"What the actual fuck." Superman came out of his reverie first. He, like the rest of the Justice League, was still standing in the same place and pose as seven minutes ago, when Bruce Wayne had appeared from seemingly nowhere. In the past seven minutes, he had experienced several thoughts and emotions. First he had thought maybe it was a mistake, maybe Batman was standing behind the brat billionaire. Maybe this was Batman's idea of a joke?

Then he felt angry. How could Batman keep something like this from them when he knew their identities? Was this really Batman? Some idiot rich kid with a power complex and a broody demeanour? What was the point of Batman, when all that money could do so much more? This is what had been funding them? The Watch Tower, the many, many tables?

But he immediately felt guilty over these thoughts, after all, he knew that Bruce Wayne was pretty much constantly donating to charities, building hospitals, and anything that could be considered heroic. And he knew it was unfair to judge someone by their upbringing, he had always been taught that. And he could even see that maybe Batman kept his identity secret because he had so many children relying on his own secret identity. It wouldn't be a leap to figure out who each costumed fighter was, bearing in mind Batman was the patriarch of each family. Superman could understand, if anyone ever threatened Jon, he had no idea what he'd do. After all, the only people with secret identities that had to be kept were him, Flash, and Green Lantern.

Then sadness hit him like a truck, had Batman not trusted them? He had thought they were becoming close, maybe even friends. Clearly Batman had shared his identity with loads of people, even villains for goodness sake. How was he meant to feel, when Talia Al flipping Ghul ranked above him in levels of trust? And God, Diana, she was practically in love with Batman! She had talked to him about it before, and she sounded like a giggling schoolgirl! Well, as much as a terrifying amazon could. This must be awful for her!

But then, Batman couldn't help that, could he? It wasn't his fault, and he already seemed to be quite in love with someone else, whether that person was a criminal or not. And Catwoman was known for being one of the tamest villains in Gotham city, rarely killing, never taking from the needy or the poor. She wasn't a hero by any means, but was she really that bad? And maybe he was jumping to conclusions, maybe Batman's identity was limited to those in this room, who were all, apparently, family. And he was showing them now, wasn't he? None of them had volunteered their own secret identities willingly. No, it wasn't fair that Batman had known theirs before they knew his, but he could see the reasoning behind it, and it was true that he certainly hadn't stopped them from finding out who he is.

He was finally drawn out of his thoughts, realising it was him that had spoken.

Even Flash, who was currently lying flat on the carpet, seemed surprised.

"Oh God, you swore, no, you swore! No, you don't swear! Is this a trick? Are you Batman too?" Flash finally sat up, terror showing through his white lenses.

"I suppose I shouldn't do my charming routine?" Bruce flashed a dazzling white smile at them. Flash threw up on the carpet.

Bruce's face returned to his usual slight grimace as he stepped over the vomit towards Terry and Selina, picking up the baby and taking over bottle-feeding. As he did, an old man entered the room with a bucket, (How? That had literally just happened three seconds ago.)

"Oh, look, there's a grandpa too…" Said Flash, looking dizzy.

"I would think so, after two decades of a five-hour sleep schedule and sewing people up at three in the morning." The old man agreed, placing the bucket into Flash's hands.

"This is Alfred, he raised me." Bruce confirmed, burping Terry over his shoulder.

"Are you done making scene?" A young, aggressive boy asked them. This must be….Damien? Clark didn't really keep up with the Wayne family drama. Ah. That must be Jerry, the turkey, the one that was sitting one Damien's lap, being stroked like a cat.

Hawkgirl was gripping the table with a vice-like grip, cracks trailing from the fingertips, as she seemed to be held by nothing but the small table. Green Lantern was finally silent, eye twitching, looking rather pale. J'ohn was totally still, apparently trying to logically understand the situation. Flash was still lying on the floor, holding the bucket, and Diana was breathing quite quickly, looking angry and miserable.

"I, for one, am thrilled about this social progress, Bruce!" Red Robin encouraged, seeming disturbingly sincere.

"Yeah, you know, we were all getting worried you'd never make any friends." Blue Bird nodded sadly.

"But now you're becoming a real boy!" Red hood mocked happily, ignoring Bruce's light scowl.

