been taken to the Yale-New Haven Medical Center and would be waiting for her there. Without second thought, Kate grabbed her purse, called out for Ryan and Espo to track down the rest of his family, and hit the road at break-neck speed.

Unfortunately for her anxiety, Kate was not permitted to see her fiancé immediately upon arriving at the hospital because he was being seen by doctors. Thus, she was left pacing—pacing and wondering.

A dingy? How in the hell had he ended up in a dingy? Disappearing from the northern side of Long Island and crossing the water to end up in New Haven was not that outrageous of an idea to process, but after over a year's worth of time? Where had he been since May of the prior year? And why had he turned up now? Of course the fiancée part of her wanted to ignore that final question, but the investigator part of her demanded the answer.

"Ms. Beckett?"

Kate jumped when she heard her name and spun around on the spot, searching for the source of the sound. When she saw a gentleman wearing blue scrubs with a white coat over top, she rushed towards him trying not to sound as frantic as she felt inside. "Doctor—how is he? Is he injured? Is he conscious?"

The doctor offered a smile. "Very much so—and asking for you, I might add."

Kate felt her heart do a summersault in her chest. He was awake and wanted to see her. It took all of her self-control to sniff back to tears threatening to fall to her cheeks and simply nod graciously to the physician before her.

"As for his health I would say he's in fair condition. He's dehydrated and suffering from exposure, but nothing he won't recover from in a few days. At this point, my main concern is that he seems to be confused. He isn't sure of the date, but we're not sure if that is a symptom of his dehydration and exposure, or something greater. We'll be taking him for a CT scan shortly."

"May I see him?" Kate requested, barely taking note of his comments; she just wanted to see him and asses him for herself.

The doctor nodded and swept his arm towards the room he had just exited. "Of course."

Kate nodded a thank you to the doctor and then approached the hospital room swiftly. She paused in the doorway, gripping the frame and taking a long deep breath before pushing herself forward so that could see for the first time the man she loved. He was lying in a reclined bed wearing a hospital gown and his eyes were closed. She could see evidence of sunburn on his forehead and cheeks and his eyes looked a bit sunken—from the dehydration, she assumed. Upon further examination she realized it was more than that. His cheeks were thinner, his jaw more prominent. He'd lost weight—a significant amount of weight, she imagined. That knowledge simply added more questions to her list, which was already well into the triple digits, but for the moment she pushed those to the back of her mind, and stepped forward in the room.

Presumably at the sound of her shoe against the tile floor, Castle's eyes popped open and the moment his eyes landed on her face, his brow visibly relaxed. "Hey." He sighed out, just as casually as ever.

Her stomach flipped and she felt a few tears slip out without permission. God, his voice. She never realized how uncertain she'd been about ever hearing his voice in person again until that moment. "H-hey Castle," she returned, a bit unsteady. He lifted his left hand a few inches off the bed and held it out towards her. She slipped her left hand in his and squeezed tight, a few more tears falling at the feeling of his warm skin against hers. "H-how are you feeling?"

"Ah, a bit like hell, actually, but better now that you're here." He smiled briefly, but then his brow wrinkled and he said, "I'm so sorry Kate. The wedding—it's my fault."

She shook her head. "No, don't worry about that now." She'd never cared about the wasted flowers and food or the irritated guests; her only concern had been him and his well-being. She just wanted her partner back.

"You must have been so upset."

Upset? Yes, gazing down at his car, flipped over in a ditch and burning had been upsetting. Shockingly, not as upsetting after hitting dead end after dead end on her search for him, but he was there now, and that was most important. Still, the investigator in her had to ask. "Do you remember what happened that day?"

He shut his eyes and tilted his head to the side as he thought. "I…I called you, right? As I was driving—I remember that. But then…something in my rear view…a car? Oh!" His eyes popped open and he gazed at her. "An accident—did I have an accident?"

"Yes."

"Shit and I hit my head, didn't I? How long have I been out?"

"Awhile, Castle," she said not wanting to shock him with the exact amount of time while his memory was so fragile. "Listen, I don't want to push you too much but...do you remember anything else? Anything after the crash?"

