******* Ok some of you might really like this ending and some of you are gonna be like WTF Krissy, it's all good! I love you all and wish you the happiest of holidays and blessed New Year.********
/
"You have a son, he's going to be looking up to you," Izzy had said, and Mac couldn't stop thinking about that now. There would be more time on his hands now that he eliminated the competition. He was done obsessing on how to get Julie away from Jack, that was done with; now he had time for this new, better obsession, "What do you want him to see?"
He was someone's father and he wanted to have the love of his son one day. What did he want Michael to see when he looked at him.
As Mac looked at himself in the mirror he asked himself just that question once Julie was gone. Looking back at him was a fucking criminal and a drug addict, someone not fit to even be a parent and he decided at that moment that he was going to clean up his act, really do it this time. She wanted him to act right, he could try and make some changes, starting with the shit hole he lived in.
Even if he and Julie weren't meant to be he still had to do right by his kid, he vowed to do the opposite of his father.
Mac began by clearing out all the garbage, old pizza boxes and beer cans out of the entire place, and it had been a disgusting job. Basically, he took a fucking broom and swept all the debris out the front door, bagged it up and threw it in the garage to go to the landfill at a later time.
Somewhere in this dump he knew there were cleaning products and he set to find them next, now he was a man on a mission. When he finally found the stuff he scrubbed the place from top to bottom, it took forever.
For two days he didn't leave the house as he cleaned and contemplated his life thus far. He had done some shit, some shady fucking shit, but he wasn't unredeemable. No one was a lost cause, not even him. It was time to start going to those meetings too.
Drugging Julie had been wrong but it was the only way he could get his point across, she was stubborn as the day was long, and Izzy was right, that was what made her so attractive to him. She would have never let him get the upper hand though so it had to be done, he wasn't sorry he did it, just sorry it had come to that.
There was no one else for him, he had faced that now and as he watched her drive away in a huff but not quite as angry as he expected; he knew she felt the same. She could scream and yell and stamp her feet as much as she wanted, throw shit around if it made her feel better, but now he knew for sure, she was going to be his again.
It would just take time now, and he had plenty of that, never a patient man, Mac realized he had to do something about that now. It was going to be a waiting game now, and he would have to resist the temptation to get pushier with her. Above all, he wanted to be with Michael as much as possible and to have the chance to break the cycle of abuse that had permeated his life.
When he finally had the place cleaned from top to bottom he sat outside on his porch with a cold beer, lit a cigarette and looked up at the sky. It was full dark now and the stars were bright in the sky, he saw it clearly now like he had never seen it before. There was more he had to do, a lot more, things around the house and things about himself too.
The next day he told Walter he was quitting the family business for good. No two weeks notice, no last minute drop offs, no taking chances and getting busted again; he was out for good as of right now. Then he walked across the street to the garage where he worked sometimes and made a deal with the owner. His next call was to the owner of the fruit truck line he drove for five years ago and by the end of the day, he had a contract for towing and servicing a whole fleet of nationwide trucks.
For only the second time in his life, Mac had a straight job, and now he just had to kick this habit that had him by the balls. He knew it was one habit or the other and she was a habit he couldn't live without. When he walked into the church basement he was uneasy, but some dude who looked like a younger version of Walter offered him a cup of coffee, told him to sit down and shut up and listen to what the speaker had to say.
On the walls were two long cloth runners that looked like the ten commandments, but there were twelve numbered sentences on them. He read each one and had no idea what any of it meant. It talked about God and moral inventories and he had no clue what fuck all that was.
There were signs hung up, and he read each one of them, Easy Does It, First Things, First, and, Keep It Simple, Stupid; Mac had just gone to his first Narcotics Anonymous meeting.
/
It was a Saturday afternoon when the shit hit the fan, Mac had been hanging at the bar that afternoon waiting for Julie to come in for her shift, drinking Iced Tea because suddenly alcohol did not appeal to him at all. They were on better terms lately now that everything was out in the open, but she still would never be alone with him.
