The cold and snow of Argus reminded her of home. Only here... it didn't feel so cold. Not when she was surrounded by her friends. Her family.

Her true family.

Sitting on the floor of Saphron Arc's home, Weiss felt whole again. After the crisis on the train, after the hardship they had suffered at Brunswick Farms, she and her teammates had finally reunited with their friends. Everyone had come out of it alive. Everyone had been challenged in their desire to keep moving forward. In the end they had all come out stronger. They knew what was at risk, and what they had to protect.

Family.

Pale blue eyes once more regarded the tiny form of Adrian Cotta-Arc. The adorable little toddler made for a fierce rival to even Zwei in cuteness. Not since first meeting that dog at Beacon had Weiss felt her heart flutter in such a way. She wanted nothing more than to hold the child. To love him. To nurture him. To protect him from all the evils in the world.

It was a new feeling for the Ice Queen. Something stirred inside that frozen heart of hers in the moment she saw Adrian pouting at Jaune's accusation of him being the 'baby'. It was a natural desire. An instinct. Something deep inside her that craved taking care of a baby.

Her baby.

Unlike her own parents, Weiss would be the ideal mother. She would be attentive both physically and emotionally. She would not waste away in the garden under the influence of drink. She would not lock herself in her office, consumed by work all day. She would have children out of love, and not the cold, pragmatic desire to produce an heir. No, Weiss Schnee would be the most wonderful mother the world had ever known.

Her eyes shifted to the first of the men in the room. Ren was a capable and intelligent man. However, he was off limits due to his relationship with Nora. Weiss would never betray her friend in such a manner. Even if she was willing to, Nora would not give her boyfriend up without a fight. And that girl was as fierce as they came with her hammer...

Next came Oscar, but she was almost immediately put off by the idea. If him being four years younger than her wasn't enough, the fact that his mind was also shared by the late Professor Ozpin was more than enough reason cross him off the list of eligible bachelors.

Which came to the final candidate in the room. An all too familiar blond boy who had once courted her. Back then she had spurned his advances. Now however...

...

The doorman bowed his head slightly before opening the door to Schnee Manor. Her coat and purse were quickly taken for her to be placed on the rack next to the mansion's main entrance. The clicking sound of heels on marble tile filled her ears as she moved through her home, the sounds of her footsteps becoming more and more faint as the sounds of laughter and play became louder.

Weiss' lips drew into a tight smile as she neared the parlor.

Peeking around the corner, she saw a familiar sight that warmed her heart. It took a few seconds, put two sets of eyes finally saw her.

"Mother!" the pair of voices shouted.

Her two children, her precious snow angels, came running at her with arms spread wide. Weiss knelt down the little she needed to in order to envelop them both in tight hugs, her face burying itself in their perfect snow-white hair as she kissed each atop the head.

"Eira, Albricht," she said lovingly. "I missed you both so much."

An aging Klein came into the room as she handed her a glass of brandy. A second glass was given to her darling husband, who was next to greet her.

"Welcome home, honey," Jaune smiled as it was now his turn to bend down in order to kiss her. "Busy day?"

"Oh, you know how it is," she sighed as she allowed him to lead her over to the sofa. Eira and Albricht followed, finding their places once more on the expensive Mistrali rug and resumed playing with their toys. "There's never a dull moment when you're the CEO of the Schnee Dust Company."

"You really should take a vacation," he urged her. There was concern in those loving blue eyes of his. Eyes which had loved her since the first time they met back at Beacon Academy. "You've earned it after single-handedly reforming your family's company and championing faunus rights in the working sector."

She smiled modestly at her wealth of achievements in such a short span of time since she took power back from her father, who had since been imprisoned with charges of corruption and illegal business dealings. "Well, it just so happens that I did decide to take this Friday off of work..."

An excited gasp filled the room. "You mean the day of my piano recital?" Eira asked.

"That's right. I decided to give everyone in the company a paid day off this Friday because I didn't want to risk missing a second of your performance."

