I've been writing this on and off since like last Christmas, but I still have Doubts that I'll finish it in time for this Christmas. So I figured if I started posting it before Christmas, maybe people will still care about it after Christmas.

Enjoy.

Sanji stepped out of his restaurant into the freezing cold. As it started snowing, he shivered, tightening his coat as he lit a cigarette and made his way down the street. Yet another dinner rush at the Baratie was successfully completed, and he couldn't wait to get home out of the cold and warm up.

About two feet away from the door, his phone started ringing. He cursed and dug his hand into his pocket, rolling his eyes when he saw the name. He tugged at his glove with his teeth until his thumb was free enough to slide across the screen and answer the call, "Yeah?"

"Good evening, Sanji," his sister said, "I hope you're enjoying the weather."

"What do you want, Reiju?" he grumbled into the phone as he fixed his glove.

"I called to talk to you about Christmas. Are you still coming for the weekend?"

"Yeah," he said with a sigh. He hated it, hated spending any amount of time with his so-called family, but his mom was always excited to see the whole family together, and however much he hated the rest of them, he loved her, so every year he went. And every year it was terrible, "I'll be there, but I won't like it."

"Good," she said, "Mom will be happy to see you. And your girlfriend."

Sanji stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, "My what?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention?" Reiju laughed, "Mom found out that you moved in with someone earlier this year. She was so excited when I talked to her, going on about how all of her babies have found love and that the house was going to be so crowded this year."

Sanji felt the bottom of his stomach drop out as he stood there, shivering but no longer feeling the cold as dread spread through him, colder than any ice, "Do, do they know, does she know…?"

"Don't worry," Reiju said, her voice warm and comforting to the storm currently raging inside him, "I told you, she thinks you moved in with your girlfriend. She doesn't know you actually moved in with your boyfriend."

Relief spiked through his chest as he started walking again, "Well shit, why does she think that?"

"You did tell her that you moved, and apparently your Facebook posts led her to believe that you're in a relationship. She just put two and two together."

"Ah," Sanji stopped at a crosswalk and tapped his foot, "So, what, she's expecting me to bring a girl to Christmas?"

"Yes, pretty much," the light turned and Sanji crossed the street as she continued, "She's expecting each of us to show up with a date."

"Are you telling me Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji all have girlfriends?" he shook his head, "Who are these most unfortunate women?"

"You'll meet them in a few weeks," she reminded him.

The line went quiet for a moment. Sanji mentally went back through their conversation, trying to figure out what his sister was implying with her silence, "Wait, shit, does mom know about you and Pudding?"

"No," she said, "But, like you, she did find out that I was seeing someone, and now assumes I have a boyfriend."

"Who she is expecting you to bring to Christmas too," he rubbed a hand down his face, "Shit, this is such a mess. Maybe I just won't come this year."

"Oh?" he could hear his sister smirk, "You don't have a lady friend that can pretend to be your Christmas date?"

"Not any that don't already have other Christmas plans, or other Christmas dates. Plus I don't, really want to do that to Zoro," he blushed a little, then said, "What, you've got a guy already lined up?"

"I do not," she admitted, but Sanji knew that tone in her voice. His sister might not be as terrible as his brothers, but she could be plenty devious when she wanted to, "But, if you and Zoro are on board, I do have a plan."

Zoro was sitting on the couch watching TV when Sanji entered the apartment.

"Hey," he said as Sanji dusted the snowflakes out of hair, "Are you up for cooking tonight or do you want to go out?"

Sanji kicked off his boots and hung up his jacket, "Do you want to spend Christmas with me?"

Zoro frowned and looked over at him, "What?"

He took a deep breath and walked over to the couch, "Christmas, do you want to spend it with me or not?"

Zoro turned off the TV, "Is everything okay?"

He scowled and crossed his arms, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because I asked you about dinner and you asked me about Christmas?"

He rolled his eyes, "I just spent all day cooking so I'm not up for it right now, and I don't really want to go back out in the snow."

