The Sweetest Kind of Poison
By Misha

Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters of General Hospital. They belong to the creators of General Hospital, Wendy Riche, Bob Guza, ABC Daytime, and probably a lot of other people with more money than me. I'm not making any money off this story so please don't sue me.

Author's Notes- This is just a short fic from Sonny's PoV. It's set during his speech about Alcazar. The dialogue is in bold italics and everything else is his thoughts. I am and have always been a huge Sonny and Brenda fan. There is something about them that no other couple has ever been able to match. This is just a short piece about how I see their relationship now. I realize that they probably won't reunite on the show, but I can't quite give up hope. So this is just what I think was going through Sonny's head as he spoke.

Rating- PG-13

Carly and I never spoke about Brenda. It was one subject that we always left closed.

During the four years when I thought she was dead, even the thought of Brenda hurt. The idea of talking about her out loud more than I absolutely had to never even crossed my mind.

Besides, it was easier to avoid the subject because I knew Carly would never truly understand the power that Brenda had held over me.

Hell, I never even really understood it, I just felt it.

But, then Brenda came back and she couldn't be buried in the past any longer.

So, I stood there looking at my wife, the woman who I'm building my future with and spoke of the woman who will always be my past, the woman I loved like I'll never love anyone else.

And at that moment, I wasn't able to tell Carly who was I talking about. She didn't know Brenda was alive and I hoped to keep it that way.

So on the surface my words were about another man, but I knew deep down that I was speaking about myself.

I was talking about the hold that Brenda always had over me.

"Alcazar is desperate for her. He's obsessed with her.

From the very first time I saw her, there was something about Brenda that drew me in.

It wasn't long before she became everything to me. My every thought centered on Brenda.

No other woman has ever possessed me so fully and I'm glad. It's dangerous to need someone so badly.

To have one woman be the center of your entire world, to have your everything thought and feeling depended on her.

It's a frightening feeling. The complete lack of power that comes from needing someone that badly.

She's like a drug to him.

Take it from me, no drug in the world could be as sweet and as seductive as Brenda Barrett.

One touch, one look is enough to addict you for life. It's never enough. You always end up craving more.

No matter how many times you possess her, you'll still end up needing her more than you did before.

There's just something about her that draws you and hooks you so that you can never truly escape.

He doesn't care if she hates him or loves him, as long as she's with him."

There were times when I didn't care if she hated me, just as long as she felt something for me.

After all a Brenda who hated you was almost as good as a Brenda who loved you.

As long as she cared. As long as she wasn't indifferent.

When she glared up at me with angry eyes and slapped me when I interrupted her wedding to Candy Boy I felt alive.

I didn't mind the anger, the hatred. Because it was the passion that I craved. As long as those eyes burned with emotion I was happy.

Because whether she loved you or hated you, at least she was thinking about you.

Besides, Brenda can hate you better than most women can love you. It's just the way she is. She never does anything by half measures.

"And how can you know that?"

I turn away at my wife's question.

I can't give her the real reason I know that.

I can't tell her that it's because I've been there. I've been under Brenda's spell and I know how potent it is.

I understand how Alcazar thinks, because in this we're alike. We both know what it's like to be obsessed with her, to care about nothing except being with her.

But I can't tell Carly that.

She wouldn't understand and it would just make her jealous and cause her to do something stupid. And that's the last thing I need right now.

"He's making mistakes. He thinks about her all the time--Her safety, how she feels.

There are women who fit into my world. The women who don't distract you away from your priorities, you don't ask too many questions, and don't make a mess of everything.

Carly's become that type of woman.

Brenda never could be.

She was always too much of a distraction. She became all I ever thought about and that's dangerous.

In this business, that kind of distraction can get you killed.

How he can make her his and no one else's. And then when she's away from him all he care about is getting her back.

When Brenda was with the Candy Boy my every thought was about winning her back.

I wanted her to be mine. Completely, body and soul.

When we were apart, I couldn't bear it. All I could think about was making her mine again. About having her forever.

The idea of life without her was unbearable.

She was like a bright light and when we were apart, my life seemed infinitely darker.

And sometimes he sees clearly, he knows he should walk away.

If I hadn't left when I had, I would never have left.

It took all the strength and courage I possessed to leave Brenda that night five years ago.

But I had to do it, for both of our sakes.

Her hold on me was too powerful to not destroy us both and I knew that I would probably get her killed. I couldn't stand the thought of that.

So for her life and my sanity, I left.

It broke my heart, but at the same time I do that walking way was the best thing to do.

Really, it was the only thing that I could do.

Because she could cost him everything.

I knew it was selfish, but at that moment I hoped that Brenda never learned that I was still alive.

