This is a Cap/Iron Man Holiday Exchange fic originally published on AO3. I'm just cross-posting here. It's a gift for captainneverever on tumblr.

The working title for this was: Titles Are Overrated: A Classic Trope Story

The current title is from a quote from Star Trek, as said by Spock.

This is an alternate universe only in the aspect that the entire team lives in the tower and are a nice, big family post-Chitauri. (Look, we can dream, okay?!)

Thanks so much to the mods for running the exchange!

Summary: When are two good friends not good friends? Sounds like the setup for a brilliant joke, right? Except when the joke mirrors real life. Tony and Steve are just very good friends. So why is it everyone thinks they're dating?

This Simple Feeling

The tower was quiet when he returned, the only lights that of the stylized A on the outside and the few offices where people were working late. Given it was Stark Industries, there were always overzealous people working late in hopes of squeezing out that last bit of brainpower.

It would be easier if they just went to sleep and tackled the problem again in the morning but what did Rhodey know. Apparently nothing according to Tony. Sure, he'd graduated MIT and gotten an awesome degree and job out of it, but he wasn't anywhere near as neurotic as some other MIT graduates Rhodey could name (coughTonyStarkcough).

Rhodey had pulled a few all-nighters himself in his heyday, but he was in his forties and his body didn't really appreciate all-nighters anymore. Even less when alcohol was involved. Rhodey should just stop letting Tony weedle him into a martini that ended up turning into lines of shots because Rhodey wasn't that self-controlled.

His suit landed with a rather loud clunk! on the balcony, opening up a second later to let Rhodey out. It closed up behind him and powered off except for the soft blue glow of the arc reactor.

Rhodey gave it a fond pat, ignoring the gaudy red, white, and blue color scheme that he'd been talked into a few months ago by the U.S. government in hopes of inspiring recruitment. Tony had never let him live it down, joking that it looked like Captain America and Iron Man had a baby.

Rhodey would have liked to protest, but he hated it just as much. Just…very quietly. Where no one could hear.

The balcony doors slid open, letting him inside. JARVIS turned on several dim lights, giving him enough light so he could see without stumbling over a stray beer bottle, ping pong balls, or – on one horrendous occasion – a purple thong.

Rhodey wasn't expecting a greeting from Tony at this time. The visit had been spur of the moment, Rhodey getting some time to spend with his best friend under "official duties," and Tony had been spending time with his new teammates.

Teammates.

It was something that still boggled Rhodey's mind when he thought about it. He loved Tony, but it was the kind of love borne of years of knowing the man. Rhodey had known Tony since he was a shrimpy adolescent boy at MIT who got in way over his head with his brain. It didn't mean that Tony aggravated him any less, and Rhodey was very well aware of Tony's many faults. One of which being that Tony did not play well with others if he didn't like them.

Funnily enough…Tony liked this team. Liked this team enough to build them all rooms in this tower. Liked them enough to throw himself wholeheartedly into this whole team thing. And that was something Rhodey could never have predicted.

Yet here they were, and Rhodey was hearing from Pepper that Tony got along well with his teammates. Although as Pepper was now on the west coast and away from Tony's particular brand of chaos…and hadn't that been a fun few weeks after the breakup…

He couldn't have predicted the fallout after Tony carried a nuke through a portal to outer space, but he had known that Pepper wasn't the fondest of Tony's Iron Man activities. That had just been one too many black marks for her, and there went Tony's heart.

It had been six months since then, and Tony had recovered with the help of his new team. Rhodey wasn't yet sure if he could call them friends at this point. Jury was still out. There had been too many leeches in Tony's history for Rhodey to accept every Tom, Dick, and Harry that came into Tony's life and stuck around. Usually it was for money. Tony's money sometimes overrode whatever character flaws he had for those leeches.

Exhaling slowly, Rhodey noted with relief that the floor was free of any incriminating and embarrassing debris. There did appear to be a knife or two stuck in the ceiling, but that could be excused.

There was someone sleeping on the couch, so Rhodey softened his footsteps, creeping around the edges of the room. He stopped upon recognizing Tony's feet.

If Tony slept on that couch, he was going to wake up grumpy and with a crick in his neck. He wasn't in his forties yet, but Tony put his body through enough punishment that he wasn't going to be any happier than Rhodey would be if he slept in that position.

Rhodey sighed, rolling his shoulders and picking up his pace as he walked over to the couch. He opened his mouth to wake Tony up, intending to say something along the lines of, "You know you're not twenty anymore, Tones" when he realized that Tony wasn't the only person on the couch.

Stopping dead, Rhodey took a solid minute to understand who the second person was that Tony was sleeping on top of.

Because there was no way that Tony Stark was sleeping on Captain America.

Steve Rogers was just as conked out as Tony, one leg and arm dangling off the couch while the other was curled over Tony, keeping him in place while they slept.

In the back of his mind, where Rhodey wasn't stunned and trying to figure out how this had happened, he thought it looked kind of cute. Even domestic.

Glancing to the side, Rhodey saw the TV and that it had been switched off. They'd probably fallen asleep watching something – God knows what. Rhodey didn't even know Tony at this point.

Why hadn't Tony told him that he'd gotten together with Steve Rogers, Captain America? Didn't he think that was something Rhodey would like to know? Would like the details of?

Okay, maybe Rhodey wouldn't like to know all the details. He had standards and TMI was not something he was into it. But the dates! The romance! He was into living vicariously and making sure people treated his best friend right.

Rhodey had no idea if Rogers was treating Tony right but by God was he going to make sure he was.

Narrowing his eyes at Rogers, Rhodey slowly backed away, making sure not to wake either of them. It was rather surprising that he hadn't woken a so-called super soldier up, but he supposed that Rogers was sleeping too deeply to hear anything.

Giving the two of them one last look, Rhodey headed for his room that Tony had put on the penthouse level. Tony had tried to give him an entire floor but Rhodey had put his foot down.

There were only so many floors in this tower and Rhodey didn't need to commandeer an entire one for the few times that he was able to spend time with his best friend.

Tony looked relatively perky the next morning. Which probably meant he was on his third cup of coffee. He also had a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him, which Rhodey hoped he had not cooked because he had heard of the infamous apology omelet.

("It took him three hours, Rhodey! Three hours! And then he never told me that what he was apologizing for was dying!"

("To be fair, Pepper, food cooked in flight is never very good."

("Three hours!")

Tony brightened on seeing Rhodey. "Rhodey! You didn't tell me you were coming by!"

"It was a last minute decision," Rhodey said, heading over to the coffee machine. There was enough coffee in it for one last cup. He took the last of it with absolutely no shame. "I got in around three. Suit's out on the balcony."

There was plate, a pair of utensils, and a glass out to dry on the counter for some reason. There was a perfectly serviceable dishwasher not even a foot away.

"I'll have a look at it later," Tony promised, which was definitely not the reason why Rhodey was here but a bonus. "Are you finally taking off the gun?"

"Leave the gun alone, Tony," Rhodey said, sighing. "It's perfectly fine—"

"It creates drag, Rhodey. Why the hell do you want to fly around with something poking out of the suit?"

"Because it's a nice, shiny gun? Besides, it's what separates me from you. I don't want people calling me Iron Man because the gun's gone."

"As if people would think Iron Man would go for the current color scheme you're sporting." Tony smirked. "What was it? Iron America? Cap and Iron Man's love child?"

"You know damn well it's Iron Patriot, Tony."

"War Machine," Tony responded blandly, taking a pointed sip of his coffee. "Although at this point I can't even call it War Machine. Looks more like a trussed up party favor than a lethal suit."

Rhodey covered his mouth with his coffee, refusing to give in. After a long drink that gave him the time to compose himself, he set his cup down, taking a seat across from Tony. "So…" He reached over to steal a piece of bacon from Tony's plate, avoiding the fork that was jabbed in his direction. "What's up with you and Rogers?"

"What's up with me and Steve?" Tony parroted, pulling his plate closer to himself. He put an arm in front of it. As if that would stop Rhodey if he were truly determined.

"You two looked awfully cozy last night is all I'm saying."

Tony didn't blink. "You jealous, platypus? You shouldn't be. You know you're the only one in my heart."

"Uh-huh." Rhodey snatched another piece of bacon, appreciating the crispiness that was done just right. Tony definitely hadn't cooked this. Last time Tony had cooked bacon it had been too rubbery; before that it had been burnt black because he'd been distracted by something shiny. "There something you want to tell me?"

Tony narrowed his eyes, clearly suspicious. "Something about me and Steve?" he said slowly. "He likes House Hunters if you can believe that. Likes complaining about how all the houses look alike and so they should just pick one."

"You watch House Hunters?"

"No," Tony said defensively, taking a bite of eggs. "Steve does. We're friends now," he added more slowly.

Friends that slept on top of each other?

Sure, Rhodey had shared a bed with Tony a few times, but that had been back in MIT. He loved Tony, but Tony was not the best bed buddy. He got clingy.

Last night had been more than an incident of two friends accidentally falling asleep while watching TV.

"Just friends?" Rhodey asked, keeping his face blank.

Tony's brow furrowed. "Yes." He looked at Rhodey as if he was the one being slow today. "I can make friends, you know," he added sourly.

"I know you can," Rhodey said automatically, mentally screaming BULLSHIT. He needed to talk to someone else. "Where do you think I came from?"

"I don't know; I thought my barnacle-like tendencies stopped you from running."

Rhodey smirked. "So long as you're aware of it." He reached out for another piece of bacon, only to be thwarted when Tony jerked the plate away.

"Get your own."

"Nothing for your best friend?"

"There's cereal in the cabinet there," Tony said ruthlessly.

When Rhodey went to look, the only brand of cereal available was the sugary sweet kind with a shit ton of marshmallows. It was empty except for a stray piece at the bottom.

That just about summed up his life.

Rhodey could have talked to Romanov. She was a spy. Not the spy, but a spy. A damn good one. A Russian spy. Ex-Russian? Rhodey wasn't sure what her nationality was these days, only that she was no longer working for Russia and he had no idea how damn old she was.

Tony's digging hadn't turned up anything conclusive other than a super shady past and so Rhodey wasn't likely to trust her.

He hadn't trusted her anyway after figuring out that she'd basically just strung Tony along and then essentially blacklisted Tony by saying only his suit was any good. Tony had acted like an ass that time, but the suit wasn't Iron Man without the man piloting it. Rhodey had a suit and he wasn't Iron Man, was he?

Rhodey could talk to Banner but JARVIS told him he was sleeping and Rhodey wasn't about to go poking any sleeping giants. He at least had some sense of self-preservation.

Which left Thor – who was not in residence as he was visiting the brilliant Dr. Foster – and Barton.

Rhodey had nothing personal against Barton, so Barton it was.

Barton was watching TV in his suite and eating something that looked sickly sweet and exactly like the cereal box in Tony's cabinet. He was also drinking coffee out of the pot.

