Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter and Boku no Hero Academia.
General Warnings: AU, language, gender-bending, slow burn, unhealthy coping method, self-harming (beware)
Author's Note: IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!
I think I need to clarify or remind you guys of certain things here.
1) DekuMight is not the main focus in this fic, I mean the only pairing tag that I put is Mirio/Harry. (I'll probably separate DekuMight pairing from this story though. We'll see how this one goes first.)
2) Even if I do write DekuMight, that pairing will not happen until Izuku is a legal adult! I mean, don't you dare say All Might is a paedophile - because he's not! Though I understand if you get uncomfortable with it. To each their own. But again, as I said, DekuMight is not the main thing here - this story is about friendship, hurt/comfort, drama and healing.
3) Harry/Haruka is an unreliable narrator here. Please don't trust whatever she says or thinks at face value. She is as clueless as you guys. Really.
With that being said (written), I hope you will enjoy this chapter! Cheers! I'll be busy after this, it's near my Final after all - so don't expect updates anytime soon! Though, if procrastination come-a-calling, well...y'know. XD
To Matsoine: Thanks! Death and Harry does have a complex relationship in this fic. The only clue I will give you is that Harry/Haruka doesn't know everything. Like I said, she's as clueless as you dear readers. Have a nice day!
To 917brat: Thank you for the review. I hope this chapter will clear up some of your confusion? Or will it only add more to your confusion? Well, I must say that you're wrong about Haruka seeing Death Timer on everyone (though that seems like a good idea for another fic, hmm). What happened last time is that Haruka broke her spine, but her quirk came right after. Have a nice day!
To Heat Haze Days: Thank you! *Clapping hands loudly* You're spot on! Wow! Amazing! It is a reference to Kyou Kara Maoh except I tweaked it a bit because Harry/Haruka's memory is not trustable. But to think that you can guess it right...damn! You're good! Yep, people can be ungrateful, right. Poor Haruka. Yep, All Might is smart! *Giggles* Hope you enjoy this. Have a great day!
To niyuu: Thank you for the review! Man, I really just want to explain about Haruka's quirk, but she's so unreliable. In this fic, Harry/Haruka don't know better too, not much more than you guys, really. Of course, there are professional Quirk assessors in this world, but anything about Haruka's quirk will not be revealed during Haruka's POV because she's...just not bothered to learn, I guess? She had a lot on her plate, so please forgive her. I seriously love your idea/AU that you have written on the review though. Seriously. I can't divulge much info, but I can say this - OfA is Izuku's. Other than that...about Haruka being adopted, who knows? Though she will meet a handful of pro heroes. Have a good day!
To AcausalTrilby: Thank you for the review. I don't know if you will be reading this - and I doubt you will. I did say something about DekuMight, but that pairing will not happen when Izuku is 13. Izuku will already be a legal adult when he's in a relationship. I do understand what you mean though - but please, I am not, and never will be, writing All Might as a paedophile.
To TheMingle250: Thanks! Yep, Harry/Haruka is referring to Death at the last part. Have a great day!
To gemava: Thank you! Hahaha! Haruka will call All Might that later (I can't wait to write about their second meeting *squeal*). No worries! No DekuMight when Izuku is underaged because that just scares me, to be honest. Though I'm thinking to separate that pairing from this fic. We'll see how it goes, ne? I'm looking forward to Mirio/Harry too! I'd read Mirio/Izuku fic too! I especially love the Soul Mate!AU one, the one that you can doodle on any part of your body and your soulmate can read them. Yep, you're right about that last bit. Though you can still see how unhinged Harry/Haruka is. Because her Occlumency sucks - I mean, Harry is better in Legillimens, isn't he? Heheh. Have a nice day!
To Linkskingsolomon: Thank you. Yep, funny. You're abnormal if you're normal. *Snort* Oh, Harry. Have a nice day!
