Dinobot, Prince of Denmark
Scene five:
[Upon a turret. Still cold and cloudy. Enter Silverbolt and Dinobot]
Dinobot: Whither wilt thou LEAD me? SPEAK! I'll go no further!
Silverbolt: ::Sweeps around, looking very noble:: Mark me!
Dinobot: Er... sure.
Silverbolt: ::Continues, oblivious:: My hour is almost come, when I to sulph'uous and tormenting flames must render up myself. ::Before Dinobot can show a reaction:: Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold.
Dinobot: ::Blink and nods blankly::
Silverbolt: ::Poses to the sound of fanfare:: I am thy father's ghost!
Dinobot: ... Yes, well, I sort of figured.
Silverbolt: ::Deflates a bit, pouting:: Oh.
Dinobot: ::Waits:: Anything else?
Silverbolt: Oh, yes! I must ask something!
Dinobot: ::Back to overacting:: Anything, father!
Silverbolt: ::Clears throat:: If thou didst ever thy dear father love, revenge his foul and most unnatural murder!
Dinobot: Murder!
Silverbolt: ::Nods solenmly, looking pained:: 'Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard, a serpent stung me; so the whole ear of Denmark is by a forged process of my death rankly abus'd; but know, thou noble youth, the serpent that did sting thy father's life now wears his crown...!
Dinobot: ::Stands for a second, translating it in his head:: Oh. Oh! My uncle!
Megatron: ::Off stage; claps dryly::
Dinobot: ::Growls at him::
Silverbolt: ::Oblivious:: Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, with witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts,--o, wicked wit and gifts, that have the power so to seduce!--won to his shameful lust the will of my most seeming-virtuous queen: o, Hamlet, what a falling-off was there! From me, whose love was--
Dinobot: ::Notices the audience is either profoundly confused or half asleep; quickly:: So what you're saying is that I should kill Claudius because he killed you and married mother, right?
Silverbolt: ::Blinks and pouts:: Well... yes. But I must ask, howsoever thou pursu'st this act, taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive against thy mother aught: leave her to heaven, and to those thorns that in her bosom lodge, to prick and sting her.
Dinobot: Er... yes, father. ::Lost::
Silverbolt: ::Swishes his wings dramatically, to much fanfare:: Adieu, adieu! Hamlet, remember me!
[Exit Silverbolt]
Dinobot: ::Poses dramatically:: O, all you HOST of heaven! O, EARTH! what else? And shall I couple HELL?! O, fie!--Hold, my heart; and YOU, my sinews, grow not instant old, but bear me STIFFLY up!--Remember thee!
Megatron: ::Off stage:: Hamlet, Hamlet!
Dinobot: ::Growls and rushes along:: O, villain, villain, smiling, damned villain! My tablet, I'll write down that one may smile, and smile, and be a village--VILLAIN! At least, I am sure, it may be so--
[Enter Megatron and Airrazor, at a run. They stop, Megatron "accidentally" shouldering into Dinobot, sending him sprawling]
Airrazor: ::Whispers desperately:: We're too early!
Megatron: ::Whispers back:: Did you want to listen to the rest of that wank?
Dinobot: ::Scrambles up, glaring:: What?!
Airrazor: How is it with you, my lord?
Dinobot: I am well! I have wonderful news!
[Silence]
Megatron: ::Taps foot:: Well?
Dinobot: I cannot tell you; you'll reveal it.
Airrazor: ::Indignant:: No!
Megatron: Not unless someone payed me.
Airrazor: ::Elbows him::
Dinobot: ::Ignores Megatron:: There's a villain dwelling in Denmark, but he's an arrant knave.
Megatron: ::Snickers:: News, you said?
Dinobot: ::Glare:: Why, you're right, Horatio, and thus I think we should merely shake hands and go pray!
Airrazor: My lord, you speak madly.
Dinobot: Sorry, sorry, but I must ask you never speak of the ghost to others!
Airrazor: Heh, little late for that, my lord; Fransisco's all ready told every barmaid in Elsinore, and once they get hold of gossip, you know-- ::Notices looks and shuts up::
Megatron: ::Sighs:: We won't, my lord.
Dinobot: ::Pulls his sword:: Swear it!
Silverbolt: ::Off stage:: Swear! ::Fanfare::
Megatron: ::Growls:: I swear.
Airrazor: ::Nods:: I swear.
Dinobot: Well, well, I hear not your intent! Swear!
Megatron: ... That's not in the play.
Airrazor: ::Sighs:: We swear!
Silverbolt: ::Off stage:: Swear! ::Impressive trumpet fanfare; some wiseguy starts playing the Simpsons theme::
Dinobot: Well said, old mole! Swear!
Megatron: ::Glares and slugs Dinobot:: We bloody well swear!
Airrazor: ::Facepalms::
Dinobot: ::Rubs his jaw and glares at Megatron, but sheathes the sword::
Megatron: ::Blinks a bit:: Primus, that was gratifying.
Dinobot: ::Growls:: My friends, from now on I must act as if mad-- ::Snaps at Megatron before he can say anything:: Shut up, Horatio --but do not be unnerved for it is a disguise in which I have swept myself. Come, my friends, and still be silent. The time is out of joint; O, cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right!
Megatron: ...
Dinobot: ::Sulks a bit:: Come, let's go together.
[Exeunt]
~~ACT ONE~~