KG: So I was reading through one of my old stories for Halloween. I never did try a truly evil Naruto. Now that I've learned a few things, I'd like to try and put that into practice now. Also, I am still working on TUD (The Ultimate Dojutsu). You guys have to understand, the cringe when I read it SO real. I just close my eyes and sigh sometimes. I wonder why people want that the most. Every time I read it I just put my head in my hands, but I haven't forgotten about it. I just had so many intersecting plots that its hard to remember where I was going with it all.

Wifey: Kind of like me with our marriage.

KG: Ignoring!

Wifey: You do that.

Song of the Month: Dark Matter by Les Friction.

Quote: "Hope is the lie we tell ourselves about the future," by Brent Weeks (from The Way of Shadows).

Hope. The word rings throughout the echoes of human time. Belief that as long as you hold on your expectations and desires will happen eventually. Yes, despite how bad things get, as long as there is hope...then anything is possible. How many humans relied upon this concept to get them through a day of work, a troubling marriage, a mission gone wrong, a war upon the horizon? How many humans relied upon hope to keep them going?

Yes, Humans needed hope. Heh, how hilarious. Human beings always so mighty and cocky when the world offered what they desired. Yet,once the world said no, once the world reject their little attitudes they reduced themselves to crying out to their makeshift idol gods, and praying those false gods of wood, bronze, iron, fire, water, and any other element that they could set their sights upon, hoping for an answer to why the world would not recognize them.

Yes, Humans needed hope...because humans were nothing but sniveling, groveling, miserable weaklings. Same to their makeshift gods and idols. Cowards. Weaklings. Pathetic bags of blood and flesh. The lot of them. Their hope was their own ridiculous powerlessness to change the circumstances which warped around them on their own. When that hope faded, it became...despair.

Despair. It has many names. Fear, Hopelessness, Loss, Defeatism, Misery, Depression, and Desperation to cut the list of many. The belief that there is no hope, no way to live, no answer to the situation. Yes, despair was the dark side of hope. Human live in despair as much as they live in hope.

'It will not get better. I have nothing to live for. We're finished. We're doomed. Only death awaits us. Am I...going to die?'

Such statements have resounded since time immemorial. From the first creature which plucked itself from Earth's body, the faint smell of despair was upon it. That creeping feeling of death and decay, that darkness where the light of Hope could not reach. Many had visited both side of this coin. Many would continue to visit both sides of this coin. For in Hope, there is despair. For in despair, there is hope.

One person learned this very well. His screams were heard as a whip clashed with his young skin. One person learned of the power of hope. The security it brings to all beneath its embrace. Even as he was called unholy titles by those of his home, he had held onto the hope that one day...someday...any day, they might let him become one of them. He would have the hope of friends. He would have the hope of family in this place.

Even as a spiked collar was place on his neck, and iron chains were clasped on his hands, he had tried to hold onto the hope of...The Will of Fire. He tried hard. He tried so very hard. Please believe him, he tried. He really did try. He tried to hold into the hope that they would stop. He tried to hold onto the hope that they...would place value in him. He tried to hold onto the hope that they...would trust him. He tried to hold onto the hope that they...would love him.

As he was hung from a meat hook, stripped bare by those around him, he coughed when he was released. His body splashed in a barrel of salt water. The salt burned at the open wounds upon his skin. Yes, he tried to be like the Hokage. He tried to be hopeful, he tried to be understanding. He tried...to be forgiving. He tried...to love them.

"Forgive them, Naruto. They don't know what they're doing. They are only afraid."

What about him? He was afraid too! Didn't he get to earn the right to be afraid? They seemed perfectly aware of what they were doing. Whether from the water, from the pain, or from the need to escape, he could feel himself passing out. He could feel it coming again. He could feel the light leaving. He could feel the weight of darkness upon him.

"They will never accept me. This...will never stop. I...can't get away." Despair. He flipped the coin which laid at his feet. He screamed as he felt a strike of the whip against his wet skin. Each strike came after another drop into salted water. Each strike, he walked further and further into the darkness. Each drop into cold, freezing or boiling, hot water led him away from the warm glow of light he had tried so hard to stay in. Was he...going to die? He certainly felt like it when he felt the sting of hot iron on his body.

