No Footprint Too Small

Dedications: This is dedicated to my cousin, or more specifically, my first cousin, once removed. His name is Woodrow Connor. He was born sleeping into this world on July 26th, 2017, just a few weeks before his due date. October is Infant & Pregnancy Loss Month, so I decided to this.

If Connor were here, he would be 15 months old right now. I often wonder about him. Who would he look like, my cousin or her husband? Would be speaking in baby talk or full sentences? Would his first word have been "mama" or "dada"? Would he be smarter than the "average" 15–month–old little boy?

Woodrow Connor, you are gone, but you are not forgotten. You are loved, and missed, so very much by your mommy and daddy, and all your aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.

Disclaimers: I do not own PLL or the characters
Spoilers: None
Rating: T

Trigger Warning: Mentions of infant loss. Please be cautious while reading. If this is trigger, I will have the part marked.

Notes: Hanna, Caleb, the girls, and their families are living on the beach in California.

*August of 2018*

"Mommy!" 4-year-old Naomi Grace Rivers comes running into the kitchen from her playroom. She finds her mom, Hanna, and her dad, Caleb, in there drinking coffee and making lunch.

"Daddy, Mommy, I figured it out!"

Chuckling at her daughter's excitement, Hanna puts down the spoon she was stirring the mac and cheese with, and picks Naomi up, sitting her on the counter.

"And what did our little Princess figure out?"

"What I want for Chwistmas!" Earlier today, she had heard her aunts, Alison and Emily Dilaurentis–Fields, speaking to her cousins, Teddy, Olivia, and Quinn, about Christmas and how it is only four months away.

Since then, Naomi has been in her playroom, thinking of the most perfect, as she puts, thing to ask for, for this year.

"Well, let's hear it, baby girl," Caleb says, putting his coffee cup down and coming over to his wife and daughter.

"I want a baby sister or bwoder!" Hanna's eyebrows shoot up and she looks to Caleb. Of all the things, she never imagined her daughter asking for a sibling. She is currently the baby out of all the girls' families, and loves being doted on by her older cousins.

"Really? You want a little baby brother or sister?" Hanna asks just to clarify.

Naomi nods excitedly. "Uh-huh!"

"Well, Nai," Caleb starts out gently. "You know, there are some things that Santa may not be able to bring. A baby brother or baby sister is one of those things."

"Oh," Naomi frowns for a moment before she remembers something. "Oh! You mean 'cause fore I was borned, I was in Mommy's belly!" She remembers seeing pictures from Hanna's pregnancy with her in her baby book. There are some with Hanna and her belly, and then there are the ones from ultrasounds, that are actually of Naomi in her tummy.

"That is right. You were in Mommy's belly before you were born."

"'Cause you and Mommy love each oder, so you 'cided t'show your love by making me!" Hanna chuckles at this and even Caleb has to smile. Just after her fourth birthday in March of this year, Naomi asked Hanna and Caleb the question every parent dreads.

Where do babies come from?

They told her the generic, "when two parents love each other, they show there love in special way" with an added twist. They lay with each other, hug and kiss, and sometimes, a baby is put into the Mommy's belly. The baby stays there for nine months, until he or she is big enough to come out into the world. Then, that baby grows up to be a big girl or big boy. Just like you.

They had to field questions of, what about Auntie Em and Auntie Ali? Because two girls can't get other pregnant. They also spoke about how sometimes two babies are born, like Em and Ali's twin daughters, Olivia Charlotte and Quinn Lucille.

Afterwards, Naomi was satisfied. And Caleb and Hanna were relieved to have gotten through without scaring their daughter for life with too many grown up details about, you know, sex.

"Yes, that's right. We loved each other so much, that we decided to make you."

Talking about it now, five months later, is much easier than either Hanna or Caleb could ever have thought. They talk to her about it and answer her questions as if the conversation topic is no big deal.

"Weeeelll," Naomi drawls out the word with a cheeky grin on her face. "Do you and Mommy love each oder uh'nough t'make anoder baby?"

