AN: This chapter was such a blast to right tbh :D I hope you love it as much as I adored writing it!

Thank you so much for all the love I've been shown! Before we start, imma answer some reviews!

Angelwings2002: Thank you, and same to you! I'm sure you'll love this chapter :3

New Prussian Order: Yup, time flies eh?

Purest of the Hearts: You'll have to see soon if Ellie remarried or not :D and not to worry, Damien will eventually be thoroughly wrenched!

LadyWeaver: I'm very sorry about your divorce :( I've never been through one but I can only imagine how horrible it must feel. Don't worry, I will be delving into how the siblings cope with the divorce in this chapter and future ones!

Anon: Aw, glad you think so!

iHateFridays: Thank you!

Lord Demolitions: Never fear, I will be creating Dipcifica! I'm morally obligated to, you see lol. Those are some nice songs! I'll be sure to listen to them!

Cxmplicated: Welcome to the fandom! And I'll totally answer your questions! Yes, Bill is 16, the name Matthew can't because I not only love the name but it kept up the "M" legacy, and I didn't plan Will Cipher to make an appearance, buuut hey! That could change!

Straitjacketed: I'm glad you enjoyed! Yes, Stan shall take good care of the kiddies! Mostly. And absolutely, Damien's got tricks up his sleeve!

sockface: Yes, the disillusionment charm stopped any human from noticing the ordeal so no, cameras didn't catch it!

Okay, without further ado, chapter thirteen!

Chapter Thirteen: Intuition

An eternity ago, Dipper felt that Matthew could have been a proper big brother. Protective, understanding, omnipresent...all the traits you'd find in a father but also in a best friend.

But then Mom left and now he felt that was impossible.

Mom caused a lot of things, Dipper realized. Even when she was gone and hadn't called to check-in in two years. Mom left, causing Matthew to become a nightmarish mixture of distant and antagonistic and by extension, ruining any chance of forming a bond with him.

Mom decided to bunk with Dipper's uncle, Damien, causing him to meet the fakest and most abhorrent human being he had the pleasure of knowing that one time Dad had let them visit and Mom agreed.

Heck, it was fair to say it was Mom's doing that Dipper and his siblings were on their way to this stupid nowhere hick town in the first place! Because Mom leaving forced Dad to replace her with alcohol—he was just as non-existent in their lives as Mom was. And it was that reason he had sent them away and sure, he said it was because they needed some fresh air but Dipper knew the truth.

Now, Dipper watched the back of his brother's head from the back seat of Stan's old car with a pensive frown. He was staring blankly out the window—something Matthew did a lot when he wasn't tying Dipper to the sofa with a jumping rope and forcing him to watch Nightmare on Elm Street or setting all Mabel's magazines on fire with Dad's alcohol supply. Look at something and...stare.

Just once, Dipper wanted to know what was on his mind.

"So!" Stan said with an awkward clearing of his throat. "You kids...uh, what do you like to do?"

"Lots of stuff!" Mabel said enthusiastically. "Arts and crafts, golfing, scrapbooking, oh! Hair topiary! And I also like watching TV buuuut come on, who doesn't?"

"How about you uh..." Stan looked away from the road to squint at something on his palm. "...Dipper! What do you like?"

Dipper shrugged lamely. "Reading, mostly," he responded simply. And playing D, D, and more D, And chick flicks, and solving math equations just for fun.

But he didn't need to know that.

"That just leaves you!" Stan said, turning to Matthew who was giving the older man a side ways glance. "What do you like to do?"

A slow grin spread across Matthew's face and Dipper flinched. He hated that grin; it was never sincere and almost always meant that he was about to do something pretty bad and wanted you to know it.

It seemed to creep Stan out too, if the audible swallow and averting of his gaze was any indication.

"You wouldn't want to know, Stanley," Matthew chuckled as he popped his earbuds in and leaned back in his car seat with closed eyes. "Trust me."

"...okay. Yeah. Sure. Let's—yeah okay."

There was silence for a few seconds before Stan turned to look at the twins with a quirked eyebrow. "He always like this?"

Dipper sighed. "Yeah, unfortunately," he said at the same time Mabel said, "Trust me, Grunkle Stan, don't take it personal."

"Grunkle?" Stan repeated in confusion.

"Oh! I made that word up!" Mabel said proudly. "It's a mixture of 'great' and 'uncle', aren't I smart?"

Stan didn't answer, because a beat down and crumbling shack came into view a second later and he beamed proudly.

