it's beginning to look at lot like christmas

Bellarke Secret Santa 2018

"Are you sure you don't want to cancel? I know everyone would understand," Bellamy said for the second time that morning as he climbed up the steps to the attic.

"I'm sure, Bellamy," Clarke called up to him as he disappeared above. He could hear the annoyance in her voice and chuckled to himself.

Up in the attic, his body shivered in the cold, damp space. He grabbed blindly and pulled at the string for the light. There was a click and then the light bulb crackled to life. Bellamy saw the boxes labelled Christmas Stuff in Clarke's fancy scrawl by the corner. He dragged them towards the steps one by one.

Clarke stepped back from the stairs so Bellamy could come down with the first large box. She shifted her weight and shuffled the bundle around in her arms.

"If she's asleep, why don't you put her down?" Bellamy said quietly walking towards his wife and newborn baby. He sat the box down by her feet.

He could see the dark circles under Clarke's eyes and her hair, that was piled up on top of her head, was falling out of the bun that had graced her head for the last two weeks. She looked as exhausted as Bellamy felt, but she still looked absolutely beautiful. When he peeked down at the sleeping baby in her arms, he couldn't help but melt at the sight.

Baby August was fast asleep. Her eyelids fluttered and she let out a soft chuckle. Her round cheeks jiggled slightly and Bellamy ran his finger softly over the baby's curly jet black hair.

"She's dreaming," Clarke whispered.

"You should lay her down while she's out. Or you're never going to get anything done today."

"That's why I have you," Clarke said in a sing-song voice. Bellamy rolled his eyes and went back for the rest of the Christmas boxes.

Clarke placed the baby in her left arm and helped him carry some of the smaller boxes into the living room. Then, she sat down to watch him unbox the Christmas tree.

The furniture in the corner of the room had been pushed aside for the Christmas tree by Clarke's mom earlier in the week. Abby had vacuumed and dusted the whole house, the day before she had left to return to work. Clarke was so thankful for her mother's help the last two weeks and was sad to see her go. As much as Abby had helped clean and cook, Bellamy was happy to have their space all to themselves again.

He sat out the bottom section of the tree and tightened the screws to the base. He pulled out the middle and top to assemble the Christmas tree sliding it into the corner.

"You have to fluff the branches out," Clarke commanded him. She didn't move from the couch to help him, but reached for the remote turning on the television and picking out some Christmas tunes from YouTube.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas poured out from the television speakers and Clarke hummed along. She pulled a plush blanket up around her legs and August's feet. The baby stirred slightly in her sleep.

"Is it too cold in here?" Bellamy asked worriedly. It was cold outside, well below freezing on the Eastern Seaboard where Bellamy and Clarke lived. They probably wouldn't have a white Christmas tomorrow morning, but it sure would be cold enough for snow.

"Go ahead and turn it on," Clarke gestured toward the fireplace. It was electric and quickly began to warm up the room once Bellamy had turned it on.

Clarke placed a pillow under her arm and the baby and slipped her arm out to roll her shoulder before leaning into the warmth of the fire, but she didn't stay close for long though. One moment she was hot and the next she was freezing. The post-pregnancy hormones were real.

Bellamy went over to another large box and rifled through it until he found the Christmas lights. They were rolled up into a big heap and he groaned in frustration when he realized how tangled they were.

"Who put these up last year?"

"I don't know. I probably did. The tree was dead and I just wanted to get everything cleaned up before we left for the New Year's Eve Party," Clarke recalled. They usually went and picked out a live Christmas tree from the mountains, but after welcoming a brand new baby a few weeks ago, they had voted on an artificial one this year.

"We should have bought a tree with pre-strung lights!" Bellamy said raising his voice in frustration at the knotted strands. Clarke shushed him, but it was too late.

Two hazel eyes popped wide open.

"And she's awake," Clarke sighed. A small smile spread across her face as she looked down at her waking baby. August blinked up at her before letting out a sharp cry.

