Chapter 11: That's Amore

Smiley Bone

There was straw under my head.

I blinked open my eyes to rays of sunlight.

Bartleby curled up beside me.

Our second exile from Boneville, the crash of the Queen, the ancestral ceremony, it all flooded back.

And with it came Fone Bone's advice. Phoney was already being tortured by Aura the baby house spirit, so I ought to annoy the council instead. Well, Teacher and Headmaster would be satisfying to irritate, and they did deserve a few of my pokes.

I sat up and grabbed my banjo.

Its sight and feeling lit an idea in me. Oh yeah, the council had to be annoyed by music. Their tight faces were just like Mrs. Worm-Bone's.

"Do re mi fa so la ti do," I tuned the banjo.

Bartleby's ears perked up, and his eyes snapped open. "Morning, Smiley," he stretched to standing. "Playing music?"

"I'll be serenading my cousins, Gran'ma Ben, Thorn, and the council today," I rose to my feet. "Celebrating the queen's discovery of love!" And letting the council know she'd put a party before stuffy spirit business.

"Thorn's in love?" He wagged his stubby tail.

"Looks like she might be," I remembered her waltz with Fiore. "She spent last night dancing with a guy instead of talking about spirits with the council. And I'm gonna make sure the council knows it!" I jumped to my feet.

"I don't think the council will like that," he hunched down.

"That's the point," I headed to the barn door. "I'm torturing them today."

"Don't you usually bug Phoney?" He cocked his head.

"Phoney's got his hands full with his new house spirit, so I had to find a new victim," I pushed open the door. "See you later, Bartleby."

"See you at lunch," he waved his paw.

This was gonna be great. I strolled down to the side entrance of the palace, strumming my banjo. What sort of love song would I rub in the council's ears? "Oh, what a night," I raised my voice to a falsetto. No, that wouldn't work with a banjo. What love song would work? Something Italian to really let the council know who Thorn had focused on. Then, it struck me. Oh, they'd hate it. They'd really hate it. I caught Mermie heading down a hall, and I quickened my feet. "Hey, Mermie!" I slid beside her.

"Good morning, Smiley Bone," she gave her usual serene expression.

"I heard you and the council are having a meeting," I raised my shoulders. "When's that going to happen?"

"I'm headed there right now," she climbed down a flight of stone stairs. "We'll be in the library, looking over all the spirit records."

The library? This would be annoying Mrs. Worm-Bone all over again! I'd never forget it her snapping my banjo and kicking me out. All the woodworking I had to do, and that bruise on the rear took a week to fade.

"Mind if I join you?" I tipped my hat.

"It would be wonderful to have all the Bones with us," she nodded.

Phoney and Fone Bone would be there, too? I'd be in Paradise. And they'd be in Tartarus.

Shadows darkened the sunlight as the stairs curled down, and we stepped into a long, narrow corridor.

Archways flanked the hall, and ancient-looking figures danced upon the wall trim.

Mermie passed through one of the archways.

A vast room, nearly a hall itself, spread before me when I followed her.

Six foot high stone shelves erupted from every wall and corner. Yellowed books and crumbling scrolls stuffed their niches.

Fone Bone, Phoney, and Thorn strode about certain shelves with Gran'ma Ben and the council.

Phoney had his arms full of Aura again.

"You're late," Headmaster turned his fur-trimmed neck to Mermie.

"I overslept," she lowered her head. "I apologize, Headmaster."

"Just like Lansed," he grumbled back to the heavy book in his hand.

Teacher shifted his weight beside him.

Moby Dick worked that well at night? I had to remember that. But now, I had to get the feel of the scene before I started my fun. "Morning, cuz!" I trotted over to Phoney.

"Hey," he grunted and pulled out a book between two large ones. "Aren't you supposed to be serenading the council?"

"That's what I'll be doing," I nodded. "I just wanna see what's going on first. What's everyone up to?"