Deep creases appeared in his brow for almost a full minute, but then he shook his head. "Ah, no. Sorry, Kate—everything feels really fuzzy and I'm…I'm really tired. I'm sorry." His final words seemed almost slurred and she took note of how heavy his eyelids were becoming.

"It's okay," she assured him. "Just rest—we'll talk later, okay?"

"Mm." He grunted and his grip on her hand relaxed, but then suddenly he squeezed her hand tighter and asked, "You leavin'?"

"No way, Castle; I'm not going anywhere." She promised. He grunted again and then shut his eyes. Though his hand fell limp again, Kate did not let go. She wanted to make sure he knew she was there and that she wasn't going to let him out of her sight—at least not for the foreseeable future. Where he'd gone to, she didn't know, but she was certain he wasn't going back. He was staying that time—for good.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Ms. Beckett, at this point we aren't sure why Mr. Castle's memory seems to have significant gaps. Physically, there's nothing wrong, but brain injuries can be tricky things."

Kate felt her chest tighten at this news while sitting in Dr. Graham's office. She wasn't sure what part of her was more frustrated: the concerned and worried fiancé or the dedicated investigator. From what the doctor had best determined, Castle believed only a few days had passed since the time they were last together, not nearly four hundred and fifty of them.

"Could his car accident have caused this?"

The doctor twisted his lips to the side. "I'm not familiar with his accident, but since it was fifteen months ago I would doubt it. If it was a trauma, which I'm not ruling out, it would have probably been more recent."

"So how do we move forward?"

"Well, depending on how he progresses he could go home as early as tomorrow, perhaps the day after. I can recommend some specialists back in Manhattan for him to see, but honestly the best thing for him is to get back to his daily routine—or whatever routine he had before he disappeared."

A sad smile crossed Kate's face. "As you can imagine, Doctor, some things have changed in that time."

He nodded. "Of course they had and it's very important that you do not lie to Mr. Castle. Be honest with him—delicate, but honest. At this point, we do not know what could or might trigger his memories so getting back to a life as close as normal as he can have is for the best."

Kate nodded and paused for a moment before posing her next question. "Is...is there a possibly that this is permanent? That his memories will not return?"

"Let's not worry too much about that right now. Let's focus on getting him physically well again, and then we'll talk about everything inside his head."

Kate bobbed her head, thanked the doctor, and then walked out of his office carding her purse close to her chest. As much as she wanted Castle to return carrying a journal that detailed his every move for the prior fifteen months, she understood that to be unrealistic. He was back—and that was the most important thing. She needed to heed the doctor's advice: take Castle home, find his routine again, and then worry about his memories.

As she rounded the corner of the hall leading towards Castle's room, Kate was so distracted with her thoughts that she nearly ran into the quartet in the hall by the elevators: Detective Ryan and the trio of Castle women. "Oh—hi—you made it!"

"Oh Darling of course." Martha pulled her into an immediate hug which she gratefully reciprocated. "How is he? How is my son?"

Kate said nothing, but walked over to Alexis and plucked the babbling baby from her arms. Kate pressed her lips to the child's head and breathed in the perfect smell of her hair to calm her nerves. God, she really had needed that snuggle. Moving the baby to her hip she said, "He doesn't remember…he thinks it's just a day or so after the wedding. He has no idea how long he's been gone."

"Jesus." Ryan breathed while the women gasped.

"But is he okay?" Alexis asked.

Kate gave a little shrug and then nodded. "Dehydrated, a little sunburnt, but yeah—he's okay."

"So we can see him?"

Kate gave the child another squeeze before passing her back to Alexis. "I'd better speak with him alone a moment first. I think…I think he should hear it from me—what day it really is."

Martha nodded. "Okay, we'll wait here—but make haste, darling; we're at the edge of our seats."

Kate gave her a half-smile before walking back to Castle's room, where she found him fiddling with the controls on his hospital bed. Just as he raised the head of the bed into an almost perpendicular position to the bottom half, she said, "Hi," and startled him to the point where he dropped the controller.

"Oh—Kate. There you are. I thought you left."

