Chapter 13

Stacie

"The person who tried to blow me up is my mother,"I say and everybody gasps. Mason's hand tightens around mine and I squeeze, letting him know I'm not going anywhere. Not this time. I'm so tired of running from my problems when I was taught to do the exact opposite of that. Yes, my father was a douche but he got that philosophy right. All his other ones are don't forget to count your exits and observe everybody in the area. Don't show pain, it's a weakness. Stuff like that. Most he drilled into me and they stayed but not the one that really mattered. Face your problems instead of running away. I took the running away part and literally ran with it.

"Why would your mother do that?"Chloe asks, her arm resting on Beca's shoulders. I smile, glad that Beca has her. Especially when I can't be there for her.

"My mom is not a very nice lady. She doesn't consider me her daughter. Just the thing that ruined her life." I look down at my lap, tears still spilling down my cheeks.

"Stacie,"Chloe starts. "Is it possible that your mother also killed your foster parents?" I nod.

"Wait, I'm confused,"Izzy speaks up, shaking her head. "Why would your mother do that and why do you have foster parents exactly?" I sigh, realizing that I'm going to have to explain everything. Or at least most of it.

"My dad and mom have never really taken care of me. My dad….he had his own way of dealing with me. Neglecting was my mother's way. Growing up, I slowly grew to hate them and ran away multiple times. They found me everytime and each time the punishment was horrible." I wince at the memories and by the look in everybody's eyes, they notice. "Eventually, they got tired of it and made a deal with me. I could go live with some strangers as long as I came home on the weekends and summers. So I took it but not long after arriving at the Conrad's, I took off."

For a couple of weeks, I got away with it. I was enrolled in the school where I met Beca, but I was actually living on the streets. One of my parents people found me and brought me home. My mother told me that I could go to the school there, but I had to find a way there and back. So I walked there every Monday morning and during the week, stayed on the streets or in shelters. Every Friday, I went back to them."

"I don't get it,"Jessica interrupts. "If they gave you a house to live in during the week, why did you run away?"

"Because I was a scared, rebellious fourteen year old. I did everything I could to defy what my parents told me to do, no matter the consequences."

"So if you're name was changed to Stacie Conrad, what's your actual name?" Beca asks and my eyes widen in horror as I stare at Chloe, knowing she'll recognize my real last name.

"Before I tell you that, I have to tell you what my parents did. My dad was the leader of a drug cartel. I never had any part in it. He tried making me do stuff for him, but I refused so he stuck with...training me." Chloe urges me to continue. "My name is Stacie White. My parents are Eli and Amelia White."

"Oh my god,"Chloe yells. "Even though they've been down for several years, we've been trying to track down the leaders. Could you give me a location of where your parents are?" Mason squeezes my hand, bring my attention on him.

"Didn't you say your dad was murdered?" Swallowing hard, I nod. Chloe asks me when and how.

"I was 18. Beca had just recently left. I was still going back and forth to my parents house and that summer, I had planned on never coming back." Tears fill my eyes as I picture him in my mind. "I had met him just a year before but I knew that I loved him. Enough to completely seperate myself from my parents."

"Was this Ben?" Izzy whispers and I nod.

"I never told him about my family and how crazy they were. How cruel they could be and maybe that was my mistake. He insisted on meeting them, to get their blessing to marry me. So I took him to meet them-after lots of begging on his part- and when I introduced him to my dad, I instantly regretted it. He pretended to like him and even showed us to a room. That night, we made the mistake of talking about…" I pause, my voice fading away, sorrow too deep. Shaking my head, I continue.

"Anyway, we were talking and my dad overheard. He got angry and wouldn't accept the fact that I was finally happy. So he grabbed a gun and shot Ben." I stop and look over at Chloe, who has tears in her eyes. "Can you promise that I won't go to jail for this?"

"Was it in self defense?" I nod. "I can't promise anything, but I will try my best." Satisfied with that, I finish.

"No!" I scream, dropping to my knees and crawling over to Ben. His usual tan face is pale and his golden hazel eyes are now dull. He convulses, blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. My heart feels like it's getting ripped to pieces, slowly.