"Reviewing every moldy text of demonology," he took his formerly squished book to one of the long stone tables between shelves. "Now that we know a new creepy thing's headed after Fone Bone, we have to find out what it is."

"You're joining them?" I raised my eyebrows. "I never thought you cared about supernatural stuff."

"I don't," he dropped the book on the table with a thud that sent up a small dust cloud. "I'm researching house spirits. What they eat, how big they get, whether they use the toilet or the litter box…" he clenched his teeth.

Did Aura have an accident?

"Well, have fun," I strolled away as Aura reached for the moldy ribbon bookmark. "I have to get to my own business." The song returned to my head, and a wide grin spread across my face. "Well, howdy, everyone!" I called through the library.

All heads turned.

"Oh no," Phoney muttered.

"Mrow?" Aura's ears perked up.

"Smiley's gonna cause some trouble," he crouched them behind the book.

"Hello, Smiley Bone," Gran'ma put on the polite air. "I didn't know you'd be joining us."

"I just wanted to add a little cheer," I scanned the council's austere faces. "I know some of you had an early night," I paused at Teacher and Mermie.

Teacher gripped his glare tighter. Did he have a bruise under his hood?

"So," I continued, "You should all know about the good news that happened in the ballroom," my eyes jumped to Thorn.

Now she had the "uh oh" look.

"Because what happened was so great," I raised my fingers above my banjo string, "I'm gonna play a song about it." I shot a Latin note through my banjo. "In Napoli, where love is key, here's what they say…yah!" I spun around and faced the council.

All eyes were wide and puzzled on me as I played an interlude.

Thorn fired Phoney a sharp look.

He responded with the "what'd I do" face.

Aura's ears perked up and wiggled, her wide eyes on my every move.

"When the Moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore," I leaned against a shelf. "When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore." I danced up to Fone Bone. "Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling," I twirled beside him, "And you'll sing 'Vita bella.'"

He shoved me aside with a glare.

"Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay," I skipped up to Teacher, "Like a gay tarantella," I crept fingers down his back. "When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool," I gave the whole council the naughty look, "That's amore. When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet," I slid back to Thorn, "You're in love," I batted my eyes. "When you walk in a dream, but you know you're not dreaming, Signore," I turned to Headmaster, "Scusi mi, but you see, back in old Napoli that's amore!"

Fone Bone pulled me back. "What are you doing?"

"What?" I raised my shoulders. "You told me to bug them."

"Not by bugging me, too," he thrust a thumb at his chest.

"Oh, come on," I loped away. "Do you really think I'd resist bugging one of my cousins? When the Moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore," I lifted my voice. "When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine that's amore. That's amore! Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling, and you'll sing 'Vita bella,'" I held my arm out to Thorn. "Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay like a gay tarantella. Lucky fella," I gave Fone Bone a sarcastic look. "When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool that's amore. When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet you're in love, ahh," I sighed. "When you walk in a dream, but you know you're not dreaming, Signore," I spun around and threw back my head. "Scusi mi, but you see, back in old Napoli that's amore. Amore, that's amore…Hi-yah!" I trilled.

"Mew! Mew!" Aura clapped her paws. But she was the only one who liked the music.

Headmaster's eyes were dry dishes, then he yanked himself together. "Get out before I gag you and bind you to your instrument."

That was all he could say? This was nothing! "Come on," I scratched my head, "Don't you feel great remembering what happened last night? While you were all worried about that evil spirit, Thorn made progress to continue the dynasty!"

"Smiley," Thorn curled in her fingers. "I was just trying to—help the guests have fun after what happened in the temple!" Color rose to her face.

"What was that?" I donned the innocent questioning look.

"We need to focus on what's important," she turned away. "Finding out who'll be after Fone Bone."

Or learning about house spirits. I glanced back at Phoney.

"Hey, there you are, Aura," Phoney pointed to a page in his book. "You're gonna be big."