Clementine shot up on her bed, beads of sweat running down her forehead. She placed her hand over her chest, feeling her thumping heart. The pale silver moonlight seeped through the window to her left, casting long shadows on the jagged wooden boards – turning them into monsters. It had been years since she'd been scared of monsters under her bed, but she couldn't help but feel threatened by them, as if they were mocking her.
She tried to control her breathing, closing her eyes tightly and following her own advice to AJ. When fear starts getting the upper hand, she'd say. "We tell it to fuck off," he always said, smiling when she would ruffle his hair. Sitting up on the edge of her bed, she gripped the bedspread tightly.
"Fuck off," she breathed, shaking her head. "Fuck off, fear."
Though it didn't do much for her ragged breathing, her thumping heart decreased its rate significantly. There was something liberating about cursing out your own fear, she figured. Her eyes sought the only other person in the room. The sleeping form of AJ on the opposite bed was snoring gently, his chest rising and dropping in a steady rhythm.
How he could sleep soundly after the horrors they'd recently lived, she didn't know. Lilly may have been a monster, but Clem could not get the image of AJ out of her head, unloading an entire magazine into her corpse. Maybe James had been right in one regard… Was AJ too far gone?
She decided not to dwell on those thoughts for the time being, choosing instead to get up and stretch her legs. She wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon anyway. Her room was eerily silent as she walked toward the door, the floorboards creaking under her weight. She looked back at AJ before she stepped out; silently promising she'd be back.
The hallway beyond was barely any different. Moonlight shone through the open windows, a soft breeze blowing past her. She pulled her shirt closer to her body, shivering slightly. The rest of the dorm doors were locked tight for the night, their occupants exhausted after their escapade at the Delta.
As she walked through the hall, her eyes drifted out the window into the courtyard. This late at night, it was completely deserted. The tops of the trees beyond the walls swayed gently with the wind, framing the dark backdrop of the starry sky.
Her thoughts were cut short when she heard a soft high sound coming from somewhere outside. Warily walking forward, Clementine made her way toward the door. Outside, it was even colder than inside. Bitter gusts of wind pricked at her skin. She hugged herself, slowly walking toward the admin building. As she walked, she felt soft drops of water hitting her face.
Looking up, she could see a cluster of clouds that had seemingly rolled up without notice. The moon was barely visible now, the literal silver lining of the clouds the only sign that it was still out there. Pursing her lips, she opened the door and stepped into the admin building. Once inside, her ears could clearly make out the source of the sound she'd heard, her head immediately going to her right.
Louis.
Inside the main hall, the dead raider's blood still stained the carpet, creating a sickening pattern on the otherwise beautiful decoration. To her right, the hallway that led to the music room was filled with high pitched notes, played in no particular rhythm. Frowning, she went to it, already dreading what she'd find.
When she got to the door, it was ajar. She peeked through it, barely making out Louis's hunched shape in the dark. Pushing the door slowly, she leaned against the doorframe, afraid to startle the freckled boy.
His face was shrouded in darkness, but she could clearly tell he was crying. Soft sobs escaped him involuntarily, tugging at Clementine's heart. It was hard to imagine this was the same boy who'd sat at that same spot and become flustered when she kissed him. The same boy who had opened up to her, a girl she barely knew.
The boy she loved.
It was weird even thinking about it, like a foreign concept. She didn't know when she'd decided that, but every fiber of her being told her it was the truth. She loved this boy, which was one of the reasons why his dreadful fate still lingered in her mind every waking moment.
While she had this internal struggle, she heard Louis press another key. It was a lower one, almost at the far end of the piano. He kept playing it steadily for a few moments, tapping his foot along with it. Something told her she knew what he was playing, but she couldn't place her finger on it. As the boy kept playing, he ran his hands over what he usually called 'the ivories', wiggling them playfully.
Clem suppressed a giggle as Louis began the actual song, what little she could see of his eyes softening. His fingers glided effortlessly over the keys, composing beautiful harmonies out of thin air. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized what he was playing. He'd played that song the first time they'd met, barely a month ago, upon learning her name.