"Hey." Rhodey waved, getting Barton's attention.

Barton nodded, mouth full of that sweet concoction Rhodey couldn't be paid to go near.

"I had a question," Rhodey said when Barton said nothing more. He sat down on the couch, a cushion's space between them. "It's about Tony and Rogers."

Barton's brow furrowed slightly and he shifted to face Rhodey, eyes intent. "Okay."

"I got in around three this morning," Rhodey said, "and found Tony sleeping on top of Rogers. I wouldn't normally think anything of it, but this is Tony, okay? I mean, you probably know how Tony is by now, right?"

Barton nodded, making a small humming sound. He was still frowning and staring intently at Rhodey.

"Is there something going on in between them?" Rhodey asked.

"Who knows, right?" Barton said, nodding.

That…wasn't what Rhodey was after, but okay. "You don't know?"

"I don't know what?"

"What's…up with Tony and Rogers?" Rhodey was doubting S.H.I.E.L.D.'s recruitment tactics.

"If you want honey, I think there's some in the cabinet?" Barton said inanely.

Rhodey stared. "What?"

"What?" Barton looked defensive.

"Barton, do…you not have your aids in?" Rhodey reached up to tap his ears.

"It's nine in the morning," Barton muttered, leaning forward to put his almost empty bowl of cereal on the table and getting up. "Sue me for not wanting to put the damn things in this early."

There was a rude gesture from Barton that Rhodey was almost sure meant something offensive in sign language. He rolled his eyes, leaning back as he waited for Barton to come back.

When he did, it was with a more relaxed posture than before. He sat down in the same spot, picking up his cereal as he did.

"So what were you saying that I can't just nod my way through this shit?" Barton took a soggy bite of cereal and made a face. "Ugh, soggy."

"Tony and Rogers," Rhodey repeated. "Is there something going on between those two?"

"Uh, yes?" Barton said, sounding like it was a no brainer. "You just now realizing this?"

"I don't live here," Rhodey pointed out.

"Tony didn't tell you?"

"Probably because he doesn't want me to know. I asked him this morning and he says they're friends." Rhodey paused, giving Barton a pointed look. "They were sleeping on top of each other."

Barton snorted. "They fall asleep watching TV again? It happens – like – five times a week. Depends on if Steve gets Tony out of the workshop. And if they're not doing something else to begin with."

Rhodey resisted the urge to rub his face. "How long has this been going on?"

"Few months, I think," Barton said. "You remember what happened with Potts, right? You were here for that."

"Don't remind me." Rhodey hated remembering Tony in that kind of state. It never got any easier no matter how many times he'd seen it happen. Granted, it had significantly decreased since Tony became Iron Man, but that just made the occasions when it did happen so much worse.

"You left," Barton said matter-of-factly, "and then Steve stepped in when Bruce got too anxious. Tony doesn't really trust Nat and me that much, and Thor was gone too frequently, so that left Steve to do most of the work. One thing led to the next, and here we are." He made a vague gesture.

"Here we are," Rhodey repeated, running Barton's explanation through his head. "I…geez…" He rested his head in his hands. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"I don't know." Barton set his cereal down on the table with a soft clunk. "Must have had a reason. Even if it's one as stupid as 'Rhodey wouldn't want to know because he doesn't like Steve since he can't trust blond-haired blue-eyed sweet boys.'"

Rhodey side-eyed Barton, considering. "You know that, huh."

"Difficult to miss," Barton said blandly. "You really don't like Nat."

"I don't."

"S'okay," Barton said. "We don't do our jobs to be liked. Tony likes her well enough, but I can tell he's still a little leery."

"Tony trusts too quickly," Rhodey said.

"I guess you'd know, huh?" Barton gave Rhodey an easy grin. "So…you don't trust Steve either, right?"

"Jury's out on that," Rhodey said. "I've got a few days here. Maybe I'll see about spending some time with him. See if he's got what it takes to be in a relationship with Tony."

"He does," Barton said easily. "Anyone with eyes can see how crazy those two are about each other."

"I saw them for two minutes last night while they were dead asleep and I could see that. But it takes more than sharing a couch to make a relationship." Rhodey stood. "I don't want to have to put him back together again."

"You and me both, buddy," Barton said. "But in this case, we'll have to piece Steve together, too."

Rhodey shrugged, turning to the exit. "I'll leave that to you."

"Good talk, buddy," Barton said to his back. "Say hi to the love child of Captain America and Iron Man for me!"

Rhodey waited until the elevator doors were closing to give Barton the finger.

Rogers was in the workshop when Rhodey sought Tony out. He wasn't talking to Tony but sitting on a chair by one of the tables and sketching. He had one of Tony's disgusting green smoothies next to his elbow and was actually drinking it with a straight face.

Tony was working his usual magic, some of the holograms flickering too quickly for Rhodey to read. The ones that were still let Rhodey see that he was working on some suit modifications, some explosive compounds for arrowheads, and a stretchy kind of fabric.

Three guesses for who the stretchy fabric was for and the first two don't count.

"Should I be concerned that you're dressing Banner up?" Rhodey asked, flicking the relevant hologram with a finger. It fizzled angrily for a moment before stabilizing.

"The pants stretch," Tony said offhandedly, "but they sure don't like to shrink down. Be a shame if we saved New York only to be slammed with a public indecency charge."

"Who's the one who keeps getting caught with his pants down?"

"For once not me!" Tony shot Rhodey a bright grin. "When's the last time you got a video of me sans pants?"

"March of two-thousand eight, sir," JARVIS answered when Rhodey didn't have an immediate response.

Tony twirled a screwdriver pointedly. "And it's been…four years, eleven months, and twelve days."

"It has not been twelve days," Rhodey protested.

"Eh, I fudged the math a bit." Tony shrugged. "You know what I won't fudge the math with?" He pointed the end of the screwdriver at Rhodey's chest. "My suit. Cough it up."

"It's my suit," Rhodey said. "It's still standing outside. I didn't come here just for suit upgrades, Tony."

"No, you came for my electrifying company," Tony agreed brightly. "It's what brings all the boys to the yard."

"I understood that reference," Rogers called out, sounding inordinately pleased with himself.

Tony opened a drawer and tossed a brightly colored wrapper in Rogers's direction without batting an eye. "I told him not to be shy if he understands or doesn't understand something," he told Rhodey sotto voce. "He gets a piece of candy every time he lets me know."

"Uh…huh…" Rhodey blinked slowly, considered his possible options, and decided the best decision was to just not say anything. "How long has he been down here?"

The usual modus of operandi with Tony and his workshop was that unless you needed something, you didn't spend time in it. Doing so usually ended up being roped into shenanigans or having tools dropped on toes by a clumsy Dummy. Or, on one memorable occasion, being wiped down with an oily rag because Dummy's camera had been smudged and he'd confused Rhodey with the suit fabricators that he'd been supposed to be cleaning.

Rhodey spent more time in the workshop than Pepper, sometimes letting Tony use him as a sounding board for his stickier ideas that took more time. Banner had his own lab but would sometimes play in Tony's. Yet Rogers…

It looked a bit like he'd set up shop here and wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

"Steve?" Tony blinked, glancing over at Rogers, who had a bulging cheek where he was sucking on the candy Tony had tossed him. …That drew up a mental image Rhodey 100% did not need, thanks very much. "I'm…not sure."

"You're…not sure?" Rhodey asked blankly.

His only response was a shrug. "I dunno. You hang around long enough you become one with the wallpaper?"

"I'm not nearly beige enough," Rogers said, clearly shamelessly eavesdropping.

"You do wear khakis unironically," Tony said. "Do we need to have this conversation again?"

"I haven't worn khakis since you and Natasha destroyed my wardrobe."

"We revitalized your wardrobe, Steve, revitalized. We couldn't have you walking around like an Edward Cullen knockoff."

"I get that reference and wish I didn't," Rogers muttered.

"The better question is why do you know that reference?" Rhodey asked Tony, eyes flicking between the two and the easy camaraderie they shared.

"I was curious," Tony admitted. "There had to be something about those books, right? I can now with confidence say that the only good thing about them was how they make the hours go by. One moment you're reading about Bella moaning about biology class and the next thing you know there's a weird vampire pregnancy thing and it's morning."

"You threw the book across the room," Rogers said, sounding amused. He had a fond grin on his face, eyes crinkled.

"I would have thrown it out the window but at that height it would have killed someone and I'd have been blamed instead of Meyer for writing that."

Rhodey leaned his hip against, watching the interchange with something like déjà vu. It was almost like seeing a mirror of the interactions he had with Tony but not quite. Their friendship had long since gotten into that stage where they could throw snide jabs at each other and not worry about hurting the other's feelings.

Tony and Rogers… They bantered, but there was a fond undercurrent to their words that Rhodey had really only heard Tony have with Pepper before.

Tony was in deep, and Rhodey had only seen one interaction so far.

What were the odds that Rogers was just as deep as Tony?

What were the odds? What were the odds?

Rhodey would have lost any bet he laid down because Rogers was in deep. He had Tony's pizza order down pat. Not only pizza, but Thai, Chinese, burgers, coffee, etc. Also the man could…maybe not cook, but throw together a semblance of a meal with a recipe that JARVIS provided.

Banner seemed to be the main cook for the Avengers, something about the process being soothing for him, but he also used a shit ton of spices in his dishes. Rhodey didn't mind them much, but he'd seen Tony chug down glasses of milk.

Outside of food, Tony and Rogers were practically always sitting next to each other when the team did activities such as watching movies and throwing popcorn at the screen. Rhodey had sat next to Tony once and then decided never again after being exposed to the Tony-and-Rogers movie experience that was Tony giving Rogers a running commentary on the movie and Rogers snarking back.

No, it was safer to observe from another seat. He got a conciliatory fist bump from Barton and a candy bar.

There were also the outings. Rhodey tagged along on one but felt like such a third wheel that he eventually ended up just texting Pepper and Happy a series of emoticons and exclamation points while watching Rogers drag Tony through an art museum.

On second thought, he probably shouldn't have texted Pepper.

Judging by the exclamation marks he got back, Pepper didn't seem to mind. It also answered his question as to whether Tony had told her about the relationship.

By the end of his stay, Rhodey was armed with enough ammo to be 100% sure that Tony was in a romantic relationship with Steve Rogers. He was also increasingly hurt that Tony hadn't told him.

Rhodey knew Tony was bi. Or pan. They hadn't ever really specified on which it was, only that Tony liked everyone regardless of genitalia.

It was more of a surprise to find out that Rogers wasn't as straight as history had painted him to be (and how the conservative groups liked Captain America to be), but Rhodey knew better than most how history liked to whitewash events.

But the two clearly weren't in the closet with all the dates they had. Rhodey had seen a few tabloid covers with photos of Tony and Rogers on their outings, and those rags were not subtle.