To julietmonells: Thank you! I am planning to make Harry/Haruka to be able to enjoy this life. With Mirio to boot! *Squeal* And of course, with All Might, Izuku, Aizawa, Class 1-A - well, everyone! This is a story about hurt/comfort after all. Healing. Harry needs that. Have a nice day! :D
To Suzukisuzu: Thank you! I'm really glad that you like the fic. *Doing happy dances* Thank you for the reminder, dear reader! I am not planning to write gloomy!Haruka for far too long. It gets...redundant. But yes, you will get pity-me/self-harming (it's particularly bad in this chapter/dissociative-ness in early chapters. Though, rather than self-pity, I just think Haruka is too tired to deal with this new (strange) life that she almost like self-harming. I hope you will like this chapter too! Have a great day!
To Wicken25, god of all, IfritLeviathan, meep615, LunaSunFlowerLily, Maester Ta, cookiesNcream1703, TheMonitor1079, qqn, Guest: Thank you for the review! I hope some of your questions will be answered in this chapter. Please enjoy this one too. Have a nice day! :D
Chapter 3: Quirk
When Haruka opened her eyes to see the light speckled in the air, nearly as tangible as rain droplets, and amplified a bright sheen to the window so much so it had left a burst of colours splattered on the white wall, all she could feel was a sense of betrayal.
She felt abandoned.
Haruka thought she had gotten rid of that feeling.
(Abandonment required expectation.)
She thought wrong.
(Abandonment required expectation.)
It was that same gut-wrenching realisation when she woke up over and over again after closing her eyes at the sight of Death. After all those years— those eternities—being reborn countless times, despite knowing, living, with that knowledge — dared she still hoped.
(Once upon a time, hope had been her strength, something to hold on — to go on.)
It turned out she still couldn't help but cling onto that foolish thought where Death would finally let her be.
(Hope had been her shield.)
She didn't realise that she still had that kind of hope left in her.
(A shield that was now crushed beyond repair.)
And that knowledge ached.
~X~
They called her quirk 'Regeneration'.
Unoriginal, she first thought.
Wrong — was her second thought.
As unoriginal and wrong as they might be, it certainly sounded better than the word in her mind: immortal.
Haruka stopped listening when they said that her healing factor was an amazing power—quirk—and how she could use that to her advantage if she ever wanted to pursue the hero business. There were talks about further tests and appointments but Haruka hadn't been paying attention to that also. She just wasn't bothered to.
"Isn't that great, Haruka-chan?" Glasses Caretaker had grinned at her after they had finished with the consultation, his face as bright as the sun as opposed to the dark mist hovering over him. "You have such an amazing quirk!"
Haruka thought of all the deaths she had faced, all the pain she had experienced, all the people she had left behind, intentionally displacing their faces just so she could continue living without feeling their echo of deaths hanging over her.
"Yes," Haruka smiled blandly and concentrated on the path before her. The road was cracked. "If you say so, Nii-san."
(Somewhere inside her, that flickering something snuffed out.)
~X~
"Haruka-chan, stay behind please."
Haruka paused in the middle of packing her own things and looked back at Sensei. She watched the other children quickly shoved their belongings inside the bags and departed home. Some had glanced back curiously but they didn't linger.
Sensei approached her desk when the last of the children left. He was holding a paper. When he laid it down in front of her, Haruka realised that it was hers.
Haruka stiffened when she noticed what kind of drawing it was.
"Haruka-chan, can you tell me why did you draw this?" Sensei tapped on a picture of a person, of her (not Haruka, other), tied on a cross. Near the feet, Haruka had coloured a spread of orange all over. It was, unmistakably, fire.
A trickle of apprehension ran through Haruka's stomach but her voice remained level. "I saw it on a TV."
Haruka felt a phantom pain on the back of her right hand but she didn't move to rub it away.
(I must not tell lies.)
Sensei sighed, there was something in his voice that eased Haruka because it didn't sound like suspicion. It was resigned. It was the sound of a parent finding their children stealing cookies from a jar.
"You know you are not supposed to watch that kind of thing," Sensei reprimanded, glancing at the drawing with a slight grimace. "This stuff can give you nightmares."
(Flame licking her skin, bit by bit, and she could smell her own burnt meat mixed with the suffocating smoke.)
