Disclaimer: Thundarr The Barbarian was a Saturday Morning Cartoon that ran from 1980 to 1982 with 21 episodes. It was produced by Joe Ruby and Ken Spears of Ruby-Spears Productions. The main story was written by Steve Gerber, and the three main characters were designed by Alex Toth. Many of the side characters and villains were designed by Jack Kirby. In 1990, the rights to all Hanna-Barbera and Ruby-Spears cartoons, which add up to roughly 350 titles, were purchased by Warner Brothers for a reported $350,000,000. Meaning WB paid approximately $1,000,000 for the rights to Thundarr The Barbarian (in today's market that would be approximately $1,900,000), which they still hold to this day.

I do not own any of the characters in this story, save for the Original Characters (OCs) which were created specifically for this particular tale. No money has been made off of the writing of this story. No copyright laws have been violated, either intentionally or otherwise. Please do not sue me, Warner Brothers, as it would be a waste of time and money.

Tell Me I'm Beautiful

In the year 1994, from out of space comes a runaway planet, hurdling between the Earth and the moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man's civilization is cast in ruins! Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn! A strange new world rises from the old! A world of Savagery, Super Science, and Sorcery! But one man breaks his bonds to fight for justice! Together with his companions, Ookla The Mok and Princess Ariel! He pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil! He is . . . THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN!

Ookla the Mok, a large and heavily muscled leonine mutant humanoid, is running through the woods at break neck speed. He wears a loincloth made of black furs, and a matching set of fur boots. These are likely worn more for modesty than for protection from the elements, as the thick cinnamon coloured fur that covers his body can protect him from all but the harshest of cold weather. Following him close behind is Princess Ariel, a beautiful young sorceress with long raven black hair, olive skin, and almond eyes. She wears a blue halter style leotard with golden chevron stripes around her waist. She sports a gold tiara on her head, which she keeps partially covered by her luscious black locks, as well as gold wrist cuffs on her wrists and gold boots which come up nearly to her knees. Ookla suddenly stops and drops to a knee. He picks up a blade of grass off the ground and sniffs it.

"Do you know which way they went?" asks Ariel, panting heavily.

Ookla nods his leonine head and points ahead, but slightly to the left of where they were headed earlier.

"Are you sure?" asks Ariel, to which Ookla simply gets up and starts running in the direction he had pointed. "I guess so," she says as she continues to follow him.

The two of them have been following this trail for days, ever since their friend Thundarr had gone missing. They had been on the trail of an evil sorceress who reportedly had been abducting the men from the local villages. Then one night Thundarr had simply vanished. And the two of them have been searching ever since. Thankfully Ookla's senses are as keen as his feline ancestors, and he can track the barbarian by scent. The two friends follow Ookla's nose until they come upon a clearing. Quickly ducking behind some bushes, they observe a fortified castle in the middle of the clearing, surrounded by fields of bright red flowers. Tending these fields are the missing villagers, all of them with blank, emotionless expressions on their faces. Ariel gasps in shock.

"Death flowers," she whispers in surprise.

Ookla lets out a growl of annoyance. He knows all too well the evil that can be wrought with these seemingly innocent flowers. Years ago a tribe of carocks, a race of mutant humanoids evolved from crocodiles, had weaponized death flower pollen and used it to turn Ookla into a mindless slave. What's more, they forced him to fight his friends Thundarr and Ariel. The mok squeezes a fallen branch in his massive hand until it is crushed into splinters under his mighty grip as he remembers how helpless he felt that day.

"This explains how Thundarr disappeared without so much as a struggle," says Ariel, "The sorceress must be holding him in the castle. We can't sneak in this way. Let's go around back and see if . . ."

Without letting her finish, Ookla charges out of the bush and sprints across the death flower fields, swatting away any enslaved villager who happens to stand in his way.

"Why do I even bother," groans Ariel as she shakes her head at the brash and emotional actions of her large furry friend. Then with no other options, she gets up and chases after the mok.

Two robot guards armed with death flower pollen guns try to intercept Ookla, but Ariel uses her magic to blast them to pieces. The sorceress catches up to Ookla, just as the mok slams his fists against the main gate, breaking the doors off of their hinges and burying the robot guards on the other side under a ton of broken wood. Just as the mok is about to step through the ruined gates, Ariel grabs him by the arm to hold him back.

"I'll go in alone," Ariel tells him, "You stay here and guard the door."

Ookla growls in protest.