"Is she hungry?" Bellamy asked over the baby's cries. He had untangled all the lights and began plugging them into the socket, checking for duds.

"She just ate an hour and a half ago," Clarke said looking down at the app on her phone. Bellamy could see the frustration in Clarke's face.

In the beginning, newborn babies only wanted to eat, sleep, poop, and…cry. It was around the clock and more often than all the baby books made it out to be. August, at two weeks old, still had her days and nights mixed up. And like Clarke had said last night, cluster feeding was a bitch. It made for a long day and an evener longer night.

Clarke grabbed the boppy pillow from the couch and placed it around her middle. As soon as she lifted up her shirt the baby stopped crying and began rooting around. Her tiny mouth opened up like a baby bird's and she found her mother's breast. Clarke grimaced in pain and looked up at Bellamy.

"Can you help me position her?" Clarke asked and he dropped the string of lights he was placing on the tree. He walked to the couch and leaned down gently picking up August. Clarke had been to so many lactation appointments the last two weeks, but she still had trouble getting a proper latch. Bellamy placed the baby back at her chest as Clarke pinched her breast to fit inside August's mouth.

The baby began to suckle and Clarke smiled up at Bellamy proudly.

"You got it, babe," he smiled back at her and went back to the tree. Once he had arranged all the lights on it, he placed the plug in the socket and the Christmas tree lit up the room with a soft glow.

Between the fire and the Christmas tree lights, Clarke rested her head against the couch and closed her eyes, overcome with drowsiness.

Bellamy opened up the next box filled with Christmas ornaments. Most of them belonged to Clarke. Handmade crafts and princesses for each year from her childhood, the tacky baubles she had bought for their first Christmas together, and some silver tinsel and garlands.

Bellamy pulled out a small box that held his ornaments. He opened the box and picked up a small picture frame that held a photo of Bellamy and Octavia as children. He hung it on the tree. There were a few more ornaments; a silver Greek god figurine and a dog in a Santa hat that Octavia had given him.

He decided to hang a few of their personal ornaments around the tree and then hung up the tacky white and silver balls and garland to fill up the tree.

"Don't forget the star. And move those silver ones a little more apart, please," Clarke said from the couch. She had switched August to her other side and was watching Bellamy decorate.

"Yes, ma'am," Bellamy said and gave Clarke a mock salute jokingly. She rolled her eyes at him and turned her focus back to the baby. Silver Bells began to play on the television and Bing Crosby sang in a melancholy tune.

"How can you love someone so much it hurts? I physically ache when I look at her, Bell," Clarke spoke softly as she caressed the baby's cheek. August smiled at her touch and Clarke's eyes welled up with tears.

Bellamy wasn't sure if he believed in love at first sight. It was no secret that he and Clarke had hated one another when they first met. They'd had a rocky relationship in the beginning. But there was no denying now that they belonged with one another. When Clarke had told him she was pregnant over nine months ago, he didn't understand how she could be so in love with someone she had never met. It wasn't until the first kick that Bellamy felt a flutter in his chest. And when his baby girl was born and he laid eyes on the love of his life with that precious baby, he didn't think there was anything more powerful than the unconditional love a parent had for their child.

Bellamy was so in love with his little family. With all the chaos and uncertainty in the world, the sight before him provided him with an anchor that no storm or anything in this world could break apart.

"I'm going to go hang the wreaths and the lights outside. Do you need anything?" Bellamy asked her. He wasn't one to spill all his feeling out, but he knew Clarke would understand how he felt through his actions.

"Some water?" Clarke asked. She brought the baby up to her shoulder and began to burp her. Clarke was always dying of thirst these days. Producing milk for a tiny human was draining.

He brought her a water bottle and a few Christmas cookies he had made the night before. She was almost always as hungry as she was thirsty. She thanked him for the snack and he made his way outside.

The icy air hit him as soon as he cracked open the front door. Bellamy hurried outside to the garage where the wreaths were hanging up. The white berry wreaths hung on the wall, untouched since the previous winter. After he had hung them on the front doors, he went for the icicle lights to hang on the roof.