"I'm sorry, Sensei."
"Don't watch scary things anymore, okay?" Haruka nodded slowly. Sensei huffed and patted her head, ruffling her hair in the process. His brown eyes pinned her in place. "You're a good kid, Haruka-chan."
"Thank you, Sensei."
"…if you have any problem, tell Sensei, okay?"
"Okay," Haruka murmured.
(She was an immortal.)
"Okay, Sensei," she repeated.
She had to fix this.
(She was an immortal.)
She had to fix this.
~X~
Haruka had never summoned Death in any of her disjointed lives. She didn't know if she could, didn't know why she would need to.
(To be subjected under the stare of it — why would she?)
As long as she had lived, and it had been a long time living, the only time she would see Death was when she was at her end, or when it had forcefully brought her back to life.
Death never talked to her.
(Haruka wasn't sure that she would listen.)
~X~
One Sunday morning saw Haruka in front of an abandoned woods. She chose one that was slightly farther from the orphanage, away from prying eyes. There weren't any witnesses. She had made sure of that. Haruka had to be careful not to make many noises though. She didn't know if there were any heroes with the power of a heightened sense of hearing near the vicinity.
She might be discovered.
The woods weren't intimidating and looming at all. From afar, Haruka still could see the streams of light penetrated through the rustling leaves. The path was bright and clear.
It didn't feel forbidden to enter.
Haruka took a step forward.
She walked deeper into the woods, aimlessly, only stopping when she could no longer hear the chatter of life, the hum of vehicles. She stood alone among the trees. Silence.
Silence wasn't necessarily a good thing.
There was peaceful silence, a silence that came from contentment, when nothing ailed the mind, and then there was the kind of silence that filled with dread, anticipation thick and suffocating that body and mind just froze. The latter she experienced more. Left alone with it, ghosts would start to make their appearance.
(She was an immortal.)
They were inside her head, in her vision, among the dark mists — they were everywhere.
(She was an immortal.)
She was an immortal.
Haruka ignored her rampant thoughts and took off her clothes.
Bunny Man hoodie came off first.
Then her long sleeve shirt.
Then her pants.
Then another — until she stood there naked.
The cold was unforgiving, its breath chilly. Haruka tightened the grip on the broken branch, its bark digging on her skin, splinter.
She took a deep breath and stabbed herself right in the heart.
It felt strange inflicting the injury to herself. It felt like a taboo, a heinous crime. And yet Haruka had done it with sure, steady hands. Being impaled hurt — but since she was expecting it, the piercing pain could be swatted away without a thought.
Not without a thought, Haruka later amended as she stared with distant horror when she noted the skin knitted itself back and enveloped around the stake that was still inside her.
An edge of unexpected anxiety twisted Haruka's stomach and it rapidly rose to her head, her limbs, her very being. It flailed wildly, uncontrollable.
Panic, she thought. She was panicking.
Haruka pulled it out, the sheer force making her fell backwards. Her elbows hit the cold, hard ground first as black spots danced in her vision, familiar but not comforting, and she closed her eyes—
Haruka sat bolt upright, hastily touching her own chest. She rubbed away the dried blood, rubbed them raw even as the burning sensation increased on her chest, on her hands. She clawed her own skin, nails digging deeper and deeper until she could feel grit underneath them, grit that was dried blood.
It was gone.
The scar was gone.
Haruka threw up and stared at the puddle of slimy and blood-stained bile on the ground.
She was alive.
She stabbed herself in the heart — and she was still alive.
(She was an immortal.)
Haruka shook her head once, vision blurring and eyes stinging hot. She opened her mouth at the same time her vision tunnelled, and Haruka found herself standing in front of a castle. Smoke billowing from somewhere inside, black and concentrated.
Haruka screamed.
She screamed long and loud and damning, consumed by the tempest, consumed by the rage and sadness and everything.
Haruka just screamed.
When the ache and rage ebbed away, the scream died out — leaving behind a phantom throb in her chest.
(She was an immortal.)
