I've Got You

The flashing blue and red lights lit up the interior of the car. She sat rigidly in the backseat, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, tears streaming steadily down her face.

She could see Deeks standing outside the car, talking to someone, his eyes flicking back to her every now and then. Kensi focused on the lights that flashed against the leather of the passenger seat. From where she was seated, they were all that she could see of the tragic scene behind her.

Kensi could visualize it though, and the images flashed through her mind. The image of the emergency responders delicately removing David's body from the scene, doing a final check and zipping him up, truly unaware of how special he was, and how he had touched the special agent in the car.

She shook her head, wiping away the tears that collected on her cheeks. Kensi lowered her head, hunching her shoulders as if it would protect her from the day's events. The door opposite her opened, and Deeks slid in, wrapping her in his arms instantly. The relief of having him there crashed over her once more, and she folded herself against him as tightly as she could.

Someone got into the driver seat, but Kensi wasn't sure who, and didn't care to look. She wasn't even sure whose car she was in. It didn't matter, not really. Deeks had his arms around her, whispering soft reassurances in her ear, kissing her softly on the temple. Kensi heard him speak their address, and breathed in a sigh of relief. They were going home.

Throughout the drive, Kensi remained silent, gripping Deeks so tightly that she was sure he would have fingertip shaped bruises the next day. He didn't seem to mind, and clung to her just as tightly, letting her take all the comfort she needed. When the car came to a stop, Deeks helped her out, thanking the driver briefly before leading her to the door.

Monty greeted them excitedly, happy to have his parents home from a long day. Roberta had dropped him back only a half hour before. Deeks hadn't told her much, just that it had been a bad day, and the woman had made herself scarce, promising to take over the bar and remove that from their concern at least.

At the sight of the hound, Kensi collapsed. She sank to the floor, burying her nose in Monty's fur. Sensing her distress, Monty began to lick at her face, trying to lift her mood with kisses. He pawed at her hands when she began to shake, nudging his nose underneath them so that she could grip onto his fur for stability.

She felt Deeks sink down beside them, never once letting her go. Deeks opened his legs, letting her scoot back against his chest. Monty followed, pressing his head onto her chest, applying a pressure that was oddly soothing.

"I can't talk about it," Kensi sobbed, nuzzling into her fiancé's neck.

"I know," Deeks soothed. "You don't have to."

Kensi nodded, crying until finally, her tears dried up. She wasn't sure how much time had passed exactly, but Monty had fallen asleep on her chest, and Deeks' leg seemed to be twitching from lack of use.

"He called me his angel," Kensi whispered quietly, her voice hoarse and broken. "But I wasn't. An angel would have saved him, saved his son."

"Kensi, there was nothing you could have done to save him," Deeks murmured against her flushed skin. "There was nothing anyone could have done. To him, you were an angel. You gave him peace in his final moments, you gave him a friend, and that's not nothing." Deeks leaned back, cupping her face. "Baby, please. You did good. You gave him strength when he didn't have any left. Don't doubt that."

"He gave me strength too," Kensi mumbled into his hand, leaning her face into his palm. "Deeks, I wanna talk about the baby thing."

"We will, baby, but it doesn't have to be now -"

"No, I want it to be now." Kensi sat up straighter, gripping his wrists in an almost desperate manner. "David told me about his son, and what happened. That's always been my biggest fear. Not being able to protect my child, our child? It keeps me awake at night. But something he said... something he said hit me."

"What was that?" Deeks asked, stroking her cheek.

"He said his family is what gave him purpose in life. His parents, his wife, his - his son. His love for them and their love for him, it gave his life meaning. And even if he didn't have them for as long as he had hoped, he still had them," Kensi sobbed. "He was pinned against the wall, a car keeping him alive, but he was content. He was happy. Because he had lived, and he had loved."

Kensi reached up to cup Deeks' face, taking a deep breath.

"I love you."

"I love you," Deeks replied, tears pooling in his blue eyes.

"Loving you, being loved by you, that's what gives me purpose. And I want to marry you, and I want to have kids with you. I want to grow old with you, and watch our kids grow up and find people they can love and be loved by." Kensi leaned her forehead against his. "I want birthdays, and teenage angst, and macaroni glued to the fridge. I want all of it, with you. And it's going to be scary, and I'm going to be terrified, but my god, I want it." Kensi paused, biting her bottom lip. "I don't want to die with regrets. I don't want fear to win. I want love to win. I want to bring love into this world, our love."

When Kensi finished, Deeks leaned in and kissed her soundly. When he pulled back, he bumped his nose against hers, smoothing her hair back.

"Baby, that's all I want too," Deeks whispered. "And you're right, it's going to be terrifying, but we can handle it. We can face it all together because Kensi, it's me and you. It's always been me and you."

Kensi nodded, kissing him softly. "Me and you," she agreed.

A barely contained yawn broke their moment, and Deeks kissed her cheek as she brought a hand up to cover her mouth.

"You need to sleep."

Kensi nodded, allowing him to pull her up. Deeks lead her into the bathroom, grabbing a cloth to wipe off her smudged makeup.

As Deeks let down her hair, brushing through it, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

Leading her to bed, Deeks waited until she was comfortable before sliding in beside her, wrapping his arms around her.

"I meant what I said," Kensi mumbled.

"Me too," Deeks promised. "But we can talk about it after you get some sleep, baby."

A shudder ripped through her, her eyes tearing up again as she looked at him, feeling utterly broken, but hopeful at the same time.

"I don't know if I can," she admitted.

Deeks nuzzled his face into her hair, giving her a squeeze. With the security of his arms around her, the thudding of his heart providing a peaceful beat, Kensi felt the exhaustion begin to pull her down.

"You can sleep," she heard Deeks whisper before darkness pulled her under. "I've got you."

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