Minutes must have passed like seconds. Everything seemed like a warped sense of bright colors, pain, and mumbled words. He couldn't even remember if he kept screaming. All he remembered was that...his vision was getting darker. His body couldn't move and he was sure that he smelled something bad. Everything was going dark.

"Why don't I have a Mom and Dad? I know what you've told me before. About how the Kyuubi ran amok. But, I want to know about my parents. Who were my parents? What kind of people were they?"

"There is no use asking about that. It won't bring the dead back,"

It won't bring the dead back. It won't bring the dead back. It WoN't BrInG ThE DeAd BaCk! He remembered those words that the Sandaime spoke to him. His body grew colder and colder, he could see a pool of blood...his blood running across the ground next to the trash cans in the alleyways.

"It was him, that boy's name who's taboo! He has no parents we can complain to!"

Alone. Forgotten. Worthless. Sinner. Wretch. Vile. Repulsive. Monster. Demon. He remembered these names. He had been forced to wear them for up to now. He had been forced to endure their weight. He had been forced to endure their burden. Upon the ground of the village he had been forced to tread upon, he could feel the small beats of his heart. Each beat slower than the last one. He, Uzumaki Naruto, container of the Kyuubi No Yoko, was dying.

Naruto wheezed, but movement he could not produce. His body had stopped responding. Along with his body, all hope of salvation was gone. He was going to die in an alleyway among the garbage just like those of the village wanted him to. He would die a nobody...just like the those of the village wanted him to. "Hap...py birthday...me, I'm n….ow….ten." Naruto thought.

Though his body could not move, he could feel the wet tears stain his face and then the ground. Why was he here? Why did he have to continue walking this ground only to be trampled at each and every turn? Why did Kami no answer his prayers? Was he not good enough? Was he not a good child? Had all of humanity and heaven forsaken him?

"They are only grieving, my boy. They have lost important people to them. Please just give them time and they will come around. Just have hope!"

Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE?! HOPE?! HOPE?! HOPE?! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE! hOpE!

Naruto hated that word. Have hope! HAVE HOPE?! He laid on the ground surrounded by garbage because of hope. He believed in the Will of Fire BECAUSE OF HOPE! He saw his blood watering the ground BECAUSE OF HOPE! What good was hope...when he was about to die getting it?!

"Give them time! They will come around!"

No, if he survived, they had run out of time! If he survived, he didn't care if they EVER came around. If he survived, HE WOULD GIVE THEM MORE TO GRIEVE OVER! He would make them watch as their children laid upon the garbage just like he had!

They had lost important people?! Well, there would be no point asking about that! IT WOULDN'T BRING THE DEAD BACK! Their so called Will of Fire? He would snuff it out! They wanted a monster? Then he would give them the best damn monster they would ever get! If he survived, he would make damn sure that they. Would. NOT! Even if he had drag them to the underworld along with him!

Naruto heard something sniff his body. He could not move, but he saw a lone, tiny dog sniffing his slowly dying corpse. Perhaps it was wondering if it could eat him or not. He didn't know, it did what it had to do to survive. Just. Like. Him! With what little energy Naruto had left, he waited until the dog was within the inner corners of his body.

Once it was close enough, Naruto's hand grabbed its neck! He could feel his strength fading. He...was dying. Yet, he did not let go. Even as the dog squealed and barked in pain he did not let go. For if he let go, then he would surely die. He could feel its fur. He could feel the way it moved. He...could feel the rush of endorphins rushing through its body. He could feel the adrenaline. Even as his blood seeped into the ground, he could feel the lifeblood of the animal in his grasp. Though he had no way of knowing, Naruto's eyes shined with unrelenting murderous intent. He...he would keep on living! He was not going to die! Not like this!

Though he could feel his body slipping, he squeezed and squeezed. They wanted a monster. They would all receive monster. Abandoned by Kami. Abandoned by his own village. He did not need them. He did not need anyone! He didn't need their hope! He didn't need their forgiveness! He DIDN'T need their acceptance! He didn't need their respect! All he needed…

CRACK!

