We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in Central Park
There's nothing you can do or say

I can't escape the way I love you
I don't want to, but I love you

- "i love you" by Billie Eillish

Chapter 20: Clutching on to the edge of Oblivion

Mala and Legolas ran toward the sound of Tauriel's screaming, and moved past the stunned dwarves.

For a moment as if time itself had stopped, and Mala was simply part of the unstoppable flow. She was being dragged along despite her unwillingness, and Mala could feel herself drowning in its waters. It was as if she was sinking into the dark depths of the ocean, and her screams and kicks were of no avail.

Mala entered the large town hall building which was located in the middle of the town square. The large building was made of brick, but even it was falling to shambles. Mala ran trough the open door, only to discover Fili clutching on to a unscious Kili for dear life. The blonde dwarven prince clutched on to Kili's sweat drenched and pale form as if he was his only life line, keeping the sickly dwarf from drifting into the afterlife.

Mala quickly moved the pair, still slightly stunned. Her body moved forward on its own accord, strictly out of instinct. She crouched beside the two brothers, letting her body move on its own accord, and her hand moved to press against Kili's sweat soaked forehad. Mala moved some of the soaked strands of hair from his feverish brow. The temperature differences between her hand and his forehead hit her like a fire, and with a wince she moved her hand away.

Mala moved with away with a pained gasp, her eyes immediately meeting Fili's blue ones.

The dwarf prince's usually calm demeanor was all but abandoned, and his blue eyes glanced into Mala's, filled with fear and panic. Mala felt as if she was staring into a mirror, and she was almost certain that her own expression betrayed her. She wished there was something she could say in order to reassure the blonde prince at that moment, but she refused to lie to him. Mala's hazel eyes glanced back at Kili's form, which was shaking with fever.

Mala rested her mocha colored hand on Fili's large and pale one. Fili's hand was shaking with what Mala assumed was the fear of losing his only brother. She wanted to save Kili more than anything, but before she could even attempt, she needed to understand what exactly happened. It would be foolish of her to think of a resolution, when she had no idea of what she was attempting to fix.

Despite the panic that was moving in the room like a storm, Mala knew she needed to have some clarity. She had promised herself from the beginning of this Journey that she would stand alongside the dwarves. Mala promised herself she would protect and assist them, and she had absolutely no intent of breaking that promise. If she wanted to be of any use to Kili, she owed him this clarity of mind.

"What happened?" she asked as calm as possible, making sure her own nerves would not betray her. She didn't want to increase the level of panic which was already suffocating the room. If she showed the dwarves that she was worried, their worry would only increase. Mala watched as Fili struggled to form words, unable to form coherent thoughts.

Mala looked at him calmly, and gave his quivering hand a soft squeeze. She crouched beside the blonde prince, reassuring her support to him in silence. She did not want to make him even more bewildered.

"He was shot by an arrow, while we were escaping. You distracted the Orcs, and he jumped in front of me...it should have been me."

Mala gave Fili's hand another firm squeeze.

"Don't ever utter such words again Fili. Kili knew what he was doing, and he was brave to do so."

Mala's words were slightly harsh, to make sure they were ingrained in Fili's stubborn brain. She knew that this would happen. Fili had a habit of being extremely over protective of his little brother, and so he blamed himself when something went wrong. Fili needed to realize that Kili was his own person, and therefor made his own decisions. Mala also knew that if the roles were reversed, Kili would react the exact same.

That truth only cemented just how close the two dwarves were, and how strong their love was.

Mala closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to gather her own scrambling thoughts. She knew since it was a Orc arrow that it was most likely poisoned. Radagast had taught her many lessons pertaining to poison and how to counteract it, it was only a matter of which plants would be available in Lake-Town. Mala's eyebrows furrowed as she tried her hardest to recall the name of any plants.

"Athelas… or Kingsfoil," she uttered the name of the plant and its other name. The dwarves looked at her confused, but Tauriel's eyes lit up with hope.

"Of course! It should be located even here in Lake-Town, it should be able to save him."

A few of the dwarves volunteered themselves, and immediately began searching for the plant. The rest of them put Kili on a table, in an attempt to make him more comfortable. The wooden table definitely did not serve as a comfortable bed, but it was the only thing available. Tauriel managed to find a pillow, and she rested Kili's head on it.

Mala could feel Thorin's nervousness increase beside her, and he was practically twitching with anticipation. Whether it was from knowing whether one of his heirs would survive, or the fact that their time was growing short...she did not know. Mala rested a hand on one of his shoulder's, and gave him a serious look.

"Take the rest of your kin, and take them to the Lonely Mountain. Your time is running short, and Kili would not want you waiting on him. He may not see the halls of Durin when you all do, but at least he will be able to join you alive."

The words were hard for Mala to speak, because she knew how much it would break Kili's heart. The young dwarf wanted to be beside his kin when they conquered the Lonely Mountain and defeated Smaug. In his current condition however, Mala also knew it was impossible. She only hoped that the young Prince would realize that this decision was for his own good, and would forgive her.