"Fine," Zoro pulled out his phone, "We're ordering Chinese."

"Fine," he sat down on the couch, "But order it from the good place downtown, not the shitty one on the corner."

"It'll take twice as long to get here and cost twice as much," Zoro grumbled as he dialed, "But whatever."

After the call was placed, Zoro turned to Sanji, "So, what's up with Christmas?"

Sanji crossed his arms in front of his chest and sunk into the couch, "If you don't want to spend Christmas with me that's fine."

"I do," Sanji looked over at him as he heart fluttered in his chest. Zoro was blushing, just a little, but he pushed on, "I want to spend Christmas with you."

"You don't even like Christmas," Sanji said as he uncrossed his arms, letting them fall to his sides, "It's both too religious and too commercialized, two of your least favorite things. Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Zoro reached over and touched his hand, "I don't like the holiday, but I like you, and when you're around things are just, better, I guess," he ran his thumb over the back of his knuckles and smirked, "Two terrible things must cancel each other out."

"You ass," Sanji shoved his shoulder and turned his hand so he was properly holding Zoro's.

"So yes, I would like to spend Christmas with you," he squeezed his hand and continued, "But don't you usually go to the Vinsmokes' for Christmas? Are you not going this year?"

"No, I am."

"So, what," Zoro looked confused, and Sanji all but held his breath, "you want me to go there with you?"

Sanji tightened his grip on Zoro's hand, "Is that going to be a problem?"

"Not for me, no," Zoro's brow furrowed, "But are you okay with them knowing about, you know," he gestured at the space between them, "This?"

His grip on Zoro's hand tightened further as he clenched his other hand into a fist on his knee, his fingernails biting his palms, "No."

Zoro raised an eyebrow, "Then why the fuck do you want me to come with you?"

Sanji let go of his hand and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it and took a long drag, exhaling the smoke away from Zoro before he spoke again, "So, my mom found out I'm seeing someone."

"Oh," he leaned forward and tried to catch Sanji's eye, but Sanji was staring fixedly at the wall, "How did she take the whole dating a guy thing?"

"She didn't," he took another drag from his cigarette, "She, thinks I have a girlfriend? She's kind of expecting me to bring her to Christmas."

"Oh," Zoro leaned back and drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch, "So what, are you planning on trying to pass me off as a girl? Or come out to your family in one fell swoop?"

"Neither," Sanji knocked the ash off the end of his cigarette into the ashtray on the table.

"So why the hell do you want me to come with you?"

Sanji bit his lip as he looked over at him, "You can say no, if you want. I won't, get mad or be offended or anything. You can spend Christmas with Luffy or Nami or whatever you usually do and I can just, say my girlfriend had other plans or something. It's not a big deal."

Zoro's eyes narrowed, "What is it?"

He took another deep drag from his cigarette before speaking, "My sister's in the same boat as me. Mom found out she's seeing someone and expects her to bring her boyfriend when she really has a girlfriend. She had the idea that we could just, switch partners for Christmas."

Sanji clenched his knees in a death grip as the silence between them grew. Heat spread from his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears and he could feel himself turn even redder by the second. It was a stupid idea, Zoro would never go for it. Who would? What kind of decent person would agree to date their partner's sister, even without the condition of watching their partner date someone else?

"You're both idiots," Zoro said as he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, "You don't even like the Vinsmokes, why do you care if they find out?"

"Reiju cares. I don't care, not really," he gripped his arm and looked away, "Judge basically disowned me years ago, so it's not like being bisexual and dating a guy is going to make things worse between us. My brothers already hate me, and while this could certainly make them hate more, there isn't much they'll do about it. But with my mom it's different," he ran a hand through his hair and clenched it tightly, "I can't, I don't know how she'll react."

"If she really loves you, then she'll love you no matter what."

"Part of me knows that. Part of me is just, she's the only one in that house who ever gave two shits about me," he looked up at Zoro, eyes wide, shaking slightly, "I don't want her to hate me too."