He just thought that was funny as hell because she knew damn well what always happened when they were alone. She would come around eventually and until then he would just wait her out. He was learning patience, his sponsor, the Walter look alike told him that he wasn't entitled to anything but the air he was breathing and that hit Mac hard like a brick in the face.
If it was one thing Mac always knew it was that he could have anything he wanted, drugs, alcohol, women, whenever he wanted. Now, the people at the meetings that talked and this guy was telling him that wasn't how life worked. That was how life always worked before, it was shocking, to say the least.
What a fucking reality check. He hadn't been prepared for that, all the pissing and moaning he did about Julie, and how hard and unfair life had been to him and dude just told him to suck it the fuck up. Over shitty coffee, after countless meetings, Mac learned the way to make his life right.
The way to change things was to not do anything, or try and make anything happen, just let it be. He wasn't completely clean yet, but he was fucking trying. In his mind he should have what he wanted for his efforts, again dude told him, you don't always get what you want.
This concept was new to him, but he did as he was told for once because his way really hadn't gotten him too far. He wanted to be with Michael and this was the way to do it. He wanted to be with Julie too, for good this time.
/
The phone at the bar rang around noon and all the color drained from Walter's face as he spoke to the person on the other end. Gina knew it was bad news it just had to be and she sat down at a table with Devon to await the answer.
"That was Julie. She found Izzy on the floor unresponsive this morning. She wants you to go pick up Michael," He said to Regina and Mac's ears perked up, both in worry for Izzy but also at the idea that he was going to see Michael.
That bump he was about to go do was forgotten about, he put the tin back into his pocket as he turned to Regina; the drugs could wait, he had cut way back anyway.
"You bring him back here G, alright?"Mac said, "I got this."
"Are you sober?" Regina asked with her hands on her hips like a true older sister.
"It's ten am!" Mac snapped.
"I'll ask you again," She countered.
"Yes for God sake, go get my kid already."
/
Mac sat down next to Michael in Walter's office once Regina had gone and picked him up, she went back to work as Mac assured her he would be fine with Michael. They had a rapport now, but they had never spent any time alone one on one.
This was a clusterfuck though, Julie had said Michael didn't see Izzy on the floor but knew that Julie had called an ambulance. Mac could only imagine how scared the kid must have been. When he was Michael's age he had found his own mother dead from a heroin overdose, shit like that ruined kids, took away their childhood, this was not happening to his son.
"Hey Mick," Mac said as he sat down next to him at Walter's desk.
"Hey," The little boy answered but didn't stop coloring the pic he was coloring. They sat in awkward silence as Mac had no clue how to interact with the child knowing he was probably scared to death about Izzy. He struggled for something to say to him for comfort but came up empty.
"You like baseball?" Mac asked the boy since he was coloring a baseball picture, and he shook his head, "I didn't think you did?"
"Nope," Micheal answered.
"Why ya coloring it then," Mac asked and the boy shrugged, a trait Mac recognized as his own. The child concentrated on his work and had the same expression on his face Mac would get when he was planning things.
"Motorcross, " And that made Mac smile, they were going to have a lot of fun together as he got older. He intended to be there for his son every step of the way, no matter what.
"What about cars? Trucks?"
The boy nodded his head, and shrugged, just like his old man. Soon it would be time for Mac to teach him how to swap out a motor and rebuild a transmission, he couldn't wait to do all those things with Michael.
Regina, on her way to the ladies room, walked by the office and stopped short when she saw something that she would have never believed a year ago. There at Walter's desk was Mac coloring a picture next to Michael; both of them intent and oblivious of anything around them. She quickly got her phone from her apron pocket and snapped a picture to send to Julie.
