Chapter Fourteen: Did Someone Say Orgy?

Eleazar takes the stage, assuming the character of Señor Matador, the Spanish Bullfighter. His costume is authentic and ornate.

The song, however, is cheesy af. He comes out dancing to Ricky Martin's 'Shake Your Bon Bon' and every time the lyrics say bon bon, he thrusts his hips. By the end of it, Leah is laughing hysterically but is also clearly very turned on. In fact, most of the women in the club are equal parts amused and horny so I'd say he did a good job.

Next, Alistair assumes the stage dressed as a pirate! Ang just about loses her mind! She starts screaming excitedly like a pre-teen at a boy band concert. (Hey, that's my second boy band reference in a few days so maybe I'm done dwelling on Disney Princesses! A girl can only hope.) Anyway, I've never seen her react this way about anything.

And yeah, maybe part of it is that I'm fairly certain this is Angela's first time being intoxicated, but I also think she is genuinely ecstatic about her pirate matey. And yes, I did just make that lame-ass joke.

Garrett comes out next, dressed as a rockstar, and Alice starts filming it for Jess. The song is 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' by Def Leppard. He gets really raunchy with it, drawing extra attention to all the innuendos in the song with his actions. Again, all the women are screaming. I'm starting to think that's just a thing that tends to happen at Ladies Night.

Towards the end of Garrett's song, Jake materializes behind me. "Hey Bells! Having fun yet?" He asks with a lazy grin.

"Hey! How'd you escape all this? Aren't they making you dance?" I ask him.

"Sure, sure, I'm up a bit later in the rotation. I just snuck out here because Edward's turn is next and I wanted a front-row seat for that particular show." He smirks.

"Oh! Well, by all means, take my seat," I offer standing up to let him sit. "No offense but I'm not nearly as keen on seeing Eddy Boy strip as you probably are, so I'm gonna take the opportunity to go touch up my make-up." I wink.

"Cool, thanks, Bells! And hey, I'm sorry my Imprint is also your ex. I'm sure that's gotta be super awkward for you." He winces, probably realizing as much for the first time.

"You mean that the guy I used to naively think was my soulmate being mated to my childhood best friend…whom I also had my most traumatic sexual experience with...might be awkward? Gee, I don't see it, Jake." I snicker as Edward takes the stage.

"Okay, fair point." Jake laughs as his attention shifts to the stage where Edward, dressed like a lawyer in a tailored suit with a briefcase saunters onstage to the tune of 'The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia' by Reba McEntire. Not sure how he plans on making a song about someone wrongfully executed for murder sexy, but at least I don't have to stick around to see it.

Surprisingly when I get back from the Ladies' room at the end of his song, there is just as much hooting and hollering as there has been for the other guys, so I guess Jacob isn't the only one who oddly finds Edward sexy. There really is no accounting for taste. Jake heads backstage again happy as a clam after Eddy Boy's performance so at least the two of them are happy together, which is cool.

The boys all seem to be going on stage in the same order as they'll be in the wedding party, and since the groomsmen are organized by how long Carlisle has known them, that means Emmett is up next.

He walks out dressed as Elvis and, of course, the song is 'Teddy Bear' and Maggie, along with every woman here, seem very enthused at the idea of putting a chain around his neck and leading him anywhere, as the song suggests. I know I would certainly love to do just that, but sadly it isn't in the cards anymore.

Oh well, we'll always have plenty of fond memories of the waterfall.

When I hear the next song start, I laugh, knowing it's going to be Jasper. He picked a super cliché one, but dang if the outfit doesn't make up for it and then some. Well worn, black snakeskin cowboy boots, faded black Wranglers, a big ol' shiny belt buckle, one of those black shirts with the snaps and the embellishments on the pockets, a bolo tie, and the whole look is topped off with a black Stetson and one of those black duster jackets.

Lemme tell you, boyfriend be lookin' like my favorite kind of outlaw. In fact, I'm pretty sure this version of Jasper crawled straight outta my wet dreams. Mmmn mmn mmn mmn mmmn!

I've always thought of 'Pony' by Ginuwine as being an over-the-top tacky song for a stripper to dance to because it is literally exactly what you would expect a stripper to dance to. But tonight I am learning there is exactly one person, or vampire, in the world who can pull it off and still be taken seriously.

Jasper motherfuckin' Whitlock.