"We require your services Mala, we cannot endure this Journey without you." Thorin's blue eyes looked serious as he uttered the words, each one laced with utter truth.

Mala felt the strings on her heart pull at his words, and her stomach drop all the same time. She turned back to look at Kili's form on the table, the noises of his pain filled groans the only indication that he was even alive. His skin was sickly pale, and Mala could feel herself tear apart. She wanted to join Thorin on this quest. Mala's dreams had been filled with the visions of their long lost Kingdom under the Mountain, and their battle with Smaug.

However, she could not leave Kili to face death. His kind and happy temperament was often the motivation that Mala required to keep pushing on the Journey, and she could not just abandon him now.

Tauriel moved beside the two figures, her steps quiet. Tauriel rested a pale hand on Mala's clothed shoulder, and squeezed softly. The small movement caused Mala to stir away from her own thoughts, and her hazel eyes met the Elves green ones. Tauriel's eyes were soft and kind, speaking nothing but understanding.

"I will take care of Kili. I was taught how to heal in the Woodland Realm, and I have grown quite proficient at it. They need you Mala, you cannot remain here."

Mala nodded knowingly, and gave Tauriel a thankful nod. Mala would be sure to express her thankfulness in private to Tauriel, to express just how glad she was to have the Elf amongst them. Mala also knew how important Kili was to Tauriel, so she knew that the Elf would not take this task lightly. Mala also hoped that Tauriel wouldn't exhaust herself at the efforts.

Mala took one last glance back at Kili's sweat drenched form, and closed her eyes. Mala prayed a silent prayer to the Valar, and asked for them to protect Kili. She knew that it was a selfish request, but she had no other choice. If it was Kili's time he would be brought into the next realm, but Mala felt that it was much too early. She wanted Kili to have a full life, and to enjoy the prosperity and enrichment that would come with winning his Kingdom back.

Mala didn't mean only in treasures, but also in memories.

Legolas grabbed Mala's arm softly, to catch her attention before she exited the building.

"Guren níniatha n'i lû n'i a-govenitham." Legolas' words were soft and quiet, despite the fact that he knew very well that the dwarves were unable to understand their language. He had intended for it to sound more sure, but instead it sounded almost sad and broken.

Mala rested her hand upon Legolas' and glanced into his eyes, attempting her best to assure him that she would be just fine.

"I promise that I will return Legolas, and alive. Nothing could break the connection that is between us, and I have every intention of return to you...and your father." Mala smiled softly, as her thoughts drifted to the life that she would hopefully have with Thranduil and Legolas. Even the slight thought of her lover...her husband amongst all of this chaos brought hope into Mala's heart.

No matter how much become shattered around her, he was her one beacon. Their love for each other was as sure as the blinding sunrise each morning, and nothing could falter it.

Legolas watched with sad eyes as Mala left with the dwarves, leaving him alone with the rest of them. Legolas turned toward the rest of the Company, to be met with the sight of Tauriel and Kili. She had made her way across the room toward his form as soon as Mala had left. Her soft hand was clutching Kili's calloused one, as she whispered soft reassuring words to him.

Legolas could feel the slight jealousy bubbling inside of him at the sight of Tauriel, and just how concerned she was over the dwarf. He knew very well that their affection was much more than friendship, and he could practically feel the love blossoming between them. Legolas hated part of himself for being so taken aback, and emotional.

The Woodland Elf knew that it was absolutely unlike him to become so caught up in his feelings for Tauriel. He assumed that they were only so strong because they had been festering inside his heart for so long. With a shaky sigh, Legolas made a decision. A decision that was best for himself, and the two unlikely lovers. It wasn't all that unlikely he supposed however, since everyone around him seemed to be finding love.

"I am going to chase down the rest of the Orcs. You will be unable to defend yourself, let alone with them in this condition."

Legolas could see the exhaustion that was plaguing each of their faces, and he was glad for his elven stamina. With that simple statement, the Prince of the Woodland Realm left.

Tauriel looked after him, guilt filling her to the very core.

They manned the boats on the edge of the dock, and began their final steps toward preparing for their arrival to the Lonely Mountain. Mala carried some of the supplies to the boats, and handed them out amongst everyone. She knew that they would have to travel much lighter, since they were mere hours away from meeting their final destination. Mala wasn't filled with joy, the way she had imagined.

Instead the witch was filled with hesitancy, unsure of how they were leaving the rest of the Company. Mala always imagined that all of them would be making their way to the end of their long story, but instead they were few and far between. A lot of the dwarves had stayed behind to help with Kili, and Mala didn't blame them. It was an impossible choice to make.

Everyone settled within the boats, and they began the final leg of their Journey.