"There it is, kids! My pride and joy, The Mystery Shack!" As the car parked in the dirt drive way, the "S" in "Shack" fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

This would be where they'd be living for the entire summer.

Dipper wanted to curl up and die.

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

Mabel wanted to jump up and down and squeal at the charming Fairytale like structure before her. She would've done just that if she wasn't carrying her heavy luggage.

If this wasn't proof she and Matthew were destined for a beautiful romance, than this was certainly it!

Mabel turned to look back at said brother, and her grin faded slightly when he saw his face was a similar look of annoyance as Dipper's.

Well...not fully similar. Dipper looked annoyed but Matthew looked...angry.

Seconds later, the family pet axolotl, Alexander climbed out of Matthew's shirt to stand on his shoulder and stared up at him with rapidly blinking beady eyes.

Matthew glanced down at the creature before the anger and eyes became replaced with that dead eyed corpse-y look he wore when he wasn't grinning like a madder creepier Mabel.

"Isn't this amazing, brothers?" Mabel cried enthusiastically as she and they followed Grunkle Stan into the house.

"It looks like a dump," Dipper said in under his breath. "I am extremely apprehensive of sleeping in that place."

"But, Dip! It looks old, and old places have lots of mysteries in them don't they?" Mabel asked as she playfully nudged her twin in the side.

Dipper paused and scrutinized the house and made a "huh" sound. While he didn't seem fully convinced, the annoyance in his eyes faded slightly.

Mabel grinned. Mission at least partially accomplished. She then focused her efforts on her older brother.

"A cabin in the woods! This is like...a staple in horror movies isn't it? Imagine all the creepy things you can dream up!"

Matthew glanced down at her then back in front of him.

Mabel tried again. "And think about—!"

Matthew sped up his walk and Mabel saw him glance at Alexander before scoffing and murmuring "Yeah, yeah."

Sometimes, Mabel felt those two had a psychic bond or something. Alexander liked being with Matthew more than anyone else and after Mom left, Matthew liked being with Alexander more than anyone else as well.

Even more than Mabel.

Every time she thought of the days the two would make Mabel Juice or sneakily watch movies not for their age, she felt sad—and just twinge jealous towards the green little axolotl.

Actually, anytime she thought of anything before Mom left she felt sad.

"Alright!" Stan said loudly as he kicked the door open and gestured for the siblings to enter.

"Welcome to the Mystery Shack! A fantastic and magical place where we put the 'fun' in 'no refunds!'"

Mabel looked around the dimly lit hallway with wide eyes. There were several (clearly fake) attractions such as wax figurines missing arms, or plastic eyeballs and hearts floating in jars.

Still, there was a charm to the place Mabel enjoyed. She turned to Dipper to gauge his reaction and he looked unimpressed. She then turned to Matthew whose jaw was tightly clenched and eyes narrowed.

Yeesh. Why were her brothers so hard to please?

The quartet finally made their way into a more brightly lit portion of the Shack. It looked a lot like a gift shop—with very overpriced items—and two people were already there. A pretty red-head nonchalantly chewing gum with her muddy boots crossed atop the desk and a large man in a green question mark shirt fixing a lightbulb.

"Wendy, Soos. Meet my nephews and my niece. Nephews and niece, meet my my employees," Stan said, gesturing to the two groups.

"Hi! I'm Mabel!" Mabel said as the large man stepped down to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you, dude!" The man Mabel guessed was Soos said. "Mr. Pines was so excited to—"

Soos paused, glancing up to see a scowling Stan before he quickly said. "To...tour again! He closed the shop today just for—!"

"Soos!"

"Alright. I'm gonna stop talking now," Soos said as he backed up and let Mabel's hand go.

"Uh, hi. I'm Dipper," Dipper said as he shook Soos's hand.

"That's a cool name, little dude!"

"It's a nickname actually," Dipper said as he jabbed a thumb towards Matthew. "I'm going to assume he's not going to shake your hand—"

"You assume right," Matthew answered.

"So that's Matthew, our older brother."

Matthew narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, pushing Dipper out of the way. "I said I wouldn't shake hands, Loser, I said nothing about not introducing myself!"

Dipper rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry! How about you elaborate next time?"

Matthew cackled with a wide grin, bent over, and jabbed Dipper on the forehead with his finger. "No, I'm sorry! I forget you flesh sacks lack the mental capacity for common sense!"

Alexander pressed a palm against Matthew's neck and he glared angrily at the lizard before standing straight again.

He cleared his throat and turned to Soos with a newly made grin. "Long time no see! How's life still missing Daddy-o?"

