Magnus Bane is afraid of forgetting. He is afraid that he will forget everyone. That names will fade from his mind, that memories will turn black. He is afraid he will forget Ragnor. He wants to remember each and every mortal face, name, eye color. He wants to hold tight to sights and sounds and smells, and never let them go.

Because that is the problem with living forever. He will see and talk to and know so many people, over so many centuries, that they will be washed into a sea of whisperings in the back of his mind. He will never be able to remember them all, not even the important ones. And he wants to. He wants to look back and recall every friend, every lover, he's ever known. And he can't.

…

Magnus Bane is afraid of calcification. He is afraid he will lose all of his emotions and become a statue. He is afraid of being predictable and uninteresting. He is afraid of not caring anymore, or his flame burning too low. He wants to laugh and cry and sing for joy. He wants to cover his life with glitter and go to concerts and to live.

Because after so long of living, nothing fazes you. There are no surprises, just a nod of the head and moving along. Sadness becomes a routine in the ebb of flow of the world, happiness becomes dull. He cannot let that happen to him, and so he forces himself to feel. He refuses to be indifferent to anything. He throws himself headfirst for the things he cares about, he falls in love head-over-heels, and always feels something.

…

Magnus Bane is afraid of funerals. He is afraid to know that everyone will die. He will be left alone in the end, him and his eternity. And he hates it. He hates every reminder of it. He hates the stiff white suits and the runes that decorate them. He cannot bear to look at them, because all he can see is the universe taunting him for living forever.

Because of course he is afraid. Of course he does not want to drag himself watch a body burn, of course an immortal is afraid of something that will never be their reality. It's an ugly reminder that all his love is doomed.

…

Magnus Bane is afraid of life without Alexander Lightwood. He is afraid of waking up without Alec next to him. He is afraid of coming home to an empty apartment, of not being scolded for summoning food, of missing nights on the couch, curled together reading their own books. He is afraid of forgetting Alec. Of living centuries after him and barely remembering his name. He is afraid that once Alec is gone, he will stop feeling. That maybe Alec is the only reason he hasn't turned to stone yet. He is afraid of attending Alec's funeral. He is afraid that he has fallen love with a mortal, yet refuses to apologize.

But he made a promise. To live with Alec now, to love him every day. And he intends to do that. And Alec does the same. He lets Magnus cry on his shoulder for no reason, he ignores the small explosions in their living room, and feeds the cat. And maybe all of this, these small gestures of love and the comfort of Alec's arms, maybe it will all be worth the pain of when it is. But how could Magnus possibly know?

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this fic, don't forget to review.

-Rosebud