After Jasper (the last of the groomsmen) and his disturbingly flawless dance moves succeed in drenching everyone's panties, poor Liam has to follow that. He comes out dressed like a Scottish warrior, but then the song is 'Donald, Where's Your Troosers?' It's mostly just hilarious with a tiny hint of sexy, but still, he pulls it off, and Rose seems amused so that's the main thing.

Next, my dad comes out dressed in a navy blue cop costume which is thankfully much different than his actual police uniform because I'm pretty sure he could get in trouble for stripping in his real uniform. The song is 'Bad Boys' from the TV show 'Cops' which is a hilarious choice and watching Charlie try to flub his way through stripper moves seems like it will be pretty entertaining, so I decide to stick around.

I realize pretty quickly, however, that my dad actually can dance, and it soon goes from funny to disturbing as all the ladies freak out over him and his 1970s pornstar mustache. I decide to stare down at my hands until the dance is over. It's not that I am embarrassed by him, the dance is actually really good. It's just awkward because if he were literally anybody else, I'd be right there with the rest of them, throwing dollar bills at the stage.

And of course, Renée makes it even worse by stating loudly "My goodness, I had forgotten how virile he is!" And then proceeds to whisper something to Alice about how impressive it is that such a small girl as she is can handle such a big package, which, I may have to burn my ears off now, so, thanks for that, Mom.

After that, Phil comes out dressed as a generic baseball player to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game. Not a very sexy song choice but the dance moves help a little and Alice records the whole thing for Esme anyway.

Billy comes out in a motorcycle getup and dances to 'Bad to the Bone'. I find his dance moves a little on the dorky side but Carmen seems to thoroughly enjoy it. Edward comes out to watch Jake dance next and Carmen offers him her seat. Since Jake is basically her step-son now, she decides to sit this one out.

Jake dances to who let the dogs out, dressed as a television werewolf, because he is a gloriously funny individual when he wants to be. Edward looks about ready to cum in his pants, so it seems to be working. Again, the screaming ladies all agree.

Seth comes out next, much to Leah's chagrin and she grumbles about how he's too young to be taking his clothes off for a bunch of middle-aged women. She refuses to look but doesn't leave, so when he gets to the point in the dance where his Spider-Man costume comes off, we let her know that he is wearing Spider-man boxer shorts underneath and is really no more indecent than he would be in his regular shorts. She seems relieved.

Quil is next, wearing a firefighter uniform. His song is 'Hot in Herre' by Nelly and it's so cliché that I'm really glad they didn't make him go last. Tanya loves it though, so, good for Quil.

Embry is up last but not least in a very well done Na'vi costume like in the movie Avatar. His song choice makes it even more perfect when he starts dancing to 'Blue' by Eiffel 65! And then all the rest of the guys come out also dressed as Na'vi and join him for a big ensemble encore! Strange, I had assumed if I ever saw Jacob in blue paint he would be dressed as Smurfette.

By the time all the applause finally dies down after the finale, the guys have already changed into jeans and black t-shirts, some of which have white letters advertising their position in the wedding party.

They join us and our whole group goes back to find seats in the area where we sat for trivia, though we take up five booths now instead of two since there are currently more guys in our group than girls.

I'm about to tell Jasper how awesome his performance was when he tells me that he missed a voicemail from his friend Peter and proceeds to check his message. I might possibly be a little guilty of eavesdropping.

"Howdy Major. I'm feelin' pretty fucked up right now. Char found her mate, so she just left for a giant Irish woman. And I know you got that weddin' thing yer doin', but maybe after that, I can come visit? I know I could just come up there right now but the last thing I wanna do with a broken heart is attend a fuckin' weddin' if you know what I mean. Anyway, lemme know if yer interested in some company, I could be there the day after the festivities if you want. Adios for now."

"Shit! What the hell?!" Jasper fumes, slamming his fist down on the table.

I should say something to cheer him up, but for some reason, all I say is "Can I listen to that again?" There is something about the message that I can't quite put my finger on.

When I replay it, everyone overhears and starts talking about how Charlotte and Siobhan must be mates and there seem to be some mixed opinions about whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. But I'm distracted because I'm still trying to figure out what it is about this message I can't quite place.

I play it fourteen more times on the car ride home and twice as many the following day. Whatever it is, it's on the tip of my tongue, but soon, I have to put it out of my head because it's time for the wedding!