Soos stepped back and crashed into the ladder he had been using with wide eyes while Bill turned his large grin to the red head teen behind the counter. Both her feet were down now and she was staring at Matthew with indignant shock.

Mabel sighed. She supposed she'd have to cross her off Matthew's Potential Lovers List

"And...Red!" Matthew chirped. Alexander was clawing at Matthew's shirt now but he was ignoring him. "I would try and offend you but you're just too insignificant."

Matthew then picked up his bags and waltzed up the stairs. "Call me for dinner!"

"Uh...how'd you know your room is up there?" Stan asked in confusion.

"Intuition," Matthew responded simply as he disappeared upstairs.

"Yeesh," Wendy frowned. "What's that jerk's deal?"

"That dude gives me the creeps," Soos shuddered. "I mean, no offence! I get he's your brother in all that junk but—"

"Trust me, he gives everyone the creeps," Dipper grumbled with crossed arms.

"But look on the bright side! At least he didn't insult Wendy! I mean not fully! Huh, huh?"

Everyone stared at her.

"I count this as progress!" Mabel said after the silence, pulling a chart labelled The Five Stages of Matthew from within her sweater and gleefully sliding the slider to "Not the Worst".

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

The attic looked just as Bill remembered; creaky moldy wood, the triangle mosaic window he quickly looked away from, and the triangular beamed ceiling. The only difference was that instead of two beds, there was a third wedged between them.

"Bill," Axolotl said sharply and the demon rolled his eyes. "Axolotl, really, get a life."

"You promised me you would attempt to be nice! You weren't even half-way decent!"

The twins and Stan entered the attic with their things as Axolotl continued to rant to him about how he couldn't just go around alluding to his past life with this universe's Bill Cipher watching this town on an almost daily basis.

Axolotl had started using disillusionment charms to disguise their conversations, that way the lizard could scold him 'till next century and nobody would know.

As a six-year-old, it was a good idea. To a sixteen-year-old like himself however, it was like having an omnipresent Father on his shoulder, and he already had one obnoxious moron at home to deal with.

"Bill! Are you listening to me?"

Bill flopped down into the left bed with a pleased sigh. "No."

"It's been six years Bill," Axolotl said warily as he crawled atop Bill's chest. "Stop using your mother's absence as an excuse to be rude and—"

Bill turned abruptly and screamed in horror as he saw a goat munching on his jean leg. He tugged the denim out of the offending creatures mouth and told Pine Tree, "Hey, Loser! This bed is yours!"

"Ew! The sheets are probably full of goat hair and droppings," Pine Tree shuddered as he unpacked his clothes in a creaky half-broken drawer.

"Which is exactly why—get off me!" Bill shoved the goat away as it tried to climb atop him before continuing. "You are getting this bed."

Pine Tree crossed his arms and glared defiantly. "No."

Bill glared directly back at Pine Tree and slowly sat up while simultaneously punching the goat in the face as it tried to gnaw at his jean jacket and ignoring Axolotl's pleas.

"BROTHERS!" Shooting Star exclaimed, jumping between the two and blocking one's vision of the other. "How about instead of getting into one of your dumb boy arguments you can feast your eyes on this!"

Shooting Star unfurled a long white poster with a flourish. On it was a simple doodle of Pine Tree, her, and Bill holding hands and silently laughing beside large words titled: 40 Things to do that will Make us Love Each Other! In pink glittery pen and decorated with paper flowers.

"We'll be able to do all sorts of things together! Like vampire hunting and scrapbooking and—hello friend!" Shooting Star said as the goat began to chew on her sleeve. "Yes you can keep chewing on my sweater! Anyway, what do you guys say?"

Bill rolled his eyes and fell back in the bed, suddenly not caring of all the potential ways this goat could have contaminated his bed.

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Axolotl said with a nod. "I think you should do it, Bill."

"Well, there's probably nothing else to do in this dumb town. Sure, I'm in," Pine Tree said.

Shooting Star squealed in glee and turned her excited eyes to Bill.

"No" was at the tip of Bill's tongue when Axolotl said. "Perhaps if you try bonding with your siblings, I'll give you a little gift."

Bill rolled over and scowled at the Axolotl. "What does bonding with those brats have to do with redemption?" He hissed.

"Tolerance?"

Bill sighed before he turned to Shooting Star and shrugged. "Sure."

"AHHH YES! Best summer EVER!" She shrieked, scaring off the goat and spurring Bill and Pine Tree to cover their ears.

