December:

The week following John and Cassidy's funeral felt like one long grief siesta for Santana. She'd used the sick time she never touched and stayed in her bed, alternating between weeping and feeling irrationally angry about absolutely everything. The one time that she tried to leave her house, she got so enraged by the sound of Christmas music and the jingle of bells outside of the deli where she went to pick up a sandwich that she turned her phone off and spent two days in utter silence. John and Cassidy were the first friends she made after moving to New York, they had become like her family and the idea that they were gone just absolutely consumed her with grief. She knew that she should check in with Cassidy's mom and see how their two kids were doing, she knew that she should return her mother's phone calls, but all she wanted to do was shut the world out for as long as possible.

On the eighth day after they were buried, Santana got a phone call from an unfamiliar number. She let it go to voice mail but then curiosity got the best of her and she listened. It was their lawyer, asking her to come down to the office and meet with him about the will. She figured that they must have left her some stupid trinket that she'd have to bury away so she wouldn't be constantly bombarded with the reminder that they were gone, but she called back and said that she'd be there. She didn't want to disrespect their legacy, even if it meant driving out to the suburbs where they had lived and the morning of the meeting, she tried to soak her face in cold water to remove some of the puffiness from around her eyes and she pulled on a skirt and a suit jacket, knowing that even dressed in her work clothes, she looked bedraggled.

There was a lot of traffic on the drive out there and she found herself crying in the car. She wasn't normally like this, she could usually function like a sane human being but everything felt like a lot and being late for a meeting she didn't want to go to suddenly felt like the end of the world. When she finally made it to the office, she was twenty minutes late. She pressed the button for the elevator and when the receptionist led her into a conference room, she was surprised to be staring right into the face of one Brittany Pierce.

"I told you she'd be here." Brittany said to the lawyer across the table. "She's just always late."

"I'm not—whatever."

If Santana had to choose one place in the world she wouldn't be, it would have been her best friends' funeral. Since that had already happened, if she had to choose a second place, it would be sitting in a conference room with her ex-girlfriend. It had been two years since their breakup, but if she even as much as thought about Brittany, she got an ache in her chest. Their breakup wasn't exactly amiable and it sucked. It didn't surprise her though that John and Cassidy would have left something for Brittany too. After all, they'd met them together, they'd been avoiding each other at the kids' birthday parties and the annual Christmas cocktail bash for two years, but Santana wished she could have maybe had her own meeting instead of being stuck pretending she didn't think Brittany looked amazing, especially for someone in the throes of grief.

"Miss Pierce, Miss Lopez." The lawyer began. "Now that I have you both here, we can get started. Were you aware that Mr. and Mrs. Springer appointed the two of you as guardians to their children should anything happen to them?"

"I…vaguely remember Cassidy mentioning it to us years ago." Brittany bit her lip. "But I told her I didn't want to talk about it because they were going to live forever."

"We're not…they made that decision under totally different circumstances." Santana shook her head. "Brittany and I, we're not…together anymore."

"Be that as it may, the Springers' will is clear. They wanted joint custody to go to the two of you. Their house is paid off, they specified that as part of their final requests, Ava and John Jr. would stay in the house under your care."

"That's…I don't know how to take care of kids." Santana put her head in her hands, feeling the weight of her friends' request, not to mention the fact that she'd be doing it with Brittany. "Why wouldn't Cassidy's parents just keep them?"

"I've already spoken to them and they believe this is for the best as well. I understand you might need some time to think about this."

"I'll do it." Brittany answered quickly, shocking Santana.

"Brittany, you can't just make a snap decision like that."

"Actually, last I checked, you can't tell me what to do. It's what Cassidy and John wanted, they were my closest friends. The least I can do is take care of their kids. But you…do whatever it is you want to do."

"I need to think about this."

Santana walked out of the lawyer's office in a daze. She heard the Christmas music playing over the sound system and she internally cringed. Everything felt awful and she couldn't just jump into the decision to take custody of two kids. Maybe Brittany felt like it was the right choice, but Santana just didn't know. She had no idea how to be a mother, she enjoyed Ava and JJ and had been there for both of their births but to actually raise them…that was a whole different story. She got in her car and stared directly in front of her for the whole ride back to the city. She went into her apartment and she looked around. Could she really give all of this up to go live in John and Cassidy's house in the suburbs? With Brittany? She didn't think she could do it, it was just too much. She closed her eyes and all she could picture was John and Cass' first anniversary, right after they'd found out they were pregnant with Ava.

"Oh, come on. We're totally the godparents." Santana elbowed Brittany in the side and looked, grinning, at Cass.

"Obviously, as if there were ever a better couple we'd choose to put in charge of our kids." John laughed.

"Santana and I are the best." Brittany giggled. "I mean, no offense to you two."

"We happily concede the title to you guys." Cassidy shook her head laughing. "I'm glad we never knew you two apart."

"And you never will." Santana smiled. "Brittz and I are forever."

"That we are."