This time, it is Caleb that laughs out loud. "Tell ya what, why don't you go back to your playroom, and you, me, and Mommy will talk about this later, okay? Lunch is almost ready, and you need to go wash your hands."

Naomi nods and obediently runs off to the bathroom that is attached to her playroom.

:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/

*Later that night*

Later, after an afternoon of princess movies, tea parties, which Caleb dressed up in a tutu and sparkly tiara for, and a big dinner with the girls, their kids, and even Ashley and Tom Marin (who are visiting for the week), Caleb and Hanna tuck Naomi into bed and read her, her favorite story, Bedtime for Baby Star.

After a few more hours, Hanna and Caleb head to bed also. They talk about what Naomi said earlier.

"So…" Hanna begins. "What do you think?"

Caleb crawls into bed after switching on the bedside lamp and turning the main bedroom light off. "Well, I think that our daughter brought up something that we have already discussed. We've wanted another baby for a while now."

And it's true. A few months ago, in June, Hanna brought it up. This is Naomi's last year of preschool. She'll be five years old next March, starting Kindergarten in August. Before they know it, she'll be six and starting first grade, then seven and in the second grade, and so on.

They want her to be old enough to understand everything, but not too old that there is a lot of age difference between her and her sibling.

"She did," Hanna agrees. She thinks for a moment. "But, we should make the decision as because we want it, not because our daughter asked for a little sister or brother for Christmas."

"You're right, we should. But, babe. We've been thinking about it for several months now. We are in a good place with both of our jobs, financially. We have the room so we won't have to move. Your job is wonderful about letting you take time off. And Naomi would be 5 almost 6, depending on how long it takes us to actually get pregnant. If there was ever a time, now would be it."

A pause and moment of silence, and then he continues, "So, taking Naomi out of the equation here, do you think we are ready for another baby?"

Hanna nods, slowly and carefully at first. Then a big grin spreads across her face.

"Yes. Yes, I think we are ready. I see no reason why we should not."

Caleb returns her smile. He's going to be a Daddy again. He's going to get to "love Hanna enough to make a baby" again, and they are going to get to make their daughter so happy when she finds out she will be a big sister.

*3 months later…December 2018*

3 months later and here they are. School just go out for Christmas break, two whole weeks, and all the kids are ecstatic.

Hanna and Caleb have been trying for another baby. Hanna went to her doctor back in August and spoke about the birth control she was taking. She learned how to stop taking and how long it be before the "affects" wore off so she could get pregnant again.

Naomi has only asked one more time since then about having a baby sibling. They don't want to tell her anything in case this time is like last time, before they got pregnant with her. Three years of trying and two false starts, before they finally were actually pregnant with Naomi Grace.

It may be another three years, or longer. She may be 7 turning 8, before becoming a big sister. Hanna and Caleb just do not want to get her hopes up.

Right now, everyone is getting ready for Christmas. It's Saturday, three days before Christmas. Everyone is going to be having Christmas Eve/Day dinner at Aria and Ezra's house, since they have the biggest one.

Today is the day where they will set up tables, get extra chairs, make sure there are enough cups/plates, clean out the fridge for leftovers, and other things to get ready for cooking tomorrow and on Christmas Eve.

"Mommy!" Naomi comes running into the kitchen where the grown–ups have taken a break of setting up and cleaning to make lunch.

"Mommy, Daddy, look what I made!" Naomi shows them a page from a coloring book. It is of a Christmas tree with presents underneath. Naomi has taken her time, and very carefully colored the tree green, the decorations and lights on it different colors, and then colored the presents underneath.

"See, Mamma?"

"Wow, baby. This is so pretty. Why don't you go put it by my purse and we will hang it on the fridge when we get home." Naomi nods and runs off to do that.

After another 10 minutes, the kids are called out of the basement (where the playroom is) for lunch. Everyone sits down, chatters, eats, talks about Santa coming in only three days, and about what kind of movie they are going to watch tonight.

