Earth, 2186
He stared at the spot where Harbinger's beam had cut through only seconds earlier. He stared in horror at the two burning bodies next to a downed tank, the area around them scorched.
An asari and a human. He had to keep moving. But Liara and Vega….No! He had to keep going! He had to leave them behind.
I'm all alone now.
With a great effort, he rose from his position behind a downed Mako and continued running towards the beam. They were the last of the crew…Keep going! he told himself.
Mourn them later! Explosions kept springing up all around him, which brought him back into the present. His world was chaos, people and tanks and gunships flying through the air, burning bodies flying past him. Reeking of burnt flesh and machinery.
Another tank was upended and he nearly avoided it by diving towards the ground. He spit the dirt from his mouth and noticed that the explosions had finally ceased and he looked up. The giant Reaper, the largest one of all, Harbinger, stared back at him in eerie silence. A silence he was not known for.
Where are his taunting words now?
He could see the laser firing up. He was in plain sight of it, he should move to cover!
Shouldn't he?
Why should he...
What's the point anymore? Everyone's dead already…
Harbinger said nothing as it fired its beam which quickly rushed towards him and before he knew it, his world turned black.
He awoke to pain. Terrible pain. No more than I deserve….
"Did we get anyone to the beam?" A voice in his ear shouted and he opened his eyes to the dark sky of Earth.
"Negative. Our entire force was decimated", another voice said.
Major Coats. I remember... He raised his head just in time to see Harbinger rising up into the air and away from the beam.
Why is it leaving? Why...
It's wide open. It's now or never.
He gasped in pain as he rose to a sitting position. It felt like his insides were on fire! Must keep going! Must keep going!
He grabbed the gun next to him. Carnifex model. The same pistol he had used back on Tuchanka. When… No! Don't think about that! No time! He gingerly rose to his feet, clutching his stomach in pain.
"It's too much! We need to regroup. Fall back to the buildings…" Coats shouted in his ear again and he flinched in pain before shuffling himself towards the beam. "Hammer's wiped out! All forces…retreat!" The first voice said but he paid no mind to her voice anymore.
They were whole worlds away as far as he was concerned. He was solely focused on getting to the beam.
To the Citadel…
On the ground, he noticed a fellow marine crawling towards him, whispering something he couldn't hear. Help him…..The marine's head dropped to the ground and his body slumped forward.
He stepped over the body without a second glance.
As soon as he did, he dropped to the ground, experiencing another spasm of pain. He punched his head in frustration and groaned before forcing himself back up and moving again. He noticed another marine laying against some debris staring directly at him before the marine's head dropped to one side.
Is he judging me too? Did I kill him too?
He noticed movement near the debris field right by the beam and the turian abomination, a marauder, stepped out to face him.
He shot it in the head before it could get any of its own shot out and it let out a mechanized scream before it collapsed on the ground near the beam.
He stepped past it, and glanced at its face, remembering his long dead turian friend.
Brother. Not just a friend…He angrily corrected himself before groaning in pain again before resolving himself and stepping through the beam.
The Citadel
He had a brief feeling of weightlessness before being violently thrown out of the beam and onto the ground.
Only this ground was different. It was metal, not dirt. And there was a foul smell in the air. But he didn't care. His eyes remained shut and he just rested on the ground for a moment.
"Shepard", a voice said in his ear, the first to address him directly.
Wait, he knew that voice. The only one who still called him that, who still thought he was Shepard…Anderson!
He gasped as he got up, clutching his stomach in pain and looked up. All around him were bodies piled together leading down a corridor, dimly lit by red emergency lighting.
"Shepard!" That voice, Anderson, called again.
He rose to his feet and activated his communication link.
"Anderson. You up here too?" His croaky voice said.
At first, there was silence and he was suddenly afraid that the voice wouldn't respond. But after a couple more seconds, he was relieved to hear Anderson's voice.
"Followed you up, but we didn't come out in the same place" he was surprised to hear Anderson groan in pain as well before continuing. "At least I don't think we did. What's your surrounding look like?"
