A/N: Well! We all knew this was coming, eventually...

THE TIME HAS COME!

ONTO FATE GRAND ORDER!

I had to PAINSTAKINGLY research this, considering my current phone doesn't allow me to play Fate Grand Order-'tis merely a flip phone-which means I've had to rely on the wiki and youtube just to get any sort of info here...

As ever, reviews feed my engine of creation. No matter how small or simple, even "good job" or something along those lines does wonders to lift my spirit. Inspiring ones really spur me to update faster, too~! After all, I don't get paid to do this-I might have to set up a p-a-t-r-e-on soon to help cover living expenses-and reviews help spur my creativity ever onward. AMB, that is to say "A Most Unlikely Berserker" is a prime example of this, and one of my fastest growing fics thanks to the wild feedback.

Oh, and before I forget!

Fragments of Chaldea by GhostXavier was a MASSIVE inspiration for this story.

In that regard, this one is going to be more story driven than most.

Don't worry, I may well write a serious version of this. Also!

*Inhales deeply*

FUCK LEV.

Lev Lainur Flauros if you want to be correct about it, but regardless, he's going to get what's coming to him. IN A BAD WAY. To address that, this chapter takes place juuuuuust before all hell breaks loose in Chaldea. Trust me, it explains itself. Minor AU here and there, but for now I'm trying to stick with the facts wherever I can. For example, Olga not knowing about Lev's true goals or Solomon.

But for now, I proudly present...

...Not My Chaldea!

Onward~!

"I ask of you, are you my Master? Ha! Always wanted to say that!"

...what are you? Spirits, what have I unleashed...?"

"Madness and mirth, my dear!"

~?

Summon

Its here, its here, its here!

Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for this?! Do you?! You do not! I've spent AGES waiting for this! There's so many people I wanted to meet but couldn't all because I had to restrain myself! So much havoc to wreak, yet I had to hold myself back! Not anymore! Friends! Family! Waifu! Chaos! Pranks! Catastrophe! Heroes who can actually KILL me! For honor! For glory! For the Gacha!

Alright, alright, breaaaaaathe.

Just breathe, Naruto.

In...

...ouuuuuuuuut.

Long story short, this is me fulfilling a promise to an old friend.

Help humanity she said, learn what it means to care about others, she said.

What better way to do that than by fighting alongside the very Heroes who defined them?

...I'm pretty sure this isn't what she intended at the time, but I can't think of a better way to fulfill her wish.

Fate Grand Order.

A realm that shouldn't be possible.

An organization dedicated to saving humanity, only to find themselves constantly beset by enemies.

Why play the game when you can simply dive right in and be a part of it? What? God, remember?

If I want to invade another universe while all my other selves dally about in theirs, I can bloody well do it! I'm tempted to skip right to the meat of the matter but no, no, gotta control myself. I'm sure they can handle themselves just fine without me; you could even say I'm being selfish. There's no reason for me to barge into a world that's fated for destruction. Saving lives is just a way of sounding noble. Whether they rescue themselves or not should be up to them, right? A wandering deity-a god-has no right interfering with matters of mankind. Yet even so...there are some things I just can't stand, ya know?

So I won't BE a deity.

Did I stutter?

Nope.

I'll throw it all away and lend a hand.

And maybe at the end of it all I'll understand.

For my last divine act, I think I'll enact a little miracle...

(...0o0o0...)

Olga Marie Animusphere was...giddy.

Did she dare?

Nay, to say she was excited didn't even begin to cover it; her heart raced like the drums of a great hunt out for blood. With each passing moment she felt it hammer against her breast, threatening to beat clear out of her chest if she didn't do something to calm herself.

Did she dare summon a Servant?

Only a handful of mages possessed the potential to be a Master, a potential she had long since been denied by fate. She'd even comes to terms with it, albeit begrudgingly. Though she was of the Animusphere line and indeed a decent magus, she simply did not possess that potential. No amount of training or complaining would ever change that. Thus, she must move on. That had been an age ago. Indeed, Olga had all but dismissed it from her mind. An old wound long since scarred. Something she would always carry with her until the end of her days.

Her past didn't matter, not when the future of humanity lay at stake.

And yet...

Yet she'd woken this morning to find those very Command Spells etched into the back of her hand. In spite of all she'd seen, of all she'd been told, the universe had seen fit to grant her that which she lacked. Scrawled in the telltale shape of a red ringed sun, they seemed to writhe and pulse with life whenever she looked at them...which had been a considerable amount of time thus far even before the last summoning attempt. Which in turn had caused its own share of chaos. Could one blame her? To be deprived of that one aspect of her life that she sought more than anything else and suddenly handed it on a silver platter...it was almost too good to be true.