The smoke was still curling up into the sky, denser and blacker.
Haruka stood, stumbling into the ruins, one step after another, deeper and deeper into the well of her mind.
She had to fix it.
Immortal or not — Haruka had to fix it.
Haruka picked up one of the fallen bricks and placed it into its respective place. Then another and another, slowly and steadily before her movement turned erratic, hurried. Desperate.
She had to fix it.
Haruka stayed inside her mind for a long while, spending hours to build back her crumbled fortress, so much so when she finally returned to her conscious, her body was stiff and cold and the sky had already turned orange in the horizon.
She was still naked.
Haruka didn't feel the warmth even as she wore her shirt, didn't feel the warmth even as she put on the hoodie. She didn't feel anything even when she curled on the thick material that was once had been comforting and warm.
It was cold.
(She hated cold.)
By the time she got back, sky already turning a darker shade of orange, Haruka was greeted by the sight of Glasses Caretaker and Scruffy Caretaker in an argument near the gate. They weren't making much noises, there wasn't any yelling at least, but Glasses Caretaker's body gestures had been agitated as opposed to his usual calm demeanour.
"Haruka-chan!" Glasses Caretaker exclaimed when his eyes met hers. His relief was palpable as he pushed Scruffy Caretaker away in his hastiness to get to her. "Where have you been gone? We were worried."
"You were," Scruffy Caretaker grumbled out, he seemed annoyed. "What did I just tell you? Haru-chan probably lost track of time. Aren't you, Haru-chan?" Haruka nodded absently, shoving her fists into the pockets of the Bunny Man hoodie in search for warmth. She found none. "See? You know how kids are."
"But," Glasses Caretaker faltered, his gaze focused on her as if he was searching for something. Haruka didn't know what he was looking for. "…please don't do it again, Haruka-chan. You do remember what time you should be home, don't you?"
"Yes, Nii-san," she answered mechanically. She was cold. "I'm sorry."
"There, all settled," Scruffy Caretaker huffed and ruffled her hair. "Now, run alon—what the hell?"
"Language," Glasses Caretaker hissed before frowning. "What is it?"
"Kid, you fell down in a gutter or something?" Scruffy Caretaker furrowed his brows in concern as he raised his hand, showing off the dirt on his palm before rubbing it off. He carded through her hair again. "Sheesh, where did you go play, Haru-chan? Your hair is so dirty."
"Ah, you're right," Glasses Caretaker echoed his agreement, his hand also picking up her strands of hair that clumped together. He sighed ruefully. "Maybe we should cut your hair."
"No."
Glasses Caretaker blinked in surprise. A beat later and he smiled. "Okay. If you don't want to cut your hair, that's fine."
"You just have to take a long bath," Scruffy Caretaker interjected. "An extra long one."
Haruka nodded slowly, hand gripping on her hair.
She was an immortal.
It was cold.
(She loathed cold.)
It was so, so cold.
~X~
Living as long as she was, Haruka learnt how to deal with things that were better left untouched. And that was what exactly she did. She left them untouched. Even if her mind whispered their wickedness, different voices tempting her to think and think and think — Haruka didn't touch them at all.
Or at least, she tried not to.
(She was an immortal.)
Sometimes, the voices won and she would be shrouded with guilt and dread, heavy on her shoulders, heavy on her chest, until she couldn't breathe. Those days, when she woke up, she never could seem to ground herself properly. Faces that shouldn't be in this world appeared all over like a reminder. It stung, somewhat.
Occlumency helped her a lot. Or meditation. Or a mixture of both.
Retreating to her mind grounded her, even though she would find unnamed voices in the well of it. They drifted off in the dim lit halls, in hidden passages, left unattended, because Haruka didn't keep the door shut. She did, though. Keeping the door shut. But even if she did, some had always managed to go out of their own. Like Bushy Hair and Messy Eater. Or Lone Eye Man. Or Greasy Hair.
(Greasy Hair always caught her when she was in the middle of repairing her mindscape, always with that same dripping menace and sarcasm in his voice. He guided more than he barked though, even if he taunted her a lot.)
