Killing Mary Sue

As soon as she saw the dress Amy Rose should have known the only way it could end was a sledgehammer. It would be a lie to say it was the logical progression of cause and effect, but in hindsight, it was the only possible conclusion.

The bubbly teen wiped her brow slick with sweat from her recent session of 'Boxercising'.

She walked past row after row of lockers towards her own and upon throwing it open was greeted with what else: pictures of Sonic. It plastered the insides of her locker from the ceiling, to the walls and even the floor of her personal locker. Amy smiled longingly at the sight before thoughts of pressing assignments filled her head and she moved aside her sizeable collection of tarot cards to find her schoolbooks for classes.

But when she heard the clacking of high heels behind her and when she turned around to see the dress everything else flew out the mental window.

Amy beheld a dark abomination draped over school fashionista; Rogue. If a ballerina sewed funerary dresses with an unhealthy obsession with corsets and fishnets, she would have produced such a multi-coloured monstrosity. Amy hurriedly checked her Sonic themed calendar and confirmed that it was not, in fact, Halloween and came to the conclusion that Rogue had simply lost a bet.

Amy left her belongings and strode over to investigate the bizarre sight of one of the most popular students in school sashaying about in a dress that a vagabond would have turned up his nose in disgust "Rogue? What is that…new dress you have?" She grinned with the force of an insincere compliment to a forgotten lover.

The well-endowed bat toyed with the poorly-folded black paper roses which were studded all over her dress and spun round to let the sparkling array of cheap rhinestones glitter in the overhead light. "Do you like it? I just got it made for me by Ebony; such a fantastic dress that I simply must show off to the rest of the girls! I'll only hope you won't become too green with envy."

"That thing?" Amy asked dumbfounded. "You're going to wear that in school?"

"Why yes, of course, it's my pride and honour to model for a true maestro of design," Rogue said batting her eyelids at the stunned girl. "Speaking of which, you simply must see her in action."

By Rogue's insistence, Amy found herself being led down the open corridors toward the homeroom that was the source of the abomination. There, she failed to suppress a giggle; Sonic stood on the modelling stand. The silent blue hedgehog was done up in an even more ridiculous outfit involving a 'Simple Plan' t-shirt and baggy black skater pants. The pink female stopped laughing as she took in two bizarre sights.

The first was the gaudiest creature she had ever laid eyes upon. The hedgehog was less of a living creature than a child's scribblings on a blank hedgehog model. She had long ebony-black quills with purple streaks and red tips that reached her mid-back and icy blue eyes, Her dress was mostly black and wore black lipstick which sharply contrasted against the rest of her fur which was an unnaturally pale white.

The second was that Sonic actually seemed to be enjoying the makeover. Amy found this more disturbing than funny.

The walking abomination stepped over to Amy. "Amy Rose! I'm so happy to see you. The princess mentioned so many good things about you."

Amy gave an incredulous look. Seriously, is this all just a big practical joke? Is the gang trying to pull one over on me? Mobians like this can't really exist. "Pardon me; did you say the Princess?" Amy asked.

The gaudy spectacle nodded. "Yes; I'm her personal friend and advisor."

Amy's jaw dropped before she recovered with the powers of scepticism. "Sally is my friend and I've known her a lot longer than you. I kind of think I would have heard of you a lot sooner if you were telling the truth." She glanced at Sonic who had been watching the whole spectacle. "Sonic, could you believe the nonsense spewing out of this girl's mouth?"

Sonic gave a chuckle. "Aw, Ebony's alright! I only agreed to model because I lost a race to her, but I gotta admit I'm really digging the whole goth look. It really brings out my inner Shadow."

Amy's face showed her confusion. "Her name is Ebony? Really?" The pink hedgehog suddenly did a double take. "How did she beat you in a race?"

The multi-coloured newcomer smiled. "I'm a chaos adapt. I could train you if you want."

The tittering voice of the local fashionista joined in. "Yes, and I as well appear to have much to learn from our new friend too."

Amy stared blankly. "Doesn't that seem absurd to anyone else? How can anyone be as practised as Sonic as a runner and have more fashion sense than Rogue? Come on; Tangle's going to jump out of that garish get-up any second now, right?"

Ebony jabbed one black-painted fingernail at the rafters and a familiar face emerged dangling from the metal support beams above with her prehensile tail."

"Nope! I'm right up here in the rafters! Ooh, Amy; you have to come to Ebony's party later!"

The many-hued hedgehog walked up to Amy. "I can understand how my many fantastical talents can a terrible shock to you. It's only natural. So, let me explain my backstory to you. You see, I was kidnapped when I was born, both my parents were vampires and I'm also half Japanese. Also, did I ever-"

Amy's eyes glazed over; she was vaguely aware of a long and contrived stream of purple prose, that bombarded her senses but failed to generate any interest. Gradually, she snapped from her trance-like state. Shaking her head from side to side to clear her thoughts.

The impossibility of perfection gestured widely. "So, you see that three pairs of skull earrings represent my three aspects of…"

She was interrupted as Amy pushed her away with a nudge. "Whatever, Tangle, I'll show up for the party later. Maybe then you'll let me in on the joke," she yelled calling out to the overhanging lemur.