At about 7:30 in the evening, Hanna and Caleb get Naomi and load up to head home.

As promised, Hanna puts up Nai's picture on the fridge while Caleb gets nice, warm bath ready for the 4-year-old. Then, it is bedtime and story time for the preschooler.

Hanna and Caleb have no told anyone about trying for another baby. They don't know how long it will take before they are actually pregnant, and they do not want anyone to slip up and say something in front of Naomi.

So, that night, after tucking their daughter into bed, they have some their fun time. Hanna has already taken one test, it came back negative, obviously, but she hopes this time is their lucky time.

*3 weeks later*

It's not until January that Hanna gets sick. She's extra tired and her usual favorite foods, well, they make her sick. She can no longer stand the smell of sausage or the taste of scrambled eggs.

It's only two weeks into the New Year. And honestly, even though they have been trying for nearly three months, Hanna does not immediately think the obvious. It is winter, after all, she tells herself. Just like week, Naomi came home from preschool early, with a fever and throwing up.

She could have caught whatever Naomi had.

But time goes on. First Monday, nearly 4 days since she began feeling unwell. Then it comes to Saturday and the next Monday and it is not until the 17th that Hanna begins thinking it could be something else.

When she first mentioned, he agreed that she could have caught what Naomi had.

But now, he is worried. It's been over two weeks since Nai was sick, so maybe, just maybe it might be…she's pregnant.

Hanna is three days late when she takes the test. She and Caleb wait, at noon on Thursday for the second longest three minutes of their life.

And it is then, at 12:03 p.m., on Thursday, January 17th, 2019, that they allow themselves just a moment's excitement and disbelief, as the test shows a tiny, pink sign.

:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/

*January 21st, 2019*

Monday morning, bright and early, after dropping Naomi off at preschool, Hanna and Caleb sit in their Doctor's office.

They are waiting anxiously to get called back. To get told that they are going to parents again, or that the test was false, as they are so used to hearing by now.

"Mrs. Rivers," A Nurse calls out and Caleb stands up, taking Hanna's hand, giving her a reassuring smile, and leading her to follow the Nurse.

The Nurse does the usual things. Takes Hanna's height and weight, her blood pressure and temperature, etc. Then takes her back to a room and tells her the doctor will be in soon.

They wait in agonizing silence for almost 10 minutes, both too afraid to say anything at all.

Their doctor, the one who took care of Hanna during her pregnancy with Naomi, comes into the room. It's Dr. Heywood, a kind, older woman, around her late-40s.

"Hanna, Caleb, how nice to see you again," She gives her warm smile and they instantly feel better. "How is little Miss Naomi?"

"She's doing great," Hanna replies. "She's turning 5 in March and we just can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday she was in NICU and we were waiting to be able to bring her home." Hanna says remembering when Naomi was in the NICU for two weeks after being born 6 weeks early.

"Well, let's see if Little Miss Naomi is going to be a big sister," Dr. Heywood starts up the ultrasound machine and asks Hanna to raise her shirt before warning her of the cool gel.

"Let's see here…" Dr. Heywood takes a moment and then she smiles at the nervous couple.

"Congratulations, Hanna and Caleb. It looks like you are going to be a mommy and daddy again." She turns the screen towards them. "And not only that, but it also looks like your little bundle of joy is going to be x2."

All Hanna and Caleb can do for a moment is stare at the screen. They're pregnant, but not only that, they are having twins. Two babies. Twice the love, twice the laughs, twice the "firsts".

"Wow…" Hanna breaths.

"It looks like you are about 7–8 weeks along," Dr. Heywood tells them. "Which means I cannot tell you the genders but I can confirm that there are two babies in there." She smiles at them and then leaves the room to give them to give them a moment.

"Look at that, babe," Hanna says. "We're going to have twins. Two babies. Oh, can you imagine? Naomi is going to be so excited."

Caleb lets a smile slowly come across his face. He has tears in his eyes and he just can't look away from the screen. "I'm going to be a dad," He finally whispers. "To three beautiful little babies."

