A/N: I wrote the first three chapters of this fic for charity. If you've read it already as part of that compilation, thank you for your generosity.

I'm really excited about this one! Me being me, the idea of soulmates always sounded vaguely horrifying to me. The possibilities! What if, what if, what if. It's a beautiful idea—the one perfect person for you. It's the semantics that'll kill ya.

Anyway. This story is the result of that line of thought. Heh. Enjoy!

Then:

"That's it, sweetheart. You're almost at the end of this one," Charlie Swan murmured against his young wife's ear, ignoring the steely grip she had on his hand. "Just a few seconds more, and you're done with this one. You never have to deal with this one again."

Renee huffed, rocking back and forth on the yoga ball. "Then the next one will suck even worse," she said with a moan. She sighed and collapsed against him, coming down off that contraction.

"Maybe." Charlie kissed her forehead tenderly. "But the doctor called the anesthesiologist. She'll be here before you know it. And then Bella will be here."

Renee threaded her fingers through his. "Our Bella." She sighed, more content this time, as though concentrating on that vision of the future. Their baby would be in their arms soon enough.

Charlie massaged her fingers, letting her rest. His mind, too, wandered to their baby. His little girl.

He was going to be a daddy. He'd all but given up on the dream, but here he was. Hours or minutes from now, Isabella Marie Swan would be ushered into the world, a brand new human being with an untold story.

And with her, the words that would echo in Charlie and Renee's heads.

Charlie wasn't the type who enjoyed complications. The soulmate conundrum was the bane of his existence—a flaw in the natural design of life. What the hell kind of useless knowledge was it for a parent to know their child's soulmate's first words, just the first sentence, to them? In his line of work, he'd heard some doozies. What was he supposed to think if, for instance, his daughter's soulmate's first words to her were, "You look like a filthy whore who deserves what she's going to get."

After all, Charlie knew from experience that being someone's soulmate didn't make them a good person. And aside from that, there was context. In a lifetime of possibilities, who knew the context with which the words would be spoken?

Then, there was the other fear. The unthinkable.

What if, when his child came into the world, Charlie heard nothing?

There were those who lived a full and happy life never destined to meet their soulmates. No one knew the science of it, whether or not a soulmate served some ultimate purpose in a person's life, whether they were worse off without ever meeting their one person. But in those cases, more often than not, the person was destined to die young if they lived at all.

His father had told him once of his sister's birth. She was born. She cried. But when he heard no words echoing in his head, his father had known the little one's ultimate fate. Sure enough, a birth defect took her only a few days later.

Renee sucked in a sharp breath, and Charlie shook his head hard. With a whimper, Renee began to rock on the ball again, turning her head against his neck. "I don't think I can do this."

"You got this, sweetheart. You're so strong. See all this? You think I could do this?" He scoffed, making a production of it. "Shake down a criminal—no problem. But this? No way. I'm too much of a candy ass."

Renee made a noise that sounded part snort and part groan. "Dammit. And I was going to ask you to do it for me," she muttered under her breath.

It was nothing more than normal, ridiculous anxiety plaguing his thoughts, Charlie consoled himself even as he soothed Renee. The baby would be fine. His wife would be fine. If anything was going to happen there wasn't anything to be done about it now. His only job right this moment was to not show how nervous he was, and to let Renee abuse his hand.

Four hours later, his hand was braced under Renee's leg, and he was murmuring nonsense to her as she keened, long and low under her breath, pushing, pushing, pushing. It was quiet chaos—surreal for as hard as his heart was pounding.

"There's the head." There was a flurry of motion down at the business end of things, and the amazing sight of a tiny head sticking out of his wife's body. "One more push," the doctor said.

Another push and Bella was born into the doctor's hands. She was rumpled and red and messy and just as she began to scream her protest at being brought into the cold world, Charlie heard one sentence echoing in the space between his ears. It reverberated, ringing clear even over his haze of confusion, amazement and joy.

"Fuck a duck!"

~Four Months Later~

"This isn't a good idea." Charlie ran a hand through his hair, pacing the foyer with his daughter clutched in his arms.

"Please don't start," Renee said, hands on her hips. "It's an hour. One hour."

