Hanabi's POV

When he left the next morning, she called Hinata. The mansion felt empty again, and a far too familiar restlessness threatened to take over. Her sister invited her over to her place, and she didn't have to think long about the offer.

Autumn had come early that year and despite bundling up in a big coat she shivered in the cold breeze. She had thought that the building anxiety that had brewed since left would settle if she got out of the house, but as she rushed through the streets of Konoha, rather than settling, the tightening of her chest increased.

She came to a stop outside Hinata and Naruto's house, the reason for her visit lost somewhere between the phone call and the walk.

It was stupid.

What was she going to say? That she felt like she was losing herself a little bit more every day. That she was terrified of getting pregnant again because she wasn't sure she could cope with going through all of it again? That she was jealous of the beautiful children her sister had had so easily? That she still felt guilty about feeling jealous, and accusing her husband of cheating and that she didn't want him to take on more missions, because she didn't want any more phone calls?

The more she hesitated, the harder it got to breathe. Hinata wouldn't know what to do. She wasn't used to talking to her sister about anything more than trivial matters. They simply didn't have that kind of bond.

Just as she decided that she needed to turn around, her sister opened the door, smiling.

"I saw you in the window, come in! It's cold today."

Her sister, ever kind and inviting, motioned for her to step inside, and Hanabi followed.

Offering to take her coat, Hinata asked her to make herself comfortable while she brought them both tea. Once settled on the couch in the living room with a steaming cup in hand, Hanabi tried to keep the conversation light by asking about Boruto and Himawari, and Hinata shared the latest updates. The exchange of shallow enquiries and platitudes didn't keep Hinata unaware though. Her gaze fixated on Hanabi, without saying anything out loud, she made it clear that she would keep up the small talk, if that was what her sister wished, but by letting one hand reach out and squeeze Hanabi's, she also made sure that Hanabi knew she would listen, if Hanabi changed her mind.

Finding Hinata's gaze too much to handle, Hanabi looked down on the hand gently squeezing hers, and she swallowed. The darn lump in her throat was back, and with each breath, it grew until she could barely breathe at all. Balling her fists, she tried to keep the tears under control by breathing slowly, but when Hinata shuffled closer so that she sat next to Hanabi and silently put her other arm around Hanabi's shoulder, she couldn't hold on any longer.

As her sister's arms wrapped themselves around her to engulf her in a warm, tight hug, burning tears filled her eyes, leaving salty trails as they fell. For how much time she couldn't remember, only now it didn't feel as suffocating. Even though no more words were exchanged, the tears brought a relief she hadn't expected—or even thought to hope for.

...

The first flowers of the new year had just about finished blossoming when Hanabi realised that she was pregnant again.

Almost six months had passed since they decided to stop trying and let whatever may come. It had sounded fine at that moment, but right now, standing in the bathroom frantically clutching the small plastic stick and with bile rising in her throat, she found herself shaking.

Not again.

She couldn't do it again.

A sudden, brutal wave of dread knocked the wind out of her and she dropped to the floor listlessly, never taking her eyes off the stick with the two small lines in her hand. All the same, somewhere deep inside she couldn't help the small hope already beginning to spread in her chest.

She was a fool, that would never change, but she wasn't sure she wanted to, either.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there when Konohamaru found her, but her legs had fallen asleep and her neck ached from the awkward position she had first taken and then not thought of adjusting later. Taking in the sight before him, he dropped to his knees in front of her and hugged her tightly.

She wasn't alone. Come what may, they were in it together, and the thought was endlessly comforting.

Time moved, as it always did. As the weeks went by, Hanabi became more and more restless. Closely monitored by the doctors, she felt caged in and buried herself in work to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Making matters worse, the worried glances from friends and family burned at her neck. Well-meaning comments and all too many eyebrows raised in pity made her reluctant to step outside more than absolutely necessary.

Seeing the glances and the thinly veiled friendly advise followed by sympathetic tilts of the head and pitying smiles was infuriating. She felt more like a container than a person and that people weren't seeing her for anything but a vessel, and a broken one at that.