Later that day, after Michael and Regina had gone back to her house for the night, Mac walked out in back of the bar intent on doing that little bump finally. He had put it off hours ago, to take care of Michael, and now he really didn't want to get high; instead, he just emptied the tin and watched it blow away in the air. Then resolutely, he dropped the old Altoids tin that had been his companion for the greater part of a year into the gravely ground and crushed it under his foot.
"It must be your skin I'm sinking in.
It must be for real 'cause now I can feel.
And I didn't mind.
It's not my kind.
It's not my time to wonder why.
Everything's gone white.
Everything's gray.
Now you're here now you're away.
I don't want this.
Remember that.
I'll never forget where you're at.
Don't let the days go by.
Glycerine
Glycerine."
Izzy insisted on dying at home, she refused to stay at the hospital, preferring to be surrounded by her family, her candles, and her crystals. She signed herself out AMA and left the second day when they started talking about more chemo and a stem cell transplant. She was just done.
Julie respected whatever she wanted and took a leave of absence to be with her every day. This was worse than losing her parents, she had been so young then, it was a faded memory, but this was raw, it burned. Izzy had been her reason to stay here after she was gone Julie wondered what she should do. Was this the chance to make a new start far away from here?
The wind chimes blew softly at the window as Julie entered the room, Izzy was at peace now that she was home. Micheal was at school and then he would be with Regina, but she would be bringing him back for dinner, Julie just wanted some time with the only parent she had ever had.
Izzy looked up at her standing in the doorway and saw that Julie looked like she was about to cry.
"Come here sweetheart," She called to her and Julie went and sat on her bed.
"My sweet girl dont you be sad, I'm not," Izzy kissed her hand as Julie laid down next to her, "I've lived a wonderful, disreputable life, and I've done it with style."
"Great style," Julie beamed at her and snuggled in close with her. She was terrified of how she was going to do this without Izzy but tried so hard to be brave. It had never occurred to her that Izzy would really die one day.
"I'm ready to go, and I don't want you crying over this,"
"I'll try, but no promises," Julie replied.
"I'm sorry if I was hard on you, I always loved you so much." She kissed the side of her head three times, "Three kisses for luck. I love you, baby, this is going to be fine."
"You took me in, Iz, gave me a wonderful home." Julie said with a crack in her voice, "I love you so much."
"But I didn't always give you good advice..."
"You always said to follow my heart," Julie answered.
"I stand by that, you only get one life, there's no excuse to not be deliriously happy." Izzy squeezed her hand, "Life is too short to settle for less than."
"Even if your heart wants something that could be bad for it?"
"Especially then..." She said and hugged her close.
"I'm never alone,
I'm alone all the time.
Are you at one or do you lie?
We live in a wheel,
Where everyone steals.
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields.
I treated you bad,
You bruise my face.
Couldn't love you more,
You got a beautiful taste."
/
Ch 22
Mac was dope sick and shaky as he dug through every fucking drawer in his house until he found it. On his cleaning spree a few weeks ago he had come across it and now he couldn't remember where the fuck he put it. He had to find it, he just had to! The withdrawal from everything made him feel like he was going to die, but NA dude assured him, he was probably not going to die.
The guy was a real dick sometimes, but Mac couldn't deny he was glad to be clean right now. There was one person he really wanted to see him clean one more time, and for her to know it was for good this time.
The amethyst crystal that Izzy had put on a leather cord for him when he was sixteen or so was in the kitchen drawer of all things. He was so relieved he had found it, Izzy had been his greatest champion and biggest cheerleader, he needed this. He slipped it around his neck like a talisman, as if it could ward off what was coming.
He was chemical free for almost three weeks and if he didn't pick up over this, then maybe he really had a shot. Julie was at the store when he got there, but Michael let him in and he walked to Izzy's door and knocked. As he opened the door a bit and saw her fragile form in the bed he almost left, he not ready for this at all.
"Mac," She called to him, as she sat up, "Come in, I was just napping. Please sit."
He came in the room slowly and she waved for him to hurry up, then he sat down on the bed and she took his hand.
"You were always my favorite," She said with a wink, "Of all the kids you all ran around this canyon with."
"Why?"
"Because what's inside of you is good," She reached out and touched his chest, "You have a good heart, underneath all of that rage and piss and vinegar."
"Iz?" Mac answered in disbelief, "Are you on Morphine or something?"
"Don't you fight with an old dying lady," She laughed, and he hugged her tight, "I see right through all your bullshit, I see the real you."
"I love you Iz," Mac said as she hugged him tight, "This fuckin sucks."
"You don't give up on her, she'll come around, you two belong together, I saw it in the cards when you were teenagers." Izzy said into his ear, "You look great by the way, I'm proud of you."
"I'm clean for good this time, and I swear to take good care of them for you."
Izzy squeezed his hand, "I know you will..."
Mac stayed with her for a while talking about old times and the things they used to get into when he and Julie were kids; Izzy was beaming from all the memories by the time he was ready to leave. She confessed to him that she had put a freezing spell on Jack, something with water and the freezer, she didn't go into too much detail, and he laughed at that.
That was so like her, and he thought maybe she had put some kind of spell on him and Julie and maybe that was why they couldn't stay away from each other no matter how hard they tried. Stranger things happened in this world, he knew that all too well.
Julie had come home and Izzy had been showing signs of fatigue so Mac decided to leave.
"I'm not here to be an asshole, I just wanted to say goodbye to her, I'm gonna go now." He said to her in the hallway as they stood facing each other.
"It's ok, Mac," Julie said as they walked through the house and out on the porch, "I know she would want to see you thank you for coming."
He nodded, "Of course." He started to walk down the steps and she called to him.
"Mac, do you," She stopped and then started again, "Do you want to come back later on and take Michael for ice cream tonight? He could use some time away from all this."
He turned back and looked at her, dumbfounded, "Alone?"
She nodded.
"You trust me?"
She nodded.
"Don't let the days go by,
Could have been easier on you.
I couldn't change though I wanted to,
Should have been easier by three.
Our old friend fear and you and me.
Glycerine.
Glycerine."
Izzy was laid to rest two months later and she was at peace. It was a cool spring day and the sun was shining brightly as Julie laid daisies on her aunts grave and wiped the tears from her eyes. She was an orphan now and she felt it deep in her soul, she was alone now. There was no time for grief and a pity party though, she wiped the tears away, stood up and set to do what she had to do for herself and her child.
Later on that day Walter opened the bar for a send-off where everyone toasted her and her life with raised glasses of her favorite vodka, Stolichnaya because she was Russian. Julie drank a little too much and did one too many shots so Mac had Michael in the back room most of the night playing cars and talking about building motors.
"Zazdarovje," The entire place said as glasses were clinked together, and people who weren't drinking, like Mac, just had Iced Tea. They sent her off the way she had lived, with a big party and surrounded by people that loved her. Then life went on again, like it always did.
/
A few months later, when things were slowly going back to normal later Mac was sitting on the front steps of his house after work one hot summer night smoking a cigarette when he saw Julie's red jeep coming. He had been busy working on his new job and they hadn't seen each other too much, he left her alone to mourn Izzy the way she needed to, without pressure from him. Usually, he just came and picked up Michael to take him out while Julie tried to catch up at work and applied for online colleges in her spare time. She was finally finishing school, Izzy had left her the house and plenty of money for school.
Mac put his hand up to his forehead to block the sunshine and wondered what was going on, if Michael were hurt or something she would have called. Just a week ago the boy had fallen and needed stitches and she had called Mac right away to come to the hospital with them. He couldn't figure out what was going on with her now.
The top was off her jeep and she was driving so fast red dust was flying out; he knew Michael must not be with her. When they were younger before Michael was in their life she drove like a bat out of hell, he hadn't seen her drive this way for years.
"Don't let the days go by,
Glycerine.
Don't let the days go by."
He watched her as she parked with a skid and jammed the stick into park, jumped out and walked up the driveway, determined it seemed. She had on shorts, a t=shirt and her ever present Doc Martens on, with her hair flying all around her in the wind; she looked beautiful to him. Behind her was a clear blue sky and something told him as he watched her coming that he should let her say whatever she came there to say.
"I wanted to leave now that she's gone, it's the perfect time, just sell the house, make my profit and bug out of here for good," She said to him as she walked up the driveway, and to his credit, Mac didn't jump up and fight with her.
She had more to say and for once he shut up and just listened to her.
"I've tried to stay away from you and I can't. " Julie said as she came up the stairs and stood in front of him, "And maybe I don't want to anymore."
Now it was his turn to talk and he had no flowery words for her, but that wasn't what she wanted anyway.
"We're fucked up," Mac said matter of factly and handed her the cigarette, and she took a drag.
"No," She laughed, "You are fu... far from perfect."
"Speak for yourself, why dontya?" He laughed and so did she.
"Glycerine
Glycerine
Glycerine
Glycerine."
"This is the last chance I am ever giving you, I have every reason not to trust you at all." Julie said as she handed him back the cigarette, "It's not just about me, it's about Michael now."
"I know that...I won't fuck this up," Mac answered, "Are you here because... it's what she wanted."
"No, because it's what I want."
He stood up and took her hand, brought it to his lips, "Good fuckin answer ..."
/
Epilogue
Four years later
The rain was coming down in buckets as Julie drove the Jeep into the driveway trying to get as close to the house as possible, it had been three days of rain so far. She had avoided going out but she needed groceries, so she ventured out, made quick work of it and got right back home.
The house had been repainted and touched up with tender loving care, but Izzy's windchimes still hung all over the porch. This house was her happy place and she smiled every time she saw it, even in the rain.
Trying not to get soaked to the bone, Julie pulled the baby, Stella out of the car seat and shifted her on her hip, then she got Michael, who was almost ten now and Isabelle who was just learning to walk and opened up the garage door to bring them in that way.
It was quicker, especially when it was raining so bad and better to avoid a mess of wet feet on the floor. Whenever she went shopping she brought the groceries in through the garage too so the cats didn't get out.
But there was a fucking big problem.
The pile of garbage bags that Mac was supposed to get rid in the garage of was blocking her way to the house; she had asked him all week to clear it out, yet here it still was. It was raining and the kids were cranky, her groceries were in the car, including Ice Cream that was melting in the heat and she did not have time for this shit.
She huffed and ran, with the baby on her hip and Michael and Isabelle each holding hands to the porch steps and to the front door. They were all soaked now.
Once she got the kids inside, changed and settled she grabbed her phone and called him, then went back out into the garage.
"Goddammit, Mac!" She yelled as she began throwing the garbage and recycling boxes from the garage into the driveway. It was going to be soaked by the time he got home and good, FUCK HIM! She piled it in front of his detached garage where he worked on cars for extra cash on the weekends.
"Hey baby," He said into the phone and lit a cigarette, but she didn't give him a chance to say anything more.
"What the fuck Mac, you were supposed to get rid of the garbage, I just got home from schlepping the kids around all morning in the rain and grocery shopping and I can't get into the house!"
"That's a nice way to greet me, thanks a lot Jules,I said I'll fucking do it," Mac yelled back, "I had to finish that mustang, you know to pay the bills..."
"Fuck off," She hung up and finished throwing all the trash out in the driveway right where he parked his truck. When he got home it was going to be a pile of shit in the driveway and good, he deserved it!
/
"What the fuck woman," Mac said to himself as he pulled in to the driveway to see all the wet garbage in front of the garage. Of course, she threw it all out in the driveway, that was his girl. He looked at Izzy's crystal that now hung around his rear view mirror and asked for strength. She was fucking crazy sometimes, and he loved every minute of it.