(One had Rhodey in the background with a rather disapproving expression and a story proclaiming him to be a disapproving friend who thought the relationship was going to go down in flames because Tony was luring Rogers to the dark side. Rhodey couldn't remember giving a statement to that paper and sicced JARVIS on the publication with no regrets.)

By the morning Rhodey had to leave, he had a plan in mind, sidling up beside Tony and stealing the last of the coffee.

"Are you a coffee thief now?" Tony asked, shooting Rhodey a look of utter betrayal. "Is that how far we've come? I take you into my home, feed you, clothe you, give you free upgrades, and this is how you repay me? By stealing my coffee?"

"It doesn't have your name on it," Rhodey said, dumping creamer and a small spoon of sugar into the mug.

"I was standing in front of it."

"And now it's in my cup." Rhodey took a delicate sip, unwilling to burn his mouth. Once done, he said, "So you and Rogers."

"I'm making friends," Tony said defensively.

"Yeeaahhh…" Rhodey sighed, setting his cup down. "Look, Tones…is there something you want to tell me?"

Tony stopped tapping his fingers against his mug, giving Rhodey a perturbed look. He looked like he was seriously thinking about the question. "Nooo? Is there something I was supposed to tell you? Did I forget about something? I have your birthday in my calendar—"

"Hey, breathe." Rhodey flicked Tony in the shoulder. "I don't know anything about supposed to, but it sure would have been nice to hear from my best friend that he was dating someone."

"…Dating?" Tony sounded blank.

"C'mon, Tony. Did you think you and Rogers were being subtle? Because you weren't. I was here for five minutes and figured it out."

Tony didn't seem any more comprehending than before. "Dating?"

"Yes," Rhodey said slowly, "that thing where two people who like each other very much eat together, hang out, and cuddle? Or maybe not cuddle. But you definitely cuddle so that's going in the list."

Tony shook his head. "Steve and I aren't dating!"

"It's okay if you are," Rhodey told him, squeezing Tony's shoulder reassuringly. "I know you have a complicated history with Rogers considering your jerk of a dad, but it's okay to move on from that. I'm just hurt you didn't tell me that you moved on Pepper. It's good that you did, you know?"

Tony stared at Rhodey. "What makes you think we're dating?"

"Man, if I had to make a list, I'd be here all day and I definitely don't have time for that." Rhodey smiled wryly. "You guys really aren't subtle. If you want to keep it on the down low, maybe stop going out as much? Or cuddle less? Have less inside jokes? Hang out less?" He paused. "No, nix the last one. He makes you happy, Tony. I'm still not sold on whether Rogers deserves to have you but you deserve him so I'll leave it at that. He sure seems to like you a lot, buddy."

"Of course he does," Tony said, although it seemed to be said on autopilot. "I'm likeable. Why wouldn't he like me? That's like da Vinci not liking painting."

"I think you lost the metaphor there." Rhodey patted Tony on the shoulder. "Good talk, hm?" He finished his coffee in one big gulp, really needing to leave. "By the way, Pepper knows. She's probably only a little less peeved than I am."

"Right," Tony muttered as Rhodey walked away. "Because…we're…dating…?"

Rhodey shook his head fondly, heading outside where Tony had parked the suit after doing the upgrades.

He wasn't yet going to hinge his bets on the relationship lasting but…he had a pretty good idea that there may be wedding bells in the future. Not even Pepper had made Tony that comfortable, and Rogers – Steve was a hell of a lot more accepting of Tony's heroic choices.

That didn't mean Rhodey wasn't going give Steve some kind of shovel talk in the future. But that could come later.

Right now he really did need to go.

Staring at the doorway where Rhodey had left five minutes ago did absolutely to answer any of Tony's burning questions. And he had them.

Only he hadn't gotten any of them out because Rhodey had thrown him completely off guard. Tony hated being thrown off guard. He did his best to prevent that from happening in his daily life. His superhero activities threw enough curve balls at him that he didn't want to deal with them in his regular life as well.

So this was…definitely not cool.

Since when were he and Steve dating?

Not that Tony was averse to the idea of dating Steve. Steve was...Steve was fantastic. He was amazing. He was genuinely sweet, funny, kind, and so…amazing. (Ugh, he sounded like a lovestruck teenager there. …Wait.)

But Steve was also stubborn, ridiculously idealistic (which was as much a point in his favor as it was against), and emotionally dense. He was the guy who insisted he was fine even when there was a burnt hole in his fireproof uniform and who insisted he was fine even when the saddest movie in existence was playing on screen.

Tony had seen Steve cry a grand total of once and that was when he was talking about Peggy and Bucky in the middle of the night. It hadn't even been crying because it had been a few manly tears and then a solemn promise that he was absolutely "fine" and Tony should definitely go to bed now because he'd been up for forty-eight hours with only cat naps.

None of that meant that Tony wouldn't want to date Steve. They were just factors be considered because Steve wasn't perfect. America liked to paint their golden (red, white, and blue) boy to be without flaws, but Tony had seen Steve squinty-eyed and annoyed in the early morning hours and chewing on his thumbnail when in the middle of a good book and biting his lower lip when sketching and—

Tony would definitely date Steve. Holy shit, Tony would date the hell out of Steve if he could.

But why would Steve go for him anyway?

There were better options than Tony Stark. Sure, Tony was technically speaking a catch seeing as how he was rich, good looking, and smart. But he was also neurotic, definitely an asshole, a playboy, too smart for his own good, and narcissistic. (That assessment still burned when he thought about it, even if it had been rather painfully accurate.)

Iron Man was the best of him, but Iron Man was an ideal. A suit. Tony put it on because he had something to do, something to achieve that he couldn't otherwise. He'd used it for a few irresponsible things (like throwing terrible birthday parties) but that was in the past. Tony wouldn't do that now (not with his team looking to him for support and expecting him to be better). (Definitely not with Steve looking at Tony like he was better.)

Tony's coffee was decidedly cold when he finally managed to pull himself together enough to take a drink. He wrinkled his nose and debated heating it up as Steve entered the kitchen, looking like he had already been up for five hours and run the entire length of New York City.

"You have breakfast yet?" Steve asked, smiling brightly. "If not, I thought we could go check out this bagel place that just opened up?"

Tony would definitely like to check this new bagel place out. Tony would also— "Are we dating?" Oops, that had not meant to slip out.

Steve's brow furrowed. "Are we?"

Tony shrugged, waving a hand. "I don't know! I've been…told that it looks like we may be dating? So…uh…are we?"

Steve shot Tony an indiscernible look. "I didn't think we were dating," he said slowly. "I thought…we're friends, right?"

"We're definitely friends," Tony reassured him. "I just…" Rhodey had been reading too much into it, hadn't he? "…wanted to make sure we were on the same page."

Nodding slowly, Steve's eyes fell to the table between them, worrying his lower lip as he thought. "We're friends," he said eventually, firmly. "I think I can see how others might think we're dating, but that doesn't matter so long as we know what's going on, right?"

Tony nodded, fingers clenched too tightly around his ice cold coffee.

"But maybe we should tell them something," Steve continued, scratching the back of his head. "Because…they think we're dating?"

Tony nodded again, giving a lopsided smile and ignoring how his heart wrenched in his chest. "Rhodey does, anyway. Not sure about the rest of the team."

Steve made a face. "No, they probably do, too. Ugh, this makes so much more sense."

Standing, Tony went to dump out his cold coffee. He could get edible coffee at the bagel place. What self-respecting bagel place didn't have coffee? "Let me guess…Natasha?"

"Yes," Steve groaned, rubbing the side of his neck. "Just…" He sighed. "I'll talk with her." He brightened a second later, giving Tony a sidelong look. "Bagels?"

Despite the heavy lurch in his heart, Tony couldn't help but laugh. "You have a one-track mind, Rogers. Let's satisfy that bagel craving, hm?"

Steve gave him a sweet grin, one that he'd given Tony plenty of times before. Only this time it made something in Tony's chest squeeze painfully tight.

No, he told himself. No.

It was clear Steve didn't want anything more than this. Just because Tony had realized (too late) that he would date Steve if given the opportunity didn't mean Steve would have that realization, too.

Steve had never once told him that he was interested in men. Or in anyone, actually. Steve had been a pretty insular guy who only hung out with his teammates. (Natasha had tried to set Steve up on dates; they failed pretty badly and in often hilarious ways. There'd been dumpster diving involved for one of them.)

It didn't matter anyway. Tony was happy with this – with Steve's friendship. He didn't need anything more (even if he wanted it now).

Ugh, damn Rhodey. Couldn't he have just kept quiet?

Once upon a time, Tony Stark had hated Steve Rogers's guts. Once upon a time, Tony had been raised on stories of Captain America's exploits and his beautiful, virtuous nature and how he could never live up to such a gorgeous ideal of manly perfection. Once upon a time, Tony had been the biggest Captain America fanboy, down to stuffed bears, somewhat iffy posters, and Halloween costumes.

Once upon a time, Tony Stark had met Steve Rogers in person and told him everything special about him came out of a bottle. And Steve Rogers had told him he knew men worth ten of Tony and that he only fought for himself.

But that was then. Now…now Tony couldn't quite map out the trajectory that had led to their current relationship.

Only it had probably started with the handshake after the aliens in New York and continued when Tony invited the team to live in that "ugly" tower. Steve had come along without complaints, although he hadn't interacted much with Tony at that point.

No, it had just been Tony and Pepper in the penthouse, but with the nightmares of the empty void and an alien army on their doorstep, the near death experience and missed call to Pepper's phone, and the superhero team now living with them, it hadn't lasted. From one day to the next, Pepper had packed her things and left for the west coast, promising that she was still CEO and Tony's friend but couldn't be more.

Tony could honestly admit that he hadn't taken it well. Which meant that he'd rooted through his alcohol and decided the solution was to get horrendously drunk. Clint joined in, as did Thor (although the god had brought his own version of alcohol after downing five bottles without getting slightly tipsy).

When Tony had woken the next morning, it had been to Rhodey giving him painkillers and forcing a few glasses of water down his throat. And when Rhodey had to leave several days later, it had been Steve who stepped in.

Bruce had hung around for a bit but then withdrawn, ill-equipped to handle the situation but offering his lab for a quiet space. Tony hadn't wanted Clint or Natasha around, and Thor was a giant puppy but not around enough either.

So just by the process of elimination, Steve had been the one to take care of Tony in the aftermath of Pepper. (Or not "take care of" as Tony wasn't an infant and he hadn't lost all powers of judgment after being broken up with.) Steve just…hovered.

Hovering had turned into spending time with Tony in the workshop and then outside of the workshop.