Konohamaru was busy, but when he was home he would tell her to stop worrying and calm down, and she really had to fight the urge to tell him to bugger off. Or at least tell him to look up how many times anyone had ever calmed down by being told to do so. He would be in for a surprise, she was sure.

The first trimester came and went without too much excitement, and Hanabi was too preoccupied with running the clan to notice that the days were getting warmer and the nights shorter. Without her realising it, summer had reached its highest point, and as her belly started showing the first small signs of swelling, the dread from those first weeks returned. She ignored them and told herself she was fine. She wanted this more than anything, and she was determined not to let the past cloud the present.

…

Looking through her wardrobe in search for her usual attire, she chewed on her lip thoughtfully and made a mental note to get the washing done when she got home. For some reason, it seemed a bit emptier than usual, and she figured most of it must be in the wash. Household chores having never been her greatest passion in life, these small inconveniences often seemed to pile up on her if she wasn't careful. Her sister had asked her to join her and Himawari at a newly opened café next to the train station that Hinata had been wanting to visit for some time, and Hanabi had thought getting out of the house for a bit could be a good idea. Perhaps the neverending restlessness would quiet down then, if only for a couple of hours.

When she arrived though—slightly late due to the clothing predicament, Hinata was nowhere to be found. Instead, she spotted her husband leaning against the front wall of the café sporting a huge grin and civilian clothes and standing next to her suitcase. His grin widened when he saw her and he jumped up, virtually vibrating with enthusiasm.

"There you are! Geeze, you picked a good one to be tardy. Come on, the train leaves soon!" he said and grabbed her hand to get her to come with him to the train station.

Hanabi blinked.

Then she blinked again. "Excuse me?"

He laughed at her reaction and showed off another toothy grin as he gave a quick explanation.

"We're going away on a trip. Come on. I have the tickets, but the train is leaving soon!"

"Hold your horses, Mr. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what's going on," she protested, eyebrows raised in bafflement.

His gaze softened and he took her hands in his. "I've arranged for us to go away on a trip together, just you and I. We'll take the train to the harbour and then a boat trip to the land of Waves. I got permission from Lord Seventh, and Sakura-san said it was okay for you to travel too, as long as you don't overdo it. Since you seemed so stressed lately, and frankly, got rude whenever I tried to talk to you about it, I thought it could be a good idea to get away from everything for a little bit."

She pursed her lips when he mentioned her being rude, but he said it with a glint in his eyes and a hearty laugh, and she couldn't be grumpy about the teasing. Instead, she focused on more important matters. "But, how? How did you pull this off? And...the money! Where did you?—"

His gaze slightly averted, he rubbed at the back of his neck and blushed sheepishly. "Na—uh, a wizard never reveals his secrets, ey" he deflected, and she rolled her eyes.

"Ok, first. It's supposed to be 'magician', not 'wizard'. You got the saying wrong. Second: Lame."

That earned another hearty laugh, and she couldn't help but smile. His energy and good mood were infectious. It had been a long time since she had seen him so genuinely excited about anything.

"Perhaps, but you're stuck with me, so let's get a move on before the train leave without us, hey!" he grinned and picked up the suitcase, nodding for her to come with him.

…

While the train ride had been a slow affair, the boat ride was anything but.

She had been on boats before. However, a decently sized storm in combination with pregnancy proved a rather disastrous result. Having finished the first trimester she hadn't expected her stomach to react so strongly, and judging by the horrified look on Konohamaru's face, neither had he.

"Ah, I'm so sorry. Really didn't think this through properly, did I?..." he apologised, putting a hand on her back to try to help her by rubbing soothing circles on her back while she tried to breathe through the waves of nausea.

Though not intended that way, the movement only made her feel worse and she pushed him away,"No, please, don't—" she groaned before answering. Despite clearly realising that it was more of a rhetorical question she muttered a grumpy, 'No kidding,' under her breath—for good measure. He looked so guilty though—over wanting to give her a holiday—that she didn't have the heart to be sour about it. Though, she made a mental note to never let him plan any holidays again, ever.

The trip had taken a full day, and having been unable to in get more than a couple of short kips here and there, she could barely keep her eyes open when they finally reached the shore, and only managed to stay awake long enough to have a quick shower once they checked in before falling asleep.

