Lance began making a list in his head.

There were a lot of reasons someone would want to date Takashi Shirogane. He was a gentleman, he was smart, he was brave, he was an amazing fighter and a great leader. He could even, in some way, see some reasons someone might want to date Keith (he wasn't 100% terrible; sometimes it fluctuated down to just about 99%). What he could not figure out, for the life of him, was why Shiro would want to date Keith, or Keith date Shiro, for that matter.

Shiro was respectable, tolerant, and logical. He had the patience to figure out a problem. He treated them all with the same love and care, never showing anything resembling favoritism (except toward Keith, but he did manage to keep that at a minimum during group exercises).

Keith was hotheaded, arrogant, and bold. He had zero patience, a lot of sarcasm, and no interest in playing nice on most days.

Those two did not suit each other in any way. It made no sense. Zero, nothing, zilch. Lance had read a ton of romance books in his life and he had seen a lot of nonsensical couples become endgame, but those two were unbelievable times two. It irritated him.

"Why?" Pidge asked him.

"What do you mean?" Lance said.

Pidge cocked an eyebrow. "I mean, why do you care so much? It doesn't affect you."

"It's so weird though!" Lance exclaimed. He paused. "Oh, I bet Keith started dating him to climb up the ranks in the Garrison."

"Didn't Keith already have the best flight sim scores though?"

Lance said, "No, no, but would that have been enough to satiate his ambitions?"

"…um, yeah. It was a flight school. He was in the flight program. That's literally the whole point, Lance."

"Pidge, you're no help."

"Lance, you're this close to being a conspiracy theorist."

"Wow, Pidge, it looks like your fingers are touching."

. . . . .

Okay, okay, so maybe Keith didn't need to date Shiro to climb up the ranks at the Garrison when he was already the best pilot, so maybe he started to date him to drag Shiro down the ranks.

"Think about it, Hunk," Lance said as he sat cross-legged on Hunk's table; Hunk had given up trying to get him off about fifteen minutes prior. "Shiro was the Garrison golden boy. He was– no, is perfect. And Keith is nothing but trouble! If Shiro were to associate with him, it'd ruin him."

Hunk wore a confused look. "Didn't Shiro take him under his wing to help him with that, though?"

"No, no, no. Keith probably— he probably blackmailed him into hanging out with him."

"Or, maybe – and hear me out here – we all knew that Keith had issues and Shiro was the only one who actually tried to step in and help."

Lance threw his hands up. "Unrealistic! An angel like Shiro – nay, a god – would never associate with Keith."

"But he did."

"Because he was blackmailed."

Hunk still didn't look convinced, for some reason. "But Shiro is perfect," Hunk said. "Nobody can blackmail him."

"Except for Keith."

"Okay," Hunk said, "with what?"

"I don't know! He probably made something up!"

"If he made it up, then why did it work to blackmail Shiro? Wouldn't Shiro have known it was fake?"

"Hunk!" Lance whined. "Stop bringing logic into my conspiracy theories!"

. . . . .

Alright, fine, so maybe Keith didn't start dating Shiro after he blackmailed Shiro. Fine. There were still a gazillion other more plausible theories Lance had to work out before he came to that one impossible conclusion.

"So, hear me out here," Lance said, "love potion."

Coran brightened at the words. "Ah, love potions!" he said. "The crux in almost every magical love story! Are you writing something?"

Lance frowned. "No, no. I mean, do they really exist."

Coran stared at him as though he had grown another head. "Of course not! They're the stuff of fairy tales. They're just as real as baskmits or lormurers. Where did you get the idea they did?"

"Where did I— Coran, we live on a flying space castle with giant telepathic lions!"

. . . . .

Magic was not yet out of the question as far as Lance was concerned. The Galra had witches – like Haggar – and Keith was part Galra, so maybe they had some sort of weird magic thing that Keith knew about and used to charm Shiro. In retrospect, he probably should have approached Allura with the idea of magic whatever stuff, seeing as she seemed to actually use something akin to it.

He explained his reasoning to her, and she just sat there for a long time with a small frown on her perfect, beautiful, perfect face.

"Lance," she said slowly, "are you feeling all right?"

Lance recoiled. "I – what? Yes, I'm fine. But Shiro might not be! He could be under a spell!"

Allura's face didn't change in the slightest. "Lance, there is no such thing as love spells or potions. It is not a feeling that can be forced or mimicked, even with magic."

"Even with Galra magic? Like Haggar's?"

She drew in a long breath. "Are you suggesting Keith is a Galran witch like Haggar?"

"Maybe."

"Lance. Keith is not a witch."

Allura closed her eyes and made an expression similar to exasperation. "Okay," she said. "Let's say, for the purpose of discussion, that Keith is a Galran witch who has figured out how to do the impossible task of casting a love spell. Why would he cast one on Shiro."

"For evil Galra things."

"Evil Galra things," Allura echoed.

"Yeah!"

She studied him for a moment, and then her expression softened. "Lance," she said, "I understand that a situation like yours may be difficult to accept, but it will be all right. Plenty of others have gotten over their feelings of unrequited love, and it may take time, but—"

"Wait, wait, wait, hold up. Unrequited love?"

She stared at him. "Yes, with Keith. Aren't you… jealous of Shiro?"

"No! I am not in love with the Galra space witch!"

The automatic door slid open, and Pidge walked in carrying a basket of electrical parts. "Who's a Galra space witch?" she asked.

"Keith!"

Pidge just gave him a long look. "So. This is where we are now. Okay."

Pidge walked back out the door.

. . . . .

Lance spent the last portion of his evening – or the space equivalent of such – laying out on the space couch in the space common room trying to think up new reasons. Pidge had ruled out using Shiro to climb up in the Garrison, and Hunk ruled out demoting Shiro, and Coran and Allura had dismissed his idea of space witchcraft. What now?

While he was mulling it all over, Shiro and Keith walked into the room. From the other couch, Pidge gave him a stony glare. Do not start.

As for the two themselves, they didn't seem to even be aware that other people existed, let alone occupied the same room as them. Keith stood against Shiro's side, Shiro's human arm around his waist. He had his face turned toward Shiro, smiling wide, and Shiro was saying something that Lance didn't bother to catch, in a low voice that made it clear it was only directed at Keith. When he finished, Keith's smile widened, and he made something that sounded like a laugh, but it wasn't a laugh because it was Keith.

Lance threw his arms up. "Oh, come on!" he said. "What gives? Seriously?" He made an accusatory gesture at Shiro and Keith.

"Lance?" Shiro said. "Are you all right?"

"No!" He sat up. "Seriously, what is it? Garrison politics? Space witch magic?" He directed his accusatory gesture to Keith. "I know you didn't marry him out of love, because you're you, so what was it?"

Keith barely even looked perturbed. "I didn't marry Shiro out of love," he said.

"Aha!"

Lance barely had any time to gloat in his victory before Keith continued, "I married him because whenever we eat out he gets us a children's discount."