A beat, then Zoro leaned forward and pulled Sanji into a hug, "Fine, I'll do it."

Sanji blinked, relaxing almost instantly, "You will?"

"Yeah," he sighed and leaned his head against Sanji's, "I still think it's a dumb idea, but it'll be nice to actually spend Christmas with you. Although I should warn you, I'm terrible at playing straight."

Sanji chuckled and leaned further into the hug, wrapping his arms around Zoro's torso, "Thank you."

They stayed like that for a moment before Zoro spoke again, "This is going to be a terrible weekend, isn't it?"

Sanji chuckled into his chest, "The worst."

"Wow," Nami said from her spot on his bed, "I can't believe you're actually going to meet the infamous Vinsmokes."

"Yeah," Zoro said, tossing some socks into his overnight bag. He had no idea why she was here. He may have asked her what were some appropriate things to wear when meeting your boyfriend's super rich ex-family while pretending to be dating his sister and from there ended up telling her the whole scheme, but he certainly didn't need her to actually come over for this.

"How do you feel about that? Excited? Nervous?" she leaned back on his pillows as he ducked his head into his closet, "Ooh, what are you bringing them? You have to bring them something, you're meeting the family on Christmas."

"Sanji said not to bother," he said, pulling out his two nicest shirts and wondered if they would work, "There's nothing I could get them that they would accept or appreciate."

"Not even wine? Everyone appreciates wine. It's a great first impression gift."

"They own like five different vineyards and have their own wine brand that sells for $1500 a bottle. The last thing they'd want is the $15 bottle I'd get them," Zoro said as he showed her the shirts, "Are these okay?"

"Depends," she scooted forward until she was sitting on the edge of his bed, "What does this weekend entail?"

"Dunno," he shrugged, "At least two dinners, some Christmas Eve party or something, whatever usually happens on Christmas Day, and Sanji said something about a Winter Festival that they go to every year?"

Nami studied the shirts with the utmost scrutiny, "Bring the green one, wear it to one of the dinners. Bring a suit for the party."

He tossed the blue shirt back in the closet and carefully folded the green one, "I don't have a suit."

"Don't worry about it," she waved her hand, "I'm sure Sanji has one for you just in case."

He peeked over at Sanji's half of the closet, at all the suits and shirts that were neatly pressed and stored with the utmost precision and frowned. Sanji was strong, but he was slim, not nearly as built as Zoro was. There was no way in hell any of Sanji's suits would be able to fit him, "Whatever," he said, placing the shirt in his bag.

"If that Winter Festival thing is outside, you're going to want to wear a sweater," she continued, falling back onto his bed, "Or a nice jacket. Something that's not a hoodie to keep you warm."

"What's wrong with hoodies?" he grumbled. She sat up on her elbows and gave him a look, which made no sense to him, "Hoodies are great! They're comfortable and warm. Suddenly the Vinsomkes are too good for hoodies? Well fuck them!" He tossed a hoodie into his bag to demonstrate his point, "I don't give a shit about what they think. Neither does Sanji."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Nami rolled her eyes, "That's exactly why he's trying to pass you both off as straight for a weekend."

He glared down at his bag, "Well, I don't care."

"And that's exactly why you agreed. Because you don't care."

He crossed his arms and looked away, "I don't care. I don't know why I agreed to this."

"You agreed because Sanji asked you too, and you want Sanji to be happy," she smirked at him, "because you love him."

He tossed the hoodie from his bag at her face, "Shut up." Even if it was true, she didn't have to say it like that.

She caught it and tossed it aside before standing up and walking to his closet to dig through it herself, "You said yes because you want to spend Christmas with Sanji, because you love him."

Zoro stared at the floor, not dignifying her statement with a comment, but clearly not denying it either.

