A/N: I'm really proud of this chapter, but it was not an easy one!

Chapter song: Dancing With Our Hands Tied - Taylor Swift. I prefer the acoustic version!

Trigger Warning for mental health struggles.

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.

Part VII – As The Room Burned Down

I, I loved you in spite of
Deep fears that the world would divide us
So, baby, can we dance?
Oh, through an avalanche? And
Say, say that we got it
I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted
Oh, 'cause it's gravity
Oh, keeping you with me, I–

Could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets
Picture of your face in an invisible locket
You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it
I had a bad feeling

Toni sat on her bed, her back against the wall, with Cheryl's phone in her lap. She stared at the still locked screen with an overwhelmingly amount of apprehension? Anxiety? Excitement? It was an emotion that was hard to label.

What was easy to label was the fear that she felt at the idea that she still, even after her conversation with Jason, didn't know Cheryl's password.

She slowly keyed in those four numbers – that date in July – and sighed loudly in relief when it faded to the home screen. She instantly clicked on the phone icon and scrolled through the list of missed calls. She saw her own name, several times, but there were also calls from Jughead, Blossom Maple Farms, Thornhill, Veronica, an unknown number, and Jason.

She opened the voicemail and the first voice that washed over her was her own.

Hey baby! I'm going to Brooklyn to take some photos! I'll see you when I get back. Love you.

Cheryl Blossom's daily routine began with her alarm ringing at 6AM. She kissed her exhausted wife on the top of the head and slid out of bed as gently as she could. She went for a run in the park. She returned to her apartment to shower, primp, and decide on a fierce outfit befitting of an executive. She stopped at the nearby coffee shop to order her regular – almond milk latte – and then she headed to the office.

Her routine.

Every single day.

"Good morning, Angela," she spoke as she breezed into the office in four inch heels. Perfectly polished. Perfectly focused. Perfectly Blossom. "Can I get those quarterly projections on my desk, please?"

Angela responded with a bright smile and an eager nod. "Absolutely. Right away, Miss Blossom!"

Cheryl nodded back, and strutted, head held high, to her corner office. She closed the door behind her and laid her shoulder bag on her desk before she moved behind her chair to stare out her floor to ceiling window and sip her coffee.

This was one of her favourite parts of the day because she could pretend that everything was so still, and small, and insignificant.

Looking out through the glass at the city below, it made her feel like a princess in one of the fairy tales that the nannies would read to her and her brother. It reminded her of the romance novels that she had grown up reading, desperately clinging to the idea that there was someone out there for her. She had always thought of Thornhill as the dark, foreboding castle that she would be rescued from. By a handsome knight on a strong, sleek horse.

Well, her liberator turned out to be a girl just as broken as her and she had grown up to build a castle all on her own.

She whirled around at the sound of a knock on the door. Angela opened the door enough to poke her head inside, and she smiled widely. "I have what you asked for, Miss Blossom!"

Cheryl returned the smile with all the energy she could muster.

Hey baby! I'm back and you still seem to be out. You must be in a weird spot for service. I'm thinking pasta for dinner. See you soon. Love you.

Cheryl walked through their apartment door; she promptly shed her jacket, hanging it on the coat rack, and plucked her heels off of her feet. She moved further into their home, heading towards the bedroom, and she could hear Toni anxiously following on her heels.

"You're not going to bed, are you?" Toni asked in annoyance.

The redhead began to tug at the zipper on her dress as she stepped into their bedroom. "I'm tired, TT."

"It's Friday, Cher, everyone is tired. You've barely been responsive all evening."

Cheryl slipped out of her dress and walked into the closet to hang the garment up. She knew that Toni was right. They had gone to dinner at Betty and Jughead's and it should have been a rather fun, raucous affair with couples, and Serpents, and wine, and she barely said a word, emitted a laugh, offered an expression. She was just so tired of the formality of pretending to be interested.

"I have a demanding job, Toni," she offered quietly. She didn't even need to see her wife's face to know that that was not an acceptable answer in this moment. She spun around to face her with an exasperated expression. "I'm not always in the mood to appreciate Jughead's dark, pointed humor, excuse me."

Toni rolled her eyes dramatically. "He gave you a compliment, Cheryl."

She fired back quickly, "It was a crack about nepotism and you know it!"

Toni ran both of her hands through her hair before she took a step forward, joining Cheryl in the closet. "Why do you do that? Why do you analyze everything anyone says to try to figure out how it's secretly an insult? Not everyone is like that you know. Not everyone speaks Blossom."