By the time he was finished with the outside decorations, his fingers were numb and red. He stood back from the house to get a good look at his labor. The Blake-Griffin home was ready for Christmas. His breath puffed out like smoke and rose up into the gray sky. Bellamy shivered in the cold and then quickly made his way back into the warmth of his home.

He was met with the sounds of I'll Be Home For Christmas playing loudly in the kitchen. Bellamy noticed that the oven had been preheated, the potatoes had been peeled, and his pre-made pierogi dough had been rolled out.

"Do you think the roads will be too icy?" Clarke called out drawing Bellamy's attention into the dining room. He walked around the corner to find his wife skipping around the table to the music as she set down plates and silverware. He leaned against the doorframe to take in the sight of her.

"They might be icy in the morning, but I don't think they'll be a problem tonight. Where's August?" Bellamy asked her. It was strange to see Clarke without the basketball sitting on her stomach these days. Pregnancy had looked great on her. She was all belly and soft stretched skin. And even since she had given birth, Bellamy wasn't used to seeing her without the baby attached to her somehow.

Clarke continued to set up the table and pulled out the wine glasses from the china cabinet. She pointed at the living room and then at the baby monitor that was sitting on the end of the table.

Bellamy could see that August was asleep in her swing by the Christmas tree. It swung back and forth swiftly. The baby was swaddled tightly in a pink muslin wrap and he could hear a lullaby playing quietly from the swing's mobile.

"It looks good out there," Bellamy said nodding his head towards the front of the house. Clarke hummed in response and he followed her back into the kitchen.

"I bet it does," Clarke said and turned around to place a kiss on Bellamy's cheek in appreciation. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"I'm going to feed August again, when she wakes up, and then take a shower. Do you need any help with anything else?"

Bellamy looked around the kitchen and thought of all the things he needed to fix for their Christmas Eve dinner tonight. The ham needed to be glazed, potatoes mashed, and the pierogies assembled. He also had about three different cookie recipes to throw together and bake.

But Clarke, with all her strengths, fell short in the cooking department. Bellamy could see the bandage wrapped around her pointer finger where she had probably cut herself peeling the potatoes. The oven temperature was way off. And she'd probably burn the water for the dumplings if he asked her to boil water.

"I think I can handle it," Bellamy smiled at her and shooed her out of the kitchen.

He glanced at the digital clock on the oven noting the time. He had a few hours before the ham needed to be cooked. He set to work on the potatoes first, bringing a large pot out, filling it with tap water, and sitting it on a burner to boil.

The mashed potatoes were easy enough, but Bellamy pulled up a recipe for the perogies on his phone. Murphy was the one who usually fixed this dish, but John and Emori were stuck in three feet of snow up in Ontario.

He found the recipe Jasper had sent him earlier in the week, the one that had belonged to Jasper's grandmother. He had brought the dish to one of their first Christmas get-togethers when they were all still in college. When everyone else had brought paper plates and alcohol, Jasper was the only one to bring actual food they could eat. It had become a tradition for them now.

It was like the tradition, every Christmas Eve, for the group of friends to come together, even though they were all spread across the world now. Bellamy and Clarke lived near their hometown, Arkadia. Murphy and Emori were in Canada. Jasper had followed Maya to Paris. Miller and Bryan had settled in a few towns over. Raven lived in Detroit. And Monty and Harper lived right down the street from him and Clarke.

No matter where in the world they were, they all managed to come together that one night. Unless there was a snowstorm, of course.

Being close to home meant it was usually the Blake-Griffins or the Greens who hosted the festive dinner. It was Bellamy and Clarke's turn this year.

Everyone had tried to get them to back out since August was born so close to Christmas. Harper had begged them to let her host, but Clarke had refused.

They had waited until the last possible moment to decorate the house and who knew how fussy the baby might be during dinner, but Bellamy and Clarke wanted to introduce their little girl to the group from the comfort of their own home.