He tried to study his area but another spasm of pain erupted, dropping him to his knees. "You okay?" Anderson asked him, hearing him in pain. "I'm fine." He brushed the question off and studied his surroundings.
"It's dark…there's human remains scattered", he said as he started to limp forward. "Sounds familiar", Anderson told him.
"I'm in a dark hallway…reminds me of your description of the Collector Base." Unpleasant memories suddenly assaulted his mind: memories of insectoid aliens firing at him, a dark skinned man taking a rocket to the face, the booming voice of Harbinger taunting him, his yeoman dissolving into fluid…He shook his head from the horrible memory and focused on the present. No point in remembering the past.
"Makes sense", he replied after a while. "You think they're making a Reaper in here?" Anderson asked him and the unpleasant memories came back: the human-Reaper at the Collector Base. "Sure", he replied bitterly. "They round them up on Earth, then send the people up here to be processed".
The image of his yeoman dissolving into fluid would not go away and floated in front of his eyes again as Anderson spoke again.
"Goddamn abomination. I'm going to keep moving. The sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better." He couldn't agree more. He kept limping forward, also noticing green aliens quietly picking apart the bodies. Keepers, he remembered. They were important for something…He tried to remember, but the memories he actually wanted to remember evaded him.
"The tubes don't go on forever…but where the hell are we?" Anderson's voice cut through his quiet musings. "Yeah", he agreed. "Doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've been to." "Whoa…"Anderson said and he briefly paused near the door.
"Anderson?" "One of the walls here just realigned itself. The place is shifting. Changing." He didn't know how to feel about that so he trudged forward, passing one of the green aliens, a Keeper. "There's a chasm here…and more hallways like the one I was in". "I think I'm near an exit", he said just as the giant door opened to him.
He continued on and took note of the enormous chasm he entered, with lightning flashing and strange technology moving around. There were also more bodies. Of course there were… "I see something up ahead, might be a way to cross over." There was a brief pause before Anderson spoke again.
"Where do you think you're at?" "Just found that chasm you were talking about", he replied and Anderson spoke again. "Hold on…I see something. I control panel maybe." A control panel? Why would he need….The mission you dumbass!
At once, he quickened his pace and started climbing a ramp towards another area. "I'm just going to go on ahead and check"- Anderson was cut off before he could finish with interference which caused him to grimace in pain. "Anderson?" He asked desperately.
When no response came, he sighed. He was alone again.
He finally made it up the ramp and found a large platform surrounded by another chasm. He could faintly hear the sounds of the battle outside. He moved closer and he realized with a start that someone was hunched over a control panel at the very end. He widened his eyes in recognition.
"Anderson!" He called out. Anderson turned around to look at him. Very strangely too. "Shepard…I can't!" Anderson shouted and he suddenly felt himself freeze up.
"I underestimated you, Shepard," a new voice said and a figure walked in front of him and turned to reveal himself. The Illusive Man, he remembered angrily.
Only…the Illusive Man didn't look quite right. His face was charred and instead of blood showing, there was circuitry. He almost looks like a husk!
"What have"-He mumbled to himself. "I warned you", the Illusive Man said. "Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers…and of you if necessary." There was a loud, painful noise in his head which made it difficult to concentrate on the Illusive Man.
"They're controlling you", Anderson angrily growled.
"I don't think so, Admiral", the Illusive Man coldly stated.
"Why waste your time with us…" He angrily asked as the Illusive Man turned to regard him. "…if you can control the Reapers?"
"Because…I need you to believe. When humanity discovered the mass relays, when we learned there was more to the galaxy than we imagined, there were some who thought the relays should be destroyed," the Illusive Man started. "They were scared of what we'd find, terrified of what we might let in. But look at what humanity has achieved! Since that discovery, we've advanced more than the past 10,000 years combined!" The Illusive Man turned to look at both trapped men.