All the ladies are getting ready together and we spend a million years helping Alice make sure Renée looks perfect. Weirdly, Phil as her last husband, will be giving her away, so he comes in when we're just about finished.

"You look beautiful, Nae Nae. If I wasn't a mated man, I'd be tempted to steal you back from this groom of yours," he praises.

"Thank you, Phillip. I miss you too, you know." She smiles a bit wistfully.

I roll my eyes. "I know this probably isn't the time to bring it up, but you two do realize your mates were married to each other for several decades, right? You could probably have yourselves one of those fourple things if you suggested it."

"Oh! I didn't even think of that." My mom stammers, flustered. She shoots a look as Esme who is putting the finishing touches on the last of the bouquets for the bridesmaids.

Esme brings Renée's bouquet to her and sets it gently in her hands, lingering there for a moment. "That seems like something we can talk about. Perhaps after your honeymoon." She smiles softly. "For now, let's not keep your groom waiting."

Alice is supposed to get everyone organized and ready to walk, but she slips into a vision, so I step in to help. Once everyone starts moving, I ask her if everything is okay.

"Everything is awesome, Bella. Everything is going to be very amazing indeed."

Thankfully, Billy, as a tribal elder, is licensed to perform weddings. Not that a wedding between two people who are technically dead such as Carlisle and Renée is actually truly legal anyway. But it's definitely nice to have someone officiating who has performed weddings before and yet is not human. Because I'm pretty sure a human officiant would just piss themselves in a room with this many supernatural creatures.

"You may now kiss the bride!" Billy announces (Because yet again, I spared you from the boring parts, Dear Reader, you are so very welcome!)

A whoop and holler go up from the assembled vamps and wolves as Carlisle tips Renée back in one of those smouldering, cinematic style kisses we all love so much.

The wedding party all link up in pairs and walk two-by-two back down the aisle. It's really fun having Jasper on my arm in his fancy tux. It makes me feel like a legit princess.

And yet, I can't help this nagging feeling that everything is about to change. Ah well, maybe I've just been spending too much time around the clairvoyant pixie lately.

We head out to Esme's rose garden to do pictures while those who are not in the wedding party finish setting up for the reception.

Once the official photos are done, everyone starts heading back inside just as Alistair comes out. "Bella, can I talk to you for a minute? I have a question about Angela."

"Sure, let's go for a walk." I nod.

We head into the woods until we are just out of earshot of the house.

"As I am sure you know, when I was human, things were much different. People did not date or 'hook-up' as they do now. They courted and then they married. And so, my natural impulse is to ask Angela to marry me. But she is a modern girl and I do not know how to broach the subject or even if I should. What would you suggest?" He asks.

I smile ear to ear. "We talked once, about marriage. I said I had seen it fail far too easily for me to trust the institution of it, and she told me about her parents who have been happily married since they were high school sweethearts. She told me she wants that. A fairytale wedding with a happily ever after.

"So, I'd say you two are perfectly matched in that regard. I think you should go for it. Make the proposal really special, but not really public. Angela is kind of shy and somewhat easily embarrassed, so maybe make it something memorable and significant for the two of you, but private. Does that help?" I ask as we hear a rustle in the forest.

"Yes, it does. Thank you, Bella. Who is there? One of Sam's wolves?" Alistair calls into the trees.

"Wolves? Surely I hope you don't mean werewolves? I'm fairly certain Master Caius exterminated those many moons ago." A voice answers back as the person walks out into the open. It's a young, attractive, blonde girl wearing the Volturi Guard cloak uniform which I recognize from Carlisle's painting.

Shiiit.

"He did. I was referring to the local shapeshifters. They take the form of a wolf but they are human," Alistair clarifies.

"Alistair," I chastise. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to talk to strangers lurking in the woods? She could be a predator." I smirk, looking the girl dead in the eyes.

"My apologies. Where are my manners. My name is Jane. And you are…?"

"That depends on what you're here for, Jane, and whether you are friend or foe." I grin.

"Friend. Decidedly." She states in a saccharin sweet voice that seems a little too fake for my liking.

"Then my name is Bella. So, Jane...what brings you over the seas to Washington?" I inquire, still leary.

"We were dealing with a group of newborns causing trouble in Seattle. I was asked to drop in on our old friend, Carlisle Cullen, while we were posted in the area. Little did I know he was getting married today. The Masters will be sore at not having been invited," she warns.