After a few more minutes of being mesmerized by the pictures, Dr. Heywood knocks on the door and comes back in. She hands them some print outs of the ultrasound and gives them a prescription for vitamins.

Hanna and Caleb leave and go home. They are absolutely ecstatic. They wanted a baby, and now they are going to have two. Twins. If there were ever a time to describe "double trouble" this would be it.

At home, the happy couple discuss what they found out. They are eating milkshakes and fries, in front of their fireplace. Caleb is sitting long ways on the couch with Hanna between his legs, her head on his chest.

"Do you think we should wait to tell Naomi? Just until her birthday?" Hanna asks, tilting her head to look at Caleb.

"I don't know. Do you think we should wait? That's nearly two months away. Do you think you keep it a secret that long?" Caleb asks this in a teasing way because if there is one thing that Hanna is still horrible at, it's keeping a secret.

"I think I could." Hanna replies after a moment. "I mean, it's not really two months. More like…" She does the quick mental math. "6 weeks. That would be about 12 weeks. We could surprise Naomi with letting her know the genders as a birthday present."

The more she thinks about, the more she talks about, the more excited she is. She simply cannot wait.

"What do you think?"

Caleb kisses the top of her head and smiles that smile that she first fell in love with when she was 16.

"I think that is the best birthday present a five-year-old could ask for."

My role as only child will soon come to an end,
cause Mommy's due with my new best friend.

*6 weeks later,…Hanna is 14 weeks pregnant*

Today is March fourth. It is Naomi's fifth birthday and also the day that Caleb and Hanna reveal that they are not only pregnant, but are pregnant with twins to Naomi.

They being the morning with Naomi waking up to a room full of balloons. The entire room is filled with pink and blue and purple and green balloons. Naomi squeals in laughter when she opens her eyes.

"Dis is so cool! Daddy, look at all my balloons!" Caleb watches her from the doorway. She stands up and holds her arms out, jumping off the bed and running through all of the strings.

Getting a piggy back from Caleb, they head downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. Naomi's favorite – pancakes and strawberries.

Hanna's made the pancakes by adding food coloring to them. Some are light blue and others light pink. Naomi jumps down from Caleb's back. She is dressed in her pink footie pajamas.

"Mornin', Mommy!"

"Good morning, baby! Happy 5th birthday."

"Thank you!" Naomi climbs up in her booster seat. Hanna puts the plate of pancakes and strawberries along with Naomi's pink princess sippy cup of chocolate milk in front of her.

"Eat up, big girl. We have a big day ahead of us."

Naomi eats the pancakes, commenting on the blue ones. Pink is her favorite color but she has never had blue before. Just pink, purple, and one time even yellow and orange. Hanna tells her it is a surprise, mixing it up a bit from the "usual" colors.

After breakfast, Naomi gets to do whatever she wants, just like every other birthday. This includes calling her grandparents and her aunts and uncles, for a 'happy birthday' and then playing tea party with her mommy and daddy. That includes Caleb dressing up in a pink tutu and purple sparkly crown.

Hanna giggles uncontrollable at the sight of her husband, big, handsome, manly Caleb Rivers, in tutu and crown, drinking tea from a tiny cup, eating a "cookie" while addressing Naomi's stuffed teddy bear as "Sir Teddy", and thanking "Your Hieness" when Naomi gives him some sugar for his tea.

Hanna is sure to get a lot of pictures of videos for future blackmail.

Later, after lunch, about two hours before their appointment for the gender reveal, Naomi gets to open a present.

"Go sit on the couch, baby, and Daddy will bring you a gift to open."

Caleb brings in a gift bag. He sits it beside Naomi and when Hanna starts filming on her phone, she takes the paper of it.

"Oh, it's clothes!" Naomi says excitedly when she sees a red pair of leggings and a white long–sleeve shirt with red letterings.

"Look on the front, baby," Hanna tells her. "What does your shirt say?"