This was her chance to prove herself once and for all.

Not merely to command a heroic spirit from ages past, but to become a true magus. To be acknowledged. Not just as the head of the Chaldea Organization, not someone who'd gained their post solely through her father's death. To be someone. Perhaps at the end of it all, when all was said and done, a better person.

Those thoughts stayed with her as the machine spiraled up around her.

'This will work. It has to work.'

Saint quartz aside, there was a chance the summoning might simply blow up in her face; as it had last time, and the time before that. Once upon a time she viewed the ritual with awe. Countless failures had dulled that childlike glee to little more than dull indifference. Now as she watched those blue orbs spark to life once more, as she saw they arc wildly in a shared circle, Olga experienced a trickle of that old curiosity once more. She felt...something, though she knew not how to describe it. A tickling sensation at the edge of her thoughts, a needle jabbing at her consciousness. A low thrumming noise began to build in her ears-hopefully a good sign-pulsing with each passing moment.

Through the marvel of Chaldea's technology, it was possible to summon a Servant.

Theoretically.

The FATE system itself was wildly unstable, Doctor Roman had seen fit to remind her of that only hours before. Try as they might, they simply couldn't find a way to stabilize it. Moreover, the odds of a successful summon were absolutely abysmal. She knew his. After all, Da Vinci herself had been a one-in-a-thousand chance; an even that hadn't been replicated since. Even if they were lucky enough to summon someone they'd require a reliable source of prana, made all the more unstable by the system's lack of stability. Still, something drove Olga onward. Despite the looks she received, she'd demanded they proceed with the experiment. Let them scoff, let Lev laugh at her and think her a foolish girl.

She felt...compelled.

Yes, that was the right word.

Some strange eldritch force was spurring her forward, though she knew not what. Luck? Destiny? Who knew? All the while the light before her continued to build, the noise in the back of her mind building to a crescendo. Someone was shouting something at her but she scarcely heard them. Too close? Impossible. The ritual had never backfired before. What possible danger could she be in. After all, a Servant wasn't a familiar as most thought, but a person. In theory they were little more than a copy of the original stored within the Throne, though they still retained the latter's mind and thoughts. She might fear them, but in the same vein, she respected them. Now if only she could summon-

Her world erupted.

A blinding swell of white light ripped Olga from her feet without warning and threw her across the chamber like a broken doll. Unable to compensate in time, her head struck something hard, sending her vision spinning in a kaleidoscope of jilted colors. Ears ringing, she struggled to make sense of it all. Smoke swelled in her lungs when she breathed, forcing a series of harsh, racking coughs. Had the summoning succeeded? If so why was she on the ground? Nothing made sense; indeed, she found herself gripped by the sudden, terrible fear that she might actually be in very real danger.

Through her reeling gaze she heard muffled voices, but none came to her aid.

She soon saw why; that blast off heat had all but welded the door shut. Now wonder Doctor Roman and Lev had yet to enter the room. They simply couldn't. It was something of a miracle that she'd been unharmed by the blast at all.

Oh, dear.

Something shifted in her peripherals.

Reeling, she propped herself up and gazed into the smoke.

"What in the world...?"

"Well!"

A smooth voice issued forth, rubbing pleasantly against her ears:

When someone spoke into the misty silence, she nearly blasted their head off with a Gandr.

"Oho? So this is what it feels like to be a Servant...not bad! Not bad at all! And here I thought I'd be weaker...

Crisp footfalls echoed into the chamber and quite suddenly, the Animusphere heiress found herself face to face with the impossible.

Blue eyes framed by a tan face and whiskered cheeks. A dented headband clung on amidst golden spiky hair to bear the battered likeness of a leaf, worn and faded from years of use. He was young, nearly her own age and a head taller. Pearly white teeth flashed in a rogue grin, strong arms crossed before a lightly armored chest. His appearance proved just as outlandish; clad as he was in wild orange-red robes and scattered bits of light armor, the latter seeming to serve no purpose but to protect the strangest parts of his anatomy. Indeed, he looked as though he'd stepped straight from a battlefield to this very chamber.

Then there were the horns.

Jutting from that flaxen mane, a pair of curved, crimson spires stood tall and proud for all to see. Now that the smoke had begun to fade she realized he looked more demon than man. A high, wild light roamed free in his gaze as it swept the room, absorbing its surroundings with the air of one who could scarcely contain themselves.

What on earth was he?

