"..." Ryou decided to ignore Bakura's other jabs. "In the meantime, we've got some serious planning to do- and I think I know just the duelist who can help us."

"So long as it's not that b*stard Pharaoh..."

"Oh no, I'm thinking of a certain blonde..."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"I am NOT telling Malik about this!"

"You won't have to."

"Damn strai- wait, what exactly do you mean?"
"I'm going to tell him."

"WHAT?!"

"You're kidding me." The ancient thief trailed after his lighter half, still objecting even as the Ishtar household came into view. "I'm not telling him about-!"

Ryou ignored his yami's protests, opting instead to ring the doorbell. "It'll be fine, Bakura. Besides, we need help."

"Help?! He's not going to help; he's going to laugh at me!"

Ryou sighed as they waited for someone to let them in. Bakura continued to grumble in a low tone about how he'd spent enough time with 'that lunatic' to know that he would be far from 'helpful.'

Sure enough, one brief explanation was all it took, and Malik began laughing so hard that he went into a wheezing fit. Bakura scowled as the oxygen-deprived blonde started to gasp and choke. The hysteric tomb-keeper then ended up actually passing out from the over-excitement over the hilarious account. Ryou tried to tend to the downed Egyptian, while Bakura watched with an oddly eager look.

"Is he dead?!"

Ryou struggled not to face-palm as he checked the Egyptian teen's pulse. "He's still breathing."

Bakura frowned and began scouring the surrounding room. "An easy enough problem to fix..."

"Bakura, put the throw pillow back- NOW."

Of course, Marik ended up coming home at just that moment. He stepped in through the front door just in time to see his precious hikari unconscious on the floor, while Bakura was holding a pillow over his head. Naturally, he assumed that the Thief King was the cause of the whole problem; and a rabid fist-fight soon broke out. Eventually Marik and Bakura had one bright shiner a piece, and Malik regained consciousness shortly afterwards. The smaller blonde kept chuckling even as he tried to give his visitors some serious advice.

"It sounds like you're screwed, Bakura- snort signing contracts like that means legal obligations- the kind even you can't weasel out of."

Bakura glaringly folded his arms, clearly defying the notion of 'legal obligations.' "I've found my way out of far more perilous situations- you really think I can't find loophole or some sort of weak spot?"

Ryou seemed to be pondering something, and he had one hand on his chin as he spoke. "Maybe not... but it may not even matter. I might have an idea. Malik, can I borrow some of your make-up?"

The bronze-skinned hikari grinned at the now-darkening circle around Bakura's left eye. "Uh, I don't think you can cover that up..."

"Oh, don't worry." Ryou gave a surprisingly devious grin as tilted his head. "I don't plan to."

Everyone else blinked in bewilderment as Malik retrieved his entire collection of skin-care products. Ryou chose a few key items and then thanked the blonde duo before leading his confused yami back home. "We'll have to go over a few things, but I think this should work." He kept his gaze on the sidewalk as he inwardly tried to reassure himself. 'I hope...'

Around an hour later, Bakura was feeling pretty wretched. 'I look like a badly-behaved slave right now!' He held back a groan as he pulled open the ornate glass doors to the shop.

"Hello, welcome to Harrington's Fine Jewel- GOOD LORD!" The salesclerk behind the counter nearly jumped when he saw the disheveled young man now approaching his station. Half of the customer's face seemed to be black-and-blue; with hints of purple and red dashed throughout. He had the ghastly look of someone having been the receiving end of a vicious assault with a meat mallet.

'Well, at least Ryou's makeup job worked...' The hikari's masterful use of Malik's supplies had greatly accentuated the damage done by Marik. Bakura's previously bruised eye socket now looked like a massive, painfully fresh wound.

Remembering the 'script', Bakura gave a deep sigh before speaking to the clerk. "May I please speak with your boss on a private matter?"

"Um, certainly-" the man turned and called towards the back of the shop, "Er, Mr. Foley?" The instant the higher-up replied, the clerk dashed to the back room, apparently eager to keep distance between Bakura and himself.

An older man with a white mustache and thick eyebrows came up front. He was wearing an expensive, grey suit and seemed remarkably well-groomed. "Hello, I'm Mr. Foley, the owner of this location- I understand you wish to discuss something personal?"

The former spirit of the ring made his voice sound as dull and defeated as possible. "Yes... as you may have guessed, my fiance has just 'broken up' with me. Painfully. And I was wondering if I could pay off the rest of the balance in full in order to 'return' the ring I had on payment."

"Oh, um..." The owner seemed flustered by the whole situation, but Bakura pressed on before he could gather a further response.