As she stood in the doorway of the workshop, her curiosity overtook her. "One question, Ebony. How did you know that Tangle was hanging on the rafters?"

The hedgehog smiled, "My tarot cards told me." She flinched as Amy slammed the door of the homeroom.

"I wonder what's wrong with her?" Rogue laughed; she was mercifully unaware of just how harsh her end would be just mere hours into the future.

Amy wandered down the corridor, shaking her head. She could tell that she was forgetting something but the memory was just out of reach. Having wandered in her thoughts for longer than she intended, she found herself heading back toward the dormitories.

As she tried to turn back, she noticed a familiar fiery cat. Finally, the sanest, calmest and most level-headed person she knew. "Hey, Blaze! Have you seen the gag that Tangle has cooking? I can't find an angle yet."

Blaze shook her head as she was busy writing on a stack of official school stationery. "Sorry, I haven't had the time, Amy. I've been too busy making sure the handover to the up-and-coming school president; Ebony goes smoothly."

"Oh, heck no. Blaze, you're honestly saying that Ebony's not a joke?"

The outgoing school president nodded. "I sure hope so. Silver has been writing poetry for her all day. He's got a lot of competition to show up."

Amy stomped her foot on the ground and screamed at the rapidly retreating form of her friend. "There's already a line for her hand? How is that even possible? She's been here for like four hours!"

The female hedgehog grinned as she started rubbing her hands together. "Okay Amy, it's time to take control. When the going gets tough, the tough start researching."

Amy threw open the door to her dorm and found her roommate doodling on her notebook. "Hello, Cream! Are you ready to help me with a particularly prickly problem of phoney perfection?"

The little rabbit stopped writing and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Um, weren't you supposed to be in class?"

Amy shrugged. "I've got my hands full with a…" No answer followed when she saw what Cream was drawing. It was herself dressed in one of Ebony's eye-bleeding outfits. She struggled to form words. "Why…dress…Ebony?"

Cream shrugged, "She's just…so awesome."

Amy stared, then smashed her head into the nearest shelf thrice. Then, when she stopped, a crazed smile had reappeared. "That's fine. That's just perfect. Perfect really is the right word. I just can't describe how perfect this is. I'm just going to my locker to change for her party."

Cream shrugged. "Okay. Ask me for help if you need it. She's going to be doing some weightlifting with Knuckles too. If you hurry, you might be able to catch it."

Amy kicked a stack of books out of her way. "Of course, she's a bodybuilder too! Why I bet she's even stronger than I am."

"Probably," Cream replied.

Amy ran from the room, not meeting her roommates gaze "Gotta drop a message to the princess asking about her 'new friend'!"

Amy ran to her locker, dialled her combination and upon making sure the coast was clear slipped a hand into the back of the locker to remove the false wall and flicked a switch on the back which caused a hidden passage to appear on an adjacent wall. She stepped into the hidden sanctuary as the passageway slid shut behind her and plunged the chamber into darkness. Upon fumbling for a bit, she flicked on the light switch and continued to walk until she reached a massive computer terminal that linked directly to the Mobotropolis city-wide A.I. NICOLE.

Amy frantically hammered on the keyboard, her eyes scanning through all manner of magical/supernatural texts available on NICOLE's databanks. Okay, there's nothing in Street magic for Professionals. Maybe Summoning and you: How to get the Shoggoth out of your fireplace.

Occasionally, her eyes flicked over to the incoming mailbox which was sadly still empty. "Dang, that's the eighteenth I sent to Princess Sally. Maybe I should add three more 'urgent' to the subject header and underline the 'please answer a.s.a.p.' part."

She checked her watch, came to realise that she was running late and didn't have time to change from her exercise gear let alone freshen up for the main event. But a smile came to her face when she realised that things were going to end in a mess and she hated ruining her best dresses anyway.

An hour later Amy entered the party held in the gymnasium and locked its sole entrance behind her. She had the wild gleam of a Mobian possessed. Her quills were left completely out of place and a few of her fellow students turned toward her as they heard the loud scratching noise of an elaborately wrapped piko piko hammer dragging on the linoleum floor.

Everyone surrounded Ebony, the girls looked on with jealousy while the males (and some of the females) stared at her with pure unfettered adoration as Ebony started reading to her spellbound crowd from an excerpt of her 'novel'.

"Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black-"

Amy stole the attention of the crowd by dropping the heavily wrapped 'present' onto the groaning floorboards.

Sonic took a step forward. "Amy, you got a lot of explaining to do showing up late, looking like this and at Ebony's party of all places."

Amy continued dragging the heavy package along the ground as she approached her supposed boyfriend "Just answer me this, Sonic. You said she's faster because she beat you at one race. You mean to tell me you don't have the urge to challenge again?"

The surprised blue hedgehog shook his head in confusion and Amy lunged forward to plant a clumsy, wet, and inexperienced kiss in his mouth. Amy barely got her tongue into Sonic's mouth when she suddenly stopped and pulled back.