It had been Steve who extended the olive branch, hesitant as it was, with an invitation to a baseball game. Tony wasn't at all a fan of baseball, but something about the raw look on Steve's face had made him say yes without thinking about it. The next thing he knew he was at the stadium with a greasy hot dog and soda and yelling at the umpire alongside Steve.

From there it had turned into more outings, Tony dragging Steve to tech conferences and some of his university lectures and Steve retaliating with more baseball, art museums, and – one time – a motorcycle show that wasn't at all boring (he suspected it was pity for subjecting Tony to a four hour tour of an art museum that had Tony near bored to tears).

Now they were sitting in a bagel shop and Tony was reevaluating all his life choices that had led him to this moment in time where even his closest friend thought that Tony Stark was dating Steve Rogers and didn't think that was the funniest joke ever.

It should be a joke.

There was no logical conclusion that led from "Tony Stark hated Steve Rogers's guts" to "Tony Stark was possibly in love with Steve Rogers" that didn't read like one of those bad rom-coms Natasha secretly loved.

This wasn't a rom-com and Tony wouldn't ever be that lucky.

He viciously bit into his blueberry bagel, tapping a finger against his steaming coffee cup.

"Rhodes going to be back anytime soon?" Steve asked, already on his second bagel.

Tony shrugged, glancing up from his plate. "Probably not. I was surprised he managed to get away now. Why? You gonna miss him?"

"You do," Steve answered simply.

Whatever response Tony could have had to that died at the simple honesty in that statement. He blinked, completely flat-footed. "Er…no," he managed, wrinkling his nose in mock offense. "Why would I miss him? He stole my suit!"

Steve looked mildly amused. "Sure, Tony. Why don't you just take it back?"

"It's not like I need another suit," Tony muttered, slathering the last of the peanut butter on his bagel. "Besides, can you see me flying around with a giant gun on my shoulder?"

"Doesn't seem your style," Steve agreed. "Not flashy enough for you."

"Yeah, it's – hey." Tony shot him an aggrieved look. "I can be subtle," he protested. "Did you not see the stealth suit I'm designing?"

"Is it the one that's colored red-and-gold or red-and-gold?"

"I take offense at that," Tony said, narrowing his eyes. "I don't only use those two colors for my suits."

A sweet grin stretched Steve's lips, his eyes crinkling. It was a look that transformed Steve's face, and Tony had never before realized just how much he loved seeing that look on Steve's face. (And loved being the one to put it on there.)

"I'll believe it when I see it," was all Steve said, still giving Tony that beautiful grin.

Tony narrowed his eyes, taking a pointed bite of his bagel. He regretted a second later when the peanut butter stuck to his palate. There was no way he was saying anything with a sticky mouthful of peanut butter.

Coffee didn't help much but did make it a little less sticky.

Steve – the giant jerk – just looked even more amused and started on his third bagel.

Tony managed to swallow the bagel and washed down the last of the peanut butter with the coffee, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward over the table. "You just wait, Rogers."

"I'm waiting," Steve said, giving Tony a shit-eating grin. "How long should I wait for?"

As long as it would take Tony to repaint the stealth suit he had made. He'd been considering a different color scheme for it but had decided against it because surely it'd be obvious it was a different suit? But now this meant war.

"Tomorrow," Tony said, rather pleased at the surprised expression that crossed Steve's face.

Good. It wouldn't do to be entirely predictable.

(Never mind that falling for your best friend was easily one of the most common romantic tropes in literature.)

Of course, as things usually turned out, there was an interruption as Tony put the finishing touches on the stealth suit. He'd added a few upgrades in addition to the new paint job, but the suit was ready to go the next day as he'd promised.

"There is an incoming call from Director Fury, sir," JARVIS said. "Marked urgent."

"Is it really urgent or is it the kind of urgent where they just want my attention?"

"My access to their databases suggests that it is indeed urgent."

"Fine." Tony twirled on the chair, the holograph popping up in front of him with Fury's face. "What can I do for you, Director?"

"Stark." Fury's voice was without any sign of whatever situation had driven him to call Tony. "We've got a possible hostile situation developing with little green men."

Tony blinked, stilling his movements. "Wait, aliens? Aliens? The Chitauri?"

"Not unless the Chitauri received a fashion makeover."

"Oh, a joke. Didn't know you had it in you." Tony tapped his fingers on the desk, calling up another hologram with information JARVIS was still sneaking from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s servers. "You say 'possible.' Have you talked with them yet?"

"No. We received word from Dr. Foster, who heard it from Thor. Unfortunately"—Fury's voice turned aggrieved—"Thor has been out of contact as he's talking with the aliens personally. We were not consulted."

"He tends to do that," Tony said. "I wouldn't take it personally at this point. I think it comes of being a prince…"

"Yeah, well, Prince Thor should get used to what it means to be on a team and reporting to authority."

"He does," Tony said cheerfully, as Thor was happy enough to concede leadership to Steve and even Tony on some matters, "he just doesn't think you're it."

Fury shot Tony a look that clearly said he was not amused. "In that case, he'll likely come to you. And when that happens, you're to talk to us, understand?"

"Oh, I understand." Tony nodded, glancing at the fabricators that were finishing up with his suit. "There's just this one, tiny thing that I don't get…"

"What?"

"Why are you talking to me about this? Since, y'know, I'm volatile and don't play well with others…"

Fury scowled. "Rogers has made it clear he's uncomfortable with taking phone calls."

Tony blinked. "What?"

Steve was fine with phone calls. Hell, he was actually more comfortable with text messages at this point, constantly shooting texts to Tony with pictures and the occasional gif. The gifs were usually far too sparkly.

"So you're…calling me…" Tony trailed off, lips twitching. "Okay, I'll…go and tell Steve. You…er…" He raised a hand to his mouth, coughing as he tried to hide a snicker. He didn't think it worked from Fury's unimpressed expression. "You man the forts like a good pirate?"

He hung up before Fury could say anything else, lowering his head and reevaluating what he knew of Steve to include the label "big, giant troll."

No, Steve just left Tony to get shafted with the phone calls.

Shaking his head, Tony checked the trackers in his arms to be sure that they were tuned to the right suit. Despite initial bugs and the sad death of Mark XLII in an unfortunate explosion during one of their villain fights (that suit had been buggy as hell from the get-go but Tony had been too fond of it to scrap it after he'd developed XLIII), the trackers were more convenient than putting on the bracelets.

At least villains couldn't see the trackers and immediately go "ooh, we can get an Iron Man suit!" Not that it'd work even if they did get their hands on the bracelets. The suits were designed to self-destruct if anyone other than him or Rhodey were in them.

Not that Rhodey could…fit into Tony's suits. He was just a bit bulkier than Tony in the shoulder area. (It was the thought that counted.)

Sighing, Tony left the workshop to seek out Steve.

Tony found him several minutes later playing Mario Kart with Clint, Natasha polishing her knives on the armchair in the corner as she watched. Bruce was snoozing on the other couch, glasses askew on his face. Steve seemed to be winning while Clint was in last place behind even the AIs.

And then, while Tony watched, Clint somehow drove completely off the road on the only track in that map and…ended up in space?

That…wasn't even possible in that game. There wasn't even a shortcut on that particular track.

"Aw nooo," Clint moaned, shaking his controller. "This is the third time!"

"You should just quit while you're ahead, Clint," Natasha said, smiling in amusement. "Remember what happened with the fishing game?"

"Don't remind me," Clint muttered, dropping his controller with a scowl as Steve finished first on his screen. Clint's avatar was still flailing through space and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. There was even a blue shell drifting by.

"You should get Tony to look at that," Steve said, turning to look at Clint. "That can't be normal."

"No." Clint quit his game. "It's probably his doing anyway."

Tony could definitely say it wasn't him, but he knew who probably was at fault. He should give JARVIS an upgrade or some extra server space.

Coughing, Tony stepped into the room, giving an unsurprised Natasha a nod. "Having fun?" He walked over to Bruce to wake him up, poking him a few times in the forehead. "Hey, I thought we agreed no naps in the day. It just makes you grumpy."

"Shut up," Bruce mumbled, slapping Tony's hand away. "An experiment kept me up."

"You'll have to tell me about it later." Tony leaned his elbows on the backrest of the couch, sliding his feet back to make himself more comfortable. "I got news from Fury as apparently someone doesn't like taking phone calls."

Steve looked far too innocent, putting his controller back into its box along with Clint's.

Rolling his eyes, Tony continued, "Apparently we have another group of aliens, possibly hostile. Fury's not sure as Thor elected to be first contact. He didn't tell anyone but Jane, so Jane let S.H.I.E.L.D. know, who let me know. My guess is Thor'll be here soon to let us know what's going on."

"He didn't have any other news?" Steve asked. "Where's Thor meeting them?"

"See, those are the kind of questions you could have asked him if you took phone calls."

Steve shot him a look. "You'd ask those same questions."

Tony shrugged. "He didn't know. As I said, Thor wasn't exactly forthcoming with any information before he went off to play diplomat. Which – for the record – is probably a really bad idea. Who remembers the giant squid?"

Everyone shuddered.

Thor had been the only person capable of speaking to the giant squid and he'd said something to piss it off. Maybe he'd brought up calamari?

The ink had taken weeks to get off the docks.

"He's a prince," Steve pointed out. "I'm sure he'll handle this better than the squid."

Natasha hummed under her breath, which was basically a neon light saying "fat chance."

"The last time we fought aliens I woke up in a building naked," Bruce said.

"I have pants," Tony offered. "They should hold."

"I'm down so long as they don't go for mind control," Clint said, stretching and rolling to his feet in one limber move that had Tony's spine aching in sympathy. "But you said possibly hostile, right? So we might not need to fight?"

"Seeing as how we're still putting together the city from the last time, let's hope not."

Steve shook his head, standing as well. "Let's table further discussion until Thor gets back. There's no use making plans if we don't even know what we're facing."

"What happened to you being 'the man with a plan,' Cap?" Clint smirked.

"False advertising," Steve replied easily. "And a catchy song that if someone starts singing will lead to dish duty."

"You're the only one who does dishes by hand here, Steve," Tony said. "Everyone else uses the dishwasher for what it's there for."

"The living room needs cleaning," Steve fired back, giving Clint a pointed look. Clint hastily shoved something under the couch. "Trust me, I can come up with something suitably creative."

"Not that you'd sic it on Tony, would you?" Clint muttered. "Not with twue wuv."

Tony's heart skipped a beat at the mention, and he wasn't sure what expression his face was wearing.

Steve didn't notice, shaking his head. "I told you, Clint, we're not—"

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Clint waved his hand dismissively. "So you say." He turned to Tony. "What do you say?"

Tony stared back, keeping his breathing carefully even. "We're friends," he answered honestly. "Not sure what else you're expecting, Clint."

"He's not lying," Natasha said after a moment. She raised her eyebrows in Tony's direction before dropping them, face returning to its usual impassive expression. "But Clint's right, Steve. You do tend to favor Tony." A sly smirk started to dance at her lips. "It's not like you bring lunch to any of us, is it?"