It was a dig in itself, albeit the truth, but it was the last thing that Cheryl needed to hear.

Toni seemed to realize that immediately, as she pushed past the brunette and sat on the bed. They were actually having a fight while she was in only her underwear and it was the last thing on her mind.

"I'm sorry," Toni eventually spoke as she moved to sit next to her on the bed. "I thought being around our friends and family might make you feel better."

Cheryl remained silent and Toni inched closer to her on the bed.

"I thought therapy was making you feel better?" She asked tentatively.

"It is," Cheryl confirmed with a nod.

"And you're not having nightmares as often anymore," Toni continued, "so your new medication must be working?"

Cheryl nodded again. Her therapist had recommended that she try some anti-anxiety medication and, after a few months, they did seem to be working. She did feel better. Therapy was helping. And she wouldn't have taken that step without her wife.

And yet…

"I just want to go to sleep," she whispered.

Okay, babe. I'm actually starting to get really worried now. Can you please, please, please call me back? Love you. Bye.

Cheryl leaned back on the rather comfortable sofa and crossed one leg over the other. No matter how many of these sessions she attended, she could never begin the conversation.

"So," her perky therapist began with a smile. "How are you?"

"I am," she sighed, "overwhelmed at work. It feels like we're making a critical decision every day, dealing with sponsors and board members, advertising, running the pros and cons of an IPO." She continued listing work troubles and she could see her therapist's head tilt in interest. "What?"

"Do you think your medication is still working? Are you feeling anxious right now?"

Cheryl ran a hand through her long hair and shook her head. "No…well, maybe a little…"

"Does everything about work make you anxious?"

She considered that question very carefully. Not everything about work made her anxious, but everything about work did remind her of her family legacy, and that made her incredibly anxious and irritable, and sparked nightmares, and made her want to withdraw.

"No," she answered after a long pause. "I have JJ."

"Right, your brother." She jotted something down on her ever present notepad before she asked, "Have you thought about taking a vacation?"

Cheryl promptly scoffed, "What would I do on a vacation?"

"Relax?" She asked with a laugh.

The redhead shifted on the sofa. "I don't think I know how to do that. What would happen at work?" She asked rhetorically.

Her dark-haired therapist pressed her pen to her lips before she spoke again. "Cheryl, what about not being in control frightens you?"

Cheryl awkwardly looked around the bland, stereotypical therapist's office. She liked being in control because she was smart. She liked being in control because she was good at it. She liked being in control because it was practically her birthright. Growing up, her parents would tell her over and over, especially when she was upset, "You're a Blossom. You are in control of your emotions." Control correlated with respect, and stability, and power.

Control may as well be the Blossom family motto.

But she knew the answer to that question.

"What if people realize that they don't need me?"

Baby, where are you? Did you even bring your phone with you? Jesus Christ.

She kind of took her therapist's advice. She took a pseudo-vacation. She told her brother that for two weeks she would not be coming into the office every day, and for some days she would only come in for a few hours. She had to physically keep herself from walking out of her apartment and towards the office at times.

It was a rough transition. It was tough to relinquish complete control. It was hard to break her routine.

She spent her free time running and drawing. She visited her niece and nephew. She went to early morning yoga. She tried new recipes. She reorganized her collection of books.

And it was certainly relaxing. She felt lighter.

Maybe she could actually do this whole vacation thing.

Hey Blossom, it's Jones. Can you do me a favour and call your wife? She's fruitlessly worrying again.

Cheryl stood over her sofa as she sipped from her mug of morning coffee and stared down at her unexpected guest. He was sleeping, very deeply, and she nudged his foot in an effort to wake him.

After a third prod, he sat up violently and squawked when he opened his eyes and they fell on her. "Jesus, Cheryl," he exhaled when he calmed. "I thought I was having a nightmare for a second."

She arched an eyebrow and grinned. "I'm in your nightmares? Well I'm honoured, Sweet Pea."

He scoffed and ran a hand over his face to wake himself up as he sat up straighter and shifted the blanket atop of him. "You're the scariest person I know, Red." He pressed a palm to his forehead and groaned, "Jesus, my head hurts."

She rolled her eyes as she breezed into the kitchen to retrieve a bag of frozen vegetables from the freezer. She returned to the living room and tossed him the bag in her hand. "Your headache probably has something to do with that shiner on your face. I hope it was worth it," she said as she sat on the edge of the coffee table and stared at him with one of the expressions that she knew he hated.

He winced when the ice touched his face. "How mad is Tiny?"