Because the truth was he did care. Not about the Vinsmokes or their opinions, but about Sanji, a lot more than he was willing to admit. And if Sanji and Reiju weren't ready to come out to the Vinsmokes then Zoro wasn't going to be the asshole who forced them to. He just didn't get why they were willing to go through such theatrics to keep the secret. Zoro was never one to shy away from who he was, and being gay was part of that. Maybe it was because he didn't care what most people thought about him in general, but hiding a part of yourself like that had always seemed so pointless and not nearly worth the effort. But it wasn't his secret, and it wasn't his family.

Somehow Nami managed to produce a sweater that Zoro didn't realize he had. She tossed it at him and he was gratified to notice that it didn't have any holes in it. Score.

"You also probably want to meet the Vinsmokes, and see if they're as terrible as Sanji says they are," she shrugged as she sat back down on the bed.

He placed the sweater on top of his bag and smoothed it out a bit, blatantly not looking at his friend as he said, "I guess, part of me just wants to know where he came from. And I know it's not good," he sighed, "I know he doesn't like that part of his life. But part of me still wants to know."

"Because you love him," her smirk grew.

"Whatever," he said, once again not denying it.

"I've never met Sanji's brothers," Nami continued, rolling her feet across the carpet, "but I've met his sister a few times."

Reiju was supposed to be his girlfriend, but the truth was he knew nothing about her other than she was Sanji's sister, "What's she like?"

"She was nice enough. A bit closed off," Nami frowned, searching for the right word, "Very secretive," she looked back up at him and smiled, "You two would actually get along great, but your conversations would be dull as shit."

He threw a balled up shirt at her, "Shut up. No one asked you to be here."

"But I came anyway, because I care," she said, tossing the shirt back at him, "Pack that, wear it to one of the dinners."

He muttered his dissent, but did what she asked.

"I met his mom once too."

"Really?" That was interesting. Out of all the Vinsmokes, Sanji talked about her the most, and it was clear that despite his issues with the rest of his family, he held a lot of love and respect for his mother, "When? How? Was she-" he stopped himself, unable to find the right words to ask what he wanted to know.

"A few years ago," she smiled, leaning back and kicking her feet again, "back when Sanji had that huge crush on me and would give me all my meals at the Baratie for free."

"He still gives you all your meals for free," he rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, I was hanging out there one day and she came in to see him," she shrugged, like meeting Sanji's mom was an everyday occurrence and not a huge fucking deal, "Apparently she used to come and see him and Zeff there a few times a month, before she got too sick."

Zoro stared at his bag, fiddling with the end of the zipper, "What was she like?"

"She was nice," he looked over and saw her smiling at him, "She reminded me a lot of Sanji, actually. It was easy to see why he loves her so much."

He nodded as he looked back at his bag. Was she enough like Sanji that she was only really nice to women? He was going as her only daughter's boyfriend, so would she hold him to a higher standard? What would he do if she didn't like him?

"But, you don't care about that," Nami teased, raising her eyebrow, "Right?"

"Yeah," he nodded again as he went back to his packing.

At the end of the day, he supposed it didn't matter.

Sanji and Zoro were pulled into the rest stop parking lot, Sanji anxiously pacing around the car while Zoro sat on the hood and tried to ignore him.

"They're late," Sanji needlessly said as he lit up his fourth cigarette with the dying embers of his third.

"They probably got lost," Zoro scoffed as he leaned back against the windshield, "How lame."

"You're the last person who can judge people for getting lost."

Before Zoro could deliver his devastating comeback, a pink convertible pulled into the lot, and out came a woman with pink hair wearing a pink, skin tight dress.

"Hello Sanji," she smiled, "Did you have trouble finding the place?"

Sanji rolled his eyes, "We're not the ones who were late."

Zoro jumped off the car, straightened up, and looked at her, "So, you're Reiju?"

"Yes," she held out her hand, "Reiju Vinsmoke, your date for this weekend."

Zoro grunted and shook her hand, "Zoro Roronoa," he gave her a quick glance over, and noticed her doing the same with him. She was conventionally attractive if a bit on the skinny side, and had the same distinctive swirl to her eyebrow that Sanji had but going the opposite way, making him wonder if that was a family thing. She was also much pinker than any girl Zoro had ever met, "Is pink like your theme color or something?"