"Um…I dunno those words," She points to some. "But these say…" Suddenly her eyes widen and she snaps her head up to Hanna and Caleb, her face full of surprise.

"Mommy? Daddy? A–are…are you serious?!" She's smiling now, tears in her eyes. She jumps up and looks at the shirt again.

Status Promotion: World's Best Big Sister

"I'm going to be a big sister? For real?"

"Yes, you're going to be a big sister, for real!" Caleb picks her up and twirls her around. Hanna joins in and says, "Guess what else?"

"What?"

"Well, in just a couple of hours, we have special doctor's appointment. We are going to find out if you are going to have a sister or a brother." Hanna leaves out the part where she is actually pregnant with twins, and it is possible that Naomi will get both a brother and sister at the same time. She thinks the little girl's reaction will be positively worth it.

:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/

*Doctor's office*

In the doctor's office, Naomi impatiently waits for Hanna to be called back. She looks at the books and plays with a couple of the toys, but mostly holds her Itty Bitty baby, who is named Esme but Naomi calls "Esi".

"What do you think the baby is going to be, Nai?" Caleb asks. "A little boy or a little girl?" He, too, has agreed not to say anything about the baby actually being two babies. He is rather excited to see Naomi's reaction.

"Um…I dunno." Nai shrugs. "I want a baby sister, but I also want a baby bwoder."

"So you'll be happy either way, huh?" Hanna tucks some of Nai's curls behind her ear. She has her curly blonde hair up in pigtails with two red bows that match her shirt and leggings. And she is proudly wearing her new birthday outfit.

Finally, they are called back. The three follow the Nurse to a room after getting the basics done – temperature, weight, blood pressure, etc.

And soon, Dr. Heywood is coming in and greeting them.

"Hi, Dr. Heywood!" Naomi greets excited. "Guess what! Mommy has a baby in her belly!" Naomi says this as though the doctor does not already know, and Karen just chuckles at the young girl's enthusiasm.

"She does?! Well, that's cool, huh?" Naomi nods. "Well, how would you like to see the baby?"

"We can't see the baby, Dr. Heywood. We hafta wait til its done gwowing!"

"Oh, I know sweetie. But, this machine here, it lets a take a special video of the baby inside your mommy's belly and puts it up here, on this screen." Naomi watches wide-eyed, as Dr. Heywood puts gel on Hanna's stomach before moving the wand around.

"Let's see here…yep, and there they are." Dr. Heywood moves the screen so they can see. Hanna and Caleb watch it as they see both of their babies.

"There is the head, and the feet. And here are their little arms."

Everyone waits for it to dawn on Naomi as she watches with rapt attention. Finally, they notice it. The gasp, the wide eyes.

"Hey, wait a minute!" She says. "That's not one baby. There's two babies in there! Mommy, you're having twins!"

Hanna chuckles. "Yes, baby. I am having twins. That's pretty cool, huh?" Naomi nods. "Are you ready to find out if they are a boy or a girl?"

"Uh-huh! I hope they're one of each!"

Dr. Heywood moves the wand around a little, looking here and there to determine the sex.

"Well, it looks like baby A here, is a little girl," Naomi lights up at that. She gets a little sister! "And Baby B is a…little boy. Congratulations, Naomi. You get a baby sister and baby brother, just like you wanted." Dr. Heywood smiles at the little girl's face as it show pure happiness.

Right now, there is nothing in this world that Naomi wants. She has gotten all she asked for. A sibling, but not only that, a sister and a brother. She's get to play dress up with her sister and help them learn to read. She'll play in the mud with her brother and teach them right from wrong.

Caleb, Hanna, and Naomi leave the doctor's office. They are literally on Cloud 9. Nothing can dampen their mood.

As requested, Naomi gets to go to McDonald's for her lunch. She gets a Happy Meal, 6 chicken nuggets, fries, and a yogurt. After eating, Naomi drags Caleb to the play area while Hanna films them and takes pictures on her phone.