"What about my fencing tournament?" Albricht hurried asked.

Weiss nodded. "Of course. It may still be a month away, but I've made preparations well in advance to take time off for that as well. There will never be anything more important in my life than my children. Not my company. Not being a huntress. Nothing."

Both children got up from the floor and jumped up to the couch to once more squeeze their mother tightly.

Her husband, her children, this life... it truly was bliss.

It felt as if Yang had been smiling ever since she arrived in Argus. After all she and everyone else had been through, she needed this.

Meeting Jaune's sister here had been a surprise, but perhaps what had been more surprising was to see how the two of them interacted. It reminded her of Ruby and herself.

Saphron's teasing of Jaune was just the kind of thing she loved to do to her own 'baby sister'. After all, much like he was her baby brother, Ruby would always be Yang's own baby sister. It didn't end there. Grabbing his cheeks. Teasing him about wanting to follow after her footsteps. It was incredible, like looking in a mirror. They were both so alike in both looks and personality. The only difference was that one had a child.

Yang's attention shifted to Adrian. After playing with him, she was reminded of how Ruby had been at his age. She had done her fair share of helping to raise Ruby into the young woman that she was. As far as she was concerned she would make a great mother one day.

One day.

Playing with the precious child had lit a flame in the girl's heart. Normally it was only her hair which burned. But now... now her ovaries were ablaze as well.

The question was, who was available? Certainly not Ren for obvious reasons. Oscar had an ancient an untrustworthy wizard living inside of his head, and that was a definite turnoff. So that left...

Her gaze turned to Jaune, who was still fighting off his sister's offending hands. A soft smile graced her lips, seeing how well they got along. She already knew the boy well. He was safe. He was a friend. He was already an uncle. How would he be as a father?

And did he still harbor any feelings for her teammate?

Yang glanced over to Weiss, who appeared to be staring at Jaune herself. A stupid smile was plastered on her face, while her glassy eyes were seemingly lost in thought.

It had been a while since Beacon. She wondered where Jaune's heart was now. After all, her own father had loved and lost before, only to find solace in the arms of another. She wondered if... maybe she could be the one to bring him happiness...

...

After another successful mission, it was time to return home. And that meant coming back in style.

Opening the side door of the Bullhead, Yang checked her gear one more time. Beside her Jaune did the same. Satisfied that they were set, she turned to her husband. "Ready to go?"

The man nodded, flashing a toothy grin as he gave a thumbs up. "Ladies first!" he shouted over the harsh wind that whipped through the open cargo bay of the ship.

Yang rolled her eyes at his attempt at chivalry. "Sounds good!" she yelled back before pushing Jaune out the door.

The initial scream faded quickly, and Yang jumped out a few seconds after. The air bit at her face as she freefell through the sky, Jaune just a little bit below her. This was the life. Going on missions with the man she loved. Skydiving from their ride home. She couldn't want to get home and see their loving child.

They deployed their parachutes soon enough, gliding the rest of the way down to their secluded cabin home. Much like her father, Yang wanted a life away from all the adventure and excitement that work brought her. Separating that from a peaceful domestic life was the perfect balance that she needed.

Discarding their gear, the two blondes stepped inside their home, and to a sight which Yang would never get tired of.

"Mom, dad!" Summer yelled as she ran toward them. The small blonde girl jumped up to be caught in Yang's arms, who pulled her into a tight embrace.

"What's up, Sum!" She held her there for long moments, taking in the perfection of the moment. Of coming home to her darling daughter, just as she always did.

Yang would never put her own daughter through the heartache that her own mothers had. She learned what not to do through Raven's selfishness. Through Summer's unfortunate death while out on her own mission. It was why she never went alone. Jaune was always there by her side. He would always have her back, just as she would always have his.

"Where's your aunt?" Yang continued, once she had set her daughter back down.

"Oh, Aunt Ruby needed to go out and buy some stuff for maintenance on Crescent Rose. She said she trusted me enough to be home alone for an hour."

"Did she now..." she smirked. Her dear younger sister was going to get quite the talking to once she got back home.

"Yup! I'm a big girl now!"

Yang couldn't help but smile. Yes, Summer was indeed becoming a big girl now. Perhaps big enough to be up to the new responsibility which would soon be in their laps.

"Well guess what?" she said as she took her daughter by the hand, leading her over to the couch. "I have a surprise for you."

Summer plopped down next to her mother, blue eyes looking up at her. "What is it?"

"Well..." Yang's attention shifted over to Jaune, who smiled warmly at her. "You're going to have a baby brother or sister soon. In around eight months."

"A baby brother or sister!" Summer shouted. "I can't wait! Can I have them now? Please!"

She and Jaune both laughed. "Sorry, sweetie. I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. But it's never too early to start thinking of names..."

Her daughter smiled, revealing a hole where one of her baby teeth had recently fallen out. "Yay! I'm gonna be the best big sister ever!"

Maybe. Yang knew that she still held a monopoly when it came to that title. But who knows. Maybe the daughter would indeed surpass the mother. That alone would be proof enough that she had done her job well.

She had emulated all she could from the woman who her daughter was named after. So far, everything in her life was perfect.

And that perfection was about to be doubled.

After a long and eventful day, it was good to be able to relax.

Jaune laid back in his bed, thinking back to the tumultuous past couple of days. Now after all the strife and worry, the members of Team RWBY were back safely. They had returned just as Ruby promised that they would. For that he was thankful. Now he would finally be able to sleep in peace.

At least, he would have until he heard the knock on his door.

"It's open," he called out.

It slowly opened to reveal a small and slim silhouette. As his eyes adjusted to the light streaming in through the opening, he saw that it was Weiss.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Oh," he said as he shuffled around in his bed a little bit to ensure that he was decent. "Yeah, sure."

She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Jaune moved to turn on the small lamp at the bed's side. The soft glow illuminated the room, and her along with it.

"So what's up?" he asked.

Weiss' arms were pressed closely to her side, and one hand reached over to grab hold of her other forearm. Her head was cast downward as she spoke. "You know... I never did thank you properly for saving my life back at Haven."

His brow furrowed. That had been weeks ago. And besides, she had. "You already thanked me," he reminded her. "Besides, it's not something that even needs thanking. I'd do it for any of you in a heartbeat."

She took a step closer to him. "Properly," she repeated. Her face finally moved to look at him, revealing a pair of warm eyes and an even warmer smile. "Remember the time I called you tall, blond and scraggly?"

It took him a moment, but his mind did recall those words. "Yeah. The first day of Beacon, right?"

She nodded. "Yes. You've certainly grown. A lot." Her eyes moved up and down, as if she was studying him. "Mister tall, blond and... thick."

Thick was certainly one way to describe it. He had been working out a lot since the fall of Beacon. His muscles had gotten larger, and he had even grown a couple inches.

"I wonder what else is thick?"

Those words caused Jaune's head to shoot up and regard the girl who was now standing at the foot of his bed. "Weiss?"

"I know you wanted to see that Spruce Willis movie with me," she continued as she once more brought up ancient history between the two. Jaune was honestly surprised that she remembered that incident. "I saw that there's a theater here in Argus. Would you like to see Tryst in the Mist together? It sounds... romantic. It'll really set the mood."

Romantic? Set the mood? Jaune sat up, his mind on edge now regarding how odd Weiss was acting. "Are you... feeling okay, Weiss?"

"Yes, but I could certainly feel much, much better..." she trailed off as she placed her hands on top of his bed. She pushed forward, and her knees followed shortly afterward. "And I know just how to do it."

Jaune was sitting up completely straight now, backing up inch by inch as Weiss approached him. Soon enough his back was against the wall, and he was out of room. "H-how?" he asked nervously.