He watched as he snapped the dog's neck. It fell to the ground, dead. He saw the red wine of its body slither towards him. Yes, all he needed from them...all he needed...all...he...needed…

...was to crush their hope...like they...crushed...HIS!

Naruto opened his tongue and the life fluids from the deceased animal rolled across it. Upon this blood, he swore. He swore no more hope. He swore no more mercy.

He swore no.

More.

Chances!

The blood swished and swirled upon his taste buds. Feast he did. No hope here. He would never be accepted, but that was okay.

He gulped more and more until the blood filled his mouth and he swallowed it. His fingers twitched when the blood wrapped around them. He clenched his hands. His vision hazy he did not see the blood float in the air. Bubbles levitated as if responding to his growing rage. The scars upon his back slowly healed themselves. The iron marks which steamed his skin faded away into nothingness. Blood solidified around his hands and nails. Red claws stabbed into the ground while he dug up the dirt from beneath him. A red mist swirled violently around him clashing and striking the walls of the alley. He slashed bags and bags of garbage. The mist decorated stripes of his blonde hair granting them a sinister glow of red.

Very well, Konoha. You would ask for Uzumaki Naruto to become a monster? Then he would become on...just for you, and anyone else who got in his way!

The blonde tried to stand, but his nigh death experience had severely taken its toll upon his body. He dropped to his knees and darkness overcame him. He never saw the remaining blood from the dog he had just killed seep into the very cells of his body...taking residence in its new host.

-x-

Morning arose. October 11, the day after the night the Kyuubi no Yoko laid waste to Konohagakure and hero, the Yondaime Hokage, had stopped the beast by sacrificing himself. That day, and Naruto's birthday, were yesterday.

People began opening their shops and stores. Each greeting each other with warm expressions and happy tidings. However, in the dark alleyway, Naruto opened his eyes. He picked himself up from the garbage and shook his head. Memories of yesterday filled his mind, and with them so did his hatred for Konoha and her inhabitants. He stared into the sun kissed streets. He watched families, strangers, and villagers roam their homes. His ire grew more and more upon seeing their happy faces. He could feel his blood boiling in response to his anger.

Yet, he gave pause for one moment. He could hear a drum. He could hear loud, deep drums. Some far, and others near. He also smelled the scent...of blood. He watched one person pass the alley and it was as if the loud drum had beat in front of him before fading away. This drum...it was just like his own. He could hear the beat of hearts. Each person who passed him by...he could see the rhythmic flow of the organic muscle which powered their blood flow.

He took a step back. He could even see the hearts of the shinobi who dashed overhead. Was he going crazy? He had to be. He watched the hearts dash overhead. Naruto gasped and fell back to the ground. He turned around and he noticed the life he had taken. He stared down at the dog. That's right, he was dying and...to live he murdered the animal in front of him. The taste of blood was still upon his lips.

He nearly felt like shivering. Every vessel of blood in his body, he could feel them circulating. He needed to get out of here. He...needed to get home. He...he needed to think. He...winced as he covered his nose. "I need a shower. The trash was my bed last night," He said to himself.

He walked out. Instantly, looks of disgust, hatred, and anger were upon him. Yet, for the first time, he stared back at them just as angrily. He could see them. He could hear them. The people's hearts beat with anxiety. Their once smooth rhythm had completely been thrown into disarray upon his presence.

Yet, he pushed on and out of their way. Not yet, he did not forget his vow. Not yet. He just had to wait. He raced home and closed his door. He took off his clothes, not caring if they littered the floor, and stepped into his bath. Hot water drenched over him. He laid his hands on the wall. "What's...happening to me?" He asked himself. Every injury, all the pain he remembered enduring, not a single scratch remained upon his skin. It was as if his blood had repaired any and all damage inflicted upon him.

He remembered the strikes from the whip. Gone. He remembered the feel of hot iron. Gone. He remembered the punches, the kicks, and...though he felt very sore, there were no bruises to be noticed. He...was nearly dead when he had been left by the civilians.

Perhaps he was crazy. Perhaps he had received one strike too many, but he turned off his shower, walked into his kitchen, grabbed a knife, and walked back into the bathroom. He placed his hand on the counter and held the knife over it. He found himself short on breath. He could feel his blood moving like a thousand insects inside his body. "What am I doing? I gotta be losing my mind!" Naruto thought.