"I have my magic to keep me safe," she counters, "And the guards are armed with death flower weapons. I'd rather not have to fight you again, if you don't mind."

Ookla grunts a reply and nods his head in reply.

"Don't worry," Ariel tells him, "I'll bring him back, safe and sound."

Princess Ariel runs through the castle, searching for the missing barbarian. She comes upon a heavy locked door. The sorceress grabs the handle and uses her magic to unlock the door. She enters the room and stops dead in her tracks. The room she is standing in is elaborately decorated with gilded mirrors, marble statues, fur rugs, and a canopied bed. Chained to that canopied bed is the unmistakable form of Thundarr, his long sandy blonde locks splayed out across the satin pillows. His barbarian furs are scattered about the floor, and the only thing protecting his modesty is a satin sheet haphazardly draped across his pelvis, barely hiding his manhood.

"Ariel!" cries Thundarr, "Lords of Light! Hurry! Free me from these chains! Hurry, before Allura returns! You have no idea the things that she forced me to do!"

"Oh," says Ariel as she raises an eyebrow, "I think I can imagine it alright."

"We can jest after you have freed me from my bonds."

"Oh stop your whining," says Ariel as she examines the locks on Thundarr's chains.

"Barbarians do not whine," Thundarr replies, "Now free me before it's too late! The sorceress Allura will be back any . . ."

"But it is too late, barbarian!" says a voice from the doorway.

Princess Ariel turns around to find herself facing a stunningly beautiful woman wearing a daringly cut, immodest gown. The neckline plunges down to her navel, exposing the cleavage made by her ample bosom. The sides of the dress are slit up to her hips, revealing her shapely thighs. And the twine thin straps cross down her bare back. The material itself is so thin that when the light is just right, it's practically see through. In her hands she holds a death flower weapon.

"Allura, I presume," says Princess Ariel, her voice dripping with venom.

"So you do, Princess," replies the evil sorceress, "And I don't appreciate you trying to steal my playthings."

"Thundarr is no one's plaything!" growls the barbarian.

"I beg to differ," says Allura calmly, "And soon I will have a new toy for my collection."

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" exclaims Ariel.

"Not your decision, I'm afraid!" Allura cries, and with that she fires her death flower weapon, sending a billowing cloud of death flower pollen towards the princess and the barbarian.

Unlike her first meeting with the carocks all those years ago, Princess Ariel is not caught unawares this time. Before the cloud of pollen can reach her and Thundarr, the sorceress conjures a gust of wind, blowing the pollen back from whence it came. Allura is completely engulfed by the cloud.

"What?" she cries in surprise, "No!"

She begins to cough and choke on the death flower pollen, waving her hands about in a hopeless attempt to keep from breathing it in. Her attempts are in vain and she collapses to the floor, unconscious. Ariel gives a derisive snort. "Too easy," she says.

"Demon dogs, woman!" says Thundarr, "Would you please stop wasting time and remove these chains?"

Ariel is about to comply, but then pauses.

"What is it?" asks Thundarr, "Why did you stop?"

"I just had a thought," says Ariel, "I mean, when will I get another opportunity for this?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know all those times I asked you if you thought I was beautiful, and you just ignored me?"

Thundarr rolls his eyes. "Females," he groans.

Princess Ariel climbs onto the bed and straddles Thundarr's pelvis. "Do you think I'm beautiful?" she asks him.

"Ariel, we don't have time for this! Allura . . ."

"Allura is going to be unconscious for hours," interrupts Ariel, "And when she comes to, she isn't going to be any threat to us. At least not until the effects of the death flowers wear off."

"Ariel! Will you please just . . ."

Princess Ariel silences the barbarian with a kiss, pressing her lips against his and driving her tongue into his mouth. She can feel his male anatomy beneath her, reacting to her touch.

"Do you think I'm beautiful?" she asks him again.

"Ariel . . ."

She kisses him again. Despite his earlier protests, he begins to reciprocate.

"Do. You. Think. I'm. Beautiful?" she asks again, enunciating each word very precisely. Making it perfectly clear, even to Thundarr's stubbornness, that she has no plans to release him without an answer.

Author's Note

I came up with the idea for this story originally as a short fan film that I'm thinking of shooting this spring. It's meant to be a silly one off, with an open ending that leaves the conclusion up to the viewer's imagination. It'll be a test run for the short concept video/teaser trailer that I'm also planning on filming, likely this summer.