Her eyes never left his as she reached him, her legs trapping him in place as she straddled his hips. "I want to feel you inside me again. I want you to fill me with your warm white stuff."

His breaths were coming out in ragged gasps now as he felt the weight of the girl pressing down on his pelvis. He couldn't bring himself to look away from the beautiful sapphires which graced her perfect face. "You mean my Aura, right?"

She shook her head softly. "No." Leaning in closer, Weiss brought her lips to his ear, brushing against it ever so slightly and sending a shiver down his spine. "Jaune. I want to carry your child."

His body jerked slightly, unable to keep from reacting to the provocative words. As Weiss pulled back, he gazed once more into those sparkling gemstones which looked down lovingly at him. "W-what?"

"I want a baby, Jaune," she told him. "Your baby." Her hand drifted down to the covers where her legs met his hips. "All I need is a little help from you."

There was a part of him, a very large part, which wanted nothing more than to let this go on. And yet he couldn't. Something wasn't right about any of this. His own hand reached out and snatched hers before it could potentially change his mind.

"What are you doing?" he asked her. "What's gotten into you?"

Icy eyes hardened as they glared down at him. "What are you talking about? Don't lie, this is something you've always wanted. You've desired me and my attention ever since Beacon. Now is your opportunity to make your dream a reality." She bent down once more, bringing her lips close to his. "Make me yours, Jaune," she whispered.

Those words nearly broke him. She was but an inch away from kissing him. And yet... he couldn't. There was something wrong here.

Throwing the covers, along with the Schnee girl off of him, Jaune leapt out of bed and toward the door. Thankfully Weiss had fallen off the side of his bed from the sheer force of his shove, allowing him to reach the exit unimpeded.

As he dashed out of his room, he heard the angry screams of Weiss from behind him. "Get back here and put a baby in me!"

Had she lost her mind? Had something horrible happened at Brunswick Farms to make her this way? He had to talk to someone. To Ruby. He had to find Ruby.

His heart pounded in his chest as he raced for the room he believed Ruby and Yang to be staying in. She would know if something was wrong with her partner. She would know all the details about The Apathy and how they affected people. Maybe there were other types of Grimm which affected emotions. Ones which affected lust, for example...

Grabbing the handle, Jaune pushed the door open and slammed it shut behind him, lest the angry former heiress catch up to him. He had expected to find two girls in this new room, but to his surprise, there was only one.

And not the one he was looking for.

"Jaune?" Yang gasped.

The blonde girl was sitting down on her bed in her sleeping attire. He hadn't meant to disturb her if she was going to sleep, but right now he couldn't go back out there. Not alone.

"Sorry, Yang," he said. "I didn't mean to bother you."

"I- I wasn't expecting you this soon," she said hurriedly, running her hands through her hair trying to straighten it. "Hi, hello. How're doing tonight?"

How was he doing? He was freaked out! Weiss Schnee wanted his babies!

"I'm, uh... hey is Ruby around?"

"Ruby..." she said softly, before quickly shaking her head. "Nope. It's just me. Actually, your timing couldn't have been more perfect."

So she wasn't upset? That was good. Maybe he could tell her about Weiss. "Yang, I have to tell you something. I know you probably won't believe me, but you have to try. Okay?"

The blonde girl stood up and took a few steps toward him. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she did her best to try to calm him down. "Just talk to me, Jaune," she said gently. "I'm here for you."

He took a deep breath. This was good. He had to remind himself that despite her goofy and joking behavior, Yang was also a responsible and serious young woman. She would be just as good at Ruby in a time like this.

Not knowing how much time he had before Weiss came knocking, he explained the situation as best he could to the girl. Lilac eyes narrowed upon hearing how Weiss wanted his children. She seemed angry, though not at him.

When he had finished, Yang pulled him into a warm embrace. She ran a hand through his hair lovingly as she leaned up to whisper into his ear. "There, there," she said soothingly. "It's okay now. I'll protect you from the mean Ice Queen."