"Who pulled the fire alarm?!" Stan barked from downstairs.

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

The next day as Bill begrudgingly sat at the cash register, things took a turn for the familiar.

He had his earbuds in his ears, calmly listening to a classical music playlist he didn't dare show anyone because apparently in this human society it was uncool. And Bill was not uncool.

Red, still thinking Bill to be a massive jerk didn't so much as spare him a glance nor start a conversation with him, while business for Stanley's tourist trap was going slow, and Axolotl was off doing goody-two shoes Bill was in a rather good mood.

Or as good of a mood he felt like being in nowadays.

That was when Shooting Star popped her head from between a row of Stanley dummies and clapped her cheeks. "He's looking at it! He's looking at it!"

Bill inhaled sharply and sat up from his lounging position so fast that his head hit against the bottom of a shelf, causing the jars to clatter and shake.

Red snorted, eyes still glued to her magazine as Bill glared at her. Turning back to the scene of the boy looking around in tangible confusion while Shooting Star gushed, "I rigged it!" While he flicked his wrist and conjured an illusionary tarantula to crawl up Wendy's arm.

Axolotl scolding him for using magic unnecessarily entered his mind, but the sight of Red shrieking and falling back in her chair was too delightful to not enjoy—inexplicable guilt aside.

"Mabel," Pine Tree sighed, spraying the jar in front of him and wiping it off. "I know you're going through your boy crazy phase but—"

"But you can't flirt properly," Bill cut off cooly.

Shooting Star blew him a raspberry. "What, and you can?"

"Oh please!" Bill laughed. "'Charming' is my middle name, kiddo!"

"Oh yeah?" Pine Tree said challengingly as he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Prove it."

Bill snorted before turning to furiously blushing Red. She cursed under her breath as she righted herself in her chair and Bill said, "Hey there, toots!"

Red rose her eyebrows at him and went back to her magazine. "Hey there, jerk."

"Now look, I know we got off to a bad start but how about I make it up to you? Movie date?"

"Ooooooh," Red said, lowering the magazine and smirking. "You're one of those guys."

Bill's grin froze on his face. "Pardon?"

"Oh you know, the guys that go around acting like huge jerks thinking that they can get any girl they want because Hollywood lied to them and said that's how it works." Red leaned back in her chair and propped her legs up once more. "Trust me man, you couldn't get a stereotypical dumb shallow blonde to date you."

Bill fought to keep his grin in place even as the twins burst out laughing at his expense.

"I-you-that—!" Bill got up, walked to the opposite side of the counter, and slammed his palms against it right in front of Red.

The infuriating girl nonchalantly flipped a page in her magazine.

"Is that a challenge, Red?!" Bill demanded.

Red shrugged. "It was a diss. But sure, take it as a challenge if you want."

"Fine! I bet an eligible bachelorette will come walking in any second now and I will woo her to death!" Bill yelled, pointing to the archway showing the tour's exit.

Everyone turned to look at it expectantly, only for Stan to walk out burping and clutching his chest. "Ugh...oh," burp "Not good."

Bill let out an almighty scream of frustration before angrily pointing at a confused Stan. "I hate you!"

He left his pride in the gift shop as mocking laughter followed his storming form.

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

Bill was busy curled in the covers and sulking when Pine Tree ran in and shook him vigorously.

"Matthew? Matthew, Matthew, Matthew!"

Bill slapped his hand away and glared at the obnoxious pest that was supposed to be his brother. "What?" He barked.

"There's something wrong with Mabel's new boyfriend!"

Oh. This.

Bill sighed and got up, comforters fall from his body. "Leaf blower," he said.

"What?" Pine Tree demanded. "No, Matthew I didn't say anything about a leaf blower, I said, boyfriend and I'm super worried! I-I-I LOOK!"

Pine Tree shoved an all too familiar journal in Bill's face and he had to crane his neck back to look at the page properly.

"This description of zombies perfectly describes Norman—Mabel's boyfriend, I'm talking about, you weren't there—"

"Yeah, yeah I get it," Bill grumbled irritably as he pushed the journal away. "Leaf blower."

"Ugh! Can you stop saying 'leaf blower' and—I don't know, use your magic to deal with him?"

"Loser, I have two abilities," Bill said, leaning forward and propping his head up with an elbow on his lap. "Making people see things that aren't there, and setting things on fire." Bill punctuated that statement by encasing his hand in blue flames.

Pine Tree yelped and jumped back.