"Yes!" their owner crowed, pumping a fist into the air, "Managed to pull it off! I actually kept most of my power this time around! Although, wait. Wait, wait, wait." and here did that whiskered face narrow in confusion, "What class was I summoned as? Saber? No, no, never touched a sword in my life. Same ought to apply to Lancer. Don't see Rin around, so I can't be Caster. That shit with the other me's still going on back in Fuyuki and I'm still an adult...I don't feel like a Berserker either, so that leaves...Assassin? Rider? Or Alter Ego? Gotta be. Sweet!"

Olga blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Excuse me?" she sputtered eloquently. "Who are you?"

Drawn by her sudden inquiry, the young man turned to face her.

For a moment, a sliver of a second, Animusphere glimpsed the very depths of hell.

"Ah!" Then those blue eyes lit with recognition, somehow setting her at ease. "You're the one who summoned me?"

Control.

She needed to maintain control; not only of herself, but the situation. A soft, disbelieving giggle leaped from her lips before she could stop herself. She'd done it. She'd actually done it! There would be time enough for celebration later. This was a Servant standing before her, and any perceived sign of weakness could backfire horribly. Granted, she'd never heard of a Servant turning on their master before, much less seen it firsthand, but she was a magus and all magi were at least a touch paranoid in that regard. Thus, Olga straightened her back, thrust out her chest, and planted both hands on her hips.

Really, she thought it quite an intimidating pose. Downright fearsome, even.

"O-Of course I did! Do you see anyone else here?!"

Those azure orbs twinkled back at her merrily.

"Well, this is Chaldea so you never know-

Olga absolutely hissed at him.

"I beg your pardon?!"

Ignoring her, the Servant turned.

"Well, I may have butted into the ritual this time around, but it seems you've still received the Command Seals...for whatever their worth. Well done! You deserve a reward! Good girl!" with a sharp pop of sound, the Servant stood before her. Before she could think to react he brought both his hands down on her shoulders to gave her a hearty one-two pat on the back. Then, as she reeled, he waltzed past her. The sudden movement-indeed his proximity-caused the leader of Chaldea to shrink back, not out of fear, but surprise. Fast. Whatever class this Alter Ego was, he clearly possessed bountiful speed. She hadn't even seen him move!

'Why you...!'

Moreover, he was patronizing her!

"Where are you going?!"

"Ha?"

The Servant paused and performed a half turn, a lone crimson eye regarding her over his shoulder. Olga froze. Every fiber of her being locked up, her feet finding themselves rooted where they stood. There it was again, that innate sense of pressure bearing down on her shoulders, as though she'd inadvertently drawn the attention of a being far greater than herself. A spark of annoyance flitted across the man's whiskered face, his mouth set in a thin, angry line. At length, something clicked and his expression softened.

"Oh, right." he blinked. "Sorry. I'm new to this whole fidelity thing. Where are my manners? Let's try this again."

With a sharp flourish, the Servant returned to her side and bent a knee before her.

To her great disbelief-and secret delight-he claimed her marked hand.

Then he actually laid his l-l-l-lips against it!

Her face turned incandescent.

"Hweh?!"

"Servant, Uzumaki Naruto, at your service!" the young man declared stoically, raising his steadfast gaze to meet hers. "I specialize in close combat, pranks, and raising all sorts of hell. I ask of you, are you my Master? Ha!" He snickered then, a small crazed grin plucking at his whiskered cheeks. "Always wanted to say that!"

"I...yes!" Olga managed to choke the words out around her suddenly thick tongue. "I am!"

"Good." Apparently satisfied with her answer, the now-named Naruto stood. "What are your orders? Who is the enemy? Where would you have me go?" There was a hint of expectant excitement lurking at the end there, almost as if he thought she would send him straight into the fray. It was...a little intoxicating if she were entirely honest with herself.

"Well?"

Olga actually blinked at that.

'Never thought I'd actually get this far.'

W-Well! As long as he understood the pecking order!

Now that she'd actually succeeded in her goal, she found herself at something of a loss. Rayshift experiments were still being conducted in preparation for any threat to humanity's continued existence of course, but as of yet there simply wasn't a target to direct him at. In time, perhaps there would be, but as of now her mind flailed for answers and found none.

Despite her best efforts, she fidgeted beneath that stern gaze.

"W-Well! I don't really have anything for you to do at the moment...

A blond brow rose. "Is that so? Then you won't mind if I take my leave, then."

She'd very much mind that, actually! As if she'd let her crowning achievement out of her sight!

Right, she'd see his stats for herself and then...

Prana.

When Olga turned her mystic eyes upon him she nearly vomited outright.