Oddly enough he did feel safe in her arms. Maybe it had to do with the fact that one of them had a weapon built into it.

"After all, I do owe you for looking after Ruby all those months you were on the road," she continued. "All those long... hard months."

Jaune smiled, running a hand through his hair. "No need to thank me. We're friends. We were a team. We all looked after each other on the road to Mistral."

"Yup. A nice, responsible family man."

Sure, Team RNJR did feel like a family to him. "Yeah. Something like that."

"So, random question. I was just wondering, what's the thing you find most attractive in a girl? Most guys think it's the boobs."

His eyes widened. Yang was brazen, but she was never this bad. Still, she seemed genuinely serious with her question. "Uh... yeah. Most guys do think that," he agreed.

"Big boobs are a sign of high fertility. That's why guys are instinctually attracted to them." She shrugged lightly. "At least that's what the theory is."

Jaune nodded, still feeling uncomfortable with the direction this conversation had taken. "Oh. I didn't know that."

"Mmhmm. So... I'm just wondering..." She smiled like a predator which had sighted its prey. "What do you think of mine?"

Alarms rang in Jaune's mind. Surely Yang was messing with him. Right? "Is this a trick?"

Yang's tongue poked out and licked her lips. "No tricks. Just treats."

A hand reached up to rub the back of his neck. "They're, uh..." He couldn't even look the girl in the eyes as he spoke. He couldn't look at her period. "Nice?"

"Yeah they are," she agreed. A little too happily. "You wanna test that theory out?"

Theory? Was she talking about the fertility one?

Before he could even voice his question, all such thoughts were chased from his mind when the powerful grip of her bionic hand took his arm and threw him over onto her bed. He crashed unceremoniously atop it, Yang following shortly after. She climbed atop him, getting a perfect view of her cleavage from down the top of her tank top.

"I've heard that Argus is pretty touristy," she breathed lustily. "You wanna go shopping with me? There's a sale in my room tonight, and clothes are one hundred percent off."

"Yang! What's going on!"

"I want a little Arc in me," she explained. "But first I need you to put a big Arc in me. Get it?" she added with a sultry wink.

Oh he got it. First Weiss, and now Yang?

"Forget about Weiss," she instructed him. She leaned down, pressing her chest against his. "Blondes have more fun. And seeing how there's two of us... double the fun."

Double the fun... yes, that was one way of putting it. At this very moment he was getting a double dose of soft, squishy goodness pushing down against his torso. All he had to do was lay back and...

Jaune shook his head wildly. Forget the Apathy. Somewhere under his sister's home there was an infestation of the Horny! It was the only possible explanation!

He grabbed hold of the girl's shoulders and pushed her away. "Yang, I won't let you do something we'll both regret in the morning! I don't know what's going on, but you don't actually want to get pregnant!"

Lilac eyes flashed the color of blood, perhaps foreshadowing the violence which was about to take place.

He grabbed hold of Yang by the sides of her torso, and for a brief moment this seemed to placate the blonde girl as he flipped her over so that now she was on her back. What she hadn't expected was for him to bolt from his position atop her and make a hasty exit out the door.

"We're not finished yet!" he heard her yell after him.

As soon as he was back in the hallway he saw the telltale long white ponytail of the first girl. Jaune felt as though he was trapped in a horror movie, only rather than running into zombies, he was running into hormone-driven teenagers. Young women who had seemingly contracted baby fever.

The girl whirled around, blue eyes narrowing as they sighted him. "Arc!" Weiss shouted. "You owe me a baby!"

He quickly turned around to run the opposite direction, only to slam on the breaks as Yang exited the room. Caught between a Schnee and a Xiao Long, Jaune had nowhere left to run.

The pair of predators closed in from both sides, both eager to snatch their meal. Only when each latched on to one of his arms did the true confrontation begin.

"Hands off, Yang," Weiss growled. "I saw him first."

"No, you turned him down first," Yang countered. "You had your chance back at Beacon."