"She glared at you as she left, and the slamming of the door didn't wake you."

"Shit. I'll explain it to her later. Fuckin' Ghoulies."

"There's always a Ghoulie," she pointed out sternly.

"Well that's what happens when you're gang rivals." He stated the obvious with a roll of his eyes, which was effective even underneath the bag of frozen peas.

"And yet I'm never playing nurse for Toni, or Jughead, or Joaquin anymore."

He didn't have a response for that, and he shifted his large frame on the sofa. She had been trying to get him to see that he just loved the fight for a long time. She just didn't want his realization to come after the idiot went and almost got himself killed.

"What do you want to do with your life, Pea? Really?" She asked in frustration.

"We can't all be born into a career," he bit back. "Some of us have to work for it."

She brushed off his insult. "If you want a job, I'll get you a job."

"Christ, Cheryl," he groaned. "I don't need your charity, and I definitely don't need a lecture."

She sighed and rose to her feet at the same time that a knock sounded on the door. "I called Jughead to pick you up."

Jughead stepped into the apartment with a scowl and Cheryl greeted him with a fake, overexaggerated smile. "Jones, welcome to this episode of intervention," she joked.

Sweet Pea grunted as he clumsily stood up and grabbed his Serpent jacket, which had been discarded on the floor. He left the apartment without anything else to say, leaving an annoyed Jughead behind.

"Thanks for calling, Cheryl," Jughead exhaled.

"No problem. I tried," she shrugged. Jughead offered no response, he was just as tired as she was, so she changed the topic of conversation with a smirk. "How is the new novel coming along?"

He instantly scowled. "I have unparalleled writer's block."

"Well," she began as she tilted her head. "You can always write about me. Toni always finds me particularly inspiring."

Jughead chuckled, "I definitely don't want to think about the ways Toni finds you inspiring."

Hi Miss Blossom, it's Angela! Just calling to confirm your ten o'clock meeting tomorrow morning.

The second week of her pseudo-vacation dragged. It became a monotonous routine of getting up, taking her medication, running, and drawing. She didn't feel that pull to go into the office, but she didn't exactly feel a pull to do anything else either.

Whatever lightness she had achieved had disappeared.

She was drawing – she wasn't exactly sure what – by the window when Toni came barrelling into their apartment.

"Baby!" She called loudly in excitement.

Cheryl raised her head with a chuckle. "I'm right here. What is it?"

Toni turned to her with an infectious grin, and instead of answering her question, Toni skipped towards her and leaned down to give her a firm, hungry kiss. The brunette pulled away, grin still in place, and Cheryl looked up at her with fluttering eyelashes.

"What was that for?" The redhead eventually asked in a whisper.

"Well," Toni began, "sometimes it's really hard not to kiss you. But also! Veronica's gallery wants to give me a showcase!"

Cheryl jumped to her feet, her sketch pad falling to the floor, and she shrieked in delight. "That's unbelievable, babe!"

Toni was so excited that she was practically dancing. "It's crazy. It's totally crazy."

Cheryl reached forward and cradled Toni's face in both of her hands. They kissed again and Cheryl murmured against her mouth, "I'm so proud of you."

Toni pushed Cheryl back towards the sofa but they were interrupted by the ringing of Cheryl's phone, the ringtone that she used for her brother.

Hello Cheryl, it's your mother. Your attempt to freeze me out is childish and beneath you. I expect to see you for dinner on Sunday with your brother.

Cheryl got comfortable on the sofa in her brother's office as she listened to him prattle on about the fight that he had just had with Polly. Exhausted, she interrupted him in a quiet voice, "You have unrealistic expectations about your relationships with women, even your wife, because mother and Nana Rose let you get away with everything when we were little."

Jason turned to her with an expression of disbelief and amusement. "Did you get that from therapy?"

She nodded in confirmation. "I get a lot of things from therapy. They totally altered our lovemaps, JJ. We're not wired right."

He crossed the room so that he could join her on the couch. He sat on the opposite end and pulled her feet into his lap. "Is this why I keep getting hounded from mom and dad saying that you won't return any of their calls?"

Cheryl ignored the question and remained silent.

Jason took a deep breath before he spoke again. "I know you always had it way worse than I did, Cher, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay, JJ," she whispered, "you did what you could, and I got past it. Look at us now, in charge of the very company that means so much to Daddy."

"Redefining what this company values," he grinned proudly.

It was the line they had been repeating since Jason had assumed the role of CEO and, from strictly a strategic point of view, it was working.