The young boy gave a slight curse, and pricked his left hand's index finger with the sharp utensil. He watched the red sea of life surface from his fingertips. He stared at it as if he expected it to explode in his face. It did not do so.

Instead, he watched it slowly extend itself as if connected via a long string. His eyes widened and he backed away from the counter. He watched in stunned awe. All the injuries he held before, and all of the pain he felt before, this had never happened to him. The beat of hearts. The smell of blood. The sight of the heart pounding. Naruto could see it all. Where blood traveled, he was able to watch it. That had not been a lie.

Yet, he did not yell aloud about this sudden power. He did not have visions if crushing Uchiha Sasuke in school. He did not have dreams of the Sandaime Hokage looking depressed while the blonde wore his hat. No, he did not dream these things. Everyone who hurt him! Everyone who tortured him! Everyone who beat him! He could think of nothing but yesterday. How he would have liked nothing more than watch the dirt streets drink the blood of civilians, just as they had made him do. He had nearly died yesterday, but old Naruto died yesterday, the one who was full of dreams of acceptance and a dream of becoming Hokage.

None of that mattered. What did matter was that Naruto was absolutely angry. Yet now, he had a way to defend himself. He had a way to fight back! He had away to make them very afraid of him!

Naruto turned back to the blood and he noticed it hardened. As if in response to his anger, the blood grew sharp and thin like a very small needle. A deep breath from the blonde and he watched it become a formless liquid again. "Now...how do I make you...go away?" Naruto wondered. No sooner than him asking, the blood slowly withdrew back into the cut he had made and his finger was healed as if he had never been stabbed in the first place. Naruto stared at his finger for minutes.

It was only because of the clock in his room that he broke his trance. It was time for school. THe very thought made the young boy even angrier. Yes, time for school. As if being humiliated and beaten wasn't enough. No. He did not need them. Not Mizuki. Not Suzume. Not Iruka! HE NEEDED NONE OF THEM!

Naruto filled up one of his backpacks with supplies and dashed out of the door. He didn't know where he was going but it was much better than ever going to school. Screw them. Screw the lot of them! He'd be lucky if the teachers didn't decide to jump him!

-x-

"Uchiha Sasuke!"

"...present."

"Uzumaki Naruto!"

There was no response from anyone as a classroom of children looked at one of the lone seats and they shook their heads. "Iruka-sensei, Naruto's not here! He hasn't shown up to any of his classes," a girl replied.

Iruka wanted to smack his clipboard against his forehead. Of course he wasn't in class again. Honestly, the chunin teacher was beginning to wonder if the blonde just actively didn't want to graduate. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. "Alright, does anyone know where he is?" Iruka asked.

"Heh, probably doing his stupid pranks again. Iruka-sensei, can we just start the lesson? Who cares if he graduates. A loser like that's never gonna be a good ninja," another classmate replied.

Iruka frowned for a moment. "Alright then, Takeda. While I go look for Naruto, why don't you write a two thousand word essay for me on what makes a good ninja on the black board. That way Naruto won't be a loser. See? I knew you always looked out for your classmates," Iruka said. The look of horror on his student's face made Iruka smirk. Sometimes, being the teacher was worth the headaches.

Iruka then walked to the door and opened it. "I'm going to look for Naruto. Mizuki will be covering for me with the rest of you." He said. He heard the class give the most depressed compliance to his statement ever. WIth a shake of his head, the chunin left to go locate the troublesome blond in question.

-x-

Naruto dropped his bag on the grass in a forested area. Knowing his luck, Iruka was already searching for him to drag him back to the rest of his pathetic classmates. The thought made him want to gag. Yet, as big pains in the ass his classmates were, that was not why he didn't go. He wanted to know more about what was happening to him. He could still hear the beat of hearts. Not of humans, but of animals, insects, and other creatures which walked the earth. Not a single human soul was among them aside from him.

Right now, the world was his testing ground. Naruto watched a small bird land on a tree branch. He wondered, did the bird ever have hope? Did it wonder what it would be doing in the next ten minutes? Hour? Twelve hours? He did not know, but if it did...then he would take its hope away! Just as his had been taken!