To his surprise, Weiss released one of her hands from his arm. To his further surprise, it went down to grab him below the belt. "You see this?" she snapped. "This is mine! This is where my babies come from! Come any closer and I will cut you!"

"Hey, don't squeeze the merchandise so hard! That's my baby maker!"

"Shut up, Yang! Jaune likes it when I touch him here! Isn't that right, Jaune?"

He didn't have a chance to protest before Yang continued. "He needs a real woman to bear his children." She looked the smaller girl up and down. "I don't think you're up to it."

"Oh please." The former heiress' grip on his arm tightened as she pulled him closer to her. "If there's one thing I have, it's the genes of greatness running through my veins. I would produce far better children than you ever could."

The blonde girl squeezed harder as well. "You wouldn't even know what to do with a man, little miss sexually repressed. And even if you did, you've got no hips. You probably couldn't even conceive a child with that boyish figure of yours."

Weiss breathed an animalistic snarl. "I'd rather have no hips than those monstrous thunder thighs of yours!"

"I'd rather have thunder thighs than those mosquito bites you call tits!"

"I'd rather have mosquito bites than a lifetime of back problems!"

"I'd rather have back problems than-"

"Would you two shut up already?" a third voice said. Peering over into the shadows, the stealthy form of Blake stepped forward and revealed herself.

Oh no. The last thing he needed was for a third female to have gone insane. Fear shot through Jaune's body. What if every girl under his sister's roof was affected?

"Blake, I don't know what's going on, but I think there's some sort of weird Grimm infestation going on! It's the Horny! The Horny's making everyone want to-"

"It's not Grimm," she interrupted. Blake sighed softly as she looked at the two girls who still clung to his arms. "These two idiots just saw your nephew and want babies of their own now."

"Precisely," Weiss agreed. She pulled on his arm in an attempt to make him follow her. "That's why Jaune will be coming with me tonight!"

"No! He'll be spending the night with me!" Yang argued, pulling him in the opposite direction.

"Only one of us is going to get what we want, and I was first!"

"You're both stupid," Blake chimed in again. "This isn't an either-or choice where only one of you can get pregnant. Boys aren't like girls who can only procreate once every nine months. If he really wanted to he could knock both of you up in the same night."

With those seemingly magical words, the pressure on both of his arms lessened. The grips of the girls on him released, and the two stared past him, looking into each other's eyes. In that moment a silent arrangement was seemingly made, as both Weiss and Yang nodded to each other.

Jaune looked back and forth between them, the slow realization of what they had agreed to dawning on him.

The fact that Blake was not trying to get into his pants spoke volumes as well. His two friends hadn't lost their minds. They weren't under the control of some weird and freaky species of Grimm. They had just seen Adrian and decided that they wanted families of their own.

And in the end, was that really such a bad thing? What was the point of saving the world if there was no one in it to love? No one to live in it?

Jaune laid his head back against the pillow. No amount of Aura amplification would be able to hasten his recovery. He was spent. He couldn't move. He didn't particularly want to move either.

To his left a head of white hair rested against his chest. To his right a thick mane of blonde hair did the same. Both his arms wrapped around their backs, holding them tightly against him. Like him, they were equally exhausted.

A satisfied smile rested on his lips as he stared up at the ceiling. They had both wanted this. Who was he to deny them and himself a good time when they were all consenting adults? He was only human, after all. He was only a man who had been approached by two of the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes upon.

He was already a good uncle. He was a good older brother. He had little doubt that he would be a good father as well. Weiss and Yang would be good mothers. And if they needed a little help, well, they had a whole big extended family who had plenty of love to spare.

In the end it would be love, and not hate, which would defeat Salem. That love started tonight.

Author's Note: This ridiculous and stupid idea has been brought to you by... just me this time. There's no one to blame but myself. Or if you want to, blame episode 7 and those eyes that Weiss and Yang made when they were staring at Adrian.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed another little piece of crack comedy. Thanks for reading.