"Well, uh…" A faint tint of red covered Steve's cheeks. "The rest of you aren't shut up in labs all day, are you?"

"You don't bring me food," Bruce pointed out.

"You're not about to drink a motor oil smoothie because you're not paying attention," Steve said, looking rather uncomfortable with the current line of questioning.

"One time!" Tony exclaimed, pointing a finger in Steve's direction. "That was one time, Rogers!"

"One time too many! And how do you know it hasn't happened before?"

"Am I dead? If I'm not dead, then it hasn't happened before."

"You don't die from drinking a little bit of motor oil, Tony. But you sure do get sick, and I don't want you getting sick!"

"Not all of us have super immune systems, okay? Some of us are puny humans and will occasionally get sniffles. And maybe a temperature."

Steve scowled, crossing his arms over his chest, biceps bulging impressively despite the long-sleeved shirt he had on. (Or maybe because of it; Steve's shirts tended to run super tight. Tony had never cursed it more before.) "So now you admit you were sick," he said. "Maybe next time you'll actually stay in bed!"

"I have a perfectly serviceable cot in the workshop," Tony said, not quite sure how they'd gotten to this point. The others were watching them like a tennis match. "You've slept on it."

"And actually woke up with back pain. That's not serviceable – that's bad."

Tony frowned. He…hadn't actually used that cot in a while. Largely because Steve tended to usher him out of the workshop when it was late enough and he was going to bed (and when had it changed from Steve leaving Tony in the workshop to Steve taking Tony out of the workshop with him?). "I'll get a new one," he said eventually.

Steve groaned. "That's not the point, Tony."

"I have a lot of points; what point are you not getting?"

"The one he really wants," Clint muttered as an aside to Natasha.

Steve and Tony turned to Clint, both of them saying his name at the exact same time and in the exact same tone. "Clint."

Clint threw his hands up. "Aaaand I'm out of here! Bye, Mom; bye, Dad. Don't go throwing any dishes around. Call me when the aliens invade."

"Yeah, uh…" Bruce adjusted his glasses. "I'll have JARVIS ping me when Thor's here."

Natasha was still sitting on the armchair, knives laid out. She shrugged in response to Steve and Tony's glances. "You can't pay for better entertainment than this."

Tony and Steve turned to each other and reached a mutual agreement to leave.

"I just wish you'd take better care of yourself," Steve muttered once they were alone. "That's all, Tony."

Tony dropped his gaze, the back of his neck burning. He pulled in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he imagined Fury in a pink tutu. It killed the gooey feelings quickly enough.

"I do, you know," Tony told Steve eventually once he was sure nothing of his true feelings would escape. "It may not look like it, but I do take care of myself."

Steve studied Tony for a long moment, eyes searching. He slowly nodded, giving a small smile and reaching up to squeeze Tony's elbow gently.

As Steve's hand dropped, Tony had the wild impulse to grab it in his own. He stepped back before he could act on it, jabbing a thumb back. "I'm – uh – going to head back to the workshop," he managed, eyes skittering away from Steve before he could do something to incriminate himself. "Going to make sure I'm good to go regardless of what the little green men want."

He beat a hasty retreat before Steve could respond, cursing his newfound feelings to hell and back. He was not going to let them get in the way of his friendship with Steve. He was not.

It was five in the morning when JARVIS let Tony know that Thor had arrived via the rainbow bridge on the balcony outside the penthouse. Tony gave his assembled suit one last look before deeming it suitable and heading out.

The others were trickling in as Tony joined Steve outside. Clint looked the sleepiest, with pink marks on his face from his pillow, bed hair, and eyes still half-shut. Bruce probably hadn't even slept (not that Tony could judge as he hadn't slept either).

"My friends!" Thor beamed at all of them. "I have news!"

"You met with some aliens?" Steve asked.

"Indeed! The Malnussians are a grand race and greatly interested in joining with Earth."

"Sounds like the start of a porno," Clint muttered, just a shade too loudly. Tony glanced over to see if he had his aids in, relieved to see he did. Tony was passable with ASL now but not fluent; Natasha the only one who could translate quickly enough for Clint.

"So they're friendly?" Steve sounded hopeful.

"They are amiable," Thor answered, which answered part of Steve's question, "and their culture is different from Earth's. I was only able to speak with them long enough to establish who they would prefer as their primary point of contact."

"Which world leader gets the first shot at peaceful first contact?" Tony asked.

Thor looked between Tony and Steve, grinning broadly. "You do, my friends!"

Tony's disbelieving snort came out before he could stop it. "That's hysterical, Thor. Pull the other one."

"I am not joking," Thor said, looking only vaguely offended at the notion. Time was that Tony would have had to explain the metaphor; thank God Thor had picked up enough Earth slang to follow along.

"Did you miss the part where neither of us are diplomats? I'm not sure my skills at pissing off board members will do any good here."

"You sell yourself short, Anthony. I have seen you converse with other leaders here and with your first responders. You have a sly tongue and a quick mind, much like my brother."

"That's…not really a compliment."

"We should bring S.H.I.E.L.D. into this," Steve said, reaching up to squeeze Tony's shoulder comfortingly. "They've got resources we don't, and they're supposed to handle these types of situations. We're a line of defense, Thor."

"Group of superheroes who handle what other folks can't," Clint agreed. "Which is why we ended up fighting a mutant horde of mosquitoes last month that an over caffeinated grad student cooked up in his lab."

Tony had been so glad to be in a suit that fight. The mosquito bites the others had gotten had taken a while to clear up.

"The Malnussians are a very particular race," Thor said. "They value paired leaders, preferably those who are lifelong companions." A sorrowful expression crossed over his face. "At one point I could have done so with Loki but…" He shook his head, face clearing. "I know of no one else that I would trust with his mission."

"You and Loki were together?" Clint muttered, nose screwing up.

"It need not be romantic," Thor said. "The Malnussians simply prefer a lifelong bond – be it platonic or romantic."

"And that's…us?" Tony shared a glance with Steve, breathing in deeply at the pang in his chest.

"I have seldom seen a pair of shield-brothers in such sync as you two," Thor said fondly. "It brings me joy to know that you two have found your way to each other."

Ugh, seriously? Even Thor? Thor – who barely spent any time with them? He saw them in a relationship?

Did Tony have "would date Steve Rogers in a heartbeat now that I've considered it" stamped onto his forehead?

"We're not in a relationship," Tony said when Steve remained silent. "I don't think it would be good if we go to the…er…Malnussians under false premises."

Thor frowned, looking to the others as if seeking confirmation of this. From the head shakes Tony saw out of the corner of his eye, they weren't backing Tony up on this.

"It's not false, though, is it?" Steve asked, shrugging. "You said platonic is fine, right? Tony and I are good friends, so it should work out."

"I did say that," Thor agreed slowly, still frowning. "However…"

"I knew there was a but in this," Tony said.

"I told the Malnussians that you were involved," Thor admitted. "As in…" He lifted his hands, miming an act that if one squinted could probably be sex. "They were most relieved to hear that there would be a pair suitable to speak with them."

Tony looked over in time to see Steve hide his face with a hand.

Seeing no help from him, Tony turned back to Thor. "Can you go back and tell them it was a mistake?"

"It…would be inadvisable," Thor said, looking pained.

"Will they take it as an act of war?" Natasha asked.

"Of course not! They would see it as a mortal insult and inform others that we are not to be trusted."

"Oh." Bruce's voice sounded dull. "That…doesn't sound too good."

"You would essentially be blacklisted," Thor informed them. "If you were ever in need of aid in the future, it would not come except from disreputable sources. I would certainly not trust those to aid this planet."

Tony shared a look with Steve, reading resignation in the other's face. They'd had discussions on aliens before, Tony telling Steve what he had seen in the void when he'd carried that nuke through the portal. He'd told Steve there was more out there, that they were vulnerable to attack if they weren't careful. That they had to be prepared in case the worst happened and another alien invasion occurred that they couldn't stop.

Steve had listened and agreed that they needed to handle alien situations carefully and together.

Now…now was the first time that commitment was being put into action.

At least it wasn't a hostile force like the Chitauri had been.

"Okay." Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead. "We'll let Fury know what's going on, that we'll have to be the first line of communication here. Let's hope they don't find out that we're…" He shook his head.

"If you do not tell them, I do not think there is anything to fear," Thor offered, giving the two of them a scrutinizing look. "If you had not told me, I would not have believed otherwise." He paused, then added, "I still do not believe you. Are you certain you are well? There have been no arguments? Are you in hiding?" He looked concerned now. "I know that your world can be intolerant of those who are different, but you need not hide from us here! We are your shield-brothers; there is no judgment from us."

"No, there's judgment," Clint said, yawning. "So much judgment."

Natasha rolled her eyes, pinching Clint in the bicep. "I'm sure you two have it handled," she told Steve and Tony. She looked to Tony. "Don't let him mess it up," she said very seriously, eyes flicking to Steve.

"Hey!" Steve sounded offended. "I do fine with undercover work!"

"The last time you were asked to flirt with someone as a distraction you said something about it being a very nice day and then started talking to them about what drinks at the bar were any good."

"It distracted them, didn't it?"

"It wasn't flirting." Natasha looked between Steve and Tony. "But I guess if it's with Tony…you should be fine."

Tony didn't have to ask what Natasha meant. If they were able to fool their teammates, if they were able to fool Rhodey, then they could surely fool an entire race of aliens who had never met them before.

Yeah. Definitely.

This was going to be fantastic.

Tony sighed and pretended that his heart wasn't twinging with every beat.

"You two are in a relationship and that's why you're the only ones who can talk with the…Melnussians?" Fury squinted up at them disbelievingly.

"Malnussians, sir," Steve corrected. "And yes. According to Thor, the Malnussian culture values paired leaders highly. He volunteered us before letting us know."

"Hm." Fury steepled his fingers, giving both Steve and Tony a beady-eyed look. "I assume you're meeting with them tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"All right. I'll trust that either Romanov or Barton will be there to provide backup should you need it. Or Thor, much good that he's been."

Tony really wanted to ask if Fury was as sold on the relationship as everyone else but they'd agreed beforehand to keep that secret as close to the chest as possible.

Fury studied them for a moment longer before relaxing, leaning back in his chair. "You couldn't have come out a week later? I owe Hill twenty."

Steve showed no pity. "Then maybe you shouldn't bet on us?"

Fury shrugged, clearly unashamed. "I'll get the reports from Barton or Romanov. You two have some snuggling to do if you're going to cozy up to the Melnassians."

"Malnussians."

"Mal-whatever." Fury gestured to the door. "If you're not going to redeem me my twenty bucks you're gone."