"I've brought with my contract, as well as the rest of the money, in cash; quite frankly, I'd rather not have any reminders of him in my home right now."

"And... you're certain this is the route you'd like to take, getting rid of the ring?"

The thief paused as he tried to remember the exact wording Ryou had practiced with him. "There's no injury or insult greater than finding that the one I wanted to spend my life with, was only just using me.

I've suffered enough pain and humiliation without dragging the local police into this whole mess. I almost wish he'd punched me twice; then I might've suffered a powerful concussion and forgotten every time we spoke, every time we laughed..." he trailed off despondently, making sure not to lay the self-pity on too thick. "I may even use the money to move to Hokkaido, soon- there's just too many bad memories for me in this city."

"I see... well, it is a little against our terms and conditions to do a return on such an early-stage contract, but given the extenuating circumstances, I believe we can work something out..."

Half an hour passed, and Ryou felt himself growing somewhat anxious. Eventually, his partner emerged from the small shop, his enhanced facial wounds still looking horribly raw.

As soon as they were within speaking distance Ryou blurted out, "how did it go?"

"Alright, I think- I got everything back, minus a 10% 're-stocking' fee. Which is bullspit, considering how they just put the ring right back on display, barely even shining it first!" Bakura grumbled as he tried to fold the thick wad of bills so they'd fit his back pocket.

Ryou gave a quick sigh of relief and explained the logic behind the 'fee'. "Well, they might've sold the ring while you were trying to pay it off, so I guess it's like a 'rental' charge. Either way, we're quite fortunate that-"

"Excuse me! Sir! You forgot your paperwork!" Mr. Foley suddenly came out of the shop, clearly trying to flag Bakura down. He had several pieces of paper stapled together, with a large stamp on the front page declaring the transaction's reversal to be 'valid and complete.'

Ryou quickly grabbed the papers before Bakura had to think of something else to say. "Oh! Thank you so much! He's been a bit scatter-brained ever since... well..."

The older man seemed surprised by the near-doppelganger accompanying his ex-client. "Ah, and might I ask who you are?"

"I'm his younger brother, Ryou- I'll be staying with him for a few days now that... you know." Ryou then glanced meaningfully at Bakura's injured eye socket.

"Ah, I see..."

Ryou then whispered something into the curious owner's ear, and the man gave a solemn nod. "Hmm, true, true- well then, I wish the best for you both, and if you run into any further problems regarding the ring, just call this number during our store hours." He handed the pair a glossy business card before bowing politely and dashing back into his shop.

Bakura seemed mildly impressed with the way the shop owner's attitude had changed after he'd seen them together. "Wow, this playing pathetic stuff really works!"

Ryou rolled his eyes before dryly adding: "Yes, it's almost as though normal humans feel empathy or something towards their fellow man."

"Tch- no one's ever shown me empathy- er, except you, that is." He hastily amended after a sharp look from his overly-exhausted partner.

"Let's just go home- I'm ready to sleep for a month right now."

Bakura glanced in the general direction of the fertility clinic. "What about the-"

"We'll get it back tomorrow-" Ryou quickly cut him off, clearly running out of patience. "Thankfully that office is open on the weekends; which is fortunate, as not all medical buildings are."

Bakura was re-counting the bills, an odd look coming over his face. 'Y'know... this probably isn't anywhere near enough cash, when you think about it. I mean, I was the King of Thieves in one of the most dangerous and exciting eras in history! Most women would've fallen over at the chance of bearing my offspring!"

Ryou nodded in faux-seriousness. "Yes, shock and horror does tend to do that to people."

"I mean it!

"Bakura, aren't you forgetting something? There was no scientific process back then- you would've had to 'do the deed' yourself!"

The darker duelist's nose twisted in disgust as he glanced back down at the stack of cash. "On second thought, this is fine."

A thin line of red tinted Ryou's face as he added: "what shocks and terrifies me is that a place like that wouldn't have kept giving you payments if your 'samples' had been sterile- which means your 3,000 year-old 'little swimmers' are still working!"

Bakura gave a smirk of pride, his expression growing haughty. "What can I say? Determination and stubbornness are two of my best traits."

"Then we're just lucky we didn't have any 'mishaps' of our own- like you said, modern science can do miracles..."

"Wait- you're not saying- you're not- you can't get pregnant, right?!"

Ryou raised an eyebrow and snorted. He figured he'd earned a little enjoyment after the past few hours of stresses and fabrications. "Well, it's the twenty-first century now, Bakura- what do YOU think?"

"Ryou? You're joking, right? Ryou? RYOU?!"

And so the hapless thief was forced to chase down his laughing lover, much to the bemusement of the other Domino City sidewalk pedestrians.