Confessio amantis

Summary: The much-dreaded visit with Mrs.Yukinoshita turns out to be unexpectedly gratifying.

"Do we really need to do this?" I find myself asking for the umpteenth time, drawing an annoyed expression from Yukinoshita.

"Try not to look so much like a frightened rabbit, Hikigaya-kun. It's pathetic."

I pull at my stiff collar, grumbling about how feudalistic the whole thing is. The rebellious princess offering her peasant suitor up for traumatic inspection. I know I should be putting up a macho performance right now, but with the great Ice-Queen herself looking so visibly perturbed, it's hard to calm down my nerves. She's been deferring this for a while, but I always knew that I'd have to confront the devil sooner or later.

You know you're in dire straits when you find yourself comforting with the thought that Haruno Yukinoshita is your kinda sorta ally She hasn't tried to sabotage our relationship. Well, yet.

As the car halts to a stop before the ornate doors, I shudder.

Mrs. Yukinoshita stands at the threshold looking like a hypercaffeineted Cerberus.

The meeting is as excruciating as I had imagined.

Mrs. Yukinoshita all but eviscerates me with her brand of courteous flagellation. She asks me if I'm aware of Yukino's aspirations and if I had the audacity to assume I wouldn't be a human-sized roadblock in her path. Not in these exact terms, but her politely arctic insinuations are much more dangerous than any straightforward denunciations.

"What are your career plans, Hikigaya-kun?

The words "house-husband" almost reflexively slide off my tongue when Yukinoshita quells me with a deathly glare.

"I - err- I'm interested in the service sector," I equivocate. It's surely not a blatant lie.

"Ah... Nobody can accuse you of being ambitious. It's a good thing, I suppose, for the staunchly mediocre. Very... bourgeois, won't you agree?"

She gives a tinkling laugh.

I stare at her, petrified. To my great horror I realize that Yukinoshita doesn't even hold a candle to her Gorgon of a mother.

It just goes further down hill from there.

"Of all things you've done to spite me, Yukino! What could have possibly compelled you to enter into a relationship with such a-- such a nondescript individual?"

"You surpass yourself, Mother. Of course someone like you would assume something so nauseating."

The Yukinoshita women have apparently forgotten my presence for the time-being. Well, Haruno Yukinoshita spares me delighted glances in a while. She has barely a said a word of encouragement. I was a fool to think she would pass up such a wonderful opportunity to see me wriggle desperately under her mother's interrogation. The woman thrives on chaos.

And it's chaotic as hell, even if there are only two fiery warriors on the battlefield.

"Then enlighten me, daughter. What do you see in this young man? He has neither the right pedigree nor a countenance that could be deemed attractive in any conceivable aspect. What am I supposed to think? Tell me! Isn't this obvious? You're foolishly acting up! And this is going to have consequences your petulant little self can't possibly imagine. What if he puts you in a position you can't extricate yourself without emotional scarring of the worst kind?"

I have been sitting quietly for a while, stoically taking the insults aimed at my general existence, but this... this stuns me. Did she just said what I think? Is that what she actually thinks of me? That I'm so despicable? That I'll deliberately get Yukinoshita pr--

"Enough, Mother." Yukinoshita's steely voice stills my turbulent thoughts. I take a gamble and look up to see her eyes glittering with some irrepressible sentiment.

Mrs Yukinoshita, for the first time that afternoon, has no rejoinder.

"It might be beyond your comprehension, Mother, but Hikigaya-kun is precious to me. I don't plan to terminate this relationship any time soon, unless Hikigaya-kun wishes otherwise. I hate to say this, but I really wonder if you have ever really loved anyone without any utilitarian considerations..."

I let out an inaudible gasp as Mrs Yukinoshita starts violently. Even Haruno Yukinoshita is gaping.

Did she... did she really say that? Utter that word?

Yukinoshita strangely, maddeningly remains oblivious to the implications of her words as I turn ten different shades of red, feeling as if she had just got down on her knees in front of her mother.

The rest of the meeting passes by in a daze.

"Thanks for being more underwhelming than usual, Hikigaya-kun."

"Y-yes... Err... what?"

I am yet to recover from the epiphany so casually delivered by stupid Yukinoshita.

"Are you okay?" She looks genuinely concerned now. "Don't think too much about what she said. She's incorrigible when it comes to the plebeians. Though you are one disappointing, irredeemable cookie," Yukinoshita fondly pulls my ear.

Think about her mother? Why on Earth would I think about that insufferable oligarch when my girlfriend just confessed that she loved me! While being happily unaware of the momentous declaration.

"I-uh-- you know... I- you too", I try in vain to articulate my feelings.

"Stop muttering, Hikigaya-kun. It's pathetic."

I sigh.

The romcom gods have an awful sense of humour.

P.S. "Confessio amantis" or "The Lover's Confession" is the title of a long poem in Middle English written by John Gower. Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated.