A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Action Please

A DCAU Plus fanfiction project

This adventure begins just after the Justice League pilot "Secret Origins".

Bruce

It was sloppy. Damn sloppy. The kind of mistake he'd shout at Dick or Tim over for hours after. Know your limits. Three days without sleep, fighting an alien invasion? Too much for anyone. Even him. Especially while alone and your potential backup was scattered across the city.

"Wakey wakey, Batman~," chuckled a sinister voice through the haze. Batman blinked, his eyes regaining focus. He was tied up, hanging by his wrists several feet above a bare floor, in an abandoned candy factory. And leering up at him was Joker, who looked almost relieved.

"Not to imply you've been laying down on the job, Batsy! After all, you've been so busy away from home! Dealing with aliens! Saving the world! I thought I'd throw you a welcome home party!" The mad clown chuckled, and held out a bottle of champagne. He opened it with a pop, and poured the suds into a flute. "Congratulate you on forming the Super Friends! It's so nice to see you expanding your circle of friends!"

Batman's eyes narrowed. "Is that why you had a fake me and fake Robin running around, Joker? Feeling lonely?"

Joker downed one of the flutes of champagne, before he spat it out. He blinked in confusion. "Moi? No!" Joker shook his head and snorted. "Really Batsy, presumptuous aren't we? My life doesn't revolve around you, you know!" He laughed. "Besides! I could do better than two pieces of jail bait! My boys outside can verify!" Joker grinned wider. "Now, the first thing on the itinerary..." He held out his hand, and a small man in clown makeup tumbled up and handed him a clipboard. "Thank you Gaggy. Yes, let's see... Bobbing for piranhas! Yes, yes. A good old acid bath, then putting you into the taffy stretcher! Trust me, a man as uptight as you could use it, HA!"

There was a boom outside, at least four. And the sounds of a great deal of confused men all yelling. Gunfire broke out. Joker sighed.

"Oh poo. One of your kids has shown up to spoil my fun, huh? Well! The more the merrier, I say! Gaggy, be a sport and look after our Dear Dark Knight?" The Joker ran out, pulling a gun. He vanished behind a large rusting hulk of a machine, while Gaggy glared up at Batman. Batman glared back, already thinking frantically.

How many men were out there? A full frontal assault by Nightwing and Batgirl-That was suicide. They couldn't be that reckless. He had to have taught them better!

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw it: A small, female form slipping through the window and sliding down a rope. Batman made no further movement, keeping his gaze on Gaggy. The little clown scowled back, and held up his gun threateningly. On his tiny form, the gun was huge and comical-But clearly deadly.

"Jest a little interuption, Batfreak, then we'll have some fun," Gaggy chuckled. The small form crept from shadow to shadow, being careful and quiet. They were sloppy and slow by his standards, but Batman could recognize they were fully focused. Getting closer... Closer... They stepped on broken glass, and Gaggy spun around. He scanned the area with his eyes and gun.

"Who's there?" He demanded. "Come out! Show yerself!"

There was more tinkling of broken glass, further away and at a high angle. Gaggy immediately aimed in that direction, and opened fire. The bangs of his machine gun thundered in the gaping darkness of the abandoned factory, but nothing emerged. Gaggy walked towards the source of the noise, past a broken down conveyor belt where several of the Joker's weapons and gadgets had been carelessly piled.

Gaggy scaned around, his eyes going back to Batman. "If it's one o' yer kids, tell 'em to back off or I'll-GACK!" Gaggy's eyes widened and his hair stood on end. He shook and convulsed, before falling to the floor limply. The female figure rose from underneath the conveyor belt, and pulled one of the Joker's weaponized joy buzzers off her gloved hand.

"Can't believe he leaves these things around," she muttered. She ran into the light, and Batman got a look at his would be rescuer: A teenaged girl, maybe fourteen to seventeen years old, athletic build, long wild spiky blonde hair and blue eyes, dressed in a cheap Halloween-grade Robin costume with quite a few patched improvements. She grinned up at him, grabbing a ladder and carrying it over nearby him.

"Hello! Friendly neighborhood Robin here!" She said cheerfully, climbing up. She stood on the top of the ladder, wobbling a bit, before she jumped up and grabbed his arm. She hung from it, making them swing, and he grunted. "Sorry! Hang on..." She produced a knife and began fiddling with the complex cuffs holding him up. "I gave my Batgirl all the rope we had left; She's outside, causing a big distraction. Which usually would be my job because I'm loud and dressed in bright red but she insisted on it. Anyway, this stupid thing-"

"A grade six interlocking cuffing mechanism," Batman identified. Robin nodded, fiddling with the device.

"Yeah, these things. They're such a pain, but I know how to unlock them. So, what's your name?"

Batman stared at the babbling blonde. "Batman."

The Girl Robin rolled her eyes and snorted. "Sure you are," she said condescendingly, "and I'm Sailor Moon."

Batman raised an eyebrow under his mask. "I'm actually Batman."

"Yeah, look buddy, just because your costume is better than mine doesn't mean you're the real thing. Especially," and here Robin wagged her finger in his face, "when you get captured like some punk ass loser."

Batman continued to stare. "Really?"

Robin nodded, getting the knots undone. "Really! The real Batman would never have fallen into such a trap and would already be out of here, without needing any help from me!" The restraints clicked loose, and Batman dropped. He landed easily on the floor in a crouch, still woozy but able to keep his balance, while Robin swung from the chains overhead. She swung back onto the ladder, shakily... Then lost her balance and fell backwards.

"EEP!"