Memories of yesterday filled his mind. He clenched his fists. He could see the blood in the bird swirling. Naturally the winged beast expressed discomfort. It flapped its wings, but whatever hold Naruto had on it did not lessen. He watched it squirm on the tree branch before falling to the ground. Naruto walked over to it. The bird chirped painfully, yet this offered no empathy from the blonde. None was ever shown to him.

He watched the blood swirl around violently inside the bird. It seemed close to bursting. Naruto did not notice how red his eyes became. Yet, how did he pull it out? How did he make use of it? An idea popped into his head. He imagined the blade of that he had cut his finger with. Its sharp point, its steel body, and its deadly edge.

Almost instantly, even Naruto was surprised when the bird screeched as red blade exploded from its body. It chirped its last. Kneeling down, the young boy placed his hand near the blood. What had made him become like this? He did not know. He watched the blood turn from as hard as steel to as flat as liquid once again. It did the same thing as his blood from before. He took a step back. The blood bent to his will and pulled itself out of its former host.

He stepped about two feet from the body. The blood merely floated in the air. He moved his hand to the right. It swished to the right. He moved his hand left. It swished to the left. Now, how was he supposed to...bring it closer to him. "Hmmm, maybe if I do this…," He thought and he drew his hand back. He watched the blood float towards him until it was right in his face. His eyes gleamed.

For over an hour, Naruto practiced this ability. As odd as it was, and as creepy as blood could get, he made it form various shapes and sizes. Yet, the thing he practiced the most...was how to weaponize it. It didn't seem too hard to manipulate. WHatever he wanted it to be, it could be. If he wanted it to be as sharp as a spear then it could be. If he wanted it to be a ball then it could be. Admittedly, it required a lot of focus from him to do this. Never mind making something completed like an iron spiked club. Trying to imagine a ball with thousands of spikes quickly gave him a headache.

He stared at his feet. He had killed three deer, five more birds, ten rats, and about three snakes. The culmination of their deaths had led to a large quantity of floating blood. What Naruto also noticed was that just trying to keep it floating was hard as well, but that was fine. He stared at the large massive orb in front of him. He was starting to get a headache, but he didn't want to drop it yet.

He glanced at a tree and held his hand. He imagined a spike, the widest spike with the sharpest point. Yes, it was a definite headache, but he could feel the blood hardening as he swung his hand down. Naruto watched the spear crush the trees and ground in front of him most likely startling any other animals in the area. He panted as he rubbed his temples.

"Okay, no more training. Bad headache," Naruto said to himself. He walked over to the destroyed tree branch. Not the best speak in the world, but it passed for what it needed to. As much as Naruto didn't like it, he would have to do some reading. Just the thought of forming anything he could made him smirk, and what better place to look than books?

Suddenly, Naruto paused. He could hear it. He could hear the rhythmic beats of a human heart. He looked back at the spike of blood he had made. He sucked his teeth. He held out his hand. He asked for it to withdraw into him. Almost immediately, the spike turned into a pool and then twirled itself around his flesh. He watched his skin absorb it almost...naturally. All of the animals he had killed, their life fluid was his for the taking. If he could master this...no one in the village would dare mess with him again. In fact, he could do worse to the village! He snorted, but now he had to turn his attention to the one rushing towards him.

"Naruto! I knew I'd find you here!"

The blonde scowled. Great, one of the last people he wanted to see. He turned around and he noticed Iruka stepping into the clearing. Perhaps it was time now for a new training spot. "Hello Iruka-sensei, to what do I owe the unwanted displeasure of your company?" Naruto asked.

Iruka wasn't sure what made him shiver. Whether it was his young student's entire tone, or his hateful gaze upon him. However, the teacher angrily marched towards him. "You're late for school! Don't even think about ditching again!" He said.

"Tch! Right, cause you all are SO interested in my education. I'm not going back to spending my time wasting away at a desk. Let me guess, you want me to go back so you and the rest of the teachers can make your not obvious snide comments about me? Or maybe you want to make fun of me while I spare with my classmates?" Naruto asked.

Iruka did not speak. He had been too stunned at the words which came out of his student's mouth. The look of sheer anger and resentment in his young body caused the Chunin worry, and Naruto easily noticed this.

