Guidance

The Doctor is still trying to discover herself and needs time to reflect. However, she has no time now with her friends in danger! Maybe a face from the past might just be of some help…

The Doctor was hurrying.

24 hours into a visit to a space station in the year 2244 with her friends, and they had been captured.

Her fault. Her own stupid fault. Shouldn't have brought them here. Shouldn't even have them with her. The Doctor had a duty to care. She'd let them down.

The ship's AI had gone awol, killing passengers that it deemed a threat. Why that was the Doctor didn't know yet, but it had found her weakness, The AI had sealed all doors, took Graham, Yaz, and Ryan in emergency pods, and now they were all the way on the other side of the station, with no way to get to them. Even the Tardis was out of reach, sealed off in another corner of the ship. She probably didn't even know of the danger. The AI had somehow figured out and blocked off any form of telepathic communication. The Doctor couldn't send out a cry for help to her girl to teleport over.

So The Doctor was doing the one thing she was good at in a desperate situation: making something. She was currently surrounded by pieces of junk and appliances from the ship, and trying to build something that could take her to her friends. A shuttle, a teleporter, anything would do. She just needed to piece together the right things, but she was running out of time.

"If there was ever a miracle", The Doctor said through gritted teeth, "please let it be now"

Of course there was silence. The Doctor took a deep breath. No use getting angry. Anger was never good in a situation. It just made her more uncontrollable.

"You look like you could use some help"

The Doctor jumped. Spinning round she wielded her sonic screwdriver. She froze when she saw a familiar white haired Scotsman, sitting on a broken appliance.

The Doctor straightened up slowly, putting away her sonic screwdriver in her coat.

"You're just in my head", she said.

Her previous incarnation, the twelfth Doctor, shrugged.

"You asked for help. And now I'm here"

He'd looked just the same, The Doctor thought. The very same as he did just before he regenerated. White floofy hair, overgrown but never cut. Tired. Broken. The same way she was feeling now.

She turned away from him, bitterly, and continued working on her project.

"I didn't ask for you", said The Doctor. She immediately felt guilty for saying that. It wasn't his fault. He was right, but she was too angry and bitter to want to think straight.

"Why couldn't I have got another one of my selves to talk to? What about that other incarnation, the one with the bowtie?"

"Eleven?!, the twelfth Doctor cried in disbelief. "He's off running around somewhere. Such a lunatic. You would think he was on adrenaline with all the energy he had!"

"What about any of my other selves?, The Doctor demanded. "What about my second incarnation? I hear he was nice!"

"Playing bowls somewhere in the corner of your mind", Twelve sighed.

"Great", The Doctor huffed. She continued back to work.

There was a few seconds of silence before twelve leaned forward, as if trying to look around The Doctor herself, despite being further away from her.

"You do know I'm still here, right?"

"Yes", The Doctor replied.

"So you obviously need something", Twelve stated, "otherwise I wouldn't be here"

"Look", said The Doctor.

She threw down her tools and stood in front of him, hands on her hips.

"I do not need you to tell me why you are here, or how my mind works. I have had a really bad day so far. And it's going to get even worse if we're just wasting time here talking!"

She turned back round and continued her work. This time there was much more force behind the way she was picking up pieces and scanning them with her sonic screwdriver.

Twelve tried to hide an amused smirk.

"Did your new change cause you to get more of a temper"

"Oh ha ha very funny!", The Doctor replied sarcastically.

Another moment passed. Twelve continued to watch her.

"You've been through a lot of trials so far, haven't you?", he asked.

There was no humour this time in his voice. This was now the time for patience and compassion.

"I've had worse", said The Doctor. She was quiet for a moment. "You went through so much more"

"Nothing like what you're going through", said Twelve. "I imagine, that you've had some trials where you were discovering more about yourself. You feel like you're not living up to the name of The Doctor"

"Just be quiet!", snapped The Doctor. She refused to look at him again. "I do not need you to tell me all this!"

"Think girl, I'm inside your head! I'm not telling you all this. YOU'RE telling yourself this. You're confronting what you believe is the truth!"

The Doctor didn't answer. She continued to stare at her in progress work, as if it would give her all the answers in that tangle of wires and metal junk.

"Think back", continued Twelve. "Who was the one who said 'Oh brilliant!' after regeneration?"

"Me", said The Doctor quietly.

"Correct", said Twelve. "Why did you say that?"

"I was happy with myself", replied The Doctor. She stood up again, only this time she came closer to Twelve.

"I thought I looked amazing", said The Doctor. "A new body, a new start. Then of course I fell out of the Tardis and things happened and, well, you get the idea!"

"Yes I have been there before", said Twelve with amusement. "A dinosaur chasing me, as I recall"

The Doctor couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah"

She sighed and flopped down beside him.

"I just didn't think…I would have this much confrontation with myself. There's still things I'm still discovering about myself and well…I just didn't think it would take so long"

"You've gone through a bigger change than any of us have", said Twelve. "The universe was waiting a long time for you, Doctor. Some may accept the change, others may not. You recall Clara wouldn't accept me at first because I was old"

"I thought it was because you were being crouchy and ran off?"

"No no it was definitely the old part", said Twelve rather hurriedly

The Doctor was silent again, mulling over these new thoughts.

"Tell me", said Twelve. "Look inside yourself, and tell me what you see. Tell me who you are"

The Doctor placed a hand on her chest, and closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt a lot calmer, without the sight of the ruptured space station in front of her.

"I'm The Doctor. I sort out fair play in the universe. I help those in need. I do what I do because it's kind. The name of The Doctor is not something I hide behind. It's a promise!"

"Correct", smiled Twelve.

"I already knew that!", sighed The Doctor.

"Yes, but you see my point?", asked Twelve. "No matter who we are, we all go through trials, both with ourselves and with others. We all change, when you think about it. We're all different people all through our lives. Some may judge us, others will not. The key is to remember those people who see the true person that you are inside. The ones who never only judge the outside. You yourself, need to take that, and sort out how you feel about yourself as well"

The Doctor smiled her widest she had ever done in these 24 hours.

"You really know how to make the grandest speeches", she laughed.

"I've had practise", said Twelve. "Or maybe it was always a part of me. I should've gone into theatre!"

"Well you were a pretty good lecturer at Bill's university!"

The two of them laughed at that. It was suddenly nice, to just have this one moment, a bubble, where they could just forget the impending danger for a while.

The Doctor knew, however, that this bubble couldn't last forever.

"I need to get back. I need to save my friends"

"Just remember to think calmly", said Twelve. "Trust yourself. Use your instincts. You'll get there"

"Alright you're not my dad", The Doctor laughed again.

Twelve chuckled. Then he slowly rested his hand on top of hers, clasping them firmly together with his other hand. To The Doctor's surprise, they felt solid.

"I know we, your previous selves, don't say this….Well of course we can't because we're you and we're inside your head! What I mean to say is that…We're all so very proud of you"

The Doctor felt a rush of giddiness swirl through her.

"Really?"

"You are The Doctor. You live up to that name, and you do what is right. I say, from the bottom of my hearts, well done"

The Doctor looked away and tried to compose herself. A few tears of joy had made their way passed her eyes.

"Thank you", she breathed.

She turned back to face Twelve. To her surprise (and disappointment) he was gone. She couldn't even feel a lingering presence of his hands clasping hers, with both determination and fatherly kindness.

She stood up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and looked out towards the other side of the space station. Her friends were over there, many more lives too. She was The Doctor, and she would fix it, just as she had always done for a dozen lifetimes.

"Right", she said with a grin. "Let's get a shift on!"