In which Gavin should really throw out expired food, Nines knows loads of reindeer facts and both discover that revenge is a dish best served with milkshakes.

(also: In which you guys can tell what time of year I was plotting out this chapter. I thought about calling this one 'Surprises' for reasons you will see soon enough but I suppose that's not the lesson Nines is learning. Also revenge is a much cooler chapter title ? Song: 'Milkshake' by Kelis.)

The air was hot and humid. Gavin couldn't feel it but he could tell by the thin, warm mist drifting across the ceiling above him. The soft fog obscured the red draperies and old fashioned chandelier, but Gavin still knew they were there. Just like how he knew that Nines was about to step out on stage. He turned to face the large wooden platform, along with countless others who stood beside him, all waiting for the show to start, all standing still, their faces blank and expressionless.

A spotlight shone down, and Nines stepped forward.

"You," he said.

Everyone started to laugh. Nines nodded like he expected this, face deadpan. Then he spotted Gavin.

"Gavin, you've done it wrong."

Someone in the audience started hooting with laughter. Gavin glared at them then turned back to Nines who now had a large pair of pearl earrings on.

"You're not allowed in here without a piercing. You need to get a piercing."

"I already have one," said Gavin but he didn't show it. He didn't want to get thrown out.

Someone tapped Gavin on the shoulder, and he turned around. It was Nines again, holding out a black and grey feather for Gavin to look at.

"Gavin, can you teach me to fly? No one will like me unless I can fly."

"I can't teach you to fly! You're made of plastic!"

"But I need to do it, Gavin. You can start by teaching me how to dance."

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be doing a show?" Gavin asked, turning back to the stage.

It wasn't Nines up there now. It was Hank.

He leaned into the mic, glared at the audience and started to chant: "balls," in a deep, gravelly monotone, over and over again.

The crowd were no longer laughing but they were clapping, all together, all as one, a quick: *clapclapclapkclapkclackclackclockclockclockcknockknockknockknockknoc-*

Gavin opened his eyes and jolted up, eyes wide and wild. Nines was stood at the bedroom door, staring at him like the freak he was and steadily knocking on the door frame.

"Fucks sake," Gavin hissed, thumping back into his pillow and pulling the duvet over his head. That was the last time he drank out-of-date milk before going to bed. "Are you really there Nines? Or am I still in a fucked-up dream?"

"I am here, Gavin. I need your help with something," came Nines's slightly muffled reply.

Gavin groaned angrily.

"I've brought you coffee."

Gavin groaned interestedly.

"And breakfast."

"… Fine. Lemme get dressed."

Nines was acting weird. Well, weirder than usual. He wasn't talking much as they drove along and he was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in a restless, annoying way that Gavin had definitely not taught him. It took Gavin longer than usual to clock onto all this though, as half of him was still asleep and the rest of him was focused on demolishing his bacon and cheese turnover.

Now that the food and coffee were gone, it started to click that Nines hadn't told Gavin what he needed help with or even where the hell they were going.

"Where're we going?"

"To the beach."

Gavin frowned out of the front window of the car, at the view of the steely grey water they were driving towards, at the rain splattering down on the glass and the dark clouds looming above.

"Why are we-"

"We're here."

Nines smoothly swung the car into one of numerous free parking spaces and all but leaped out of the vehicle.

"What the fuck?" Gavin mouthed to himself before getting out and following him. He had to walk fast, Nines was already halfway to the sandy beach, marching there like a man on a mission. Gavin caught up with him just as Nines came to a stop, staring at the choppy, cold waves and the faint mist of sea spray that hovered over the water. In the not-so-distant distance, Cyberlife tower could be seen, looming out of the mist. Dark, silent and abandoned. There was no sound of machinery working, or the old clunking of transport trucks along the thin bridge off Belle Isle. All there was to be heard was the whispered hiss of water rushing over sand, the cawing of gulls and the distant sound of traffic echoing out from the city. It was strangely peaceful, in a gloomy, rainy kind of way.

"What the hell are we doing here?"

Well, it would have been peaceful if Gavin hadn't been there, rainwater dribbling miserably down his nose and a grumpy glower heavy on his face.