Energy rolled off his shoulders like a great tide, an endless ocean that threatened to swallow her whole if she gazed overlong at it. Too much. It bled into the air around them, wound its way into the charred floor at their feet, tickled the very breath in her lungs. Her mind revolted violently at the sight and began bleating like a frightened animal; she thought herself a decent magus; compared to the Servant before her she might as well be an ant. No, less than an ant, the lowliest grain of dirt, so insignificant as to beneath his notice. She'd seen entire Magus families in the Clocktower with less prana than this! Even the Queen herself would have been hard-pressed to match this output!

All the while, her mind rejected the very concept of Naruto's existence.

'Oh, god. What is he what is he whatishewhatishewhatisHE?!'

By rights he should be weak and exhausted, or in power-saving mode at the very least; as Da Vinci had been since the time of her summoning. Clearly, this was not the case. Somehow Naruto was not only sustaining himself, but thriving. Were his reserves truly that large? If it weren't for the slightest tug on her own circuits she would've doubted him to be her Servant at all. No, it was more than that, a deep seated fear that she'd called someone-something!-that shouldn't exist in this world. How on earth had she managed to pull him here? As if to mock that very thought, Naruto smiled and offered her his hand.

"Looking forward to working with you."

Olga eyed that clawed palm with trepidation.

Why did she have the worst feeling about all this?

She hadn't just summoned a Servant, but an absolute monster.

Only then did the magus realize just what she'd brought into this world.

...who are you?" she murmured, aghast at herself. "Spirits, what have I unleashed...?"

That crazed grin of his grew incrementally. Twin hands settled over her own, cradling her palms within.

By comparison, Naruto's response was wholly unexpected; indeed, it would set the tone of Chaldea for years to come:

"Madness and mirth, my dear!"

A/N: Dear god Naruto got summoned into Chaldea.

Moreover, he manipulated OLGA of all people into summoning him.

Worry not, she'll lose that haughty attitude real quick now that he's arrived.

Never did like the way she got shafted in Grand Order, so I killed two birds with one stone there.

Of course I won't ignore the protagonist. Thought I forgot about her, did you?! WRONG! She'll appear soon enough.

Now, for clarifications!

Yes, its the "Not Going Home" iteration of Naruto but without a good deal of his divine prowess. He threw it away to become a Servant and willingly bound himself to Olga. Of course he can choose to regain his powers at any time, but where's the fun in that? He's literally said he wants to try "living" and "struggling" for awhile...

...so using cheats would be pointless.

At the end of the day, Alter Ego was the only class he could fall into in this story. He can't be a Saber unless you count a certain video game. Conversely, I don't recall him ever using a spear in his life, so nope, not a Lancer. Rider could certainly work, but I'm saving that for...well, a rainy day to say the least. It'll be once I've wrapped up my other Fate stories. Assassin COULD be done, but has Naruto been known to deliberately kill others? That's not really his modus operandi. I bloody wasn't going to give him Saver at that. Moon Cancer didn't feel right and I've USED most of the other iterations:

Not my Grail= Master Naruto.

A Ninja's War= Caster Naruto.

Not My Chaldea= Alter Ego Naruto.

A Most Unlikely Berserker= Berserker Naruto.

A King's Whim= Summoning/Install/Include Naruto.

There we have it. Look forward to the chaos and hijinks ahead, folks!

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the previews!

(Previews)

"Oh, Alter...

Saber bristled.

"Just how durable are you?"

A lone hand crooked towards her, beckoning.

"We all make mistakes, Master. What matters is that we learn from them. I think you've learned."

Olga sniffled and furiously scrubbed at her eyes with the back of hand.

...you can be incredibly sappy sometimes, you know that?"

Pearly white teeth flashed in a rueful smile.

"Yup. Now let's gut the bastard."

...hello, Senpai."

"Well! Aren't you just adorable!"

"Hi, Lev."

"You filthy familiar-

"Aaaaaaaaaand bye Lev."

"If I were at my peak, I could snap my fingers and end all of this. But, even if I was, I wouldn't."

"Why?!"

"Simple. I want the enemy to suffer."

"Pssh! Who says a Servant can't summon a Servant! 'Sides, the kid's fine with it!"

Ritsuka flung up a hand to ward off their glares.

"Oh, no you don't! Leave me out of this!"

"ARRRRRRRRRTHUUUUUUUUR!"

"Bad Lancelot! Bad! DOWN!"

"One more outburst out of you and I'll revoke your ramen rights!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

Her Command Spells pulsed dangerously.

"By the power of-

"Ack!"

R&R~!