oh geez, I was really trying not to start another WIP before I finished Liebestraume or the next update for unforgettable but what can I say?

oh also, like, I have been dead for a quick ass minute and I swear this is my formal apology for the hiatus in writing.

oh and yikes it's angst :,)

He liked watching her read most.

She always sat in one of the plush chairs seated in front of the large bay window, white linen curtains swaying in the soft breeze of Spring. (She liked keeping the windows open, always muttering to herself about the stale air of the rooms. And it was true, he sometimes felt cooped up in the apartment when she would leave and found himself more often than not cracking open the windows for breathing space.) She was purposeful in everything she did and it was hard to take his eyes off her when she floated about the apartment doing day to day chores.

But, his favorite thing to do was watch her read.

It was the stuff of poets, really. Rose tendrils rested upon pale flesh, wisps of hair kissing at the tips of her cheek and nose. Sun sparkled in the corners of her eyes playing with the color, making him question if they were green or blue or simply a color no one had ever thought to name before. The stiff paper, the creak of the book's spine, the way she would chew on her bottom lips or let out a soft exhale during a seemingly boring text. The woman would curl up onto the cushion of the chair until exhaustion took hold of her being and forced her to retire to her bedroom.

Out of pure respect, Noctis never, ever watched her sleep. It was creepy. It certainly wouldn't earn him any brownie points if she knew he watched her so intently while she read, so he doubted she'd appreciate him looming over her body as she rested. It was simply unbecoming of a roommate to overstep his boundaries like that.

And that's what he was after all. A visitor in her home.

Plainly he could not remember the circumstances of how they'd first come to know one another or how he would ever end up staying with her, but nevertheless it was so. She barely acknowledged him anyways. It was a sad sort of arrangement, really. She'd sometimes greet him as she entered with a short and curt, "Hey, I'm home."

Sometimes.

Mostly she just shuffled inside, and quietly went about her day. A few times he'd tried to muster up the balls to hold a conversation with her, but she seemed busy and he just didn't know what to say to her.

As he sat across from her, in their comfortable routine of afternoon silence on a peaceful Sunday, he heard her let out a small sigh. Noctis's ears perked and her eyes moved up from the page, seeming to pierce right through him. Every look from her was an arrow straight to his heart.

"Noctis..." She said and he'd have swooned at the sound of it, if it would not grievously wound his pride.

For the sake of not feeling like an idiot gaping at her like a fish, he tried to fumble out his acknowledgment. But whatever came out felt like nothing but the wind blowing in the curtains.

She sat for a moment, holding him in anticipation of her next words. He leaned forward from his spot on the couch, hoping not to seem like an over eager puppy. She let out a puff of air, "I'm...going crazy, honestly." Lightning's attention snapped back to her book and she turned the page with a swift snap of her wrist.

Noctis sank back, his features wilted at the failed contact. He was suddenly filled with the extreme dread of moving, of making himself present in the moment—his moment of rejection. Noctis sat unmoving for a beat and a half, contemplating his next plan of action. Did he make for a hasty retreat out of the living room? Did he stay in the suddenly tense atmosphere?

(He had wished it was as easy as disappearing into thin air.)

Then, the doorbell rang.

Shattering the gridlock of his mind, Noctis let out a deep sigh of relief. Lightning did not flinch at the sound, instead letting the visitor ring a few more times. (Was she ignoring them?) Whoever it was at the door, they had made a huge deal of making themselves known with their persistence.

Finally with a roll of her eyes, Lightning shut her book, throwing it to the side of her and shoving off the chair. Her feet padded against the hard floor softly as she hurried past Noctis towards the front door.

Noctis quietly watched her, hoping to catch of glimpse of their visitor. She didn't open the door all the way, but he could hear her speaking, low at first, "What?"

A muffled voice one he felt he had heard before and it made for him to rise from his seat. Noctis went around the chair and peered over Lightning's shoulder into the hallway, surprised to see the blonde head of hair that was undoubtedly Snow Villiers. He remembered that Snow had invited him a some ago to his wedding—or rather, Lightning's little sister, Serah, had practically thrown the invitation in his face one afternoon. For some reason, though, he felt like it was ages ago. Not just a few months. It was an odd, but Noctis guessed it was Snow's infrequent visits that made it feel like forever ago.