Loud and obnoxious, and stomping rainwater off his boots, Mac came busting through the front door and she was at the sink washing dishes. Part of him was furious with her, but part of him was so glad to be there at all, even when there was a pile of wet garbage waiting for him. Julie always went way the fuck too far when she was trying to prove a point though, she had been that way all her life.
"I said I was gonna do it!" He hollered as he stalked into the kitchen.
She turned to face him, "I got sick of waiting, I don't ask you to do much around here, I know you work your ass off for us, but Jesus Mac..."
"So you had to throw it out in the driveway?" He pushed his hair out of the way, "Now it's all fucking wet and the cardboard is gonna be a bitch to clean up."
"Yup, I know," She nodded, "I did it on purpose, you had it coming, I'm done with it Mac, you hear me? Done."
"So what? You want a divorce over garbage," He said with a laugh, pulled her close to him, and kissed her sweetly, "You can fucking forget about that, it says for better or for worse, that includes garbage."
"Bad moon white again
Bad moon white again
And she falls around me."
"There will never be a divorce," Mac continued, "I'll stalk you till you die, or I do."
"You've been stalking me since we were twelve," She laughed and went back to the dishes.
"Sassy," He smacked her ass, "I think once these rug rats are in bed I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson about throwing trash in my driveway and mouthing off "
"And you never hung up the shower curtain in the hall bathroom..."
"Keep it up Julie, keep running your mouth and watch what happens," He grinned and she met his eyes over her shoulder. This was a good game to play, with three kids in the house now they had to stay connected to each other somehow. Loud fights over nothing that wasn't violent and mad flirting like this was commonplace in this house.
"Bring it," She said with a raise of her eyebrows.
"You know by now I always bring it." He answered.
Turning away Mac bent down and kissed Stella who was in her high chair. She raised her chubby arms at him.
"Hey Stella, your Mama is cray, you know that." Then he looked over at Julie, "Maybe you're pregnant again. You usually have a shorter fuse about shit when …"
"Jesus Mac bite your tongue we're already outnumbered here." She answered, "Also that's very sexist."
Did she really expect he wouldn't be sexist?
"I think you are, I'll bite my tongue for now but..." He wrapped his arms around her from behind and ran his teeth over her neck, "I'd rather bite here, and here and..."
Julie giggled and shuddered at the feel of his lips on hers, too soon he backed up from her and picked Stella up.
"Where's the boy?" He said, walking to the sliding door with Stella in his arms and looking outside.
"Backyard...he fixed the clutch on the bike and couldn't wait to try it out." At ten years old Michael already knew how to build a motor from top to bottom and worked with Mac in the garage often. They had just built a dirtbike together.
"Daddy!" Mac turned and Isabella was running to him from the other room where she had been watching TV, she wobbled on her toddler's legs, Mac smiled wide and picked her up too. Now he had two little girls in his arms, and nothing felt better.
"Hey Iz," He hugged her, "How's your day?"
"Good, daddy, it rained all day and we went shopping and then mommy cleaned out the garage...and she was saying some bad words," Mac looked over Izzy's shoulder and mouthed "pregnant" to Julie and when no kids were looking she gave him the finger.
"Later," He grinned at her, and walked into the living room and sat down on the couch with Izzy and Stella to hear more about their day. Then he'd go outside and see what Michael was up to with that bike. With any luck, they'd get the kids in bed before midnight and he could make good on all those promises he just made.
"I needed you more
You wanted us less
Could not kiss just regress
It might just be
Clear and simple and plain
Well, that's just fine
That's just one of my names.
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you, you, you
Glycerine
Glycerine
Glycerine
Glycerine."
Notes: Ok so this is the first happy ending I have ever written for Mac and it feels weird but correct for this story. Usually, he dies, or the girl dies, or they both do, so this is way different for me. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it xoxoxoxo Krissy Also the whole garbage thing happened at my house this week, I was fucking furious at my husband and threw it all in the driveway just like Julie did. LOL. The End