…

It was dark when she at least partially regained consciousness, woken up by an annoying need to to use the bathroom.

Laying still for a moment without opening her eyes, she took in her surroundings. From letting her fingertips play over the silken sheets of the soft bed, to listen to the calm, rhythmic breaths of her husband next to her and the equally rhythmic, faint sounds of waves splashing against the shore mixing with the distant chirping of a flock of cicadas. The calming sounds and sensations joined together, tempting her to roll over and drift off again.

If it hadn't been for the highly insistent complaints from her bladder, she would have done just that.

A bleary glance at the clock on the dresser told her it was far too early to do anything but go back to sleep, so she dragged herself to the bathroom and then quickly back, eager to return to the warm, cosy bed. Crawling back in underneath the blankets, she nuzzled herself closer to him, and he shifted slightly, seemingly still mostly asleep. Inviting her into his arms, he mumbled something incoherent before sighing heavily and stilling once she had settled.

Pressing her back tight against his chest she breathed in his scent, so familiar and relaxing, and closed her eyes again.

…

As darkness first began to give way to the new day, Hanabi woke up again. First, she didn't realise what had woken her, but then a small bump from the inside of her belly made her eyes whip wide open. Her hands settling on where she had felt the small kick, just under her ribs on her right, a smile spread across her face. "Hey there, little one," she whispered softly, and another kick, this time slightly stronger, made her smile widen. "Are you saying it's morning already?" she asked, and when two more kicks quickly followed she giggled quietly and reached over to shake Konohamaru.

It took a little while to shake some life into him before he groaned and flipped over on his back. "mhm…?" he mumbled, eyes still closed and clearly unwilling to take the next step towards consciousness.

"Wake up, she's kicking," Hanabi mumbled softly and brought his hand to the swell of her stomach, below her ribs. Within moments his eyes flew up, wide awake as the baby let him know that she was awake too and wanted contact with the outside world. He rested his hand lightly on her stomach for a good while with a goofy grin spreading wider with each kick.

Then he must have registered what she told him while he was still half asleep. "She?!" He blinked and looked at her with raised eyebrows.

Hanabi bit the inside of her mouth to stop the laughter slipping out at his perplexed expression. "No, I promise I didn't find out behind your back, I just know," she explained and giggled softly when his expression dropped slightly before he schooled his features into something more akin to exasperation to hide the very obvious disappointment.

"Oh, right. Female intuition and all that, huh?"

"Yes, exactly. It's all about the 'female intuition, and all that,'" she teased, before sombering and smiling softly. "So, you would like a girl?"

Konohamaru scratched the back of his head and gave a sheepish grin, "I dunno? I mean, it's not like I haven't thought about it, but we weren't going to find out, so I just kinda put it to the side," he explained, before a thought hit him and he narrowed his eyes at her. "Because you haven't, right? You didn't peek or anything, ey?"

Hanabi rolled her eyes at his nonsense, honestly. Not honouring his silly suspicions with an answer, she laid down again, pulling him closer, and he obediently followed. It wasn't quite morning yet, but she had slept far too much as it was, and would probably not be able to return to sleep. A lazy morning in bed on the other hand, that was far too appealing to resist.

...

When they couldn't justify staying in bed any longer, the beautiful day hiding away behind closed curtains too compelling to ignore, they decided that the beach was definitely highest on the list of priorities. With a limited number of days, they both wanted to make the most of the trip.

Hanabi dug through the suitcase he had packed for the both of them, and her brows furrowed when she couldn't find what she was looking for.

With one brow raised in sceptic exasperation, she looked up from the bag, "Did you actually manage to forget to pack swimwear for a trip to the beach?"

Pausing halfway through tossing on a simple blue tee, he looked at her and paled. "Ah, eh. Well, no. I didn't have any, honest. And uh… I found a bikini, but… um… it—I mean, well you know with you being... eh—Ididn'tthinkitwouldfitsoIthoughtwecouldbuysomenewstuffwhenwearrived. Pleasedon'tkillme. Ey?" he blurted out and gulped nervously.