Robin landed on his back, making Batman grunt. Robin blushed, and got off of him. She rubbed the back of her head with one hand, while rubbing his back with her other. "Um, thanks. Anyway, we should be going-"

A tall thug in clown make up crashed through the door and slammed facefirst into the rusting hulk. He groaned and slid down. A moment later, a slight girl in a Batman Halloween costume emerged. Her suit though had much more extensive modifications-A facemask, goggles, spraypaint of dark blues and darker grays for camoflague, and only the yellow outline of a bat on her chest.

Robin scowled. "Batgirl! We were supposed to get out! Not show off"

The Bat-girl tilted her head. "Too much fun," she said in clipped English, making it clear it was not her first language.

Batman blinked. "Your... Friend?"

"She's super cool," Robin said happily. "But she can't help showing off."

"Neither can I," the Joker called out.

Maniacal laughter filled the room, and they all looked back. Joker came in through the door, grinning as he held out his gun.

"So! Recruiting Girl Scouts now, Bat Brain? That's adorable! Though honestly, how any little waif like you could hurt a fly is a question for when you get to-"

The Bat-Girl moved, knocking the gun out of Joker's hand and, before he'd even had time to be surprised, landed a kick upside his chin and a punch into his gut. The clown staggered back, slamming against the wall with a grunt. He gaped in shock at the Bat-Girl, who advanced on him menacingly. But Joker was resourceful, and a moment later he had a can of peanuts out.

"Think fast!" He gasped, and ribbons and confetti burst out of the can. They wrapped around Batgirl like coiling snakes, and she hopped back, struggling to get free. Joker advanced on her, pulling out his hand buzzer with sadism in his eyes. Batman struggled against his exhaustion and soreness, lunging to his feet, but Joker would get there first.

"End of the line, Gogo," he hissed. He looked up to see a blonde and red blur tackle him, and he staggered back. His eyes bulged again as Robin kneed him in the groin. "OOF! YOU LITTLE-!"

"You suck, Joker!" Robin shouted, leaping back and narrowly escaping the clown's swinging arm. Seeing her predicament, Batman lunged for his utility belt on the conveyor. If he could just reach it before the mad clown got his hands on her-!

"You suck and your sense of humor sucks! You're a crap comedian and a crap supervillain with lousy jokes!" Robin shouted. The Joker seethed as the girl ran behind the hulk of busted, aging machinery. He chased after her.

"YOU WORTHLESS SLAG-SHUT YER MOUTH!" He produced a length of multi-colored rope, and threw it like a lariat. It lassoed Robin, and she yelped as he yanked her off her feet. Joker laughed and ran up to her, kicking her in her stomach as she laid flat. He grinned down at her, feeling triumphant.

"Not so smart mouthed now, huh brat? What have you got to say for yourself?"

Robin grinned back up at him. Joker blinked. In his rage over her insults, he'd forgotten something important-

Which hit him like a fist across his temple, then his solar plexus, his groin, his chin, and finally the back of his neck. He collapsed into a heap, blacking out.

Robin looked up at Bat-Girl and Batman, and mocked scowled. "You... Took your time!" She wheezed, catching her breath. Batgirl shrugged and untied her. Batman helped her to her feet.

The three of them shuffled out into the courtyard of the factory. Batman scanned the many fallen (but still breathing) bodies littering the pavement of the enclosed parking lot. Robin frowned.

"Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen... Nuts, I miscounted," she said. Bat-Girl waved her hand, as if it was no big deal. "Well, yeah, but how many more smoke bombs did you have to use?"

Bat-Girl held out a very empty canvas bag, and Robin sighed. "Great. Now we're out," she grumbled. Batman pressed a control in his belt.

"Don't worry. I can get you more," Batman said. Robin turned and glared at him, and shook her finger.

"No way! No more playing hero for you!" She scolded. "Seriously, this was dangerous!"

"And yet you're still doing it?" Batman asked. Robin looked at Cass, and they exchanged nods. She looked back to Batman.

"Of course we are," she said. "Someone's gotta do it! And we work pretty well together!"

"You made a lot of mistakes," he pointed out. Robin shrugged.

"Yeah, well..."

"You could use some instruction," he said. The familiar roar of an engine filled his ears, and the Batmobile came around the corner. It pulled up to them, and the cockpit hatch slid open. Batman walked over to the waiting vehicle, as Robin's jaw nearly hit the pavement.

"Buh...?" She muttered. Batman hopped into the vehicle, and tapped a few buttons. Something buzzed in Robin's belt, and she pulled out a cellphone. She stared at it, and then back at Batman.

"I just texted you an address," he said smoothly. "Meet me there tomorrow morning, 6 am sharp. We'll start training. For both of you."

"... How did you get my cellphone number?" Robin asked. Batman smirked.

"I'm Batman. And you two?"

Robin stared at him. She cleared her throat.

"... I'm... Stephanie Brown," Robin muttered, clearly torn between embarrassment and astonishment. She gestured over to Bat-Girl, who waved. "That's Cassandra Cain."

Batman stared at the Bat-Girl, who stared back. "Doesn't talk much, does she?"

"No talk. Action," she said. Batman nodded.

"Good. Again. 6 am. Sharp." The hatch slid shut, and the Batmobile roared off into the night. Batman watched the two girls stare after them as he departed, and he turned up the gain on the bugs he'd planted on them both.

"... You knew it was the real Batman the whole time, didn't you?" Stephanie gasped. Cass's response was inaudible. "I can't believe-I called the real Batman a punk ass loser-We saved the real Batman from the Joker-OhmyGodthisissoawesome!"

Batman sighed. He might regret it... But having these two under his supervision would be better for them and him in the long run. He had a feeling that with the Justice League, he was going to be far busier.

And these two... Warranted checking into.

A little fun in the DCAU, but introducing some things from the DCU. Enjoy!