~!! AUTHORS NOTE !!~

Hey my loves.

Thank you for sticking with me and helping me grow as a writer. I know I am still shitty but you all are so so kind!!!

Also note to who I believe to be the only person being a keyboard warrior hiding behind guest absuing me. I have had to actually delete 6 reviews again telling me to kill myself. I will never be anything in this world. I'm uneducated scum. To stop writing. I keep doing this because over 30 beautiful people read this story and I will forever be grateful and because those amazing people enjoy , i wont stop.

I Promise you I do get to explaining the Join between why I lived with Gemma and Not Piney because Eli seems to hold a more sincere and loving bond with her Uncle Piney however she does love Gemma like her own mom. All the guys had a hand in raising Little E. Elias and Tara share only the same dad...

It has been 9 days since I last saw Jax or Tara. Gemma came by the diner a few times and let me know he was out of town so it was safe to stop by the house for some quality time last Saturday.

I appreciated the fact Gemma stopped pushing for me to speak to him or her. I had to bury who I was becoming but it was Harder than I originally thought.

I got back to my schedule. I got back to a routine and I loved it. I was finding the peace my heart yearned for , but I knew deep down it was a false sense of peace because even deeper down feelings i ripped out of chest and stuffed into the pit of my soul were festering and it made me ugly. These feelings made me weak and vulnerable , the two feelings that my dad taught me to avoid - However Tara never got the lesson.

It was quiet but I liked it. My thoughts some times drifted away with the tune of a song but I always snapped back just as quick as I wandered.

It was Monday Mid morning and I was asked to go back into the cafe because someone was run off her feet. I personally believe my bestfriend was on a bender the weekend before and couldn't be fucked serving 4 or more customers in a day. I obliged though because she's the only friend I have. People in this town talk so we don't really mess with any of the other females.

I arrive 15 minutes before I was asked to start and decide to go in any way to get caught up on what's what for the day however seeing a row of Harleys I know I'm most likely going to be starting later then intended. I enter the metal doors and the bell rings above me. I instantly hear my name being whispered so i scan the room and to my relief i see some handsome familiar faces.

"Eeeeeeeee" is all that fills the diner and it's comforting. I walk over and greet everyone personally with a hug. The theme amongst the guys was " where have you been , why is she back in the picture"

I try to laugh it off lightly but I have to answer them.

"he loves her and he always will" I smile and proceed to change the subject.

"So whose hungry and who is having what?" I giggled as best I could.

Juice ordered blueberry pancakes.

Tig had a big breakfast and waffles.

Chibs ordered my special Irish coffee and toast .

Piney had a cup of coffee and bacon

Opie had the same as his pa ,

and the new prospect , Sack had some gluten free waffles.

"Alrighty my main men I will go and get the gorgeous Renee to whip this up and bring it out in a jiffy"

The guys roared and I headed to the kitchen where my bestfriend stood in the back foor way, hair of the dog in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

"BITCH!! no smoking or fucking drinking"

I squealed at Renee.

"You are in no place to judge me hoe. You have naughty dreams about your brother in law" Renee rolled her eyes and laughed at me.

I was taken aback and froze for a minute. I reevaluated myself and thought 'Jesus Christ when did I become a stickler'. I had to admit she did get me good with her come back.

"Ok skanky these are the orders"

I finished reading the orders and Renee sighed and groaned back to the stove and worked her magic.

The guys seemed to have enjoyed their breaksfast because they tipped us a whole weeks wage.

Before they all left we said individual goodbyes but Tig seemed more focused on getting his head between Renees tits.

Piney gently ushered me away from the group and asked if I was okay to which I replied I was.

Uncle P always has had a 6th sense with Ope and I. He knew when we were hurting or angry. He sensed this pain was deep because he asked again with more urgency this time.

I reassured Uncle Piney I was okay I haf just gotten busy that's why I wasn't around much now but I came to a compromise and told him I'd pop in for a beer when I knocked off.

We waved the guys goodbye and went to cleaning the Diner. I caught up with Renee seeing as the Diner was now desserted.

"So why did you say you'd go to TM when Jax is back?"

I squinted at Renee

"so why the bell were you listening to my conversation dumbo."

"Stop being a drama queen you weren't being quiet. You can lie to your uncle but you can't lie to me. Spill girlfriend."