She shook her head. "No I was just speaking with your doctor."

"Am I gonna make it? You can tell me honestly."

Keeping with his teasing tone, she scrunched her nose and shrugged. "It's still touch and go."

He smiled, but only for the briefest moment. "They scanned my brain. Is something wrong with me?"

She stepped up closer to him as her stomach rolled. God, how was she going to tell him? Standing just beside his right side she said, "The thing is, Rick: after your accident you disappeared."

"Disappeared," he echoed a bit dumbly.

"Yes. Someone kidnapped you or—well, we're not really sure what happened, but you've been missing."

"Missing? Not just a few days?" he asked. She shook her head. "How long?"

"A while, Rick, and the thing is—things have happened. We've…I mean time doesn't stop, not even if you want it to and I-"

"Kate." He cut her off, his voice sounding pained. "How long? How long have I—wait." He cut off his speech and craned his neck to the side as he gazed towards the door of his room. "Is that Alexis? I see red hair. Are they here? Alexis!"

"Yes, they're here but-" Before Kate could say another word, Martha barreled through the door, her arms outstretched for her son as she sighed out, "Oh, Richard!"

Kate rocked back on her heels as Martha crushed her son with a hug. Though she was annoyed she was not able to break the news she understood the elder woman's desire to see her only child as soon as possible. Had she been in that situation….well, she understood and really it had been her fault for not ripping the bandage off and telling Castle straight out. She was simply afraid to see the pain of his reaction.

"I'm glad to see you, too, Mother. Is Al—Alexis!"

At the sound of Castle's yelp, Kate fought a wince. She turned her head to see the red-head, who was no longer a little girl, entering the room with the ever-adorable dark haired child balanced on her hip. "Hi Dad," she said gently. With one hand stroking the baby's leg she stepped up right behind her grandmother, just out of reach of her father, but close enough to give him a shocking glimpse into what he'd missed.

"Wha—I—what—god." He stammered out, looking at each of the three adults in turn, his eyes returning to the face of the baby in between each. Finally, he turned his gaze back to Kate and demanded, "How long?"

"Fifteen months."

"Jesus." He sighed out and rolled his head back against the mattress. Martha reached out and squeezed his shoulder as he stared up at the ceiling. "Over a year and you—oh god did you all think I was…"

"We're just glad you're here now." Martha assured him.

"Yes." Alexis chimed in. "We're so glad to have you back, Dad."

"I…oh." He sighed out as the baby made a gurgling noise. He reached out his left hand and Alexis swapped positions with her grandmother so Castle could hook his index finger into the pudgy fist of the cooing girl. "What's her name?"

"Lily."

"Lily." He echoed. "She's beautiful." He stared at the baby for another moment before releasing her fist and raking his hands back through his hair. "God, fifteen months and I come back a grandfather! What else have I missed?"

Though he directed his question to Kate, Alexis jumped in before she could even open her lips. "No, Dad; she's yours," she said with a half laugh.

Castle did a double take back towards Alexis. "M-mine?! Wha…I…"

Clearing her throat to draw his attention Kate confessed, "I was going to surprise you on the honeymoon."

"Oh—god. Oh my god." Castle stammered out before tears began to fall down his cheeks.

"Perhaps we should give them a minute," Martha said wisely, curling her hand around her granddaughter's shoulders. When Alexis took a step back, Castle shot his arm out, desperately trying to reach for them.

"No don't please—please I want to see her!"

At the loud, unfamiliar voice, Lily began to cry and Kate rushed around to the other side of Castle's bed saying, "It's okay; I'll take her." She dropped her purse to the floor and reached out for her daughter, cradling her close and kissing her head. "It's okay baby girl." Kate hushed her, gently rocking her hips back and forth, though Lily had quieted almost immediately in her mother's arms. "I just want you to meet Daddy. Remember how I told you that we'd find him again someday?" Lily forced her head into the crook of Kate's neck and Kate dropped her chin to kiss her shoulder as she swayed back and forth.