"I...love..you,"Ben struggles to get out, his chest heaving with effort. His once brown, checkered shirt, is now stained with blood, bring up too many memories of my lying where he is now. Only, he's dying and I'm stuck here, with my father.

"Why?"I pull Ben into my chest, rocking back and forth, agony rippling through me. "Why would you do this? What did I ever do to you?" My father just stands there, panting and sweating. Anger is still evident in his eyes but for once, I'm not afraid for me but for-

"You want to know why?"His dark voice cuts through my thoughts like a sharp knife. "You are the reason why I do this. You've always been pathetic and being with him will make it even worse. I hate you but I'm saving you from the pain of being let down. Eventually, he would've woke up one day and realized what a worthless bitch you really are."

"Shut up!"I scream, tired of putting up with this. "I'm done. I had hoped that maybe you would find a way to push past your hatred for me to give B-ben your blessing. It meant so much to him." Sobbing, I stare down at the love of my life, now just an empty shell of nothing. It should be me dead, not him. I feel like it is me. All emotion is just gone and in place of them is a cold, numb feeling spreading slowly across my body.

"You will never be done with me," my dad roars and runs, slamming me into the wall. Pain slices all throughout my body, but I ignore it and focus on fighting back. All the anger built up is finally let loose but even that isn't enough to beat him. Whereas I have a conscience, he doesn't. He starts beating me, kicking me everywhere, making me cry out in pain and frustration.

Somehow through the pain, I manage to grab ahold of a glass cabinet full of my dad's collector knives. I would've preferred the gun one but that's all the way across the room. It crashes to the floor and my dad gasps, stepping back and giving me enough time to grab one and hide it. Slowly but painfully, I stand up keeping the knife to my side.

"I am warning you,"I start, my voice hoarse. "Don't come any closer." My dad takes that as a challenge instead of a threat and comes at me again. This time, he doesn't even get one hit in. The knife slides into his stomach a lot easier than I would've thought. Blood pours over my already bloody hand, coating it. My dad grabs my hand and it hits me. This is the first time that he's ever held my hand. A laugh bubbles up in my throat but I push it down and leave my dead father to go sit by Ben. Setting his head on my lap, I wait there ignoring the burning pain that shouldn't be there.

"My mother found me like that and actually thought I killed Ben until she saw Eli. That's when all hell broke loose. She got several of her guards to force me out of the house and that was that. I don't know what she did with my father's body and I haven't been back since." Everybody remains silent, taking in everything I just told them.

"What about Ben?" Beca asks softly. I give her a weak smile.

"He was found a day later in an alley. They ruled it a mugging and had a funeral for him. His parents took me in for a while after realizing that I was hurt. I just told everybody I was in the alley too but couldn't remember anything. When they saw my injuries, they believed me." I say all of this with no emotion, my voice flat and even.

"So why is your mom back now?" Ethan asks, making me remember how many other people are also in the room.

"I'm going to guess it has something to do with Charles and Eleanor. They must've contacted her or something. They didn't like my mother but she had them wrapped around her finger." Chloe opens her mouth to say something else, but Beca stops her.

"I think that's enough for now." Everybody agrees, seeing the exhaustion on my face. This is the most I've thought and talked about my past in several years. They all slowly leave the room, saying words of encouragement, but I don't hear any of it. Too busy thinking about everybody who was killed that day, in my father's house. A part of me died that day along with Ben and my dad. There's a hole in my heart where there shouldn't be.

"Get some sleep,"Mason's voice drifts down, gently easing me out of my thoughts. "I'll be back later." Without thinking, I grab his hand.

"Could you please stay?" Smiling, he nods and kisses me on my forehead before sitting down, never letting go of my hand. A part of me died but I finally have hope that it can slowly grow back into something else. Something better.

A/N- Sorry it's been awhile since I've updated. I have so many other ideas floating around in my head, it's hard to stay focused on this one. I will never give up on a story though so I'll continue this one for a little before moving onto other fanfics.