"She's too young. We can wait—"

"Charlie. I need to get out of this house. One hour without a baby. That's all I want."

"I told you. You should go out. Have fun." Charlie untangled his daughter's tiny fist from his shirt and brought her hand to his lips. "I'll hang out with Bella."

Renee narrowed her eyes. "I want a baby-free hour with my husband. Are you just going to forget about us? We're just parents now? That's all I get to be. Bella's mother. Which is great. I love being Bella's mother, but you get to be Bella's father, Police Commissioner Swan, and my husband."

"Can you please not exaggerate?" Charlie sighed. "Can't we at least get someone else? This kid is fifteen."

"And he'll be fine with the baby for an hour. One. Hour."

"He's a delinquent."

Renee snorted. "You really think any kid already in a little bit of trouble—and it's not like he's violent, Charlie, you don't exaggerate—is going to be careless with the police commissioner's baby? She's probably safer with him than with most people. For fu…. For heaven's sake, she doesn't even crawl. It will be fine. My brothers babysat me all the time when I was her age, and they were thirteen and fourteen."

There was a knock at the door then. Charlie clutched his baby tighter. The initiative had sounded so good in theory. Help troubled kids find the value of being hardworking and trustworthy by giving them responsibility as they earned it. It was paid work, chores, or tasks given by members of the community willing to show these kids that they could still be trusted, and that maintaining that trust was more valuable than getting into trouble.

But, dammit, why had he agreed to this? There was a huge difference between letting a kid mow his lawn and handing over his precious child. Sure, the kid came with references. He'd supervised Officer Marks' three little hellions for an afternoon of play, but the youngest Marks was four, not four months.

Renee just rolled her eyes and went to the door. She shook a finger at him before she opened it. "Be nice. This is happening."

The door opened to reveal a teenage boy, his bronze hair too long for Charlie's taste, with a cocky smile that would have marked him as trouble if his child had been a teenage girl. Charlie hated him instantly.

Oblivious to that, the boy offered his hand. "Mr. Commissioner? Mrs. Swan? I'm Edward Cullen."

Smooth talker, this kid. Charlie's hackles raised. He stared Edward down and was rewarded when the kid's cocksure smile faltered and he took the smallest step backward.

Renee made an exasperated sound and stepped forward. "Hi, Edward. Thank you so much for doing this. You're a lifesaver."

Edward's eyes lingered on Charlie another few beats, obviously wary, but when he finally looked to Renee, his smile returned. "No problem. I like kids. I was always carrying my baby sister, Alice, around. She's two now. Prefers to run."

"See?" Renee bumped Charlie's side with her hip. "He has experience."

Charlie grunted. Bella cooed and then squealed, pitching forward in his arms, her pudgy hands reaching for the boy. Edward's grin turned huge, and he reached back for her. Charlie stepped backward. "I have questions."

"No. No, you don't." Renee took Bella, who was vocalizing her vehement protests at being kept away from the new face. Strange. She was usually very shy. "Here, Edward. We'll get out of your hair. Everything you need—"

But no sooner had Renee settled the squirming baby in his arms did Edward, stepping forward to receive her, trip. "Whoa." He stumbled forward and, to Charlie's horror, the baby started to fall.

Edward surged forward, catching Bella again before she could tumble. "Fuck a duck!" He looked straight into the giggling baby's eyes. "That was close, wasn't it?"

Fuck a duck.

Fuck a duck.

Fuck a duck.

"Nope. No. Not happening. Not on my watch." Charlie snatched his daughter out of Edward's arms.

"Commissioner, I—" Edward started, but Charlie grabbed him by his arm and steered him in the direction of the still-open door.

"Get out. I want you out of my house."

"But—"

"Out!" Charlie slammed the door behind the boy. He held his now bawling daughter to his chest and pointed at Renee. "Not happening."

"You really think you can argue with fate, Charlie?" Renee asked quietly, overcoming her own shock.

"Watch me."

A/N: To be clear, in this universe, when a child is born, their parents hear the first word their soulmate will speak to them. So Charlie and Renee know the person who speaks the magic words, "Fuck a duck," is Bella's soulmate.

Heh.

Many thanks to my team as per usual: MyOnlyHeroin, Betsy, Mina, Eleanor, and Packy for all their help!