For two days, it was all she could think about, the conversation that they'd had when Cassidy found out she was pregnant and the idea that she wasn't fulfilling a promise. She went back to work and she sat in a daze at her desk. She had clients who needed to see her and she'd been pushing them off since she got the phone call that her friends were dead, but it felt like she was incapable of interacting with other human beings. She was a publicist, she needed to put a positive spin on everything, but the world felt black even as those damn bells kept ringing outside of the office. She thought about calling Brittany, but then, what would Brittany say? She'd jumped immediately into doing the right thing, but maybe Santana was too selfish to do it. Being in their house, raising their kids, it all felt so awful that she couldn't even think straight.

On the fourth day, Santana started to pack. She grabbed clothes and shoes and personal effects and put them into boxes and suitcases. She wasn't going to pack everything, she would do the rest slowly, but she was haunted by the thought of John and Cassidy being disappointed in her. They had asked for one thing from her, the people who had supported her through job changes and moves and the worst breakup of her life, she couldn't say no, as much as she really wanted to.

After work that night, she showed up on the porch. She wheeled a suitcase behind her and figured the rest of the stuff she could get out of her car in the morning. It was a Friday night, she had the whole weekend off and she could work on adjusting to whatever this new life was going to be for her. She rang the doorbell and she waited. The Christmas lights that John had hung were on outside of the house and it made her feel sick to her stomach. She saw the tree through the window that the four of them had decorated together in preparation for the holiday and she almost threw up. Then Brittany answered, wearing jeans and a sweater and Santana felt like she was going to pass out.

"So you decided to come." Brittany said unemotionally. "Ava and JJ will be happy."

"I guess they never changed their will." Santana shrugged. "This isn't exactly how I imagined I'd start a family with you."

"We're not going to do that. If you're going to be living here with me, we need to set some ground rules. Rule number one, no talking about our past."

"Rule number two, you can't have sex with me."

"Pretty much the last thing on my mind." Brittany rolled her eyes. "Is that all you brought?"

"I have stuff in the car, I'll get it tomorrow."

"We already ate, but there are leftovers."

"I'm fine." Santana shook her head. "I'll just…bring this up to the guest room."

"I'm sleeping in the guest room. I guess you'll have to take John and Cassidy's room."

"That's seriously creepy. You know I'm scared of ghosts. Can't you take it?"

"No." Brittany shook her head, obviously unaffected by Santana's complaining. "I got here first, I got the guest room. Live with it."

"Britt—"

"Rule number three, don't call me Britt."

"Fine, whatever." Santana dragged her suitcase into the house, stomping her feet as she did.

She didn't see Ava or JJ, so she went right up the stairs. When she got to the outside of John and Cassidy's room, she froze. She remembered when they moved out of the city and into this house, John and Brittany had tried to get the dresser up the stairs while Santana bitched and moaned about putting the bed together. The four of them had ultimately fell on the floor laughing when Cassidy kept screaming pivot even though there was no need for anyone to pivot. Then she thought about how she'd fell asleep crying in that bed after her breakup with Brittany when John had offered to take the guest room so she didn't have to sleep alone. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the threshold and then felt a tug on the side of her skirt.

"Aunt Santana, that's Mommy and Daddy's room." Five-year-old Ava told her, putting her hands on her hips.

"I know, kiddo, but I don't think they'll mind if I borrow it for a little while. I'm here to help Aunt Brittany with you guys."

"Aunt Brittany took us to see Santa Claus yesterday. I told him that all I wanted for Christmas was for Mommy and Daddy to come home."

"Oh, Ava." Santana picked her up, hugging her close. "I'm sure Santa would love to bring you that, but sometimes even his magic doesn't work."

"I miss them too much."

"I know, I do too."

Since apparently Brittany had already gotten the kids into a bedtime routine again, Santana half-heartedly helped. She didn't want to disrupt the flow that Brittany had gotten them into so she just kissed Ava goodnight and watched for a few minutes as Brittany rocked almost-one-year-old JJ to sleep. Something really felt unsettled in her, watching Brittany rock the baby, so she stepped out of his bedroom and went down to the kitchen to find the leftovers Brittany had told her about. While she was heating them up, Brittany came in and Santana took a deep breath.

"So I found the Christmas gifts." Brittany told her. "You know Cass, she had everything all bought and wrapped. I guess we'll just put them under the tree next week."

"How are we supposed to do this, Brittany? I'm barely keeping it together and now I'm supposed to act like I don't want to cry like Ava whenever she brings up her parents?"

"They clearly thought we were the best ones to take care of them."

"You know they made that will while we were still together. I really don't think they actually expected us to live in the same house and raise them together after everything."

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I can do it myself. I set JJ up in daycare and Ava up in aftercare so I can pick them up when I get home from work. I'm going to look for a job out here so I don't have to commute back and forth to the city. I don't need you, Santana. I have this under control."

"What if we would have—"

"No talking about our past. I'm not kidding, I can't do it."

"I have to stay, for Ava and JJ and for John and Cass. I don't know how we're supposed to do this, but I'm not leaving you to do it alone. I'll talk to work, I'll figure out if I can take a few days a week working from home. We'll just…make it work."

"So you're staying?"

"I'm staying."