"Oh, hold on!" Nightwing yelled, running to a desk, pulling out some sort of paper and a sharpie. After a moment of scribbling on it, he handed it around to all the teenagers present. "Name Tags! So you know who everyone is!" He stuck his own label on his forehead smiling manically.

After a moment of each Bat Child attempting to find an even more amusing place to stick their sticker, Harper winning as she placed it under her armpit.

"Well." Bruce said finally.

"Well what?" Superman asked, starting to feel very tired of being confused.

"You came here to ensure that my children are being raised in an appropriate environment. Please do. Feel free to ask questions, rifle through my belongings, and destroy my carpets at your leisure."

After a moment of staring blankly at him, J'ohn spoke up.

"Do you feel safe here?"

"Yes. I think we're all safe here, or at least hell of a lot safer than where any of us were before." Cass answered. "Those of us that live here, we know we're not going to wake up to someone standing over us with a knife, or a gun, or some sort of threat. We know that we have somewhere that's ours. That if we get hurt, we don't have to get right back up again for the next challenge. We don't have to go to bed with our injuries untreated. We don't have to skip meals."

"Don't you dare skip any of my meals." Alfred interrupted with a sharp look.

"See, for some of us, that isn't something we've always had." She continued, " Some of us have had to do horrible things. See horrible things. Some of us didn't know if we were going to wake up in the morning. Here, we don't have to do anything. You might think that he's using us, making us fight, but we choose to do this, and we all have our own reasons. I know if I wanted to stop, I'd stop. And I'd still have a place to wake up, still have meals to eat, still have a family. So yeah. I'd say I feel damn safe."

After a solemn moment, Clark asked what he thought was the most important question.

"Do you feel loved?"

Each child squirmed slightly, until Duke spoke.

"Last I saw my parents, they were laughing insanely, high on Joker Juice. I've been to a bunch of shithole foster homes. I had one woman trying to love me. She told me what to do, what not to do, told me off. She tried to treat me like one of her own. I hated it. I hated it because she was trying to be my parent, and that wasn't what I needed. When I met Batman, he gave me what I needed. A distraction. Hard training. Support. An identity of my own. Even a home. He became my parent. That's love. And I hope to God I'll see my parents again, but when I do, I won't give this up, because I don't really know what I'd do without this." He finished, gesturing around the room.

The room was silent for a moment.

"Well then. Looks like everything is under control here." Superman said weakly. "I'd better-"

"Oh no, Mister Superman, you're not staying for tea?" Alfred asked in a very implying tone.

"No, I really should get back, uh, the wife's making dinner, you know, and.." He trailed off, slowly edging towards the open window.

"Hold on." Flash murmured, struggling to his feet.

"Now, it's only fair, I mean, really." He said, pulling off his mask to reveal ginger hair and bright green eyes.

A moment of silence passed.

"Who are you then?" Diana asked. "I don't recognise you,"

"I'm Wally West, I work at Star Labs." He said, slightly dejectedly.

"Ok, fair enough." Superman acquiesced. "My name is Clark Kent, I work at the Daily Planet."

"You have a job, wait, but how does no one recognise you?" Wally asked.

Slowly, Clark reached into his pocket, and very slowly he placed his glasses on his nose.

He turned red at the subsequent guffaws of laughter.

"What, that's it? I don't need to sweat in a thick rubber mask all day, I just need glasses? Is everyone is the world either a genius or an idiot?"

When the laughs subsided, all gazes turned expectantly towards Green Lantern, who sighed.

"Might as well." He said as he pulled off his ring. "My name is John Stewart. That's plenty to be going on with." He quickly put the ring back on.

"Well wasn't that touching." Selina snarked.

"I'd better be going, " Clark edged ever closer towards the window.

"Kay, bye uncle Clark!" Dick screamed.

"I'll be in touch about Jon, and a possible friendship with Damien." Batman quietly whispered, Clark only hearing him with his super-hearing.

Clark grimaced, before zooming out of the window. He was quickly followed by the rest of the league, each going to their own abode as the sun set, but for Hawkgirl, who headed for Watch tower duty.

That night, no one in the justice league slept well. The few hours they did sleep were filled with dreams of large black cats picking up baby birds in its mouth, robins chasing bats around happily, and a heavily pregnant Batman. Needless to say it was horrifying.