"And the Reapers will do the same for us again. A thousand fold! But…" Searing pain in his mind grabbed his attention and he clutched his head in pain. "-only if we can harness their ability to control". He looked up and realized with a start that the Illusive Man was right next to him. How'd he get there so fast?
"Bullshit!" Anderson's voice cut through his pounding head. "We destroy them, or they destroy us!"
"And waste this opportunity? Never!" The Illusive Man countered, heading towards Anderson
. "Maybe you're just so hungry for power that it's clouded your vision!" He stated and the Illusive Man halted his advance.
"No…no. It's not that simple"-
"Isn't it?" He interrupted. "You're willing to give up anything for control."
"Yes!" The Illusive Man agreed. "If not me then who? Are you going to control the Reapers?"
"There's always another way", Anderson quietly said and in the silence of the room, both men turned to look at him.
"I've dedicated my life to studying the Reapers, and I know with certainty: the Crucible will allow me to control them." The superweapon, he reminded himself. The one that Liara found…
"And then what?" He angrily demanded of the Illusive Man.
"Look at the power they wield! Look at what they can do," the Illusive Man almost begged.
He shook his head. "I see what they did to you!"
"I took what I wanted from them! Made it my own! This isn't about me or you. It's about things so much bigger than all of us", the Illusive Man spread his hands.
"He's wrong", Anderson groaned. "Don't listen to him."
"And who will you listen to Shepard?" he Illusive Man asked him.
That name again. Shepard. He remembered him. He remembered how Shepard died on Rannoch. Along with his true love. "An old soldier, stuck in his ways, only able to see the world down the barrel of a gun?" He remembered her too. The soldier. The one he loved in the beginning. Feelings of anger swelled up at the memories of her.
"And what if he's wrong? What if controlling the Reapers is the answer?"
"Then what are you waiting for?" He demanded angrily, tired of this conversation. "Open the arms, let the Crucible dock, and use it to end this!" The Illusive Man, who had been pacing throughout, stopped.
"I…I will."
"Do it!"
The Illusive Man did nothing, only stared at his hands in horror. "You can't can you? They won't let you do it."
"No, I'm in control! No one is telling me what to do", the Illusive Man shouted angrily.
"Listen to yourself", Anderson told him. "You're indoctrinated."
"No. No! The two of you, so self-righteous. Do you think power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices"-
"You've sacrificed too much", he told the Illusive Man, who continued to get more angry and desperate.
"Shepard, I….I only wanted to protect humanity. The Crucible can control them. I know it can! I just…"
"It's not too late", he pleaded with the Illusive Man. "Let us go. We'll do the rest." "I…" the Illusive Man struggled to say.
"I can't do that, Commander." "Of course you can't…They own you now," Anderson said.
The Illusive Man glared at Anderson before reaching behind him and grabbing a pistol.
"You…you'd undo everything I've accomplished. I won't let that happen", the Illusive Man said, almost in a daze.
"You're nothing more than the Reaper's plaything now", he spat at the Illusive Man.
"No!" The Illusive Man shouted and he forced Anderson on his hands and knees before raising his gun to Anderson's head. He panicked as he realized what was about to happen. No! Not Anderson too! He desperately tried to move, but nothing happened.
"You're the one who failed!" The Illusive Man shouted and before he could move, the Illusive Man shot Anderson in the head. He tried to shout, but no words would come out. He dumbly watched as his mentor and friend collapsed to the floor, blood seeping from the wound in his head.
"And you will die knowing you're one of my greatest disappointments" the Illusive Man said and he looked up from Anderson's body to see the gun raised at him. Without thinking, he fired his gun and the Illusive Man yelled in pain before collapsing to the ground. At once, he was freed from control and gasped as he fell on his knees. He looked towards Anderson and let out a small cry of grief before continuing on to the control panel.
But Anderson…No. No time. Do your duty first!
He finally reached the panel and pressed a few buttons. Before he knew it, a massive groaning noise sounded and the arms of the Citadel opened. He sighed in relief, taking in the view of Earth.