With all the madness of the days leading up to her wedding, Kate hadn't realized her cycle was late until the day before the wedding. She'd taken a home pregnancy test, convinced it would be negative, and was positively stunned when it was not. Immediately, her shock morphed into pure joy, as she could not have come up with a better wedding present for her husband. She'd wanted to tell him then and there, but instead decided to wait until they were on the plane traveling to their beautiful island oasis.

Unfortunately, that moment had never come, but Kate's knowledge of the life growing inside her kept her going during those first few horrific days when all she wanted to do was collapse from the sorrow. When after a few weeks all the leads on Castle's disappearance began to grow cold, she'd confessed her maternity status to her father, Martha, and Alexis, and had been reduced to tears from their outpouring of love and support; the three of them along with her two partners had been by her side ever since.

Practically from the moment of her birth Kate had told her daughter about her father and how incredible he was. She played her videos of his interviews so she could hear his voice. The boys even had an NYPD tech make her an audio file with just Castle's voice so she could play it for their daughter. Every day she told Lily how much her father loved her and how one day, if they were very lucky, they would get to see him again.

"C'mon sweetheart, it's okay." Kate coached, turning the girl around so that her back was to Kate's chest. "Daddy wants to say hi to you."

Castle finished mopping his cheeks with a rough, hospital-issue tissue before reaching out and cradling one of Lily's feet with his hands. He gazed at her with pure amazement for a full minute before looking up at Kate. "We have a daughter."

"Yeah," Kate said, sniffing back some tears of her own. "We do."

"She's amazing. Will she come to me?"

"Probably. Just talk to her. She should know your voice—I play her videos."

Castle took the baby as he cooed, "Hi Lily, hi," to her. He scooped her under the armpits and lowered her onto his lap while continuing to speak. Lily whined with uncertainty, looking up to her mother and reaching out a pudgy hand, but Kate soothed her by stroking her hand across her dark hair and saying, "It's okay, Lily; Daddy just wants to see you."

"Yeah, Lily; I'm your Daddy and I love you so much, yes I do. Oh, god, look at you." He brushed one of his thumbs over her pudgy cheek before looking at Kate and asking, "What's she like?"

Kate let out a breathy laugh, not sure how to summarize her daughter in just a few sentences. "She's sweet and cuddly, but getting more adventurous now that she can move around a bit. She's not the best sleeper but I like to think that's because she's just so curious about the world that she doesn't want to sleep. But she loves being read to—she'd listen for hours and hours."

"Well I'll read you all the books you want sweetheart." Castle promised her as he skimmed his hand down her back. Lily appeared to relax more against him and even reached her tiny hand up towards his face. Castle lowered his head and captured two of her pudgy fingers between his lips, pretending to gnaw on them. Lily laughed and flashed him a gummy grin.

"Oh, Kate she's beautiful—and she looks like you."

Kate hummed. "Mmm no. Only across the eyes. She has your smile."

"And she's...five months?"

"No, six. Just a few days ago."

"Six months." He echoed with no small amount of disbelief. He traced his finger across Lily's pudgy knee before rolling his head back against his pillow. God, I missed so much. And you...you!" He shook his head as he gazed over at her. "You're incredible. Look what you did—all by yourself."

"Oh I wasn't by myself." Kate assured him. "I had your mother and Alexis and part of you with me all the time. Hey," she added softly as a tear fell out of his eye. She reached out to brush it away with her thumb. "It's okay; we're all together now."

"But I don't remember and-"

"Don't worry about that now. We'll figure it out, just like we always do. We're going to be okay." She promised, for the first time truly believing it.

He nodded his head and sniffed back some tears. Gazing down at his youngest daughter, Castle echoed, "Yeah; we're going to be okay."

A/N: Hello! And thanks for reading!

I actually wrote this as a one-shot a year ago with the kind of intent to make it a multi chap, but I never really had the inspiration, until recently when I spent a bunch of time with my friends six month old baby and then this all spilled out. This is actually the hybrid of a new-ish story and one i wrote years ago and abandoned due to a multitude of issues, but no one ever read that other story, so its all good. This is an AU Season 7 as the description indicates - but none of that Locksat BS crap :)