Once outside S.H.I.E.L.D., Tony grabbed hold of Steve's elbow unthinkingly (he really needed to rethink absolutely everything considering he hadn't even noticed becoming so familiar with Steve's personal space). "You seriously okay with this?"

A muscle tensed under Tony's grip, but Steve didn't otherwise react, looking forward as he walked down the sidewalk to Tony's car. "Yes." The word was clipped.

"That didn't sound fine. That sounded the opposite of fine to me. You could stand to sound a little more excited."

"I'm…" Steve exhaled, shaking his head. "I'm not excited about everyone thinking we're in a relationship. It's…it seems a little cruel, like there's a certain intimacy level that friends aren't allowed to have. When I grew up…" He shrugged. "It was different. We wouldn't have looked twice at two guys like us."

"Because no one wanted to admit gays existed or because guys were more touchy-feely?"

"The last one." Steve pulled a face as they reached the car. "Both. Okay, maybe the guys living in the apartment down the hall from us were in a relationship and not just really good friends. But nowadays you can't even hug another guy without someone looking sideways at you and thinking you're gay. I mean, I'm sure as hell queer, but that doesn't mean anything!"

"It shouldn't," Tony agreed quietly, squeezing Steve's elbow gently, forcing himself to not react to Steve casually admitting he wasn't straight. (He wasn't straight! Yet that didn't change anything, did it?) He forced himself to let go before he could do something as foolish as hold Steve's hand. Even back in Steve's time, holding hands had been a romantic gesture. "So are you okay with it?"

Steve went to the passenger's side, face dark. "Does it matter?"

"It does," Tony said, bracing his hands on the top of the car. "If you're not comfortable—"

"I'm fine, Tony, okay?" Steve snapped.

Tony blinked at the vitriol in Steve's tone, barely able to resist flinching back. As it was he couldn't stop his hands from trembling, having to press them flat against the top of the car before Steve could notice.

Was it so bad to have to be in a relationship with him? (Who was he kidding? Pepper had broken up with him because she couldn't deal with him. Why would Steve be any different?)

"Okay," Tony managed when Steve said nothing else. "Let's just… We'll talk about this at home."

There was a ringing sound in Tony's ears as he started the drive back, unable to look over at Steve. He wasn't sure what he'd find on Steve's face. He wasn't sure what Steve would see on his face.

Yes, Steve was apparently queer, but just because someone was queer didn't automatically mean they were attracted to everyone. (It didn't mean Steve was attracted to him.)

This wouldn't change anything, this wouldn't change anything, this wouldn't change anything.

(He'd been a better liar at one point.)

The difficult thing with everyone believing you were in a relationship even though you honestly weren't was that there was no one to talk to.

Not that Tony had any idea what he would have said if he'd tried.

It…made him out to be rather stupid. Insecure. Like he was seeking validation and boosting for his ego.

Textbook narcissism…

Tony shook his head, running fingers through his hair. No. It wasn't worth it.

He could muddle through this.

Steve was upset about something, but it was okay. He'd come around and talk to Tony. Hopefully.

Maybe not before they had to meet the Malnussians but… Soon, right?

And whatever made Steve upset (which was this fake relationship if Tony was brutally honest with himself) wouldn't make him compromise this mission, would it? Steve was a better man than that.

Tony really wanted to go and hold Steve's hand. He wanted to curl up next to Steve like he had been doing for months (totally oblivious to what it meant). He wanted to hug Steve and never let him go. Damn it, he wanted to date Steve.

"I'm so fucked, JARVIS," Tony said, voice muffled by his hands. "So fucked."

"Indubitably, sir," JARVIS said, sounding slightly sympathetic. "If I may…perhaps things are not as hopeless as they seem?"

"Says what god?"

"I may not be a divine being, but I do have access to Captain Rogers's quarters…"

Tony was tempted for a one horrible second. "No. That's a terrible idea, and that's coming from me. No, just… This is going to go badly, isn't it?"

"I am also not a fortune teller, sir, but I can predict with relatively good certainty that things shall not turn out as dire as you think."

"Sure sounds like you're a fortune teller," Tony muttered. He sighed, throwing himself backwards onto his bed, spread-eagled. The ceiling offered him no answers to his dilemma.

Neither did his heart, which really only wanted Steve.

Tony had been just fine with complete obliviousness. Damn Rhodey.

The Malnussians were humanoid aliens. Or humanoid insofar as seven foot tall purple-skinned aliens with antennas, three sets of eyes, snake-like nostrils, and super long fingers could be. They did have two legs and walked upright, so there was that.

Their eyes were pure black, much like insects, and their eyelids closed sideways and in sequence, which was rather hypnotizing when one paid attention. Evolutionarily speaking, it was a relatively good idea to have two sets of eyes looking at all times. Much better than what humans did with their measly one set of eyes.

Humans didn't even have antennas that did…whatever these did.

Tony guessed the antennas picked up sensory input, but they did seem to wiggle enticingly when the Malnussians greeted each other. And they brushed the antennas against each other in greeting, so some kind of handshake?

But each Malnussian only did the antenna touching with a very specific Malnussian and it was always in pairs.

…Kissing, maybe?

Because the Malnussians didn't have mouths. No, they had something resembling mouths out of which something disconcertingly like clicking and hissing came out. Tony and Steve would have been lost if not for the translators they set up, conveniently tuned to Earth's languages

(Tony wondered how the translator did with such inane phrases like "River River" because there were a lot of rivers named like that if one translated the typically native names alongside "river.")

"Captain. Iron Man." The leading Malnussian inclined their head in their direction, antennas wiggling in the platonic greeting Tony had recognized. "It is a pleasure to meet the paired leaders of Earth. My name is A'gel'fush. My partner in all things is K'salk'adi." They waved to their partner, the key distinguishing feature between the two being the darker streaks of purple on K'salk'adi's arms.

"It's our pleasure to be here," Tony answered smoothly. "Iron Man is my title, so it would be best if you call me by my name – Tony. This is my partner Steve." He reached out to touch Steve's shoulder, gently squeezing it before dropping his hand. "We're looking forward to speaking with you and establishing a good starting point for future meetings."

There was an encouraging nod from Thor's direction. There didn't seem to be a reaction from Natasha, who hovered in the background (like a spy).

"Indeed!" A'gel'fush agreed. They seemed excited even if the translator kept their voice a dull monotone. "We have heard tales of your Earth. Is it true that you vanquished the Chitauri army with a single blow?"

Tony's smile twitched at the reminder. He closed his eyes, seeing that enormous army laid out above the portal, and exhaled. Steve's hand came to rest at the small of his back, reassuring and warm.

"It was a team effort," Steve replied easily, voice calm. "But Tony was the one who took out the last of them. We don't normally aim to kill people, but we weren't given much choice."

"So Thor has informed us," A'gel'fush agreed. "We have heard much of your people via the radio signals they have sent into the stars. Your people's history is interesting and rich, but also violent."

"I'm afraid we can't promise that others won't be violent," Steve said honestly, giving them a genuine smile. "But I can tell you that we will do our very best to make sure that discussions proceed smoothly."

Tony cleared his throat, drawing their attention back to him. "I'm not sure how things are on your world, but Earth has enough smaller nations that we have multiple leaders."

"Paired leaders?"

"I'm afraid not."

"But you are the paired leaders for planet Earth, yes?" This seemed a supremely important piece of information for A'gel'fush, the tip of their antennas becoming slightly pale. It could be agitation, but Tony didn't know enough of the aliens' biology to know for sure. The translator's monotone voice didn't help, and Tony couldn't tell if body language was the same between humans and the Malnussians.

"Yes, we are…" Tony glanced at Steve, smile coming naturally when he saw Steve's trusting face. "We're the paired leaders for Earth," he continued easily. This was going to bite them in the ass later when the actual political leaders for Earth realized what they'd done, but better this than being put on a blacklist. "Where should we get started?"

They were aliens, but Tony had been through enough meetings through his work with Stark Industries to know politics. This was just…slightly higher stakes.

Totally doable. (Even with Steve's hand still resting at the small of his back like he'd forgotten it was there. Tony sure wasn't going to tell him to move it.)

As chill as the Malnussians were (not that Tony knew many aliens at all but he could definitely say that these particular aliens were chill), Tony really, really wanted to go back home and not have to worry about pretending to be in a romantic relationship with Steve. Unfortunately, the Malnussians were somewhere in the orbit of Uranus, and the only reason Steve and Tony were here instead of somewhere still in outer space on whatever spaceship Tony would have thrown together was because of the Bifrost.

As negotiations still weren't done and Thor was "loathe to call on Heimdall repeatedly for such minor trips," that meant they had to sleep on the ship.

The Malnussians didn't have the same sleep cycle as humans but they did need to sleep and they had bedrooms that were suited for humans because of their humanoid physiologies. (Though Tony was curious about their spines. Did they have the same spinal problems humans did?)

This wasn't the first time Tony had to sleep away from home for business related reasons (disregarding the other times he had been…not home), but it was the first time for…other…things…

Namely, the definitely single bed in the accommodations they had been provided by a very eager guide with a name too full of consonants for Tony to comprehend.

Natasha had been directed to a different room, as had Thor. The Malnussians's spaceship was definitely large, and Tony would love to get his hands on some of their technology and maybe also see what their ship looked like on the outside, but priorities were priorities and right now Tony was trying to figure out what to do with their current dilemma.

The bed.

Actually, was it even a bed? It didn't have a bed frame or the requisite mattress expected of a bed. There were pillows but they looked like various soft, squishy things that the Malnussians had put on top of another soft, squishy thing that would appear to be their mattress. The entire setup was on the floor. There was a thin blanket provided that Tony wouldn't even use in the summer unless he was on the beach.

Tony picked one of the soft, squishy things up as Steve went to inspect their bathroom. He squeezed it between his hands, finding it highly malleable. It regained its former shape the instant he let go.

Half of their bed was comprised of these pillows.

How many pillows did the Malnussians think they needed?

"I'm not sure how this toilet works," Steve said from the bathroom, "and I'm not sure I want to know. But I think we can use it?"

Tony dropped the pillow-like thing to see what Steve was talking about, half-expecting some monstrosity like in the deleted scenes from Galaxy Quest. He was relieved to find nothing of the sort but rather something with a dark, metallic sheen seemed to resemble nothing more than a hole in the wall.

Tony spared a brief thought to be grateful that neither of them had female genitalia because he couldn't imagine needing to use that and having to…sit down.

Hopefully they wouldn't be here that long.

He pressed his hands to the sides of the toilet, peered into it to make sure that he wasn't missing something, and then turned to Steve. "I wouldn't suggest sitting down on it, but it should function like how we're used to. But as for number two…"

Steve's face remained blank despite the reddish tinge to his cheeks. "I see."

Tony shrugged. "Hope you didn't eat a lot of carbs?"

Steve shook his head, glancing back at the single bed. "Is the bed at least a bed?"