Nines stared at the water, then at Gavin, then back to the water again.

"This isn't working," he announced, before turning around and marching back to the car.

"What the fuck?" Gavin repeated, aloud this time, before following Nines.

As soon as he shut the door and put his belt on (at Nines's pointed look), Nines reversed out in one quick swoop and started speeding off again.

"We're going back to my flat now, right?" Gavin prompted, sniffing pointedly and doing his best to squeeze the water from his hair. Nines glanced at him then turned the heating up to full blast.

"No."

Gavin glare-stared at Nines, who was either ignoring him or honest to god hadn't noticed that the sopping wet human sat next to him was giving him the evils.

"No? For fucks sake, Nines, it's eight in the morning, on a Sunday!" He exclaimed, waving his hands in the air for emphasis. "I need my lie-in. I thought you said you needed help."

"I do, Gavin," said Nines, driving quickly over a crossroad before the traffic lights could change to red. "But I can take you back if that is what you wish."

When Gavin didn't say anything to that, the car slowed, like Nines was really going to stop and turn around just because Gavin wanted to go back to bed.

"No, s'fine," Gavin muttered, slouching down in his seat and looking away, out of the steamed-up window. He caught sight of Nines nodding from the corner of his eye before suddenly spinning the wheel sharply to the left, making Gavin slide in his seat. Ugh. He couldn't believe he was thinking this, but he missed Nines's granny driving.

It soon became obvious where Nines was going this time when he turned left onto the coastal road, following signs to William G. Milliken State Park. The fuck was so important about these places?

The rain was coming down in torrents now, hammering against the roof of the car like the heavens themselves were chucking down nails or something. Nines parked the car in the (again) empty car park by the harbour and opened his door to get out, only to stop when Gavin grabbed him by the scruff of his black turtleneck and yanked him back in.

"You've got another thing coming if you think I'm going out in this. What's going on?"

Nines didn't answer straight away, his foot still halfway out the door and already soaked to the silicone skin. Then, slowly, he pulled his dripping leg back in and shut the door. The sound of rain became less clear but not any less deafening. Great, fat drops of water beat down on the car like it was a percussion instrument, the drumming symphony filling up the steamy, enclosed air. Gavin pulled his hand back and Nines turned to face him.

"I have been trying to find a hobby. I thought travelling or visiting new places might have been a good choice, but it didn't work."

Gavin closed his eyes and let out a long, put-upon groan. "This is what you needed me for?"

"Yes," said Nines, simply. "I didn't enjoy any of the places I visited alone… but with you, it is another matter."

Gavin's eyes snapped open.

"I like doing things with you," Nines continued, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and watching as rivers of rainwater washed down the windscreen. "I liked going to the cafés, I liked going to the bar and I liked being surprised with the comedy show. It makes me happy to spend time with you."

…Well, shit. What could Gavin say to that?

Nothing, that's what. His usually sharp and spiky mind was drawing a blank of how to react to someone genuinely saying they liked spending time with him. The friends thing? That was fine: Gavin had friends. The hugs? Strange, slightly uncomfortable, but he could deal. This? Error, fucking error.

Witty rejoinder program? Not operational.

Sarcasm generator? Failed.

Any-fucking-thing-to-say-at-all-to-fill-this-fucking-silence backup drive? Haha. Nope.

"Errh," he said, brain to mouth filter failing due to lack of brain.

Luckily, Nines didn't notice Gavin's spectacular zombie impression, and was instead frowning down at his hands, which were now clasped tightly together on his lap.

"But it didn't work today. I am not enjoying this."

Brain reboot commencing FUCKING NOW!

"You- uh, when we-" Gavin cleared his throat and tried again. "Look, all that stuff we did before- well, we were actually doing something then. Right now, we're just staring at fog and rain. 'Course you wouldn't enjoy this."

Nines gave him a wide, doe-eyed look and Gavin rolled his eyes. It seemed it wasn't only him in dire need of a brain reboot. Gavin fished out his phone from his pocket and did a quick web search. When the brain fails: try Google.