"And as much as I'd like to kill those pesky gnomes, I have a severe 'no killing' policy from the man upstairs thanks to that incident a year ago—" Pine Tree shivered at the memory. "—and temporary schizophrenia isn't going to cut it. But you know what will? A leaf blower!"

"Wait, wait, gnomes?" Pine Tree repeated, flipping through the pages until he found it. "Huh, I was way off. But the journal doesn't mention leaf blowers being their weakness."

"Psh. Who are you going to believe? A filthy book or your magically attuned big brother?"

Pine Tree thought for a moment as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "Well...when you put it that way..."

"Trust me, leaf blower," Bill said as he lay back down. "Now shoo."

Pine Tree took in a deep breath and said, "Okay. I hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right!" Bill called after him as he ran out of the room.

"Wow, dude," Soos said from atop his step ladder fixing yet another light bulb. "Magically attuned? That is pretty dope, not gonna lie."

Bill squinted at him. "When did you even get here?"

"Well, here's a secret; I'm magically attuned too and teleported in!"

Bill rose an eyebrow.

"...okay that was totally a lie."

Seconds later, Bill heard the sound of a leaf blower going off and Shooting Star yelling questioningly ("Dipper what the hey-hey? It was a daisy necklace not an engagement ring or something!").

Bill sighed and closed his eyes. Well, now he could finally go back to—

"NORMAN?!"

"NOT GNOMES! NOT GNOMES!"

Bill's eyes snapped open and he ran to the triangular window, practically slamming himself against it as he saw the twins running into the woods screwing while a lumbering moaning creature ate the leaf blower and followed after them.

"WHAT?!" Bill screeched. This wasn't right! This wasn't supposed to happen!

"Dude, is that...a zombie?" Soos asked in awe, peering out the window beside Bill.

Quickly gaining his bearings, Bill grabbed Soos by the shirt and pulled him so they were nose to nose. "I need a CD of any trio band Stanley's got!"

Soos made a serious face and saluted.

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

Dipper was practically dragging Mabel through the woods, jumping over tree roots and and slapping away branches.

"A zombie!" Mabel panted. "I can't believe he was a zombie!"

"Maaaaaabellll," Norman moaned.

Dipper risked a look back and gasped at how fast the the dumb thing was moving. What kind of zombie moved that fast?!

Why it had a limp and couldn't stand completely straight, he was effectively and efficiently closing the space between them.

It wasn't gnomes, and the leaf blower did *nothing*.

Stupid Matthew.

Through the sound of pounding footsteps, gasping, and zombie moans, a loud car horn beeped loudly.

Dipper, Mabel, and Norman turned in time to see Stan's car barreling through the trees. Norman could only manage a surprised, "whaaaaa?" Before getting crashed into.

His corpse body flew through the air and landed with a loud crunch before the car stopped and Matthew poked his head out of the window from the drivers seat. "Get in, losers!"

The twins were quick to obey, clamouring into the backseats as Norman got up and ran to the car's front window.

Matthew put the car in reverse and drove backwards swiftly. "Soos, why isn't the CD in already!?" He demanded to the handyman who was in the front passenger seat.

"Dude, I'm sorry! There's a CD already in there and it's jammed!"

"Try harder!" Matthew braked and spun the car to a U-turn before pressing the gas again.

That's when they heard a thud against the roof.

"He's on the roof!" Mabel cried in a panic, she was gripping Dipper's shirt tightly and her eyes were darting this way and that.

"Don't worry, he can't tear through metal—" Norman slammed his face against the glass and smashed it with his fists, reaching for Matthew's face.

Dipper and Mabel screamed and hugged each other tightly while Bill pulled the seat lever and leaned back out of his reach. "Soos, hurry up!"

"And...got it! It's out!" Soos cried happily as he switched CDs. Matthew gripped Norman's hand and set both him and his dark hoody on fire.

As the zombie pulled his arm out and screamed in pain and rage, Bill put the volume to the max and hit play.

"Alright, buddy," Matthew grinned genuinely for the first time in maybe ever but the fact that it was at the expense of someone else made Dipper find it scary still. "Get ready too—!"

"Dude, look out!" Soos pointed to a massive oncoming tree that had been blocked by Norman until now.

Matthew gasped and hit the breaks but it was too late. The car twisted sideways and crashed.

...A-X-O-L-O-T-L...

AN: Hope you enjoyed the cliffhanger! :D

I'm trying to do weekly updates again so the fates of the Pines shall be revealed next week Friday!

Have a lovely day!

Fantasy Fan OUT!