The rest of Naomi's birthday goes off without a hitch. They head home after going to Babys 'R Us. Naomi wanted to pick out a few things for her brother and sister, so Caleb and Hanna get the very basics.

They get several pacifiers. For the girl, they get one with a pink butterfly, one with a ladybug, and one with a pink owl on it. The boy gets a blue pacifier with a light blue star, one with a green frog, and one that is just solid blue.

They get a couple of sippy cups also. A two pack – one pink, one blue, and a onesie for each baby.

After the baby store, they head home. They pull out the couch bed in the living, because Naomi requested it, and watch Disney princess movies. Naomi and Hanna fall asleep and Caleb goes out to get her cake from Wal*Mart.

He comes back and sets up the table with plates and cups. It's already decorated from the night before with Naomi's party decorations. Naomi is having a Princess Ninja party. The decorations are a mix of Ninja things – black plates and cups, a Ninja print birthday banner. The tablecloth is princess themed, and the streamers and balloons are pink, purple, and blue.

After waking from their nap, Hanna and Naomi get dinner started. They are having steaks and mash potatoes, Naomi's favorite. Everyone comes over. Naomi's aunts and uncle, her cousins, her grandparents. Even a few of her friends from school.

She gets presents, cake, and ice cream. They play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and hit the piñata. All in all, Naomi has a fantastic fifth birthday.

Friday, May 24th, 2019

*2 months later,…Hanna is 5 months pregnant*

Two months later and it is Naomi's last day of school. It is also just past the 5–month mark of her pregnancy and the day Hanna and Caleb tell the girls and Hanna's parents (who flew in for a week) that she is having one girl and one boy (Naomi let slip that Hanna was pregnant, but didn't say the genders).

Hanna glances around the room. They are in the basement. Hanna and Caleb sat down, including Naomi, and thought up of several games they could do to reveal the genders.

They decide to do a couple of games with a gender-neutral color, such as yellow, gold or silver, dark blue, etc.

First is going to be the cake. Everyone will have a piece of cake and some ice cream after lunch. The cake is layered in pale Yellow and dark blue. So the colors do not tell one or another what the babies' genders are.

After cake and ice cream, are the games. Game one is a piñata. It has pacifier in it but those are also neutral colors. Greys, light yellow, light greens, etc. Along with confetti and tops for the baby bottles, and a few pairs of socks.

Game #2 is a scavenger hunt. The objects everyone will look for are; a bottle with a blue lid, one with a yellow lid, a light grey onesie that has a pink owl on it, some socks that are dark grey, a stuffed bear with a pink ribbon around the neck, and a blanket that is blue and green.

Game #3 is the last one and will be used if no one can guess the genders based other two games plus the cake. It is a board that has black balloons taped on it. The balloons on the left side have pink, yellow, and white confetti while the right side has green, grey, and light blue confetti.

"Mommy, this looks wonderful!" Naomi says after she comes down to the basement. She was upstairs eating her chicken noodle soup and PB sandwich.

"It does look pretty good, huh?" Hanna takes a seat on the couch. He belly is swollen and her back is starting to hurt. Being pregnant with twins is definitely harder on her than when she was pregnant with Naomi.

"Nai, why don't you and Daddy hide the things for the scavenger hunt?"

"Ok!" Naomi cheers. She runs over to the table and grabs a handful of the things that need to be hidden. She takes the bottles and socks while Caleb gets the onesie and blanket.

The baby items are hidden all around the house. Naomi hides the bottles in the cabinet in the kitchen, next to her cups which still have lids on them, because she is still drinking out of sippy cups. She puts the socks in the dresser that is in the nursery.

Caleb hides the blanket in between two of the blankets folded and piled in the floor next to the couch in the living room and hangs the onesie in the closet in the nursery. Hanna keeps the bear and puts it on top of Naomi's box of toys that are in the basement.

:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/

*Later*

Once everyone has arrived, Caleb dishes out dinner. He basically kicked Hanna out of the kitchen earlier, when he realized she was tired but wasn't going to say anything.