Bellamy thought about his friends as he set to work on the gingerbread and sugar cookies. He mixed the ingredients and thought about Nathan and Bryan's faces when they would come through the door, large grins and arms filled with presents. The couple wanted to adopt one day and Bellamy was sure they would be over a lot in the New Year to get their hands on his baby girl.

Harper and Monty had their hands full with Jordan, their two-year-old holy terror toddler. Clarke and Harper were already planning play dates for the two.

He wished Murphy could have made it. Then he could have watched him and Raven pass the baby back and forth awkwardly, not knowing what to do with a child.

Bellamy chuckled to himself and heard Clarke upstairs running the bath water for her shower. He popped his first tray of cookies into the oven and cut out the gingerbread men.

Time moved quickly as he prepared for the night. One tray of cookies out and one tray in. He finally glazed the ham and set it in the oven to cook. As he was cleaning up and wiping down the countertops, he heard a faint cry from the baby monitor.

August had broken free of the swaddle blanket and was fussing in her swing. Bellamy picked her up and lay down on the couch with her, patting her bottom and humming softly to her so she would fall back asleep.

Upstairs, Clarke let the hot water from the shower run over her body and the steam filled up the small bathroom. She wanted to stay in there all afternoon, letting the water wash away the grim and baby spit-up that had accumulated on her body. Clarke couldn't remember when she had taken a quiet shower last. Before her water broke?

It felt good until her breasts began to ache and the water started to cool off. She turned the water off and jumped out quickly to get dressed.

She wasn't as sore as she was the first few days, after coming home from the hospital. She had ditched the ice pack and traded in a smaller pad to put between her legs. She put on a pair of black leggings and her nursing bra and opened the bathroom door to go find a shirt from her closet.

None of her regular shirts fit her yet. Her tummy had softened but hadn't deflated all the way down. Clarke looked like she could be about four months pregnant. She massaged the skin around her belly button, pressing down as hard as she could, to help her body go back to normal.

Clarke scoffed at the array of clothes before her and picked up a red sweater that was laying on the floor of her closet. It wrapped around her chest and was perfect for nursing. It didn't hide her stomach though, but it would have to do.

She listened for a moment at the door for August and when she didn't hear anything she went back to the bathroom and finished getting ready. After she had blow-dried her hair and put on a little makeup, finally feeling like a human being again, she went downstairs.

It was quiet downstairs. The kitchen was dark. Clarke checked on the ham in the oven, it glistened in the light of the oven. The perogies looked delicious and Clarke had to resist reaching for one. Bellamy had the cookies cooling on wire racks but the rest of the place looked spotless.

Clarke wondered where he could be. She passed the dining room that was set and ready for bodies to fill its seats. She wondered why August wasn't up and crying her head off to be fed. Clarke was almost bursting since so many hours had passed. Bellamy usually brought the baby up to her if she got too fussy for him.

In the living room and the fading afternoon light, the Christmas tree lit up the room with a dreamy glow. Clarke felt panic rising up in her when she didn't see her baby in the swing, and her eyes searched until she found her.

She found them.

Bellamy and August were both fast asleep on the couch. August rested on her father's chest and Bellamy had one large hand covering his daughter's back to steady her. Clarke could see Bellamy's chest rise and fall as August puffed out her sweet baby breaths in sync with his. The dark curls on her head matched his, but her porcelain skin was a stark contrast to Bellamy's tan skin and freckles.

Clarke grinned down at them and tapped Bellamy on the shoulder to wake him. He slowly opened one eye.

"Looks like we are ready for Christmas! Merry Christmas, you two," Clarke said and kissed the top of August's head. The baby kept on sleeping and Bellamy looked up at her guiltily.

"Hey, you should put her down if she's asleep. Don't want to spoil her," Clarke joked throwing Bellamy's words back at him from earlier.

Bellamy just gave his wife a sleepy smile and then the doorbell rang.