She chuckled, "When you grow up with quadruplets for younger brothers, you carve out a niche where you can."

"Yes, yes, wonderful," Sanji said with wave of his arms, "Can we get going already?"

"We've only just met up again after so long," Reiju said, "We should spend some more time together, don't you think?"

"We'll be spending plenty of time together this weekend," he grumbled and crossed his arms, "And we're already running late."

She smiled, "So eager to see everyone again, little brother?"

"The quicker we get there the quicker we can get this over with and go," Sanji said with a huff as he glanced towards Reiju's car, "Where's Pudding?"

Reiju looked at it as well, "Pudding, let's go."

A young woman with brown hair tied up in pigtails stepped out of the car. She approached with a few graceful steps until she was standing in front of Sanji. Slowly, she lifted her head, her bangs falling elegantly away from her bright brown eyes as she smiled up at him, "Hello Sanji, it's nice to see you again."

Sanji's cheeks turned pink as a blush spread across his cheeks, "Y-yeah, nice to see you, Pudding."

"Wait," Zoro frowned, "You know each other?"

"Her family and ours are business partners," Reiju explained, "Growing up they were close friends," she leaned against his shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Between you and me, she always had a bit of a crush on him."

Zoro's eyes narrowed as Pudding gently touched Sanji's arm, "And, you're okay with her pretending to date him?"

"Okay isn't the right word for it," Reiju pursed and tapped her lips, "Intrigued is closer. In case you are wondering, Sanji did used to have a crush on her, but he got over it."

Sanji's cheeks grew even redder as he laughed at something Pudding was saying, leaning ever so slightly into her touch, "Are you sure about that?"

"Pretty sure," she shrugged, "He's the one who broke up with her, after all."

Well that was something Sanji completely failed to mention when proposing this stupid scheme. Zoro didn't know whether to be shocked, mad, or disappointed, so he settled for saying "What."

"Oh?" Reiju said with a smile, "You didn't know?" She wrapped her arm around his, "This is going to be a fun weekend."

"Right," Sanji cleared his throat and stepped away from Pudding, "We should get going," he unlocked his car and opened the passenger door, "After you."

"Why thank you," Pudding smiled at him, shooting a look over her shoulder at Zoro and Reiju before she stepped into the car and he closed the door.

Sanji took a deep breath and turned around to face them. He at least had enough sense to look sheepish, unable to meet Zoro's eyes as he focused on Reiju, "So, we'll just," he gestured at his car. His eyes caught their still interlocked arms briefly and he looked away once more, "See you at the house."

He got in his car and drove off.

"Well, new boyfriend," Zoro glared as Reiju smiled at him, "Shall we get going too?"

They'd been on the road for about ten minutes in almost complete silence. Zoro fiddled with his phone, once more considering texting Sanji to demand an explanation and once more realizing that since he was driving Pudding would probably be the one to read and answer it, and that was the last thing he wanted right now. Instead he glared at his phone, as if staring at Sanji's name in his contacts would somehow express his feelings to the man himself.

"What's your favorite color?" Reiju asked suddenly.

Zoro looked up at her, "Huh?"

"We're supposed to be dating," she said, eyes still on the road, "We should get to know each other before the big show, right?"

She was right, he still agreed to do this, so he should at least make an effort to get to know his fake girlfriend, "Green."

"That explains the hair," she said with a laugh, "Mine's pink, by the way."

"Yeah," he glanced around the interior of the car, which was just as decked out in pink as the outside and the woman driving it, "I figured."

"What's your favorite animal?"

"Tiger," he paused, then added a tentative, "What about you?"

She hummed, then answered, "Moths."

"Wasn't the answer I was expecting."

"They're unassuming, and most people consider them pests, but they can be just as beautiful as butterflies, and even deadly, in some cases," she glanced over at him, "Why do you like tigers?"