They were all leftovers from Just Harry's. Just Harry's memories were the strongest, the purest — the ones that she would mostly keep even when she wasn't Haruka.
Just Harry was safe. Just Harry was familiar.
(Just Harry was grounding.)
Haruka's mind was extensive and cluttered. Very much cluttered. It had been a castle. Once. Now it was just ruins that needed too much maintenance. Maintenance that Haruka couldn't quite give. Couldn't quite afford to.
(Because each time she reborn, a part of them would crumble and she had to start repairing them all over.)
She protected the innermost part since it was the most important. The heart of everything. The thing that kept her grounded (Just Harry). That place was ever changing though, depending on her mood, just like the once castle had been. More often than not, the core of it would be a room with a big couch near a fireplace. The room might change, but it still held the essential things inside and that was enough.
They were enough.
(They had to be enough.)
They had to.
~X~
Sometime later, between repairing her mindscape and ignoring the vicious reminder of her own echoing voice, Haruka acquired a limpet.
It came in a form of a little girl with brown hair and grey eyes. She was the youngest child, the one that Haruka had inadvertently saved from the fall.
She was clingy. Attached.
That fact was surprising because all of the other children seemed to be avoiding her after that incident. Their gazes were wary, especially the older ones. The two children who were the same age as her were indecisive but leaning more towards following others' reaction, skirting around her like she was some kind of disease.
Haruka had expected this.
Haruka didn't expect Limpet Girl though.
"Ne, ne, Hawu-nee." Haruka turned towards the voice, automatically pinning her eyes on the other. Limpet Girl was grinning, her gap toothy grin plastered on her face. "What are you doin'?"
"Helping Nee-san."
"Can I help too?"
"No."
"Ehh," Limpet Girl whined, voice dragging off. In the span of a heartbeat, Limpet Girl's expression became sullen and she looked ready to cry. She tugged the hem of Haruka's shirt. "Why not?"
Haruka paused, staring at the small hand latching on her shirt before cautiously removing it. It wouldn't end well if the girl pulled it too harshly, the bowl Haruka was holding could drop. She didn't need the extra cleaning.
"It's dangerous," she pointed out, absently drying off the next plate. "Nee-san will be mad if you drop them."
"I will not!" Limpet Girl said hotly. "I pwomise! Please, I want to help! Please, please, please, please, please?"
Haruka wavered. For a moment, she thought she saw bright amber eyes with white, pointy teeth, so eager to please, so young and innocent. Cub had been gone through this phase too, trying to help around the house even if he was still very small.
(Just Harry had to clean up after Cub's well-meaning help in the end and that had greatly amused Wolf. Just Harry didn't mind though.)
Limpet Girl wasn't Cub.
But there was something in Limpet Girl that reminded Haruka of him. It wasn't her voice, wasn't her face, wasn't anything — but Haruka took that chance, that reminder, that echo, because she needed a distraction.
(She was an immortal.)
Ones that didn't come from the voices in her head or the ghosts of the pasts.
(She was an immortal.)
Distraction from that extinguished flame.
Distraction from everything this world had offered — that Death had offered.
Haruka never managed to get rid of the little girl after that day.
(She wondered then if she would even remember the colour of her hair and eyes when years passed by, if Haruka would even remember that she reminded her of Cub.)
~X~
Haruka was lounging under a shadowy patch of a tree in the yard, having been forcefully hauled out of her room once again to play with Limpet Girl, when she picked up frantic voices of children not too far ahead.
She blinked, subconsciously coming out of her hiding place.
(Bushy Hair had always told her that she was prone to seek trouble. Haruka didn't think she did. Troubles usually followed her like a hound sniffing for blood.)
There was a niggling sense of…something. That something came to her from somewhere between a voice of instinct and a gut feeling. It felt familiar.
It felt like magic.
Magic was directly linked to the soul, not the containers, but Haruka never felt it sung inside her like it did when she was Just Harry.
Magic had been Just Harry's.
(Death had never given her full access to magic after Just Harry, only a trickle of it, a dilution of that concentrated power.)