Just like I was glad that she intended to leave Port Charles as soon as she could. I knew that If she stayed and she learnt that I was alive then I'd be back in dangerous territory.

I was honestly afraid of what would happen. I was afraid of the power that I knew she still had over me.

I was terrified that I would once again fall under her spell and that I would lose everything that I cherished.

I love my wife and son, they mean the world to me.

But I wasn't sure, and I'm still not sure, that even the risk of losing them could keep me from falling under Brenda's spell again.

But he doesn't because he--he wants her so bad she's become the center of his life. He can't get rid of her even to save himself."

My whole world revolved around Brenda.

She controlled me the way no other woman ever has or ever will. She became everything.

Even after I walked away, I was still under her control. I still couldn't keep myself from wanting her every moment of every day, of dreaming about her every night.

It was only when she "died", that I was set free.

And that just about destroyed me. I couldn't bear the idea of a world without her in it

My life had suddenly seemed without a focus. Because she had been the center of my life for so many years.

"Sounds like you know Alcazar pretty well."

I wanted to laugh at Carly's words.

She could never know just how well I understood Alcazar.

After all, we shared the same weakness. Had both loved the same beautiful woman and were both made powerless as she began to destroy us.

Yes, as much as I hate it, I do know Alcazar pretty well.

I understand him because I see myself in him.

I see his actions and I understand them, because I was in the same place once. I know better than anyone else what loving Brenda can do to you.

"I know his weakness. There are women who make you stronger,

Carly makes me stronger.

Her love, her support, help me in ways she will never appreciate.

It gives me strength just to know that she's there. That she fits into my world and understands, that I'm not breaking her slowly by making her live a life that she's not right for.

Carly also doesn't demand everything from me, she accepts what I give her and realizes that I can't give her my entire being.

She's irritating, a constant trial, but at the same time, she's very accepting and very comforting.

She's the right woman for me and for the life I live.

and then there are women who cut your heart out.

Brenda's the kind of woman who destroys you.

She's completely wrong for me and for my world.

I think deep down I always knew that.

But I didn't realize it until that morning five years ago.

I didn't want to realize it. I wanted more than anything to show up at that church and marry her, but I couldn't.

Because if I did it would destroy us both.

Loving Brenda was bad for me. She demanded everything in me, more than I had to give. I couldn't hold back with her, but neither could I give her what she wanted, what she needed.

She asked too much of me, took too much of my heart and soul.

She was able to destroy me with a look, a touch.

I longed for her in a way I didn't believe possible.

I bled for her. I loved her even though doing so was destroying me.

And they may not even know they're doing it. They may be thinking that they're loving you.

I know that Brenda would never willingly hurt me.

I remember her telling me a long time ago, in that other life, that all she wanted was for me to be okay.

It took me a long time to realize that I could never be okay as long as I was with her. That being with her was slowly destroying us both.

She loved me the best that she could, never aware of the affect that she had on me. Never aware how bad she was for me.

That's the strange thing about Brenda, she's never been aware of the affect that she has. Her ability to draw you in and hold you to her forever.

She's never realized how deadly she really is.

To be loved by Brenda Barrett is something so sweet that I can't describe, but like a lot of sweet things it's very bad for you.

She does it without realizing it, weakens you, draws you in and until the end you're left shattered.

Destroyed.

And it's not their fault that they're more addictive than heroin.

Brenda never asked to be the way she is.

I know that. I know that she doesn't even really understand it.

Understand the way we feel about her.

Jax, Alcazar, and I, we've all fallen victim to her spell.

There is nothing more addicting than her touch, her feel.

When she looks at you with love in her deep brown eyes you feel like your drowning and you don't care. You can die tomorrow and it's okay because you have this woman and she loves you.

Because her spell is strong enough to cast off any thoughts of reality. Nothing else matters when you are with her.

She's the most addictive and deadliest of drugs.

And even at their sweetest they're the worst thing you could ever have."

And it's those moments when she's in your arms and looking at you like you're all she'll ever need that she's at her most dangerous.

Because it would be so easy to love her. To forget about everything else and fall into her spell.

I know that I'll be tested.

That I'll look into her eyes and be forced to remember how wonderful it was.

I looked at my wife as I finished speaking and just hoped that I could remember how deadly that poison it is, no matter how sweet it might have been.

There's nothing in the world like loving Brenda.

It's beautiful, but it's deadly.

She'll love you, but destroy you at the same time.

There is no drug quite like it and that scares me.

Because I'm terrified that I'll become addicted all over again and if I do, I'm not sure that this time I'll be able to save myself.

If I let myself fall again, I'm afraid that there will be no way up.

That I'll be destroyed.

And the worst part is, a part of me thinks that it would be worth it.

The End