"Good," Amy merrily chirped. She was now within a limb's reach of Ebony. Amy kept staring at Sonic's wide-eyed gaze, "You aren't my boyfriend anymore, Sonic." Her eyes swept about the room, partygoers adverting their gaze rather than meeting the grim determination in her eyes. "In fact, none of you are my friends anymore."

Ebony tentatively placed a welcoming hand on Amy's shoulder. "Listen, I know you're going through horrible problems. I'm a goth you know, so I know what it's like to go through depression."

Amy quickly hefted her piko piko hammer free of the gift-wrapped box she had concealed it in. "Don't you dare touch me, you whore."

The crowd gasped as the first strike slammed Ebony's head hard against the punch bowl table. Terrified onlookers were too petrified with shock to act as the assault continued.

Eventually, unnatural cracking sounds gave way to a loud splintering of wood as the banquet table itself split in half. The punch bowl fell, spreading a red pool in every direction from the pile of shattered timber and Ebony's limp hands. The room was filled with screaming and horrified Mobians hurrying to escape. Amy paid them no heed whatsoever.

Amy swayed back and forth; the repeated swings of the hammer had left her drained but satisfied. Amy steadied a hand on the wall while addressing the retreating crowd. "You'd all better clean her up; she's pretty flammable."

Rogue slapped Amy across the face. Amy looked away as the fashion diva screamed. "Amy! What could have come over you? What you did was …"

Amy adjusted the angle of her signature weapon. "Shut up you lying…marshmallow!" The blunt instrument flew into Rarity's face and Amy failed to feel an iota of resistance as it buried itself deeply into Rogue's smashed-in face. Her perfect features were now a dripping uniform mess of sticky white goo. Curiously though, weird moaning sounds burbled from deep in the pale sticky mess as the faceless thing kept trying to lecture Amy.

Amy picked up a small glob that had fallen off 'Rogue' and popped it in her mouth. "Marshmallow. Heh. I'm so glad to be right." She turned her attention to Tangle; the screaming lemur was trying to find traction on the smooth linoleum hall, shrieking her lungs out in the process. "Could you please quiet down," Amy snarled.

As the lemur made a break for it, Amy leapt into the air and landed feet first on the lemur's oversized tail. Tangle ignored it and continued to run as Amy pinned her tail down. The crippled Mobian ignored this and kept running forward.

Incredibly, Tangle began to stretch as her midsection stretched over a dozen feet from her pinned tail until she snapped in the centre. The bisected upper body left Amy's view as the stretched out tail along with the lower body kept flailing about helplessly.

Ebony reared up from the destroyed table. Her cracked face revealed a mass of tar that now poured out onto the floor. Joints that now bent irregularly made creaking noises as she tried to escape. Amy furrowed her brow. She reached for her hammer eventually pulling it out of the still-squirming Rogue-thing.

Amy filled the gymnasium with the sounds of impact until she was the only moving thing left in the room. Amy's shoulders slumped with effort. She was dripping with sweat, punch, and a variety of multi-coloured splatter. Through the disgusting viscera of candy flavoured matter, she smiled in rage-filled triumph. She scanned the room, making sure no other Mobian was around. Realizing she had found peace, at last, she let the hammer drop to the ground.

"Okay, bored now," she gasped. "Show yourself."

A phantasmal peal of laughter sounded throughout the room. "My dear Amy, I thought you would've fallen for my machinations"

Amy shook her head with effort. "I'm done. I figured out your plans just fine."

The gleeful form of an amorphous mass of darkness appeared before coalescing to form a greyish-blue hedgehog. "How did you even suspect?"

A grim stare met Memphite's gaze. "It started with Sonic. Aside from the complete implausibility of his attitude change, he tasted like blueberries and that cinched it."

As she talked, she approached the hedgehog-shaped entity, dragging the glowing sledgehammer along the ground with all her will. "It all made sense when I saw Sally not receiving or answering her messages. I knew I couldn't be in Mobotropolis anymore."

"Bah, no matter. You're my toy now, Amy Rose. You're trapped in my big dollhouse-sized school building."

"Not really," Amy smiled widely. "You always leave a magical backdoor in all of your little traps. All I need to do is find the leyline and break it. Then, I can get out."

Memphiles sighed. "My dear Amy, you may have sheer brute strength, but you'll never lay a hand on my ley line. It's hidden beyond your meagre intelligence to locate."

Amy grinned merrily as she cocked her head to one side. "You mean like a new room that just so happened to show up one day? Like that new storeroom that says 'Warning hazardous material. Do not enter'?"

"No, I've put too much of my power in this darn-fool thing; I won't be able to get out!" Memphiles gasped.

Amy spat on the ground. "Have fun Memphiles, I'm running late for class."

A/N:

Here is my best attempt at a stereotypical high school fic whose inspiration came to me after glancing at a few samples to sate my morbid curiosity. I wonder if adding Memphiles in the character summary might spoil the surprise so I won't be doing that.

Feel free to review and let me know whether I should continue this.