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Challenges at the bottom.

Word Count - 2421

Water Under The Bridge

He felt like death.

Hungover wasn't even the word. He was nauseous, his head felt like someone was playing bongo drugs inside it, and every movement sent shockwaves of pain through his limbs. Tony managed to grab a water bottle before he collapsed face down on the sofa.

His face smashed against a sturdy thigh, and he turned himself onto his side so he could instead mush his face into a warm stomach.

Rhodey chuckled lowly and ran a hand through Tony's hair.

"You're a mess, Tones."

"Uh huh."

"You can't keep doing this to yourself. You're going to do permanent damage if you keep it up."

Tony grumbled intelligibly. Rhodey wasn't saying anything Tony didn't know, but that wouldn't stop him reaching for the bottle in a few hours to numb the emotional pain he didn't want to deal with.

Tony fell back to sleep with Rhodey's presence making him feel safe and comfortable. He'd be fine when he woke up.

Or as fine as he ever was these days.

…

Tony had focused on the braces first. Rhodey… he had to do what he could to fix this mess that he'd caused because Rhodey was too important.

When the braces were done, Tony turned his attention to the accords.

And when the accords were done, Tony turned his attention to the pardons.

He pushed on and on and on until there was nothing else for him to focus on. Nothing left for him to fix.

And then he fell apart.

…

When Tony woke up, it was to his head feeling a little clearer and his stomach a little less unstable. He still didn't feel great, but it was a marked improvement.

"I'm an idiot," he said, as he sat up.

Rhodey looked up from the tablet he'd been reading on and snorted.

"You might be an idiot, but you're my idiot. That means something. I don't want to keep watching you do this to yourself, Tones."

"I'm fine, Honeybear."

Rhodey raised an eyebrow. "You might be flippant with your own health, Tony, but I'm not. Please, Tony. If not for yourself then for me and Pepper. I don't want to watch you self destruct."

The pleading in Rhodey's tone tore at Tony's heart. "Honeybear…"

"I know that what happened sucked. It sucked, and I'm sorry that they hurt you, and you know that you've only gotta say the world and I'll go shoot the lot of them, but… you can choose to be happy, Tony. You're responsible for your own happiness, make it happen."

Tony snorted. "I'm responsible for my own happiness? Honeybear, I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast!"

Rhodey stared at him for a long moment before he snorted a laugh of his own. "You're an asshole. But like I said, you're mine, so you better start taking better care of yourself."

…

Tony had been forced to welcome the Rogues back to the compound. He wondered if they'd been expecting everything to just go back to normal, but found himself uncaring.

He didn't care about much these days.

He'd already sunk a bottle of whiskey, and he knew there was more waiting for him as soon as he could escape this one last responsibility.

He was glad for his heavily tinted sunglasses when the others finally arrived, because he had no idea what emotions were in them but he was absolutely sure that he didn't want anyone else to know about them.

He was supposed to be the unfeeling bad guy after all. That was what they expected him to be.

Steve stood in the front, smiling awkwardly for the media who were at the gates.

"Tony, it's good to see you."

"Sure, sure," Tony muttered, shaking Steve's hand as quickly as he could without being rude before he dropped it and put his own hands in his pockets.

"Welcome back," he said flatly to the assembled group. "America needs you, blah, blah, blah, fill in the blanks with whatever happy words you want, I don't care. The Compound is yours to do with as you choose, as per the new accords the government will be in charge of sorting out living stipends and… whatever else you want, and I am out."

He turned away, aiming for the car that Happy was waiting in, the engine already running.

"Tony!" Steve called.

Fuck him for doing it loud enough for the media to hear. Tony didn't have a choice but to turn around.

"What do you mean, you're out?" Steve asked, stepping towards him. The others were watching with various looks of worry, anger and concern on their faces.

"Iron man is moving firmly back into consultant only status and will only be available for missions that require all hands on deck. It won't be for you lot to call me in, Fury will do it if it's absolutely necessary. I'm not an avenger, Steve. I don't think I ever was. Have a nice life."

Tony climbed into the backseat of the car and firmly closed the door.

"Are you okay, Boss?"

"Just drive, Hap."

…

Tony sat in the workshop alone. He'd had a pretty good day. Rhodey stuck around for most of it, and it was almost like old times, when there was nothing more complicated to think about than how to out-banter his Platypus.