He gave a mirthless laugh. "Yeah, you think I didn't know Iruka-sensei? You think I didn't know that you hated me? You think I didn't know that you wanted me to die just like everyone else?! Always pretending you cared about me! Always pretending you were helping me! Well, I don't need your damn help! What did I even do to you all to suffer like this?! TELL ME!" Naruto shouted.

Iruka stiffened. "Naruto, I..."

The blonde could see it. Iruka's heart was pounding. He could see the rush of blood. He could see his heart beating at least twice as fast. Yet, the man's mouth remained shut it. The blonde growled. "Each and every last one of you! Telling me to forgive, forgive, forgive! Well, I'm sick of forgiving. Don't you worry, Iruka-sensei, I'll do us both the greatest favor we deserve! Any interaction I have with you is the bare minimum.," Naruto finished.

Iruka still didn't say anything. Naruto walked past him and picked up his things. He then gave a small grin. "Alright, Iruka-sensei, if you and the entire village want a monster, then I'll make sure you all get one. Turnabout is fair play as they say. I tried being the good guy. You all didn't seem to like that. You all destroyed my hope of ever being accepted, but I'm not a vengeful person. I'll make sure to live up to your hopes...by becoming what you all wanted." he said and walked off.

Iruka turned around and watched Naruto's form disappear. He would have to quickly notify the Hokage of this immediately. He couldn't handle the shudder which flew across his spine. It felt as if a swirl of malice was headed for the village...in the form of a ten-year old.

Naruto reentered the village, his mood ruined. He did not bother with the glares nor whispers sent his way. Spineless, worthless, pathetic, sniveling cowards! ALL OF THEM! He didn't need to bother with…

A sharp pain hit his head. Naruto touched his forehead and noticed drops of blood at his fingertips. On the ground, at his feet, was a small stone. Every. Single. Last. PERSON! All of you! All of you could fucking...

"Who threw that?" Naruto asked. He did not received a response. He didn't need one. He stared at them all. All the hate was quickly centered around him. He picked up the stone.

"Alright, since we're all out of honesty. I'll just pick who I think did it," Naruto said. He wasted no time before flung the stone into a woman's face just above her eyelid. This made her scream as she covered her face. People looked on in shock at her pain, but the moment they turned to look at Naruto he was gone.

Naruto closed the door to his home behind him. He dropped a pile of books he pilfered from the library. He doubted they would miss them anyway. Yet, he would not read them now. He hoped to save them for later when he could make this headache go away. Whether it was from the training, Iruka, or that stupid somebody who threw a stone at him, he wasn't sure. What he was sure of was that he needed some rest. He climbed into his bed and closed his eyes. He heard the small pattering of feet.

Naruto opened one of his eyes and he saw a rat scurrying about his floor. His pupils glowed with a sinister red light. He could feel his consciousness slipping, but he didn't seem to mind it so much. In fact, he welcomed it. He embraced it. He glossed over the intruder. That rat, what was it thinking about? Did it want to find food? Was it taking care of its young ones? Did it just want to find a scrap of food to bring back to its potential newborn baby? What did it hope to achieve?

Well, that didn't matter. He held out his hand. After all, hope...was a stupid, false reality anyway. A grin marred his face, yet...there was no radiant joy to be found there. He grinned when he heard the rat squeak in pain as the blonde clenched his hand into a fist. The rat squeaked from the unknown pains which plagued it until dozens of spike-shaped blood blades exploded from its body killing it instantly. It washed his floor as Naruto fell asleep. Yes, hope...was a lie. It was a lie Naruto was going to teach everyone.

Especially you, Konoha.

KG: I'm tempted to make this longer, but I know if I do I'm gonna make myself giddy from where I can take this. I think we're gonna have a good fuckin' time with this.

Wifey: No cursing! I am with child!

KG: Please, I give it a month before they start talking like us.

Wifey: I'm not taking that bet.

KG: HA! Knew it!

KG: That's all folks. Stay Breezy, protect what's important to you, review, and SEND ME CREAM SODA! BUT...not just any cream soda! SEND ME CREAM SODA...FLOATS!

Wifey: Idiot.