"Dunno. I like an animal that can rip a man's heart out, but there's also something graceful, I guess, about how they hunt," he shrugged and sunk further into the seat, stretching his legs under the dashboard, "I just think they're cool, I guess."

Reiju chuckled, "See? We are learning about each other," she returned her focus to the road and asked, "So how did you and Sanji meet?"

"Through a mutual friend."

"Oh?" she raised an eyebrow, small smile lighting up her face, "Was it love at first sight?"

"Hardly," Zoro rolled his eyes. He could still remember his first impression of Sanji when Luffy introduced him, just another skinny love-sick rich kid who was trying way to hard that he could probably snap like a twig, but she didn't need to know all those details, "I thought he was annoying, and I'm pretty sure he straight up hated me."

"How'd you start dating then?"

"We had the same group of friends, so we were constantly hanging out," he looked out the window as he recalled the spattering of study groups, dumb parties, late night video game sessions, and friendly gatherings that led them from rivals to friends and eventually to lovers. To Reiju he said, "Sometime after college we realized we had a mutual attraction thing going on, so we decided to try dating."

"I see," she said, "I'm glad Sanji has such good friends."

Zoro grunted in response before asking, "So, how did you and Pudding go from childhood friends to girlfriends?"

"We were never really friends growing up, she was more attached to Sanji," she said with a shrug, "I work as a lawyer for my father's company. A few years ago, my father planned a merger with Pudding's mother's company, Big Mom Sweets."

"Wait," Zoro turned to face her, "Is Pudding's mom the Big Mom? The lady who's on like every bag of candy in the store?"

"That's the one," Reiju smiled, "Linlin Charlotte is head of one of the biggest sweet distributors in the country. Pudding is their head chocolatier."

Zoro frowned as he turned back to the window. How the hell was he supposed to compete for Sanji's affection against a chocolate heiress? Not that this was a competition or Sanji some kind of prize. And even if it was, Zoro never lost.

"I was part of the legal team that worked on the merger," Reiju continued, "Pudding was one of the liaisons we dealt with. The two of us met on almost a daily basis to talk business, but when the merger fell through, we decided to keep seeing each other. Eventually that turned into a relationship."

"Oh," Zoro leaned back in his seat, "That's not very romantic either."

Reiju giggled, "It can be, depending on your perspective. But, neither of those stories will work for our first meeting."

"It doesn't matter," Zoro closed his eyes and stretched out more, "Just say whatever and I'll go with it."

"Do you do a lot of improv?"

"Not really," he shrugged, "But I am a go with the flow kind of guy."

"I see," she said, smiling, "This is going to be a fun weekend."

Sanji pulled up the long driveway and into the side area reserved for guests. The huge house loomed over them as he took a few calming breaths.

"Are you okay?" Pudding asked him, worry written all over her face.

Sanji beamed at her, "Of course."

"It must be hard," she said, leaning over to touch his arm, "Coming back to this house that you hate."

"Not really, I do it every year," he said, shrugging off her touch and getting out of the car.

Shit, he'd hoped that since she was dating Reiju Pudding had gotten over this, but apparently not. Unless she was only acting like this to mess with him, or to mess with Reiju. Or maybe Reiju told her to act this way to mess with him, honestly he wouldn't put it past either of them. They were made for each other.

Still, this was going to make this already awkward situation even worse. At least he has Zoro with him this year, for as long as Zoro agreed to put up with the bullshit his family came up with.

He ran a hand over his face. Inviting your boyfriend over for the holidays was supposed to be a sign that you were getting serious, that he was important to you and you wanted to include him in these kinds of rituals. Instead this might break them up.

He started feeling queasy. Sanji leaned back against his car and looked around, noticing the green motorcycle, blue truck, and red sports car already parked beside him. He felt even queasier.

Pudding hopped out of the car and closed the door behind her. She came around and grabbed his elbow, looping their arms together, and smiled, "Shall we get going?"

Sanji swallowed, putting on his best smile, and pat her hand, "Yes, let's go."

Arm in arm with his sister's girlfriend, Sanji walked straight into the lion's den.