Right Within Your Heart

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart

December 2016

Stepping into the loft has always overwhelmed her to some degree, but now she finds herself marveling at it anew. This place has seen so much over the last few months, pain and joy, and the fact that she's still here fills her with an odd sense of pride. This is her home, the place she can live and love without letting fear get the better of her.

And that includes bringing the sparkle back to their place, giving Rick his favorite holiday back the way he deserves to celebrate it.

"Hey," her husband calls from the kitchen, breaking through her musings. "Everything okay?"

Beckett nods, shrugging out of her coat, making sure to swipe her hands over the leather and clear the water droplets away. It had started to rain on her as she turned onto their block, little droplets that, judging by the insistent tapping on the windows, have become larger and steadier in the time it took her to get upstairs.

"Glad to be inside," she says after hanging her coat and closing the closet door. She covers the distance between them with a speed that's taken time to come back to her, slipping her arms around his waist and lifting her face to his for a sweet, soft kiss. "Inside and home," she adds against his lips.

Rick's mouth curves under hers. "Me too. How was your session with Burke?"

Kate exhales, tucking herself under his chin. She can admit it hadn't been the best appointment she's ever had with her therapist, but there will be more sessions. And truthfully, she does feel better, having had the chance to talk through some issues she'd only had the vague notion were bothering her.

"Not great," she confesses, not wanting to lie to her husband, "but he made me think, and I needed that."

Rick nods against her hair. "I know the feeling."

She squeezes him instead of offering a response. He's had his own struggles in therapy since their shooting, but when she opens up about her bad days, so does he.

After a few minutes of resting against him, accepting his warmth and breathing the scent of home on his skin, she lifts her head. "Kay, I'm starving. You gonna feed me or what, Rick?"

His eyes come to life again, sparkling with amusement.

"Maybe, maybe not," he teases. "Okay, I totally am."

She grins, dropping her arms from his waist as he waves a hand toward the stove. "It's almost done."

Rising onto her toes – and internally celebrating being able to do so once again – Kate presses her lips to his cheek.

"What can I do to help?"

Rick sweeps his hand up and down her back. "Go change, get comfortable. I thought we'd eat here tonight," he says, motioning to the plates already in place on the counter.

"Perfect." The cold has made her a little stiff, but it's not bad enough to change the plans he's made for them and ask to eat somewhere else.

"Perfect," he echoes, sneaking one last quick peck before she turns on her heel and heads to their bedroom.

She doesn't even look back this time, which is great progress considering just a few months ago, she couldn't bear the thought of leaving him alone in the kitchen.

Enough.

She shakes her head, reminding herself of Burke's words once more. It wasn't her fault. Not being with Rick at the time Caleb Brown shot him and having the forethought to radio for back-up before leaving her room had probably saved both of their lives. Now it's time to forgive herself and not let it control her anymore. It's time to make the most of their lives. Starting with embracing the season, embracing the fun they can have with one another and their friends and family.

An idea starts to take shape as she slides a well-loved pair of leggings up her hips and pulls on a t-shirt she'd stolen from Rick long before they were even dating. It's short notice, which might make it difficult to get everything together in time for Saturday, but maybe they can make it work. No, they can make it work; they've done more with less.

Now she just has to decide whether to tell Rick what she's planning.

The secrecy is totally worth it to see the look on Castle's face when he opens the door the next night to find the entire gang waiting on their doorstep with platters and wrapped gifts.

"I-ah, not that I'm not happy to see all of you," Rick stumbles, "but what are you doing here?"

Beckett smothers a grin, touching his back to get him to step aside and let their friends in.

"I invited everybody," she explains, bumping her chin on his shoulder. "Surprise." To their guests, she adds, "Come in. Thanks for picking up the food, guys."

Ryan and Esposito both grin, but Espo steps inside first, pushing one of the platters into Castle's hands.

"Anytime, Beckett. Gave us the chance to sample everything."

"They tried, Kate, but we managed to get them to act at least a little bit civilized," Jenny jumps in, following Kevin inside. She stops to stretch and kiss Kate's cheek. "Thanks for having us."

"Thanks for coming. And for dealing with the two stooges."

She grins at Ryan and Espo's shared indignation, at Jenny's laugh, and at Lanie's eye roll. She's missed this.

"They're worse sometimes than my actual children," Jenny says wrapping an arm around Castle too. "Good to see you, Rick."

He nods, folding Kevin's wife into a warm hug. "You too, Jenny. Speaking of, how are the kids? Your actual ones, not those two."

Kate watches him take a tray from Kevin once he releases Jenny, but his eyes remain focused on their friend. She loves the way he pays attention, no matter what the topic is.

"They're great. Nicholas has a little cold, but he's over the worst of it now, I think. Sarah Grace was mad when she found out we were coming over here to see you and she was staying with her brother and my mom."

Rick's honeyed chuckle warms her belly. Beckett watches him nod. "We'll have to do something soon."

"She'll love that." Jenny smiles. "Where would you like me to put the gifts?"

"Gifts?" Castle repeats, looking confused again. "You didn't need to bring gi-"

"The table under the windows is where I stashed ours," Kate jumps in, rubbing his back quickly. "I figured we could start playing after Alexis and Martha get here and we eat."

Jenny nods, moving to place the bags in her hands beside a growing pile on the table.

"Kate?"

She licks her lips, turning back to find her husband giving her a quizzical look. She takes one of the trays from him, leading him to the kitchen.

"Hmm? Oh, we're doing a white elephant exchange. It sounded like fun."

"What made you decide to do all this?" He gestures around. "I thought we were taking it easy this year?"

"This is still taking it easy, Rick. I didn't invite the mayor, after all." Off his short laugh, she continues, "We don't need to be in a bubble anymore, babe. Especially not on your favorite holiday."

Her hand catches his, and she tangles their fingers together.

"This summer was hard, and we needed the time for ourselves to heal. But not anymore, okay?"

He lifts her hand to his mouth, brushing his lips across her knuckles. His eyes slip shut and Kate squeezes his hand, giving him the time he needs to gather his thoughts.

She offers a gentle smile when his eyes open again.

"Thank you," he murmurs. "This is great, Kate."

"Thank you," she insists, though she's not sure she can truly express why she's thanking him. For being here still, for staying in their quiet cocoon, for everything. "Now, what do you say we go enjoy the party?"

His lips slide over hers, quick and a little dirty with promise for once everyone's gone, and she feels a shiver run up her spine. "I say lead the way."

A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. I've never written an Advent story before, but I hope to be up to the challenge this year, and I hope you'll continue to join me. This will also be my 2018 Castle Winter Ficathon story!