They are having spaghetti and meatballs with buttered – not garlic – bread. This is something that Hanna can still tolerate. She loves it but is unhappy about not being able to eat the garlic bread, since that does make her sick.

After dinner, the kids play for a little bit. Then, it is time for the cake.

"Okay, is everyone ready?" Hanna calls out. Caleb stands to her left holding Naomi in his arms. Everyone else is standing to the side. Caleb and Naomi are going to hand out the plates of cake and then everyone will sit down.

Ezra and Aria are here with their 7-year-old daughter, Harper. Hanna's parents, Ashley and Tom, arrived a couple of hours ago. Emily and Alison have brought their own kids, Teddy, and twin daughters, Quinn and Olivia. Spencer and Toby are here also, although they do not have any kids due to Spencer not being to conceive. They are the waiting list for the Adoption Agency.

"I really hope the baby is a boy, Auntie Hanna," Teddy says. He is the oldest at 10 years, and currently the only boy. "I mean, I love all you guys, really. But I really want another boy to play with."

That's another thing. Everyone knows Hanna is pregnant but no one is aware that she is having twins. That is why all the games plus the cake have gender-neutral colors like yellow, grey, and dark blue. Because the gender does not go wholly to one side or the other.

"I want a girl cousin so she can play dress up with me, Livie, Harps, and Nai," Quinn chimes in and the other girls agree.

"Well, let's find out," Hanna cuts the cake and puts it on plates. Caleb tells everyone to close their eyes and Naomi helps him hands out the plates. Once there is one plate for each person, Naomi yells out,

"Okay, open your eyes!"

They do, looking intently at the cake. The kids look confused. Usually, they know the cakes are supposed to be either pin, for a girl, or blue, for a boy. But this cake, well, this cake looks different. It is pale yellow and dark blue, layered in threes. What gender could those colors possible point to?

"Hmm…" Emily looks thoughtfully at her forkful of cake. It is dark blue. That could mean it's a boy. But, then she looks at the yellow part and is not so sure anymore.

"Okay, well, I'm confused." Teddy says. He eats some of the pale yellow. "Isn't the cake supposed to be pink for girl, like Livie and Quinn, and blue for a boy, like Mama and Mommy did for when Mama was pregnant with me?"

Harper looks at her own piece. "Yeah, Auntie Hanna! You're supposta do pink or blue. Like Uncle Mike and Aunt Mona did for when they were saying that cousin Leah was a girl."

"Well," Hanna starts. "We decided to go the untraditional route. We don't want it to be that easy. Now, does anyone have guesses as to what the gender could be?"

"I'm going with a boy," Alison replies and Emily says the opposite, a baby girl.

"I think I am going to go with Emily. The yellow kind of gives it away. I say, the baby is a girl." Aria says to which both Ezra and Harper agree.

That leaves Spencer and Toby.

"Spence, Tobes," Caleb asks. "What about you two?"

Hmm…" Toby considers the colors and comes out with, "a boy. I'm going to go with a baby boy." Spencer agrees with him, saying that pale yellow is definitely a boy color.

Naomi makes the marks on the fridge, which is where one side is painted in chalk paint. She makes 3 makes for the boy side and four marks for the girl side.

After everyone is finished, Naomi says, "Who wants to go play some games?!" Because she is so excited to go to the basement and have them do the games.

In the basement, the group splits in two. The parents, and the kids. The twins and Harper are in their own group.

Each group picks a game to play. The kids pick the Scavenger Hunt, and the adults watch as they run around the basement and upstairs looking for the listed items.

"Mamma!" Quinn comes back with a onesie in her hand. "Look, Mamma, Mommy, I found one of the items." Livie comes back also. She has a blanket.

"I found the blanket! It's blue and green, that's boy colors. That means the baby is a boy!"

"Nuh-huh," Quinn shows her the onesie. It is grey with a pink owl. "This is pink. Boys don't wear pink – that means the baby is a girl!"