Hanabi stared at him for a second before bursting out in snorting laughter. Tact might not ever have been his most refined trait, but trying to politely say that your wife was too fat for her clothes couldn't have been easy, no matter your level of diplomatic skills. Had she been the one to pack, she was sure she would have come to the same conclusion fairly quickly too. It just didn't occur to her since she hadn't been swimming for so long. She used to take Himawari to the pool when she was younger, but that was years ago.

A new set, that fit a different body-shape than her non-pregnant 25 year-old-self sounded like a pretty good idea.

Not that she had any intention of letting him off the hook that easy. "Fine, but I'll pick them out. I'm sure you'll look great in pink."

"Of course, I—wait, what?"

…

She hadn't planned on going through with her threat but when they arrived at the beach shop, he eyed a rack of brightly coloured swimmers so nervously that she couldn't help move closer to have a look. He actually whimpered when she picked up a pair of swim trunks covered in huge bright orange lilies and with a neon-pink background colour.

Hanabi bit the inside of her lip to stop the laughter slipping out. Payback always tastes so sweet indeed.

...

The days went by too fast for her liking. It had been so long since they had spent time together with no other purpose than relaxing and enjoying themselves. Thinking back, it would have been since their honeymoon? Which, some days, felt like another lifetime.

Hanabi hadn't expected it, but floating around in the tempered pool connected to the hotel and letting the water carry the extra weight for a little while felt like heaven. She was only six months in, but she already felt so heavy, and the relief the water brought just felt indescribably good. Even sitting on the edge and dipping her legs, nibbling on a melting ice cream while watching the children splash around in the shallow end made her feel at peace.

Moonlight walks on the beach accompanied by nothing but the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs followed dinners at restaurants, a different one every night. The days spent napping in the sun, leisurely strolling down the shopping district, or reading in the shade next to the pool.

While she lapped up the afternoon sun, reading a trashy novel she found in a gift shop, next to her Konohamaru shifted restlessly. She was actually pretty impressed that he had lasted that long. Neither of them were the type to be satisfied kicking back and rolling their thumbs for an extended period of time, and while he was the one that had planned the trip, he was simply not used to doing nothing. She had far more experience on that matter.

She pretended not to notice when he moved closer, leaning over her and hooking his chin in the little hollow of her collarbone to take a closer look at the book.

"What are you reading?" he mumbled in her ear, and she shuddered when she felt his hand reaching up to gently trace the contour of her body, making it very clear that he wanted attention. And yet… as calloused fingers gently massaged her shoulders and he peppered small kisses against her jaw, she quickly lost track of the spot she was at in the book.

It was almost annoying—how well he knew how to get her attention.

"Nothing that would interest you, but I really want to...mm—hey, stop that!" she broke off as he stopped tracing small kisses along her neck in favour of giving a quick, discreet nip at her nape.

"Aw, come on. I know something much more fun to do than reading a stale old book," he grinned mischievously. "It involves you, me, and a ridiculously large hotel bed," he murmured and leaned in closer.

Despite rolling her eyes at the lame wording of the suggestion, feeling his heated breath tickle her skin sent rushes of desire through her and she took a deep breath to control herself.

"Is that so?" she asked nonchalantly in a vain effort to hide the excitement making her cheeks flush and her heart beat faster. Damn it. He really knew how to push her buttons, in all the right ways...

...

Come evening on the last night—while repacking the bag, a kick made her lose focus on her task and stop for a moment.

Hanabi sat down on the bed and let her hand rest on her stomach, a small smile betraying her thoughts. "Did you have a good time, little one?" she wondered out loud.

She so badly wanted to believe—to hope—that it would be different this time. That there would be a future where she got to take her family back there to enjoy the beach together. Yet the neverending threat of loss held her back. The other miscarriages had happened earlier, which brought some comfort. If it would happen, it should already have done so, right?

While logic made every argument for not getting her hopes up a strong one, she really was a lost cause, she thought as she gently stroked her stomach. She might have thought she once buried her hope, but somehow, it kept finding its way back into her heart, and she couldn't decide if she was meant to be angry or joyful about that.

A fool indeed.

…

When she first noticed a dull ache in her lower back, fear took hold. A gut-wrenching, paralyzing fear that left her trembling and gasping for air. It felt too similar to an occurrence she was far too familiar with.