"Okay, found one," he said, putting away the phone before Nines could finish leaning over to take a peak. "Let's swap, I'm gonna drive us there."

"Where are we going?" Nines asked, already opening the door.

"Thought you liked surprises," Gavin answered with a wink.

Grainy Christmas music filled the air, echoing out from the cheap string of speakers wired along the row of Christmas stalls. It was accompanied by the now lighter pitter patter of rain and the music coming from several buskers and charity groups. They were all playing a mishmash of different songs, such as jingle bell rock and Good King Wenceslas, on a range of different instruments from old fashioned brass trumpets and violins to the more modern electric guitars and dubstep cubes. It all melded together into a strange, but festive background of white noise, along with the droning sound of the shoppers' chatter and the cacophony of children swarming over the nearby makeshift ice rink.

In all, it was busy, it was loud and it was really not Gavin's style. Nines however, going by the wide-eyed look he had going on, was delighted, so Gavin sucked it up and took him to look at the reindeer.

"Did you know that reindeer are the only large mammal able to metabolise lichen?" Asked Nines as they stared at the animals pawing at the ground inside their paddock, munching on hay and occasionally snorting out large clouds of steam into the cold air. "They are also ruminants which means they have four chambers in their stomachs."

"Yeah, totally knew that," nodded Gavin, who's knowledge of reindeer began and ended with them being the ones to pull Santa's sleigh. "These ones are androids though; they probably don't have that."

"No, they don't," agreed Nines, still staring curiously at them. "I wonder why they did not use real reindeer. Due to conservation efforts in Canada and Greenland, they are not currently on the endangered list."

Gavin shrugged, bracing his arms on the wooden fence, being careful not to put his cast on any wet bits and watching as one of the android creatures on the other side of the paddock sniffed curiously at a giggling boy's hand.

"Suppose real-" Gavin cut himself off suddenly and re-thought what he was about to say. "Uh, non-android reindeer would probably hate it here: too much noise, too many people. They'd get scared. Besides, these're still cute."

Gavin just said the word cute in a sentence. Gavin Reed just used the word cute un-ironically. What the hell? He glanced over at Nines; he was no longer looking at the reindeer. He was looking at Gavin instead, eyes lidded and a soft, upwards quirk pulling at his lips.

Gavin leaned back and crossed his arms, fingers tapping on his cast.

"You, uh, enjoying yourself now?"

"Yes."

"Uh, okay, good."

"Are you?"

"...Yeah."

"I'm glad."

"Right."

Gavin tapped his foot and looked back at the android animals. Nines was still watching him, he could tell.

"C'mon, I need something to drink. I'm freezing my balls off here."

Nines insisted on buying Gavin his hot drink (because of course he did) and soon they were wondering around the stalls. Gavin sipped at his cup of mulled cider, holding it tightly to his chest to keep the odd drip of rainwater from getting in, and did his best to explain Christmas to Nines.

"Are you religious, Gavin?"

"Christmas isn't really about religion- well, no, that's a lie. For a lot of people it is. I guess I'm just in it for the presents."

"I see."

"And you, Nines? D'you think you'll be celebrating it? I mean you didn't seem interested in Thanksgiving."

Nines hummed noncommittally and picked up a small plastic snow globe, shaking it gently and silently watching the little clumps of foam and glitter swirl. Gavin watched Nines watch the fake snow settle and looked away with a frown, only to pause and grin as he noticed the selection of cheesy Christmas themed hats. He downed the rest of his cider and picked up the best one.

"Nines."

Nines glanced over and froze, hand hovering in the air, halfway to putting the snow globe back down. Gavin grinned and bobbed his head to the side, the reindeer attached to his head bobbing along with him.

"It looks like I got my head up its ass!"

Nines continued to stare, then his expression slowly changed, lips parting over white teeth. He let out an amused huff of air and Gavin laughed with him before picking up a turkey dinner hat and stuffing it on his head. Nines leaned down slightly, giving Gavin a better angle to do it again when the hat almost fell off. He was still smiling.

"Your face is gonna get stuck like that," Gavin teased as he straightened up, gently nudging Nines with his elbow.