The smile that took over her features could have lit the entire music room, her head tilted to the side as her boyfriend coursed through the song without a single mistake. To her surprise and joy, she actually saw him smile. A genuine smile; the first one she'd seen him muster since the incident.
His eyes were closed the whole time, seemingly pulling the inspiration out of the air itself. The music room suddenly became alight with music as he somehow turned up the volume of his playing, his foot tapping along on the pedals of the old-timey piano. She had half a mind to start clapping then and there, but something happened.
Louis opened his mouth, doing his best effort to clear his throat. Sucking in a breath, he attempted to sing along. Unfortunately, the only sound that came out was a garbled mess, throwing his harmony off sync. His face became hard, the piano became silent once more. The same eerie silence that plagued her room had found its way into the music room, sucking the happiness out of the air like poison.
The boy stared at the keys with a horrified expression, his fingers shaking mere inches over them. Closing the lid over the keyboard quickly, he hunched over, burying his face in his hands. The crying returned, soft sniffing coming from the boy every few seconds. Pursing her lips, she made a decision.
She slowly walked over to the boy, who didn't seem to have heard her yet. Clem slowly placed her hand on his shoulder, making him jump. He looked around frantically, his eyes red. When he spotted her, he relaxed a bit but frowned.
He mumbled something that resembled Clementine? and cocked his head to her. She offered him a warm smile, nodding. Her eyes darted from his puffy eyes to the freckles on his cheeks. They went all the way down to his neck, some of them disappearing beneath his oversized coat. The edge of his collar was still blood-stained, a constant reminder of the horrors he had to endure at the hands of Lilly.
"It's me," she said gently. "Mind if I sit?"
He thought about it for a moment, then nodded slowly and scooted over to make room for her. She took a seat, much like she'd done hours before the raider attack. Before everything went to hell. They looked at each other without uttering a sound, seemingly communicating through their eyes.
"I'm sorry, Louis," she said suddenly, making the boy smile.
He snapped his fingers, turning to his left and grabbing a piece of sheet paper from atop the piano. He took the small pencil and scribbled something Clementine couldn't see on it. He used the surface of the lid to prop the paper up. She studied him curiously, surprised that he exhibited such enthusiasm at the thought of writing something down.
When he was done, he showed the scribble to Clem, who gasped. On the piece of blank paper was a small scrawl that read 'Not your fault'. She looked up at him, her brows tightly knitted.
"Still, they wouldn't have done this to you if I had been faster," she said, her voice breaking.
Finding no words to put onto the paper, Louis opted for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. She accepted the embrace, burying her face in the crook of his neck. When they broke apart, both of them had tears in their eyes.
"We're gonna get through this, Louis," she said, pressing her forehead to his. "I promise you, we'll find a way to make this work."
Again, he scribbled onto the paper. Every few seconds, he looked up at Clementine with a small smile, as if to assure her he was still fine. She patiently waited for him, smiling back every chance she got. He turned over the paper for her.
I know we will. I trust you.
She chuckled at the compliment, nodding at him. Outside, the storm the clouds had promised rolled in ever closer. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the glass panes was the only sound that filled the room. The two of them looked out the window. The world outside seemed to have turned upside down, strong gusts of wind blowing on the trees, their leaves flying through the air. Small pools of rainwater formed in the courtyard, the rain forming small ripples on them as it fell.
"We might have to wait it out," she breathed, looking back at Louis. He nodded, his eyes darting to the piano. "Do you want to play to pass the time?" she asked, offering him a comforting smile. Maybe he wouldn't be self-conscious about this, she hoped.
He pretended to think about it for a moment, doing that silly chin scratching he did every time a simple choice was presented to him. She slapped his shoulder playfully, and he chuckled, the only intelligible sound that didn't seem to have abandoned him. He snapped his fingers as if an idea had just occurred to him, and wrote another note on the now crumpled paper.
I play, you sing.
"Me? Singing?" she exclaimed, her eyebrows raised. "I've never sung in my life, aside from some silly lullabies for AJ."
He pretended to pout, giving her his best attempt at puppy eyes. Clem smiled despite herself, the only thought in her head being how damn cute he was. Sighing, she agreed to his duet idea, making him smile. Reaching over the tail of the piano, he retrieved a piece of sheet music and handed it to her.