She took a deep breath, scolding herself for allowing such thoughts to take over.

Every day of the pregnancy had been a blessing and she was grateful beyond simple words that they had made it this far. She would have wished for a couple of more weeks, but they had made it to the ninth month, and if the baby decided that thirty-six weeks was all the time it needed, then she was ready too.

She called him, and within a couple of minutes, he was home, admonishing her for wasting time on him rather than getting herself to the hospital straight away instead.

She shut him up with a glare, and he grabbed her pre-packed bag and they made their way to the hospital.

She was welcomed by a couple of midwives and led into a birthing suite, where she gratefully sat down on the bed in the middle of the room. The midwife checked the baby's heartbeat and contractions and asked her a few questions. No, her water hadn't broken, and no she didn't feel any regular contractions yet. She felt Konohamaru tense behind her at what he thought were rude questions. Of course, she wasn't faking anything. She squeezed his hand to tell him to behave and answered the questions calmly.

Once the midwife finished the questions, she smiled calmingly and told them to relax and make themselves comfortable, this was going to take a little while. She wasn't officially in labour, but the process had started, and since hers was a high priority pregnancy, they wanted her to stay so they could monitor everything properly.

Compared to her previous experiences, labour turned out to be tedious. In the beginning, she walked a lot, pacing up and down the corridors, but as the day progressed, the dull ache became more pronounced, only to a little later be replaced by waves of regular contractions gradually increasing in intensity.

By midnight she was thoroughly done with everything that had anything to do with labour. The pain of the contractions made her want to break something with her hands. Anything to take her mind off the waves of agony, even for just a moment. The chirpy voice of the midwife happily announcing how many centimetres she was dilated didn't help, either. At one point Konohamaru grabbed her wrist just as she was about to throw the bowl of ice chips after the bubbly, oblivious woman stepping out of the room again.

He held her wrist and looked at her pointedly. "She's just doing her job. Let her be," he reproached, and Hanabi dropped the bowl, slowly. Contemplating if it was worth the satisfaction of dumping the ice on him instead, she made a warning sound in the back of her throat, and he instantly let go of her wrist. "S—sorry. I didn't—"

"I'd recommend you shutting up right about now," she warned, and he sweatdropped and swallowed, nodding placatingly. Feeling another contraction approaching, her whole body tightened to brace itself for the coming wave and she grabbed his hand, squeezing hard.

As the night progressed, so did the labour, and when Hanabi felt her body reacting on its own, forcing her violently into pushing, the familiar sensation of panic rose in her throat. Suddenly she couldn't breathe properly and her vision blurred as tears burned behind her eyelids.

Then a warm hand squeezed hers. Grounding. Calming. He was right there beside her, and that helped more than she could ever hope to express.

As the darkness of the night gave in to the first faint light of dawn, Hanabi gave birth to a healthy little girl.

The obstetrician asked if Konohamaru wanted to cut the cord, and through her post labour daze, with drugs and hormones rushing through her system, she saw him paling and shaking his head frenetically. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, perhaps it was the absurdity of it all, but she burst into laughter and told the doctor to get it over and done with. Apparently labour, with the screaming, and the blood, and everything else he could handle, but that was where he drew the line.

Hanabi couldn't care less, she just wanted to hold her baby.

She absently noted that her hands trembled as they put the little girl in her arms.

Mesmerised, she watched her wrinkly little face scrunch up even further as she voiced her opinion about being born, loudly. Then she opened her eyes, and Hanabi's throat thickened again as she saw her own reflecting in the white irises of the Hyuuga clan.

Konohamaru, standing next to them both, stretched out a hand that shook even more than Hanabi's, and gently stroked the dark fuzz at the top of the tiny head. Then he bent down and gave Hanabi a kiss on the forehead. "She's beautiful," he mumbled. "Just like her mother."

The tears she had fought so hard to hold back the whole night burst forward. Loud, snivelling sobs broke through, and she didn't even bother trying to stop them.

She was holding her daughter.

Her perfect little Hikaru.

She who captures.

Finished! This little fic that I never thought would see the light of day is finally complete. If you made it this far, I would just like to say thank you so much for sticking with me and that I hope you all have a great 2019!