I sighed - "you basically know everything that's wrong Nay. I'm just tryna bury the evil bitch I was becoming. Don't get me wrong I fucking hate Tara I always will but I want Jax to finally be at peace with himself and stop the war within. I fucking love him Nay." I stopped to catch my breath and blinked slowly off into the distance carrying on

"It kills me that I love someone who doesnt love me. I stayed to pick up what she dropped. I stayed and fixed what she broke all the while breaking my own fucking heart in the process. Yo I picked him up in Lodi when he got tanked and smashed that cop car , remember?" Renee nodded.

"When I lived at Ma's I'm the one that did everything for him when his old man died. I sat there for hours on and crying with him. I'm the one thay bore the brunt and I was fucking 14! All Tara was accuse me of fucking her boyfriend" I let out another frustrated sigh

"She fucking knew how fragile he was and 3 years after JT she leaves him aswell"

Renee empathized but she knew me too well if I dwell I spiral so as any bestfriend hugged me and then she gave me some words of wisdom. " I love you E but this mindset is toxic. Move the fuck on. Jax doesnt love you? so fucking what, it's his loss not yours princess. Go back yo unsuccessfully fucking men from tinder"

Renee wiped my tears and I smiled thanking her for always being the voice of reason.

At 7 the boss came in and relieved us of our duties so I managed to convince Renee into coming with me to TM. "One drink hoe and that's it" I reminded Renee laughing.

We hopped in the car and sped over , I had to internalize what I was going to say if I saw him.

It feels as if this place just won't let go of my soul - I'm so comfortable here. I see Gemma and embrace her. She gives Renee and I the warmest of welcomes as she does - If she likes you that is- And we walk through the lot to the clubhouse.

As we walk through I spot Jax and Tara having as what I assume to be an argument.

"YOU CANNOT FUCKING DO THIS JAX. I TOLD YOU ALREADY TO CUT HER OFF. YOU HAVE ALWAYS CHOSEN HER" Tara screamed across the lot.

"Go home Tara" Jax said firmly before getting up from the picnic table.

I don't think they saw us yet.

I approached the Doors and Jax so Renee went in while Tara was storming off to dad's cutlass.

His eyes full of heart ache Jax smiled sweetly and said hey darlin.

"Hey Jackson. You okay?"

Jaxs eyebrows furrowed together as he frowned " You only call me that when you're pissed off "

We both laughed. "Nah sounds more alluring. Trouble in paradise?" i asked.

Jax sighed and rubbed his face. " You know what she's like. She's tryna make me cut you off. But I can't do that E. "

"Nah I don't really now her all that well Jax. Remember we only share a dad. we share no good memories nor any kid experiences together"

Jax looked like a wounded puppy and I couldn't help but feel my arms raise to console him , instead and adjusted my hair , gave him a pat on the shoulder and moved from the place id been stuck majority of my life - At his side. His shit was no longer my burder. Nay was right this is toxic. I'm head strong , I'm a force to be reckoned with and with Jax i was a doormat.

My stomach was turning and flipping on itself for my decision but it needed to be done and I was proud of myself.

I stroll into the clubhouse and slumped into The seat next to Renee and Tig. I didn't pay them any mind until they were sucking face and getting a little too close to me so I moved but not before letting Renee know she had daddy issues.

I sat and mingled for a while before I got bored. I looked back every so often scanning for Jax. I wasn't much of a drinker so It time for home after a big bear hug from uncle Piney and Ope

Uncle Piney Told Juice to take me home , My ride was presumably sucking Tigs dick so I was stuck. I thanked Juice and we got to talking. I had spoken to him before but nothing like this. He was interesting. He was intelligent... Small talk turned into stories about the club and stories about our childhood. Why I stayed and why he came. 3 Hours of comfortable conversation I let Juice know he should get back to TM otherwise someone would come looking and find us both. He agreed and we went our separate ways.

I walked up the steps to my humble little abode and rustled around in my bag for my shiny gold house key. I let myself in and started to immediately strip down to my underwear through the front door , down the hallway and to my bedroom where I collapsed on my bed. I was exhausted. My soul was broken from having to detach from Jax. My heart was hurting from not consoling Jax like i had always done but my mind was clear and at ease because for once in my life I wasn't Jax's doormat and I didn't invest myself into his bullshit and act like it was affecting me. I was ... somewhat free.