Now though, the sun was setting around New York, and Tony was alone. His fingers twitched when he thought about the full bottle of whisky in the bar in the penthouse.

He forced his thoughts away and worked for a couple of hours on the new Stark-Phone updates until he couldn't focus on it anymore.

Then he closed everything up and took the elevator up to the penthouse. He wandered around the empty rooms for a while, trying not to just go straight for the bottle. He took a shower and changed into clean sweats, and headed for the bookshelf.

There was a lot to be said about reading on a tablet, but sometimes, Tony preferred the weight, feel and smell of an actual book.

Except…

Except he'd forgotten the old photo album on the shelf and as it fell open, he found himself staring at a phone of himself with Steve, wide grins on both of their faces as Steve held Tony bridal style.

It was only minutes later when Tony was sitting on the floor, with his back to the bar, the whisky bottle in one hand and the photo album on his lap, tears streaming down his face.

Maybe it wasn't such a good day after all.

…

Tony was called out to a battle and he went. It was… a disaster in it's perfection.

He hadn't wanted to still be able to work with the people he'd once called his team because that meant that the problem was with personalities and Tony didn't need any more confirmation that his personality was a problem.

Afterwards, battered and bruised and trembling slightly from withdrawal, Tony was forced into the debrief by Fury. He stood off to the side, not engaging unless asked a direct question, and ignored the looks the team were sending his way.

When Fury finally dismissed them, Tony shot out of the room before anyone else had a chance to even stand up.

He almost made it out. Almost.

"Tony! Tony, wait!"

Tony forced himself to stop, to turn around, to look into Steve's baby blue eyes and not show any of what he was feeling.

"Are you okay? You took a beating out there."

"I'm fine. Is that all?"

"No. No of course it's not, Tony, we need to talk. We can't… We can't go on like this. I miss you!"

"And that's me gone," Tony muttered, turning away. He didn't want to deal with this, couldn't deal with this.

"Tony, please!"

Tony felt the last of the catches of the suit fasten, and he took off, leaving Steve watching him until he disappeared.

…

"Tones."

"Platypus."

"You're sober?"

Tony raised his eyebrow at Rhodey. "I'm only borderline alcoholic, Honeybear. Borderline. I can still function without it."

"I'm not saying you can't. I'm just… glad."

Tony smiled and nodded his head. "I know. How are you doing?"

Rhodey shrugged. "I'm good. Bored. Nothing happening around here at the moment."

"Oh?"

Rhodey had moved into the compound, Fury having drafted him as Iron Patriot, hoping to minimise the damage of not having Iron Man there all the time. Rhodey had resisted the move until Tony had assured him it was fine.

It was fine.

And Rhodey still spent two or three days at the tower a week, so it wasn't like Tony never saw his best friend.

Tony glanced up at the projected hologram call of his best friend, to see Rhodey staring down at something in his hand.

"Sorry, Tones, we've been called up. You, uh, might want to be on call for this one. Doesn't look good."

Tony nodded, swallowing hard. "Be careful out there, Honeybear."

Rhodey smiled. "I will."

…

Tony was called in.

It was a clusterfuck from start to finish.

And then Tony was impaled on a steel pole when he flew in front of Steve to take the hit.

…

The faceplate was pulled away roughly and Tony found himself looking up at a horrified Steve.

"Tony, Tony stay with me," Steve murmured. "I need medics, now!"

Tony heard Natasha confirm they were incoming through the comms, but he didn't… he knew this was it.

Oddly, he wasn't in pain.

He thought that was probably why he knew this was it.

"Tony, please, open your eyes. Don't leave me. Stay with me," Steve begged, and Tony opened his eyes.

He hadn't even realised he'd shut them.

"M' cold, Steve," he murmured. "I don't like being cold."

Steve nodded. "I know, Tony. Just stay with me, and I promise, I'll make sure you get warm soon okay."

"I like being warm," Tony replied. He felt lightheaded and disoriented.

"Just stay with me and I'll warm you up," Steve murmured, panic colouring his tone. "Please, Tony. Stay with me."

Tony laughed, coughing up blood as he did. He could feel it running down the side of his face.

"Come on, Cap. Why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next. I'm going to be fine."

"You are going to be fine, Tony. You are. You're going to be fine, you've got nothing to fear."

Tony stared up into the crystal clear eyes for a long moment. "I love you."

Steve calling his name was the last thing he heard.