She looked down at the paper in her hands, chuckling when she saw the title: Oh my Darling.
"You really love that song, huh?"
He nodded vigorously, opening the lid of the piano in the process and wiggling his fingers once more. He cleared his throat, gesturing for her to do the same. The song started slow, with a soft ostinato that grew in volume as the first verse began. She gave herself some time to adjust to the tune of the song, thinking to herself why she had gotten herself in this situation. As the new verse began, she cleared her throat once more and sang.
"Oh my darling, oh my darling.
Oh my darling, Clementine."
She seemed to have surprised not only herself but Louis as well. His eyes opened wide, her melodic voice filling the void that was the silence in the music room. He sighed in contentment as she continued the song, her eyes darting back and forth through the page.
"You were lost and gone forever…
Dreadful sorry, Clementine."
Thunder roared as she sang, making her jump slightly. The rain fell relentlessly over the boarding school, seemingly contrasting the joyful atmosphere the couple had made for themselves with Louis's playing and Clem's singing. She looked up from the page for the first time, staring out into the courtyard beyond. A few birds flew in front of it, perching themselves on the outside edge of the window in the relative safety of the edge of the shingles.
"Light she was and like a fairy,
And her shoes were number nine."
By then, she was singing from memory, the image of Louis singing it to her that day fresh in her mind. Her eyes found his, and she made her best effort to offer him a genuine smile. A smile that thanked him for being there for her, and promising that she'd be there for him in return.
"Herring boxes without topses.
Sandals were for Clementine."
As he finished playing, a smile crept on his face. She followed his gaze, her eyes landing on the small carved heart on the board of the piano. Their initials looked back at them, the sign of a brand new relationship blossoming in this shitty world. She looked back at Louis, who smiled.
"Thank you, Louis," she said.
He frowned at her, cocking his head. What do you mean? he seemed to be saying.
"Thank you for letting me and the others help you," she corrected herself. "I know how easy it would be to close up on yourself and not let anyone near you. It takes a lot of strength to allow others to help you when you're at your weakest."
He nodded slowly, the reality of her words wiping the smile off his face. He wasn't sad, though. His hand sought hers, intertwining their fingers. He squeezed it gently, looking into her amber eyes. Blinking twice, she smiled and leaned in, pressing her lips to his. His eyes opened wide, looking down at her, before closing slowly.
Her hands cupped his face gently, keeping him steady in place. When they broke apart, Louis had a far off look on his eyes. He was unable to wipe the smile off his face now, a sloppy grin that seemed to be plastered on his lips. Clem looked down at their intertwined hands, drawing circles on his palm with her thumb.
"I love you, Louis," she whispered, not daring to meet his eyes. She didn't have to, as she could see his visible reaction. He blinked rapidly, mouth agape. If he could talk, he would have spluttered twice already, she knew. He raised a finger and took the paper again, scribbling something with the tiny pencil. He took longer than before, though she didn't dare take a peek.
Clem waited patiently, rocking back and forth contently. Her eyes studied the storm outside. It was a beautiful thing, she thought, when it wasn't raining over their heads with no roof above them. About five minutes later, he handed it to her, gesturing with his hands for her to read it out loud. Looking down at it, she cleared her throat again.
"I can't believe you actually love me back," she began, tears already stinging her eyes. "I know I'm not the greatest pick you could have chosen, and now it'll be harder for us to talk. But I want you to know I'll never give up on me, just like you didn't give up on me."
By the end of the last sentence, tears were staining the paper, blotching the words. Her lower lip quivered as she looked up, staring into those chocolate brown eyes. Tears streamed down her amber eyes, staining her cheeks.
"I don't-," he stuttered, opening and closing her mouth several times before she decided a hug was the best response.
She embraced him fiercely, the slap of thunder outside not phasing her this time. She buried her head in his shoulder, whispering comforting words to him. She really did love him. The boy who had stepped up to his best friend for her, when all evidence pointed on the contrary; who had forgiven her after Marlon's death, when he had every right to be angry. He'd shown her nothing but kindness, and she'd be damned if he'd suffer any more than he already had.
She'd make sure of it.