"It was a small affair. Mostly veggie vamps. We tried to keep the number of human-drinkers we invited to a minimum. The shapeshifters aren't overfond of pretty red eyes such as yours," I explain.

"And just how many vampires were invited? I am a little curious to know what size of party you have assembled here, given how many scents I detected in the area. And both of you have amber eyes, not golden. Which tells me you are either newborns or recent converts. And since we were sent to investigate newborns in the area...it seems like an uncanny coincidence, don't you think?" Jane grins like a Cheshire cat.

I shrug. "We were just in Seattle a few days ago for the bachelorette party. But we didn't encounter any newborns. Not sure what to tell you."

"Isn't one of Carlisle's coven mates a former soldier of the Southern Wars? Perhaps he has decided to create a newborn army in the north and bring it south? Or perhaps he is planning to implement similar turf wars in the north?" She challenges.

Oh no, you don't. Nice fucking try, Beeyatch.

"Alistair, will you please be a doll and inform Jasper that Jane is here and would like to ask him a few questions? And please, also discreetly let Alice know that we have an extra wedding guest. No sense disturbing the bride and groom for this." I request without taking my eyes off of Jane.

"Alright, but just for the record, if any trouble arises I want no part in it. Angela and I will be leaving right after the wedding either way," he states, putting his hands up and backing slowly away from the little bitchpire.

"Pussy." I roll my eyes once he is out of earshot.

"Actually, his reaction is pretty standard of most vampires when they meet me for the first time. Evidently, whoever sired you must have neglected to teach you to properly fear the Volturi." She smirks. "I assure you, we are to be feared. One telephone call and I could have the entire Guard here, lickety-split. And if, for any reason, I do not return from my mission here...we have a tracker who will come with the full might and muster of our forces, to retrieve me."

"I could just be a little dense but it certainly sounds like you are threatening me," I smirk, taking my earrings off, in case this comes to a smackdown.

"Actually, I am merely advising you to tread lightly here. As a courtesy. If I had been threatening you, I would have done this," she says and glares at me looking like a grumpy toddler with her face all scrunched up and her brow furrowed.

"Noooooooooo!" I hear, as Jasper thunders in. And in a flash, Jane is on the ground whimpering like a dying kitten.

"What the heck are you doing to her?" I wonder.

"She was tryin' to use her power on you! I felt it through my gift so I turned it back on her. You didn't feel that at all? Damn. Looks like Eleazar was right about your shield." Jasper grins proudly.

"Okay, well, I think she's had enough. Be a gentleman and help her up." I frown.

"I was gettin' to it." Jasper laughs. He reaches out to help her to a standing position but when they make contact, everything changes.

"Oh shit. What the fuck have I done?!" He cries and before I can even blink, they are both naked and he has her in his lap scenting her.

"Wait, is Jane…? Holy fuck, Jasper, did you attack your own mate for me?!" I gasp, dropping to the ground beside them.

"I didn't know! I just saw her trying to hurt you and I've had that fuckin' power used on me once before and I know that shit hurts!" he explains.

"Wait...you two have met before?" I question.

"Sort of," they both say in unison. Jane smiles up at him, seeming to have calmed down from being bathed in his scent and enveloped in his arms.

"The Volturi came south once to deal with Maria's shit when she was gettin' outta hand. I was in the middle of destroying an unruly newborn when I got hit with a blast of psychic pain but I had my back to the source. I crumpled up in a ball and stayed there until they left. It was only as they were leaving that I saw the back of her walking away. My chest hurt but I assumed it was a lingering effect of the attack. It never really went away though. Until now."

"Huh. Did you know?" I ask Jane.

"No, I had heard that Major Whitlock was an Empath, so I just assumed the pain was a residual effect of his power. It never occurred to me it could be anything else," Jane insists.

"So it was just a coincidence you were asking questions about him?" I confirm, still a tiny bit worried.

"No, that was just me doing my job. He gained quite a reputation for himself down south and when the brothers initially heard that he had come north and taken up with Carlisle's coven, they were...concerned. And now, these newborns in Seattle? It would have been remiss of me if I didn't ask." She shrugs apologetically.

"There are newborns in Seattle? We were just there. We didn't find anything to indicate other vampires in the area. Then again, we travelled by vehicle and only went into one nightclub, so I guess we wouldn't have had an opportunity to really scent anything," Jasper ponders.

"So...it wasn't you?" She asks, seeming surprised.