…

"I loved him," Tony whispered, against Rhodey's chest.

Rhodey had found him on the floor of his lab, bottles strewn around him.

"I know you did, Tones."

"I still love him. I don't know how to not love him, and it's killing me."

"Talk to him?"

Tony laughed a broken, humourless laugh. "He's back with his long lost love. I've lost all chance, and I never even really had a chance to begin with."

Rhodey rocked him to sleep and stayed with him the whole night.

…

"His fingers twitched! The did, I swear! Tony? Tony?"

Tony groaned. "You ruined my life and now you're ruining my death too, hush."

He was dead. He'd always hoped dead meant gone, nothing, the end. Apparently not, since he could still hear Steve's voice in his head.

"Tony?"

Tony forced himself to follow the voice. He thought maybe if he followed it, he could tell it to be quiet and get back to being dead in peace.

"Tony, open your eyes, come on. Open your eyes and look at me."

The voice was getting louder, and Tony tried to follow the instructions but it was too bright and it hurt and being dead wasn't supposed to hurt, dammit. Being dead was supposed to be an end to the pain.

"Try again, the lights have gone now."

Tony did, and it was darker now, not so painful.

"Steve?"

"I'm here, Tony, right here."

"You… why are you dead?"

"I… what? I'm not dead, Tony. You're not dead either."

That wasn't right. Tony had been impaled by a steel pole. Of course he was dead. He had to be dead.

He'd fucking earnt his death.

"Tony, please. You're not dead, you're right here."

Oh. He'd said all that outloud. Oops.

"I'm… not dead?"

"No," Steve replied, sounding relieved. "Idiot. You gave us all a scare, you know?"

"Sure. I. How am I not dead?"

"Oh. Erm. I'm not sure, but Helen said something about extremis and I kinda lost track of the science and medical jargon."

Tony blinked. Extremis. Oh dear. That probably… wasn't a good thing. Or maybe it was, he wasn't sure.

"Tony?"

"Hmm?"

"What you said… before you passed out… I love you too."

"What? No you don't."

"Yeah, Tony. I really, really do."

…

"I thought I'd never get you alone," Rhodey muttered, when Steve finally left the hospital room. It had been a few days since Tony had woken up, and Steve had stayed as a constant stream of visitors, doctors and nurses had come and gone.

"You're Iron Patriot, you should have kicked his ass out," Tony replied with a grin.

"How you doing?"

Tony shrugged. "Fine."

"How you really doing?"

Snorting, Tony replied. "I have no idea. He says he loves me, Platypus. He said he always did. Him and Barnes are just friends."

Rhodey nodded. "How do you feel about that?"

"What are you, a fucking therapist?"

Rhodey raised his eyebrow and Tony sighed.

"I don't know, Rhodey. I just… I don't know. Maybe it's too much water under the bridge, eh?"

"Maybe," Rhodey agreed. "Or maybe this is a chance for you to be happy, Tones."

"Don't know if I, erm, well. Do I deserve that?"

Rhodey softened. "You deserve the world, you daft shit."

…

"Where are we going?" Tony asked, frowning when Happy took a different route than the one to the tower. Steve sat beside him, idly stroking Tony's hand with the tips of his fingers.

He'd been very tactile in the time Tony had been in the hospital, and apparently that wasn't changing now that he'd been released.

"Compound," Steve murmured. "I… well. I'm there. Rhodes' there. The team's there. I thought maybe… maybe you could be there too."

Tony swallowed. Did he want to be there? He looked at Steve's hopeful face and…

"Okay."

Written for;

Assorted Appreciation - 12. Write about someone telling someone else how they feel.

Disney - T3. Hurt/Comfort

Book Club - Satoru - Hurt/Comfort / Photo Album / "Don't leave me. Stay with me."

Showtime - 12. Fear

Liza Loves - 4. Someone who likes to be warm

Arcade - C3. HurtComfort

Lo's Lowdown - D4. "I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast!"

Basement - 19. Why don't we just play pretend, like we're not scared of what's coming next?

Film Festival - 14. "You ruined my life and now you're ruining my death too."

Days of the year - 12. Someone suffering a hangover

Winter - Crystal

Colour - Baby Blue

Birthstone - Amethyst - "You might be an idiot, but you're my idiot. That means something."

Element - Water Bottle

365 - 50. Promise

1000 - 24. Flippant