"And what does it value? What does it mean to be a Blossom? Because historically it's cruelty, decades old grudges, and general snobbery." She paused and stared at her twin brother, who was looking at her with so much concern that it made her heart ache. "But you've always been resilient, JJ. You're going to do great things."

"So are you, Cheryl," he responded automatically.

She smiled faintly and took her twin's hand to give it a gentle squeeze.

Bombshell, it's V! We need to get drinks soon and catch up! And also talk about your talented wife's stellar photos. Talk soon!

Cheryl held in a groan that desperately wanted to escape as she stared at her wife's back. She ran both of her hands through her long hair and tried to compose herself. She spoke in as steady of a voice as she could. "Toni, I don't enjoy fighting with you. It is not something that I take pleasure in."

Toni shook her head as she laid her mug in the sink, and the sound reverberated throughout the entire apartment. "Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not necessary at times."

"Can you just…?" Cheryl approached her tentatively and placed a hand on her shoulder, but she quickly shook it off. "Can you just look at me, please?" She requested softly.

Toni firmly shook her head and she had to grit her teeth so that she didn't say something that would escalate the situation. Her wife could be so stubborn sometimes. Cheryl wrapped an arm across her chest and held her, whether she liked it or not. When Cheryl kissed the top of her head, she finally felt her relax.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Toni responded immediately. "But I don't like it when you keep secrets from me."

"I'm sorry, it was not my intention." She kissed the top of her head again before she added, "I was with JJ at the office."

The brunette raised her hand so that she could wrap her small palm around her wife's pale forearm. "You scared me," she confessed.

"I'm sorry," Cheryl repeated. "I didn't mean to. I never want to scare you."

When Toni spoke next, it was so quietly that she almost didn't hear her. "I don't know what I would do without you, Cher."

Cheryl quickly spun her around and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You never have to worry about that," she spoke seriously. "I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

Babe, seriously, if you're ignoring me I am going to lose my mind. I… oh shit! Someone is calling me…

Toni moaned loudly and squeezed Cheryl's shoulders as she rode her wife's fingers, frantically chasing her orgasm. Cheryl pushed dark hair away from her face and coaxed her closer to the edge. Toni whined and trembled, and leaned down for a desperate kiss. The redhead held her cheek and kissed her back; her thumb moving to press a little more insistently against her clit.

Toni came with a cry, quickly followed by a smile. Her eyes closed as she caught her breath and Cheryl watched her in awe. Her wife was so pretty.

The brunette hummed before she leaned down to kiss her once more. "I love morning sex," she mumbled.

Cheryl chuckled as she wrapped both of her arms around Toni's waist. She knew that her wife liked morning sex because it was unplanned and spontaneous, something outside of Cheryl's usual rigid schedule. She also liked it because she loved seeing Cheryl fresh-faced and natural, before she got the chance to apply any makeup.

"You're welcome, baby," Cheryl teased.

Toni laughed as they kissed again. "Your turn."

Cheryl grabbed both of Toni's hands and shook her head. "I don't think that's going to happen today. I'm okay."

Toni shifted off of her and cuddled into her side. "Are you sure?" She asked with a frown. "Are you okay?"

Cheryl nodded, a tad reluctantly. "I'm okay. I think it's just my medication. I've been feeling a little…" She trailed off and made a wave like gesture with her hand, hoping that would explain it.

Toni continued to frown as she looked down at her from her position on her side, propped up on her elbow. She placed a quick kiss on her mouth before she spoke. "I wish I understood this better, Cher, what you're going through."

"It's hard to explain," she whispered.

"Good thing you're so amazing with words," the brunette joked.

Cheryl laughed as well, but didn't offer a response.

When Toni spoke again it was in a much more serious tone. "Just tell me what I can do, how I can help. Anything." She kissed her again before she added, "Even if it's giving you some space, which I don't want to do, but I will, because I love you so much."

"It might be what I need," Cheryl admitted regretfully.

"Okay," Toni exhaled, and Cheryl could see her eyes begin to glisten with tears. "I can do that."

Cheryl… Cheryl… God, I don't even know why I'm calling. So stupid. I think I just needed to hear my sister's voice.

"I couldn't sleep the other night and I just laid there thinking about how absolutely horrible I was when I was in high school. I was a truly cruel person, and I was aware of it. I took pride in it, I wore it like a badge of honour."

Her therapist shifted in her chair and looked at her thoughtfully. "And why don't you want Toni to know? Why can't you tell her this?