"No. I've had my fill of newborn armies. We do have a ridiculous amount of newborns here currently, but that is due to an influx of people finding their mates as humans. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Garrett, Alistair, and Carmen have all had to change their human mates within the last several months. The rest of the Cullens and Denalis all found their mates recently as well, but the others were either vampires already, or else they are shapeshifters.

"I'm not sure why everyone keeps finding their mates at once. I'd almost say it seems like a vampire gift, but Eleazar hasn't discovered anything like that so I don't know," Jasper ponders.

"Well...if Bella had that ability...because she is a shield, she might be immune to Eleazar's power," Jane shrugs.

"It wouldn't be the first time a vampire had more than one ability. Of course, Aro usually orders such vampires to be destroyed, so that does present a problem. I'm assuming, based on your former reaction to me using my power on her that she is someone you care very deeply for?" Jane confirms.

"Yeah, I, uh...we've been companions for a while now," he winces, waiting for the inevitable freak-out or reaction of jealousy.

"I understand. I have one of those too. I'd say who, but people usually tend to get...judgy about it." She shrugs.

Jasper raises an eyebrow. "Interesting. I'd heard a rumor to that effect, but I don't usually put much stock in the rumor mill."

"Does it bother you?" She frowns, looking surprisingly vulnerable.

"Not really. I've done a lot of worse things than that in my life," he admits.

"I'm confused…" I puzzle, fairly certain I missed some huge revelation here.

"It's Alec," she whispers.

Alec? Where do I know that name?

Oh, snap! That's her twin, isn't it? That's funny. I remember when Jacob's twin sisters french kissed each other once when they were kids and they got in sooooo much trouble for it.

"Okay but vampires don't breed so I'm not sure why the sibling factor is a big deal. Our species is furthered through our venom, not by combining genetic material," I reason.

"True. But all vampires are former humans so we tend to carry a lot of the same taboos," Jane qualifies.

"Well, I say, you do you, Boo." I shrug. "Provided Jasper doesn't care, I mean."

"I don't. I'm not gonna be the jealous asshole who breaks up a twelve-hundred-year-old, fully consensual, relationship 'cause he can't deal," he gently assures her.

Jane exhales and the tension visibly melts off of her. Her shoulders relax and she looks less like a death machine and more like a teenage girl.

"You're really pretty when you're not all stressed out," I compliment.

"You're really pretty too." Jane winks.

"Jasper, you should probably kiss your mate before I try to," I joke.

"With pleasure, although I would have liked to see that," He grins, capturing her mouth in a slow, extremely passionate kiss that lasts for a very long time. I probably shouldn't watch but I find it very captivating.

"Dang, that's sexy," I watch in awe.

"Well shit, if I'd known there was gonna be an orgy, I would have gotten here sooner," A cocky voice proclaims from the woods just as the sun comes up over the horizon. Apparently, we missed the entire reception.

I spin to face the source of the voice. A voice so familiar, it speaks to a deeper part of me. The face is also exceedingly familiar, even though I have never seen it before, the eyes spark something. I step closer.

No fucking way!

"Well, it sure as hell took you long enough." I chuckle.

"I know. If I'd known you were here, I would have come a lot sooner. As much as I love this fucker, I don't like lettin' him have all the fun." He smirks.

"You've gotta be shittin' me. All this time, it's been you she was waiting for?" Jasper bursts out laughing. "Well, that makes a lotta fuckin' sense actually."

"Isn't that…?" Jane asks Jasper.

"Yep. My beloved second-in-command and brother. Peter motherfuckin' Whitlock," Jasper proudly proclaims.

I take this familiar stranger by the hands and unlike all the other hands I've held since becoming a vampire, these ones do hold the telltale spark. And my chest feels a whole lot lighter.

"So, I'm pretty sure here...but there's this thing I usually do when I'm trying to figure out if someone might be my mate and I kinda wanna try it if you'll humor me?" I grin hugely, wagging my eyebrows at him.

"You only kinda wanna try it?" He growls playfully scooping me up in his arms. "I was expecting a little more enthusiasm than that," he teases.

"Shut up and kiss me, Smartass."

"Yes, Ma'am." He nods, taking off his cowboy hat and resting it on my head.

As he puts it on me, I notice the inside of the hat says 'Property of Peter M. F. Whitlock, which is perfect because I certainly am.

AN: Ta da!

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