Lightning scoffed, "I was staying in today. It's my day off, Snow."

"We all just wanted to make sure you were fine. Serah...she's worried about you, you know?"

The Sergeant with all her impatience shifted her weight from one foot to the other, "I'm fine. It's...I'm fine."

"You could come to dinner with the gang. It's not the same without you around," Snow was as subtle as a car horn. He was really laying on his guilt trip as thick as possible. Granted it was only sellable with Serah at his side to tack on a killer ultimatum that Lightning could never turn down. Luckily for Lightning, Serah was not there. Noctis threw up an awkward hand of a botched wave when a snow looked over her shoulder at him. When he didn't respond in kind, Noctis wilted back into his shell. He'd never been close with Snow anyways. It was always awkward—too much bro talk and Noctis could barely handle Gladiolus.

Lightning looked back at him, too, frowning and Noctis was quick to apologize and make himself scarcer. That didn't mean he wasn't done listening as he went around the corner into the kitchenette.

"Are you okay? Really? You don't have to go through this alone—"

"I'm fine, Snow, so stop pushing. Tell Serah I will call her soon. Goodbye," Lightning was short and the door was shut hard afterwards. Even after the knocking persisted for a few minutes. He could hear Lightning standing at the door, the wood under her feet creaking ever so slightly and he wondered if she had meant to open it again. She sighed out loud and deeply.

"I'm fine," she mumbled again.

Noctis snuck his head around the wall. Had something happened to Lightning recently? He furrowed his brow, retreating back into the kitchen. She didn't seem more upset than usual. As far as he could tell, she was just...Lightning.

She suddenly broke his contemplation by speeding past him into the kitchen. Her hands flew towards the cabinet and for a glass. She filled it with cold tap water before gulping it down fast, her back remained to him. He held himself against the wall away from Lightning. He was just the roommate, right? What was he supposed to say?

"You're a real ass, you know?"

He stalled. She was without a doubt talking about him and her voice sounded odd. Off. Shaky.

"They all think I'm in here crying my eyes out."

Noctis really couldn't say anything. Something was holding his lips shut. Like a vice around his chest constricting the air out of his lungs. She clenched her fist on the counter, her other hand dropping the glass into the sink. The ringing it made pierced his ears like spike. He felt rooted in place unable to do anything.

"I...hate you, Noctis!" she cursed his name and that hand that had held the glass cake to her face, and wiped at her eyes. Lightning's back shook a little and although she was so very quiet, he knew it. She was crying.

And he was at fault.

"I wish...I never met you. I-I wish I never, never felt like this."

He urged himself to move. To ask what he did. What had happened that made her hate him. He was a good roommate. He never talked too much or made a mess. He couldn't remember the last time Prompto had shown up at the house unexpectedly. He couldn't remember the last time he came home in some slightly disheveled way.

She laughed in a sad way. Her small sobs turning into a self-deprecating laugh, as she wiped at her eyes. Lightning threw her head back, letting gravity pull all her tears and sadness back into her body. And as she calmed herself down, he could feel the weight on his body beginning to lift. He could feel the pulling of the stitches from his mouth and his jaw relaxing. His muscles didn't feel so stiff allowing him to move again, slowly at first.

When he could feel himself coming out of whatever had held him locked up, he reached out to touch her shoulder. Lightning turned around to make for the exit. He was going to miss his chance and he really hated seeing her walk away without talking to him about whatever was bothering her so deeply.

"Wait!"

She actually stopped in her tracks. Unfortunately, and like with most instances, Noctis hadn't come up with a follow-through. Lightning didn't turn around, he simply stopped and her head shook. The more it shook the more he felt like his body was growing cold and stiff and frozen. His mouth clammed up again and he pulled so hard at the feeling. He felt like he might rip his lips open or crack his jaw. His hand felt stuck in midair, reaching out for nothing and she shook her head again, before muttering out loud.

"It's just the wind, Lightning. Get a grip."

—it's not a long story it's maybe? three parts but more like two. It was supposed to be finished for Halloween but I suck at deadlines (EXHIBIT A)

but hopefully this means I'm back in this abyss that is Lightis because I will honestly die in this ship's fandom and that's just life

love ya, and see ya around since ya girl's back ;D