But now, Haruka could feel it — that song, that homecoming, and it was so, so familiar that her chest scorched with longing.
The same longing that landed her into this situation where her soul stuck between the death and the living.
(She was an immortal.)
She stiffened, instinctively drawing back.
Why now? What changed?
After all this time — why?
None of her musings changed the fact that the children were panicking, none of them changed the fact that Limpet Girl was bawling hysterically. None.
"What happened?"
Haruka stared at the crying little girl, her face blotchy red. The little girl's hand was twisted in an awkward angle, blood seeping into her dress, turning the once faded blue dress into bright crimson. The shadow behind her flailed, it flickered in and out of existence, trying to bring comfort but its hands only passed through her.
"Ha-Hawu-nee!" Teary grey eyes pierced her own, pleading and desperate, and reminded her of Cub. "I-it hurts…! It hurts, Hawu-nee!"
"It hurts, _!" Cub sobbed out. "Hurts! Papa! _!"
Cub had been crying out, calling out her name (to Just Harry), calling out for his father, screaming and lashing wildly, as he slowly and painfully transformed into something else. Into something furry and full of sharp teeth. No longer was his eyes bright and innocent, only animalistic.
There was no recognition at all.
When Haruka stepped forward, the sight of Cub hurling towards her with all claws and teeth wavered. There was only Limpet Girl, sobbing had left her a snotty mess.
"It's okay."
"No, _! Don't—"
"It's okay," Haruka soothed. "I know it hurts."
She kneeled on the ground. The tugging sensation increased in intensity, leaving her chest to thud erratically in anticipation.
"It's okay."
(Wolf had been yelling at her, his form partially transformed. He'd been screaming her name. And Cub's name. Over and over again.)
"You're going to be okay," Haruka promised.
When Haruka embraced Cub (Limpet Girl), something inside her burst. Heat enveloped every inch of her body, raging over the bloodstream and pumping hotter and hotter still.
(It wasn't cold.)
Before her eyes, Cub's (Limpet Girl's) injury healed.
She heard noises all around her, but Haruka was distracted by the image of Limpet Girl's (Cub's) surprise, by a child's (Wolf's) screaming, by the warmth.
It wasn't cold.
Limpet Girl crumpled to the ground at the same time the warmth receded. Inside her, something was bubbling up. It rapidly grew, bigger and bigger until it just slipped away from Haruka's fingers. Uncontainable.
Pain bloomed on her hand as another scream rang out.
"Your hand…!"
Haruka lifted her hand that was now all twisted and dripping blood. It was an exact replica of Limpet Girl's injury.
Oh.
Oh.
There was a beat of moment before the strange tugging sensation came again. Wavering and flickering. It was different than before, wasn't as warm, but it moved inside her like it was alive, sentient—like magic—and Haruka just pulled.
Her hand healed almost instantaneously, not a blemish on sight, at the same time exhaustion creeping to her.
When Haruka fell beside Limpet Girl, she noted how the crimson had turned to faded blue again.
(Haruka was right. They were wrong.)
~X~
(She was an immortal.)
She was an immortal.
She was an immortal, she thought.
Then she stopped to ponder at the thought.
(Crimson turned faded blue — not a blemish on sight.)
She was an immortal.
…
…
…
…was she?
Dammit, Haruka! You should be more aware of your surroundings! The readers are going to hate you with how unreliable your POV is. Hmm, maybe I should put that as a warning? Unreliable narrator!Harry. Lol.
So, who wants to take a guess of what Haruka's quirk is? Regeneration? Sure - but is it? Even Haruka had an epiphany in the end - and I don't think that she wants to share that with you guys anytime soon. But I'll give you a hint - when Haruka stabbed herself, why Death didn't come?
The dark mist/shadows are not reapers. Still can't guess? Well, next chapter should clarify your answer though.
If you didn't read the A/N above, I suggest you scroll back and do that.
Thanks to all that follows, favourites and reviews this story - I appreciate that a lot! Please let me know what you think about this. :D