"I wish, you could see like I do…Shepard", the weak voice of the Illusive Man said and he wearily turned around, too tired to even finish him off. "It's so…beautiful", the Illusive Man whispered one last time.
He continued to stare at the Illusive Man, heeding his words before limping over next to Anderson's body and sitting next to it alone.
He stared off into space, his mind taking time to remember. Something he had tried to avoid for months. But he couldn't hold it back anymore. A lifetime of regret.
He was too tired. Of everything. The war, the Reapers, everything had taken its toll on him. He had failed Anderson. He had failed everyone. He could vaguely hear the Crucible docking with the Citadel, but he paid no mind to it. He was too lost in his own thoughts.
He remembered Liara raising her hand to him, no less than ten minutes earlier, her eyes pleading with him to do something, to save her. She always did look up to him, ever since the beginning.
But he had failed. She and Vega were dead because of him. And now even Anderson was dead. Because of him. The Normandy crew were all gone. He had failed them all. And that hurt him more than any bullet ever could.
He let out a dry, choked sob, a horrible sound even to him, before looking down at his charred armor and noticing his blood coming out in pools.
He paid no mind to it. My work is done. No less than what I deserve anyways.
"Commander?" A new voice erupted in his ear. Admiral Hackett.
Hackett always wants something...
"What do you need me to do"? He slurred out as he collapsed on the floor, half conscious. He tried to stand up to get to the control panel to see what was wrong, but collapsed to the floor. Setting his teeth, he crawled instead, refusing to give in to his pain.
"Nothing's happening. The Crucible's not firing. It's got to be something on your end", Hackett said and he raised his eyes to the panel.
"I don't see…I'm not sure how to…" he tried to raise his blood soaked hand to the panel but pain won over him for the first time, and he finally closed his eyes.
He felt his whole body moving but paid no mind to it. Only when the voices in his ear stopped completely and when he stopped moving did he awaken.
He opened his eyes, everything was so much darker now, before he shook his head and found himself staring at some kind of hologram right in front of him.
It kneeled down to face him and with a shock, he found himself staring at the face of the child. The child who died in the first wave of the Reapers. The child who had haunted his dreams ever since Earth was invaded. He was staring at a ghost.
"Why are you here?" It demanded and he found that he was able to rise to his feet.
"What? Where am I?" He asked, not really comprehending what he was seeing.
"The Citadel. It's my home", it replied, gesturing to a giant contraption with a beam running vertically down the middle. His confusion only grew and his eyes turned back to the ghost.
"Who are you?" He asked. "I am the Catalyst", it replied and his eyes widened. This is the Catalyst?! This is the thing we've been looking for all along?
"I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst?"
"No, the Citadel is a part of me", the child replied. He cautiously approached the child, not knowing what to do or say.
"I need to stop the Reapers. Do you know how I can do that?"
"The Reapers are mine", the child explained. "I control them. They are my solution."
It started to walk away from him and he asked: "Solution? To what problem?" "Chaos", was the simple answer he got.
"The created will always rebel against their creators", the child explained and he got flashbacks to Rannoch: of the geth desperately wanting to live, the quarians refusing them. That was more so on the quarians than the geth. Wasn't it?
"We found a way to stop that from happening, a way to restore order."
"By wiping out organic life?" He angrily questions and the child stops and faces him. "No. We harvest advanced civilizations, leaving the younger ones alone. Just as we left your people alive the last time we were here."
"But you killed the rest." The child shook its head, almost pityingly.
"We helped them ascend, so they could make way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form."
"What's the point of saving new life if it'll be harvested in 50,000 years?" He asked.
"Your evolutionary processes are….interesting to observe. But without us to stop it, synthetics would destroy all organics. We created this cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."
"Hold on a minute", he said, holding out a hand. "This cycle's synthetics, the geth, didn't seek to destroy us organics for hundreds of years. They kept to themselves before Sovereign convinced them to join it…"
"It matters not. All synthetics will destroy their creators in due time."
"You said you're the Catalyst….but what are you really?"