"Give or take a few minor details, I'd say it's a bed." Tony hesitated, then said slowly, "Which side do you prefer?" When in doubt, pretend everything was normal. Act like things weren't normal, and that was when you got into trouble.

"I, uh…" Steve shifted his weight, folding his arms over his chest. "Left," he said eventually. "If you…don't mind."

"Great," Tony said brightly. "I usually sleep on the right anyway." Lies. He slept on the left, but he could definitely sleep on the right for now.

Steve squinted at him as if he heard the lie.

"It's like we were made for each other," Tony continued, immediately wincing at his lack of brain-to-mouth filter. He hastily rushed to add, "So I'll leave you to take a shower. In the…cubicle that does actually look like a shower."

Tony backed out of the bathroom before he could say anything else incriminating, sitting down heavily on the bed. The soft, squishy pillow-like substance of the mattress depressed alarmingly under his weight but held.

It was like the world's worst memory foam mattress.

Tony could already feel his joints complaining.

Not that he cared that much about his joints. Was he going to get any sleep tonight by sleeping next to Steve? He'd shared beds before, but that was with one-night stands or Pepper. (And Rhodey, but Rhodey had sworn off sleeping in the same bed with Tony after the third time they'd done so and Tony had sprawled on top of him.) This was…totally different because he would so like to date Steve but they weren't actually dating yet everyone thought they were dating and so they had to keep up the pretense and to do so they had to share this alien bed or Earth would be blacklisted.

Tony felt exhausted just thinking about it.

He rubbed at his forehead, breathing in deeply.

He could do this. He could totally do this.

It was just sharing a bed with Steve, the man he would desperately like to date (and was probably a little bit in love with).

By the time Steve came out of the bathroom, Tony had composed himself. (Mostly composed himself. Steve still looked at him strangely.)

Steve was in bed under the flimsy blanket when Tony finished his routine in the bathroom. His back was towards Tony, so he wasn't able to see what kind of expression Steve had on his face.

Exhaling lowly, Tony had the lights turn off, using the light of his arc reactor to guide him. He didn't hesitate to head over to the bed and slip under the blanket. He was promptly surprised at how warm the blanket was, belying its flimsy appearance.

Giving Steve a quick glance, Tony turned over onto his side and tried not to move too much as the squishy mattress sank under his weight. Instead of sinking straight to the floor, it stabilized (so maybe his joints wouldn't hate him that badly after all?).

Tony tried to relax, but he was keenly aware of Steve's breathing and the warmth of his body only inches away (the mattress was perhaps queen size if one felt generous). He could reach out and touch if he slid back only a little or moved his arm to the empty space between them. He could turn over right now and slide up against Steve's body—

No.

If he did that, there was no guarantee that Tony could keep his friendship with Steve. Absolutely none at all, and Tony wasn't going to risk it for the slight chance that Steve felt the same way about Tony.

Clenching his fingers into the squishy pillow, Tony squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to focus only on his breathing and the feeling of the mattress. It worked for a few minutes until Steve shifted and the mattress shifted with him, keenly reminding Tony who he was lying with.

Stiff as a board, Tony hoped that Steve didn't notice that he wasn't sleeping – that Tony was wide awake and desperately trying not to roll over and touch Steve.

"Tony?" Apparently Steve wasn't asleep either.

Tony considered pretending he was asleep for all of five seconds before answering with a low "hm?" That was casual enough, wasn't it?

"This is weird, isn't it?" Steve let out a low laugh that sounded vaguely nervous.

"Just a bit," Tony agreed, relaxing slightly despite himself. He didn't roll over, not wanting to see what Steve looked like in the pale blue light of his arc reactor (wanting to see too much).

Steve didn't speak for a while, his breathing slow and steady like a metronome.

Tony had almost fallen asleep to that rhythm when Steve spoke again. "What if…"

"Hm?" Tony roused himself enough to pay attention to Steve. "What?"

"What if things don't stay the same?" Steve whispered.

Tony's chest squeezed tightly, breath stalling for a moment as his mind processed what the hell Steve meant by that. "Why wouldn't they stay the same?"

"I don't… I mean…" Steve sighed, sounding frustrated. "What if they could change?"

Tony forced himself to keep his breathing even despite the increasing pressure in his chest. All drowsiness was long gone. "Change to what, Steve?"

Steve returned Tony's question with one of his own. "Would you want them to change?"

Tony bit back the instinctive yes, as he had no idea what Steve was getting at here. His heart told that maybe, just maybe Steve was fishing for something good. His brain told his heart to shut up and that it wasn't possible.

Steve was just afraid of losing their friendship if they got too deep into this fake relationship (that he really, really wanted to be real, damn it).

"I don't want to lose this," Tony said eventually, entirely honest. "You know I don't make friends easily, Steve. And this…we have a good thing going, don't we?"

Steve didn't respond for a long moment. Tony almost gave in to the desire to turn around and look when Steve said, almost too quietly to hear, "We do." Then, louder, "We should get some sleep. We've got more talking to do tomorrow."

Tony murmured a quiet "night" and stared at the wall, wishing the blanket covered the arc reactor's light. "Let me know if the light gets too bright," he found himself saying before he could rethink it. "I know Pepper sometimes couldn't sleep."

There was a low laugh from Steve that sounded fond. "That will definitely not be a problem."

What did that mean?

Tony turned his head enough that he could get a vague glimpse of Steve's profile, but it wasn't like he could make anything out from the shape of Steve's hair.

Oh God.

He was going to see Steve's bed head, wasn't he?

Mentally groaning, Tony mashed his face into the pillow.

It was one night. One night. Just…fall asleep.

It was hot. It was uncomfortably hot to the point where he felt like kicking the damn blanket off.

Only kicking the blanket off did nothing because something was pinning his legs in place.

He also had something in his mouth and something warm breathing on his neck.

The warm body in his arms didn't feel like Pepper as Pepper wasn't this muscular and didn't quite smell this way either.

Tony slowly opened his eyes, moving his face enough so he no longer had hair in his mouth. The first thing he saw was that he was not in his room in the tower, which reminded him that he was on a spaceship and sharing a bed with Steve.

Who…was in his arms? Snuggling up to Tony like he was five feet instead of over six?

It would have been adorable if Steve hadn't been two hundred pounds of muscle who was currently pinning Tony in place on the squishy mattress.

It would have been adorable if it hadn't been Steve. Because this was not supposed to happen. (Only who was Tony kidding? Rhodey had told him he had octopus-like tendencies. Apparently Steve was just as octopus-like.)

As if Tony's silent panicking was some kind of cue, Steve started stirring, breathing picking up and his eyes fluttering.

"Mm, Tony?"

"Yeah, big guy," Tony managed, taking his arms off Steve.

Steve opened his eyes, the muzzy sleepiness on his face almost instantly being replaced by sharp awareness (and horror?). He jerked away from Tony, and the sudden loss of warmth had Tony reeling.

"Sorry!" Steve was wide-eyed, hair rumpled and sleeping shirt askew. "I…I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

The uncomfortable chest tightness was back, accompanied by a tight feeling in his throat that Tony had to swallow against. "It's okay," he managed, dredging up a smile that wasn't as cheerful as it should have been. "What's a little snuggling between best buds?"

Something flickered across Steve's face that he wasn't sure how to interpret. Only a second later, Steve returned Tony's smile with a rather strained one.

"Sorry," Steve repeated, rubbing a hand through his hair and making it even messier. Tony had the sudden desire to run his own hands through it and smoothen it and clenched his hands into fists so he wouldn't act on it.

"Keep apologizing like that and I'm going to start thinking you don't like me," Tony said teasingly.

To Tony's surprise, Steve went pink and averted his gaze. He mumbled something that Tony didn't catch and stumbled off to the bedroom, nearly tripping over a stray shoe.

Tony stared after him as the bathroom sealed shut behind him, never having seen Steve be that clumsy before. Captain America was usually the epitome of grace, especially since Steve had picked up gymnastics and incorporated it into his fighting style. Steve and clumsiness just didn't go together.

And yet here Tony had seen Steve nearly go sprawling over a shoe.

Rubbing a hand over his hair and patting it down, Tony sat up, eyes dropping to Steve's side of the bed. He reached a hand up to where Steve had been breathing into his neck, eyes stinging.

It had only been one night…and Tony wanted more.

Steve had been roped into further discussions with A'gel'fush. Tony had been about to join them when K'salk'adi pulled him aside and offered to show him the ship and some of the technology.

"Thor informed us of your abilities with technology," K'salk'adi had said. "I assume you would be interested?"

"Oh my God, yes," Tony had blurted out. He immediately tried to calm down. "Er, I mean, absolutely. I am definitely interested in learning more about your technology. But aren't we needed elsewhere?" He'd gestured in the direction of K'salk'adi's partner.

"It will be fine," K'salk'adi had said. "Paired leaders do not necessarily have to continue holding all meetings together after initial discussions are over. What one partner decides is agreed on by the other; it is more convenient for us to separate and continue building good relationships."

That required a hell of a lot of trust if Tony was understanding K'salk'adi right. While one half of a paired leadership would discuss and set up treaties, the other half could do other activities to build up a strong relationship. Because of course Malnussians did everything together. (Earth nations would probably try and take this opportunity to stab each other in the back.)

The tour had included a look at the Malnussian's medical bay, which didn't look anything like Star Trek would have suggested. Then again, the Malnussians weren't human and so wouldn't think along human lines.

The pods were highly intimidating.

The last stop on the tour was the engine room, which was more Tony's element than the squishy sciences. He'd geeked out over the area of the control room K'salk'adi had shown him but this…

This was a marvel.

Tony reached out to touch before he realized what he was doing, stopping dead before his fingers made contact. "Can I touch?" he asked over his shoulder. "Fair warning, I might touch it anyway."

There was a burst of crackle from the translator that Tony assumed was laughter. "Your touch will not harm the mechanics, Tony. I assume Earth does not have this?"

"Earth has only put people on our moon," Tony said, investigating the cooling mechanisms. "We've sent robots out to Mars, the third planet in our solar system, and there are satellites that were sent out to explore the further planets. Maybe one day but…" He blinked, looking up at K'salk'adi. "Short answer is no."

Neither of them spoke for ten minutes, Tony busy inspecting what he could reach and careful to not take anything apart that he didn't think he could put back together. (Despite what people thought, Tony could be considerate of other people's things. Especially when it was delicate stuff.)

"I confess to some curiosity," K'salk'adi said, finally breaking the silence as Tony moved from one end of the room to the next.

"Yeah, me, too," Tony said distractedly, wishing the Malnussians weren't so damn tall. Tony wasn't exactly short at just under six feet, but the Malnussians were taller than Steve.

