Esmeralda "Esme" Lille - District 1 - Victor of the 173rd Hunger Games

Blood. Screams. Death. That's all I can remember starting from the day I stepped foot into the arena. I assumed that I understood what I was getting into when I volunteered for the games, but I wasn't prepared. None of us were. My hands tremble and a rushing sound fills my ears. I'm scared… Something must have happened, right?

Gulping down my fear, I look around the once pristine meadow, taking in my surroundings. Red. Red. Red… Where did all this red come from? I glance back down at my hands, and nearly faint. My hands… why are they tainted with scarlet? I bitterly realize what had happened and fall to the ground in a state of utter disbelief. What have I done?

"It was you." Cassandro kneels down beside me, tears in his eyes, and places his hand on my shoulder. "You killed them all in their sleep. Esme… why?"

I scream, jolting myself out of my nightmare. Inhale. Exhale. It's all over now, I try to tell myself as I rock back and forth in my bed. It's all over… My breath shudders, and I sob. Tears fall all over myself, but I don't care. Nothing matters anymore, really… All I want is to forget what I've done…

Everybody who has gone to Career training knows it is bad etiquette to kill a tribute in their sleep. Though I supposedly knew this, I still somehow did what even my district thought of as unthinkable. I have no excuse — put simply, I thought it was the best way to survive. I guess that in a literal sense I was correct as I did end up being the only survivor. However, for me at least, the consequences were tremendous.

I can't sleep anymore, plus I can't go a second without my mind returning to the arena. Why did I ever volunteer for this? I was so naïve, so stupid. The other victors from the Career districts never seemed to be as affected as I am. Is there a reason that I'm the only one? It must be because of my betrayal, right? This is what I get for being a traitorous bastard! It's all my fault!

Begin Intermission

"All right students!" the teacher shouted, trying his hardest to get everyone's attention. "Does anybody remember the event that happened about a hundred years ago that nearly destroyed this country?"

"The rebellion!" the entire class yelled out.

Kaylie, an enthusiastic girl of about nine-years, raised her hand and spoke before she was called. "It happened after the 75th hunger games! Bad people in the districts tried to fight us!" she cried. The rest of the class chattered once more, and the teacher was forced to raise his voice again to get everybody's attention.

"Okay! There was a rebellion! And does anyone understand what happened after it?"

"We destroyed them!" a kid yelled out, holding his hands in the shape of a gun. "Pew pew!"

Despite the teacher's glare, many kids in the class laughed. Kaylie had had enough. "Don't lie Derek! We won, but they broke the city! Mommy says we had to pay a lot of money for that!" The kids continued to laugh, which made Kaylie more defensive. "You know who my Mommy is, right? She's the best! She always listens to what I tell her!"

A group of kids in the back of the class mocked Kaylie. "My mommy is the Head Gamemaker, so I can do whatever I want!" one of them said sarcastically, dramatically fanning himself. Kaylie was infuriated by this, and she stood up straight at her seat.

"Why are you always so mean? You're j-jealous! You wish your mommy was cool like mine! Mommy is so cool, she makes the traps and everything! If she didn't exist, everyone would be sad!" With that, the girl stomped out of the room, disregarding anyone who tried to stop her. She was leaving to go see her mother! She had one big story to tell her!

Hanging out with her classmates always allowed Kaylie give birth to new ideas — the kinds of destructive ideas that can easily apply to the arena. She grinned, quickening her steps. Thanks Derek! she thought. Thank you for giving me a new idea for Mommy to use!

~End Intermission~

"Esme! Esmeralda! Get back!" I hear a voice yell from across the kitchen table. I open my eyes to see a strong-looking face surrounded by brown curls looking concernedly in my direction.

"Oh, hi Alex," I drawl. "Sup?"

"Don't 'sup' me!" Alex demands. He punches the table and glares at me. I ignore him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing his actions affect me. He sighs, stands, and walks over to where I sit, placing his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I kn-"

My mind goes blank. I can't remember anything except that scene, the one after I… My breathing goes heavy again, and though I know Alex is probably worrying, I can only think of one thing. Cas… Cas… He put his hand…

I hadn't cared for the other Careers from the moment I met them because I didn't like their personalities. I liked them even less after the Bloodbath where the pair from District Two, Lizbet and Fernand, brutally murdered as many people as they could. Throughout the games, the relationship between us and the pair from Two deteriorated more and more, and we would have pointless arguments about everything. One day, Cassandro, my district partner, took me aside and asked me to join in on his plan. Do you want to help me kill the tributes from One? he asked, and I agreed. The plan would take place in the light of the next day.

I didn't want to risk waiting one more day, though, as the others were obviously thinking the same thing. So, that fateful night, I offered to take the first and last shifts. Then, right as the sun peeked from its daily slumber, I did it.

I can't remember what happened during it. I only remember the aftermath. Cas' words fill my mind, and I can't help but feel worse. Esme… why? Killing without honor, that's just- you can't- You're just as bad as them!

Those words injured me, and I ran, ran as fast I could. Cas yelled for me to come back, that he didn't mean it, but I ignored him. It was then that I made a decision: I wouldn't face him anymore, not after what I did. He didn't deserve to be allied with a traitor, and I didn't deserve to ally with somebody as good as him.

I still don't know how Cas died. I've refused to watch my games, and just the mention of him makes me sick to my stomach. So, when Alex asked me what was wrong, if it was something to do with Cas, I bolted. I ran away, just as I had before.

It's been ten months, and yet I still can't forget what happened. Not Lizbet, not Fernand, not the other tributes at the finale… especially not Cas. Will there ever be a day when I can forget? Will I ever be able to atone for my sins?

Welcome to my first SYOT! Though I have never written one before, I've read many completed SYOTs in the past and I'm really excited to begin on this. I will have a Google form to submit a tribute on my profile. Tributes will mostly be accepted first come first serve, unless I feel that a tribute really just doesn't make the cut. If that's the case, I'll contact you and try to work it out. Any specific information can be found in the form, but if you still have a question you can contact me. Thank you for reading!