"A construct. I was created to bring balance, to be the catalyst for peace between organics and synthetics", it said. "I embody the collective intelligence of all Reapers", it concluded.
"You're taking away our right to choose!" He said angrily. "Without it, we might as well be machines, just like you."
"You have choice, more than you deserve", it replied bitterly. "The fact that you are standing here, the first organic ever, proves it. But it also proves my solution won't work anymore."
"So…now what", he asked cautiously. "We find a new solution." The Catalyst gestured to the giant contraption.
"The Crucible changed me, created new….possibilities. But I can't make them happen." The Catalyst turned to face him. "If there is to be a new solution, then you must act.
"It is now within your power to control us", it explained and he turned to see a side of the contraption that was blue and had a control panel. "destroy us", it continued and he saw the other side that was red and had a glass covering over a bunch of wires. "or to merge with us", it concluded, gesturing to the giant beam. He glanced at all three before back at the Catalyst. "Why are you telling me this? Why help me?"
"You have….altered the variables." It vaguely concluded. Well that doesn't help.
"What will happen in each of these choices?" The child hesitates before explaining.
"If you control us, you will die. You will control us, but you will lose everything you have", it said. What more can I lose? "How can I control them if I'm dead?" "Your corporeal form will be dissolved, but your thoughts, even your memories, will continue. You will no longer be organic. Your connection to your kind will be lost, though you will remain aware of their existence." He shook his head, not liking what he was hearing.
"And the other options?" "You can wipe out all synthetic life if you want", it said, gesturing towards the red console. "Including the geth."
"But the Reapers will be destroyed?" "Yes. But the peace won't last. Your children will create synthetics and the chaos will come back." It paused for a moment before continuing.
"If you choose synthesis, you will add your energy to the Crucible's and the chain reaction will combine all synthetic and organic life into a new framework. A new DNA. It is the ideal solution", it finally concluded.
He glanced around, noticing for the first time the battle raging around them both. It was too much. "Your time is at an end. You must choose." The Catalyst told him and he started to panic.
What right do I have to change the entire galaxy?! It doesn't matter we need to end this!
He was panicking now, glancing back to the three choices and to the Catalyst, who continued to stare impassively at him. The pain in his chest flared up again, but that was nothing compared to the pain in his head. His mind was at war with itself, driving him to shut his eyes in agony, angrily flinging biotics at the central beam.
He never heard the Catalyst yell in alarm and never saw the biotics get reflected back at him, along with the energy of the Crucible. He only the felt tremendous pain in his head and then…nothing.
He heard voices. Too many voices to make out. All familiar to him. But he was used to that. The memories of the long dead crew who followed him always haunted his dreams.
The dreams he had every night, ever since Earth. Of the child burning alive. Of the dead accusing him. Blaming him.
And yet...this was different. He couldn't see anything at all actually.
He wasn't in the familiar forest full of ashes.
And he...felt different too. Almost as if he was floating.
For a moment, there was only darkness. Nothing to see, nothing to hear, touch, taste, or smell. But then, he could hear…. "You and your crew have just landed in the middle of a hotzone. Every AA gun within ten miles has been alerted to your presence." He didn't quite recognize that voice, but it seemed familiar…
This was no dream.
His feet found solid ground.
"What are we supposed to do in the meantime?" A very familiar voice asked and he found that he could open his eyes.
A blinding light flashed in front of him and he covered his eyes, not having seen sunlight like that since he was stuck on Earth before it was invaded.
Where am I?
"Shepard? Are you ok?" Another familiar voice asked him and he adjusted his eyes to his settings and what he saw shook him to his core. No…it can't be!
He saw that he was on a lush planet and surrounded by seas. A horribly familiar planet. But that was the least of his problems.
Standing right next to him was one of the first casualties of his bloody crusade against the Reapers: Kaidan Alenko. Across from them was a salarian looking curiously at them. But to his right… "Commander?" Ashley Williams asked him impatiently. But looking farther, he could see all of his old crew, of the SR1. All watching him curiously.
I'm surrounded by ghosts.