"Because she met me when I was this confident, focused person. I wasn't an insecure, mean girl anymore. I don't want her to see that side of me."

"You don't want her to see that hurt?" She prodded.

Cheryl firmly shook her head. "No, because she doesn't get it. She's been through some truly awful things. She really has, with her parents and her family, and the Serpents, but this… this is different."

"What makes it different?"

And Cheryl said it out loud for the first time in her entire life. Her biggest secret.

"My parents sent me to conversion therapy for the first time when I was fourteen."

And even her trained, professional therapist could not mask her look of utter shock.

"Every day that I spent in Thornhill was a living nightmare."

She had spoken enough of her parents that she didn't need to elaborate further. She had opened up about being ignored, and belittled, and criticized, and punished – all things that she could accurately label as abuse now.

"Toni is the first person that saw me and liked me," she continued. "The first person that's never wanted something from me. I could never," she spoke determinedly, "tell her that."

"Cheryl," her therapist began in a tone laced with exasperation, but also hopefulness and optimism. "You have to give someone the opportunity to love you, all of you."

Cheryl tried to nod as she looked down at her lap.

I was thinking about when we were seven and I tried to climb that really large maple, the one at the north end of the property? Even though you told me not to. And of course I fell, and broke my arm… You were always looking out for me, even when I didn't want to hear it. Nobody else does that for me, not like you did.

Cheryl walked into the office of the new, on the rise photography magazine with all the confidence and bravado that she brought to her work meetings.

She liked to make an impression after all.

The magazine's editor, who honestly looked like an eighteen-year-old with a part-time job at Hot Topic, gulped when he saw her. He wore a ratty band t-shirt and jeans, he had pierced ears and his forearms were heavily tattooed, and he had the faintest amount of facial hair littering his jaw and upper lip. He almost leaped out of the chair behind his desk and wiped his palms on his jeans.

"You're Cheryl Blossom," he stated incredulously.

"I am," she confirmed. "And you are?"

Even though she knew exactly who he was.

"I'm Taylor," he replied eagerly. "We spoke on the phone. Can I get you a water or a coffee or anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you," she answered as she primly sat in the chair in front of his desk.

He sat down as well and stared at her with a wide grin. "So, those photos you sent me are dope. Are they yours?"

"No, they're my wife's."

He wasn't fazed or surprised by her declaration of sexuality, he just continued to smile, like a dopey puppy. "Well, they're tight. Are there more?"

"Yeah," she replied tentatively.

"Well I wanna publish 'em!"

Cheryl smiled in satisfaction, knowing that this was the best surprise that she had ever orchestrated. Along with Veronica's plan to host a showcase at the gallery, she was well on her way to making all of Toni's dreams come true.

Hey! It's Taylor! I got the files but I haven't heard from you. Gimme a call!

As soon as Toni answered her phone, Cheryl could hear the noise of the Whyte Wyrm in the background.

"Hey, baby!"

"Hey," Cheryl smiled to herself. "Sounds like a busy night."

"It is," Toni confirmed with a groan. "And it's strange, I don't know who half these people are."

The redhead frowned to herself before she asked, "So that probably means you'll be home later than usual?"

"Yeah, baby. I'm sorry. Don't wait up for me, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll see you in the morning. I love you."

"I love you too," she returned.

She ended the call and stared at the coffee table where she had laid out a second wine glass, just in case.

So I went down to Sweetwater River today. We used to live down by that riverbank, Cher. It was our safe place. We've walked those trails along those cliffs hundreds of times. You're a better swimmer than I am. I'm just trying to understand what happened since you can't explain it to me.

Cheryl leaned over the side of the bed to place a kiss in Toni's hair. She chuckled under her breath when her wife squirmed and sleepily groaned.

"Where are you going?" She asked in a husky voice.

"Riverdale," Cheryl answered. She was in her running gear and ready for a change of scenery. "I'm going to run Sweetwater River today. I might even go for a swim."

"I wanna come with you," Toni said with eyes still closed. "Just let me sleep for a few more hours," she added as she rolled over.

"You were up practically all night," Cheryl smiled. "You need your rest." She leaned down to kiss her again. "I love you."

Toni's face was in the pillow, but her voice was clear. "I love you too."

I want to believe this was an accident, Cheryl. But standing and looking at that river, I just… I don't know.

Toni listened to all fifteen unheard messages, two of them hang ups, and as Jason's final voicemail ended, his voice fading out and his words echoing around her brain, the phone dropped out of her hand.

She covered her face with both of her hands and began to cry.

A/N: Please leave a review! :)