Even as Lake-Town grew smaller, Mala's hesitancy only seemed to increase. With a shaky breath, Mala attempted to clear her thoughts. She moved her palms up to face toward the sky, as she soaked up the rays of evening sunlight. She listened intently to the sound of the waves softly crashing against the sides of the boat, and allowed the slow rhythm to calm her nerves.

After a few moments, she settled.

She watched as the waves moved slowly against the boat, her right hand clutching on to the edge of the wood. She needed to be completely prepared to face anything within the Durin's halls, including the threat of Smaug. Mala remembered the stories she was told by the Ithryn of Smaug's ferocious power. He was the only Drake left within vicinity of them, and that only spoke to how powerful he was.

Mala remembered similar stories she had received from the dwarves around the campfires as they traveled to their destination, and how Smaug had destroyed their way of life. The large fire drake had destroyed thousands of lives. The lives of humans, elves, and dwarves alike.

Mala was suddenly overtaken by a fierce determination.

She would fight Smaug, and they would all prevail. She owed that much to the dwarves, and Middle Earth. She owed the same thing to Thranduil, and she would return to him. She would return to his warm and soft touch, and rest in his arms once more.

Mala watched as the rays of evening light reflected upon the silver ring that was the symbol of her bond with Thranduil, and she brought the silver band to her lips. She kissed it softly, and hoped that Thranduil felt it as well.

Tauriel grabbed the plant that the dwarves had found, and quickly began removing some of its leaves. She crushed the leaves into a smoother constancy, trying her best to hurry. She mixed the ground down leaves into a bit of water, attempting to soften the plant.

"Hold him down," Tauriel uttered, and the dwarves followed her instructions.

Kili's screams echoed around them, and Tauriel was sure it would only attract more Orcs. It was the least of her worries of course at this moment. All that mattered was the sickly dwarf which rested in front of her, Kili. The realization had set in when her green eyes had first rested on him, so sick. She had screamed out of fright, which was something entirely unlike an elf.

If Thranduil had seen Tauriel in this state, he would have been shocked.

Tauriel moved her hands above the bowl and began chanting. She grabbed the ground down plants and pressed them against her hands, continuing the spell in elvish. Tauriel pressed the concoction against Kili's leg, channeling all of her healing power into the black wound.

Tauriel could feel the dark magic festering away in the wound, and she continued to put pressure on it. Her voice rose with power as she continued chanting, and eventually Kili's screams seized. Kili's brown eyes stared in amazement at the auburn haired elf who was by his side, his feverish state only increasing just how ethereal she looked.

Tauriel watched as Kili slipped into unconsciousness once again. She had finished her task, and went to wrap up his leg. Tauriel could feel the absensce of the poison now, and knew that Kili would be fine.

Kili stirred slightly as Tauriel bandaged his leg, and her eyes met his briefly. Tauriel simply pretended like she didn't notice the small exchange, and continued with cleaning up.

"Tauriel," Kili uttered weakly, and Tauriel immediately turned to him.

Tauriel knew there was no point in ignoring the stubborn dwarf, not that she ever really could. She had been slowly consumed by his carefree smile from the beginning, and her heart had been drowing in fear at the sight of him so weak, at the edge of death.

"Lie still," Tauriel instructed to Kili. She was a bit firmer than she would have liked to, but she needed him to understand the seriousness of his condition. Kili's brown eyes glanced at her softly, glaced over from fever and sickness. Despite his current state, Tauriel could still make out his love in those brown eyes of his. She hated and loved the way he betrayed his feelings so easily, because of what reaction they got out of her.

Her heartbeat increased in a completely unfamiliar way to her, well unfamiliar before she became acquainted with the dwarf prince.

"You cannot be her. She is far away. She was far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world, it was just a dream."

Kili's voice was soft and yet sounded so hopeless. Each word he spoke was a heartbroken confession, and it was too much for Tauriel too bear. The auburn haired elf could feel the warm tears building in the corner of her eyes.

Kili moved his fingers softly against hers, and Tauriel wanted to so desperately hold his hand. Their fingers slightly interlocked, her soft skin brushing against his rough fingers.

"Do you think she could have loved me?"

Tauriel let the warm tears fall down her cheeks without shame then, as her eyes met Kili's once again. She parted her lips slightly, and attempted to say something, anything. Kili was more than deserving of a response, even if he was overcome with feverish haze.

Tauriel did something which was completely unlike herself, and part of her hoped that the dwarven prince would not remember. The logical part of her hoped that, and the selfish part wanted him to.

Tauriel moved forward, so she was standing closer by his side. She gave his hand a soft squeeze with her right one, and leaned down.

"She already does," with that simple statement Tauriel closed the space between Kili and herself, pressing her lips against his. Behind her closed eyes Tauriel could see fireworks as the feeling of his rough lips molding against hers overtook her very existence, and her very soul.

Author's Comments:

Valar: The Gods

Guren níniatha n'i lû n'i a-govenitham: My heart will weep until I see you again