"There are not many planets that have paired leaders," K'salk'adi continued. "When Thor informed us that your planet did have one such pair, we were greatly relieved that you would understand our way of thinking. Discussions on how to align two different planets always work more smoothly when we have cultural similarities."

"Yeah…" Tony kept looking at the panel he had removed so he wouldn't have to look back at K'salk'adi (there wasn't much to see on the panel). "It's the same on Earth between countries."

"I recall when A'gel'fush and I met," K'salk'adi continued, the wistful words at odds with the translator's monotone. "It was at a social gathering; our eyes met across the room. It could have simply been a chance meeting, but I accidentally dirtied his clothes. The rest came so easily."

"Sounds romantic," Tony said, smiling despite himself.

"It was," K'salk'adi agreed, their antennas glowing softly. "How did you and Steve meet, Tony?"

"Well…" Tony swallowed, putting the panel back in place and turning. "It wasn't anything like you and A'gel'fush, that's for sure." He grinned weakly. "We fought at first, couldn't seem to get along…"

"Truly?" K'salk'adi seemed perturbed as best as Tony could read their body language. "I would not have thought so."

Of course, at this point everyone thought he and Steve were in a relationship. Why on earth would they think that they hadn't been able to get along?

"Things changed," Tony said, shrugging.

"How did you and he fall in love?" K'salk'adi asked.

Tony closed his eyes, leaning his back against the machine he was standing in front of. He was so painfully obvious that even the aliens could see it. (But what did they pick up from Steve?)

"It happened slowly," Tony said quietly, "and then all at once. One day I looked up and realized…I want this. I want this every day for the rest of our lives." Never mind that it had only been scant days since Tony actually realized it; it didn't make it any less true. "We already worked well together before," he continued. "But after that… It just made things click."

K'salk'adi was silent for a long moment, studying Tony with three pairs of eerie eyes. Then they nodded. "Thank you for sharing your story, Tony." Their antennas lightened. "Our partners are here."

Tony didn't have time to ask how K'salk'adi knew they were here as A'gel'fush and Steve walked in. Steve looked rather odd, like he'd been hit upside the head with his own shield, but he didn't seem physically harmed.

Giving him a small smile, Tony was perturbed when Steve's response was a strained smile.

Glancing over to see their hosts occupied with greeting each other, Tony sidled over to Steve, lowering his voice to ask, "All okay? There wasn't any trouble, was there?"

Steve hesitated a moment too long before responding, shaking his head. "No, it's…" He was looking at Tony as if he'd never seen him before. "Can we…can we talk once we're alone?"

Tony pressed his fingers together tightly where he had them laced behind his back, sudden, visceral panic making his heart race. "Yeah, we can. You sure everything's fine? You're going to give me a complex at this rate."

"We wouldn't want that, would we?" Steve murmured, a genuine grin crossing his face that quelled some of Tony's panic.

Forcing himself to breathe evenly, Tony told himself it was fine.

It wasn't like Steve could have heard them talking about their relationship, right?

A few hours and some more negotiating later, it was with a great deal of trepidation that Tony walked back to their shared bedroom, unable to resist shooting glances at Steve as if he could read the other's mind. (But even Steve's face was blank, and that didn't reassure him at all.)

The door slid shut behind them once they were inside the room. Tony almost wished it made a sound to accommodate the pervasive feeling of dread that had settled in his stomach.

Steve made a sound first, exhaling loudly and running a hand through his hair. "I wasn't ever going to say anything," he said, turning to face Tony. "I didn't want to risk anything, you know?" He huffed out a small laugh. "Always was a coward when it came to these things."

"You're the furthest thing from a coward I've met, Steve," Tony said immediately, almost on autopilot.

"Nah," Steve disagreed, shaking his head. "I mean, put me in a fight with a clear plan and I'll go in swinging. If there's a right thing to do, I'll do it, even if it's difficult. But this? I've never been the one to make the first move; didn't have a clue how to." He smirked self-deprecatingly. "I wouldn't have this time either. But…I missed my chance last time, you know? Went under the ice, woke up seventy years later and missed my date."

Steve was silent for a long moment, expression lost. "I don't want to miss another chance because I waited too long," he said eventually.

"Steve." Tony swallowed, folding his arms over his chest. "What are you saying?"

Steve's smile was gentle. "I, uh…overheard you in the engine room. What you said. About our relationship."

There should be panic, Tony thought. Why wasn't there panic? "Did you?"

"I guess…I don't need to ask why you didn't say anything either, huh?"

Tony wasn't sure if he was breathing. He definitely wasn't blinking, staring at Steve. It didn't…it didn't make sense. What Steve was saying…what Tony knew…things like this didn't just happen, did they?

"So let me…" Tony managed a breath, unwinding enough to be able to gesture, release some of the manic energy under his skin. "Let me get this straight. Because, uh…I might be misunderstanding some things. You said – three days ago – that we were only friends. That you were fine with that. Now…you're…not?" (Had it only been three days? It felt like an eternity.)

"I didn't think about it," Steve admitted. "What we fell into was so easy…" He shrugged. "I didn't realize what other people thought of it until you told me what Rhodey said. And then I got to thinking…"

"Why not?" Tony said when Steve said nothing else. He coughed, tucking one hand into his jeans pocket. "Well, uh, that's what I was thinking anyway. I mean…I'd date that?" He shrugged, resisting the urge to cringe.

Steve didn't seem appalled, laughing and giving Tony a bright grin that had his heart fluttering. "I'd date that, too," he agreed. He stepped closer, reaching out to take Tony's other hand. "I'd…definitely date that. Although I think we've been dating for months now."

"I don't think it counts if we didn't notice."

"That seems a bit of a shame, seeing as how I'd really like to kiss you right now. But if we weren't dating before, I'm not sure if that's a good idea…"

"I changed my mind," Tony said quickly. "We were dating, we were definitely dating before. We went on so many dates. You can kiss me."

Then, before Steve could reconsider, Tony grabbed the back of Steve's head and mashed their lips together.

It became instantly clear that Steve hadn't done much kissing before. Which was fine, as Tony had done plenty of kissing. (That…was probably not a great thing but whatever.)

Heat flushed through Tony from all their points of contact. He was acutely aware of how their lips moved together, Steve's hair under his fingers, Steve's hands at his waist, and where their chests were pressed together. He spared a brief thought for the arc reactor digging into Steve's skin but it was quickly forgotten when Steve shifted his head slightly and used the slight height difference to angle Tony's head back.

Tony slid one hand down, curling one through Steve's hair while the other moved down over Steve's back, feeling out the muscle definition and the way Steve's back flexed.

They eventually had to break apart for air. Tony felt flushed, heart racing in his chest and his breathing just as fast. His lips tingled, and he couldn't help but look at Steve's to see that they were flushed and slightly swollen.

"You should buy a boy dinner before you take him to bed," Tony managed, giving Steve a slow grin as he gently scratched the back of Steve's head. It earned him a delightful shiver.

"I guess," Steve said, darting in to place another kiss to the side of Tony's mouth. "Do the other dozen or so times not count?" He pressed a second kiss to the other side of Tony's mouth, lingering to whisper, "We shared a bed last night, didn't we?"

"I don't think it counts." Tony thumbed at the edge of Steve's jaw. "It's not really a bed, is it?"

Steve stared at Tony for a few moments, clearly thinking of several arguments. But he didn't use any of them, leaning in to rub his nose against Tony's. "If that's so…do you want to spend the night with me on our…" He glanced back at the "bed." "Squishy blob that looks like a mattress?"

Tony pushed Steve back, grinning at him when Steve caught his hands and pulled him in. "Why, Captain…I thought you'd never ask."

Hours later (during which nothing much had happened as they didn't have much in the way of supplies on an alien spaceship and the squishy mattress shifted alarmingly when they rolled around), they had curled up underneath the flimsy blanket, Steve drawing aimless patterns on Tony's skin with his fingers.

"Nothing has to change, right?" Tony asked abruptly, glancing down at Steve.

Steve jerked up, looking alarmed. "I thought we were dating now? Do you not want this?"

"I want this!" Tony reassured him, reaching up to brush a hand through Steve's hair. "I just meant…we don't have to change anything about we were doing before, right? Because historically speaking…I haven't been the best at relationships. And what we were doing before seemed to work pretty well?"

"Oh." Steve let out a sigh, sinking back down and snuggling into Tony's side. He slung an arm over Tony's waist, pressing his lips to Tony's shoulder. "You do pretty well, I think," he said, cheek pressed against Tony's shoulder.

"That's sweet of you to say, but that doesn't answer my question."

Steve grumbled something under his breath, rubbing his face against Tony's arm.

"Sorry, not all of us speak gibberish."

"I said, I'm happy with how things are now." Steve's cheeks were tinted red.

Tony let out a soft breath, something in his chest unclenching. (It couldn't be that easy, could it?) Maybe…maybe he should stop overthinking things so much.

"That's good," Tony said, pressing lips into Steve's hair. He mouthed three words into his hair because it was probably too soon to actually say that, right?

"You, too," Steve said several minutes later, seemingly out of the blue.

Tony twitched slightly. "What?"

Steve sighed, sliding up on the bed until he was on the same level as Tony, sharing the same squishy pillow. "I love you, too." He said the words like they were a challenge, but his eyes were soft.

"Oh, that…ah…" Tony wasn't blushing, but his face felt far too hot. "Yeah?"

"Of course." Steve leaned in, kissing him gently. He tilted his head when he drew away. "Should we send the Malnussians a fruit basket?"

"Screw the Malnussians." Tony slid a hand under Steve's arm and over his back, pulling him into a hug. "I'm going to give Rhodey a year's worth of upgrades the next time he visits."

They should probably go out and finish up their negotiations so they could go back home and enjoy their new relationship in peace and quiet (or not so much quiet because the rest of the team was there). But all Tony wanted to do right now was just cuddle with Steve.

And from how Steve curled in close, it was a good bet that was all Steve wanted as well.

Steve and Tony never actually tell anyone that no, they weren't dating because absolutely no one would believe them. They continue to not tell anyone until their wedding, when Tony gives Rhodey a lovely fruit basket and tells him that they officially got together because Rhodey saw something neither of them had seen before. Rhodey is actually not surprised; of course Tony would fall into a relationship without knowing he was in one. (He's also feeling vindicated because of COURSE Tony didn't tell him he was in a relationship! Tony had no idea he was in one!)

Tony debuts his stealth armor during their next battle. It's black and gold and absolutely no one thinks it's a stealth armor until he makes it blend in. (Everyone thinks it's a knockoff Iron Man armor by a villain. Tony is offended.)

The Malnussians are an alien race I made up on the spot. Same for the names. I key smashed something together. However, the idea of "paired leadership" is something I saw in Sineala's "The Opposite of a Problem", and I definitely recommend giving that a read. It can also be found on AO3.

Please let me know what you thought! :) And you can find me on tumblr under inukagome15.