"I can think of worse fates," Nines returned, plucking the reindeer hat off Gavin's head and running a hand over his messed-up hair.

"Get off," Gavin snorted, batting away Nines's hand.

"Oi! You fags gonna buy those or what?"

Gavin's smile faded. He glanced at the stall keeper glaring across the counter at them, at the way his broad, red hands clenched into fists, and his dark eyes narrowed and twitched, flickering over to the other man sat beside him. He was even larger than the first guy, with bulging bare arms held behind his head and his feet up on the table. Gavin stared at them both for a long moment before turning away, his arms now crossed and lips pressed tightly together. If he were alone right now, he'd probably be grinning, making smarmy comments or hamming up the gay to provoke a response so he could arrest a bastard for assaulting a police officer. But he wasn't alone. He turned to face Nines, ready to clearly and obviously blank the bastards out and not give them the provocation satisfaction of a direct reaction. However, that was not to be.

Nines's smile had changed. It had gone from light and soft to dark and sharp. He picked off his hat, tossed both at the surly shop keeper and said, in a cool tone:

"'Or what,' asshole."

The stall keeper started to stand up, red face growing redder and sneer growing to show gritted teeth, and Gavin grabbed Nines's arm.

"C'mon, let's go check out the ice rink."

It was only when they were out of earshot that Gavin let go of Nines's arm and ran his hands down his face.

"I've been a bad influence on you, haven't I?"

"Perhaps. I don't believe so though. You seem to have found my reaction amusing."

Gavin rolled his eyes and turned to face Nines head on, crossing his arms and frowning.

"You saying asshole was funny, I'll admit. But that guy was a homophobic asshole, built like a brick house and had even bigger backup. He thought-" Gavin stopped and looked away, arms hanging loosely by his sides now. "Well, uh, he looked like he was gonna punch you Nines. That's not funny."

"He would break his hand before he broke my face. It could be funny."

… Okay, Gavin could admire the badassery of that statement. But he still didn't want to see Nines punched. Ever. Even the thought of it made something in his stomach clench.

"Whatever. Just don't mess with people like that when you're alone."

"So I can provoke and hassle close-minded humans when I'm with you?" Nines inquired, head tilting to the side.

"Uh, maybe. Just as long as you don't end up with your face or mine shoved in a wall or some shit."

Nines nodded, expression thoughtful and looked back at the stall keeper, who was smirking and saying something to his friend as he lounged back in his cheap plastic chair.

Nines's LED flashed yellow.

The rather crackly music of WHAM's 'Last Christmas' that had been sluggishly playing the last few minutes suddenly cut off from one of the speakers, to be replaced with an ear-burstingly loud opening of a rather old and rather familiar song.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard."

Gavin sharply turned to face the source of the music, eyes widening as he realised the song was screaming out only from the speaker atop the asshole's stall.

"And they're like, it's better than yours."

Said asshole was standing up, face red with embarrassment and fury, trying to reach the speaker attached to the top of the hut and failing. A large number of shoppers were drifting to a stop and staring; some were laughing.

"Damn right, it's better than yours."

Gavin turned back to Nines, positivity gawking at him. Nines met his gaze, expression blank and deadpan in the most unconvincingly innocent way.

"I can teach you, but I have to charge."

"I wonder if that song will be stuck on a loop all day," Nines mused as the song continued, hands clasped behind his back and a steady look of satisfaction in his otherwise stoic gaze.

"I know you want it. The thing that makes me, what the guys go crazy for."

Distantly, Gavin could feel himself grin. The wind was cold on his teeth, his cheeks ached and his chest felt strangely warm, despite the chill. He didn't pay much mind to any of this though, simply staring at Nines as the ridiculous overtures of Kelis Rogers' 'Milkshakes' were belted out around them.

"La la-la la la. Warm it up."

Nines's lips twitched, like he was fighting against a smile. It was a losing battle though as soon he was smiling back, soft lips parting over white, shiny teeth.

"Lala-lalala, the boys are waiting."

And Gavin realised he might just be a little bit in love.

"Shake it up."