Harper comes back next. She has the two bottles. Her clue card said once they are washed and dry, the cups go here for next time. She looked in the cabinet and picked out the two things that didn't belong there – two baby bottles.

"But, Auntie Hanna," She says. "One bottle is blue, and one is pink. Does that mean you want your boy to drink out of a pink bottle?" Hanna just tells her maybe with a smile.

All three girls and Teddy look for the last item, a pair of socks and the teddy bear. Next up is the parents' group. They do the piñata, although the kids get a few whacks in also, because what kid wouldn't want to do the piñata?

Again, with the mixed colors of pacifiers, bottle tops, confetti and socks, they are confused. Spencer is starting to realize something, that maybe Hanna is not pregnant with just one baby. But she does not say anything.

Instead, she waits with the others as everyone gathers in the middle of the room and looks a blanket on the wall.

"Now, I know you are all probably wondering what is going on," Hanna starts. "Well, we have something we would like to tell you." She nods to Caleb and Naomi. They rip the blanket off and reveal a picture frame.

In the frame is a picture of Naomi. She is wearing her birthday outfit from March. She is sitting in the grass and has a chalkboard beside her.

The board reads:

I asked for a baby, so what did they do?
I'm going to be a big sister to not one, but two!
Baby Rivers (2 + 3) arriving September 2019

Hanna hears her mom gasp and turns to her.

"Oh, baby, are you serious?" Hanna nods and they hug, both crying by now.

"I'm going to have three grandkids?" Tom asks, also crying and wrapping his arms around his daughter. He then turns to Caleb and pats him on the shoulder. "Congratulations, Son. And thank you." They do a "guy" hug. Caleb discretely wipes away his own tears. It still makes his so happy when he thinks about it.

After getting congrats from the girls and guys, Naomi says, "Mommy, please we do da balloons now? Please, please, please?"

The kids cheer and agree, begging their aunt to let them pop the balloons. Earlier, Hanna and Caleb decided, very last minute, to go from a board with small black balloons, to two very large black balloons. Caleb gets them out of their hiding place.

"All right, everyone. We need two groups. One will pop this balloon," He gestures to the one on his right. "And the other group will pop this one."

The kids go to one balloon. They are given darts and safety pins. On the count of three, the kids and adults all pop their balloons causing blue, green, yellow, and pink confetti to go everywhere.

"Woah!" The kids run back and forth, as the confetti falls. "It's all colors."

"Wait!" Suddenly, Teddy realizes something. All the colors, the cake, the bottles, the pacifiers, the onesie, everything is a color that you could use with both a girl and a boy. And since Hanna is pregnant with twins, that could only mean one thing.

"You're having a boy and a girl, aren't you, Auntie Hanna?" He asks and the kids pause also in their game of 'toss the confetti in dad's hair'.

"I get a girl cousin and a boy cousin? Wow!" Harper is over the moon and she squeals, running over to Naomi. The two hug each other, jumping up and down.

"Awesome! Another girl to play dress up with!" Quinn and Livie shout simultaneously. The others give congrats to Hanna, Caleb, and Naomi. They talk, laugh, and discuss baby names for a couple more hours before everyone has to leave.

Being too tired to deal with it, Hanna simply leaves the confetti where it is. Naomi and Caleb stay downstairs for the night, the preschooler wants to sleep on the couch bed again, so Caleb makes some popcorn, puts in a movie, and then goes to check on Hanna.

Exhausted from her day, Hanna lets Caleb run her a nice, warm bath. Afterwards, she slips into bed and falls asleep, having happy thoughts about how well her day has been, and how happy everyone was with finding out the twins are one girl, one boy.

Wednesday, June 26th, 2019

*1 month later…Hanna is 6 months pregnant*

"Mommy," Naomi whispers the name. She is lying in bed with Hanna. The two are trying to take a nap. It's mid-day on a Wednesday. Later, once it cools off a bit, Hanna and Caleb are going to let Naomi go outside to play in their pool. But right now, the two are just lying in bed where it is nice and cool.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"What are the babies' names?" Naomi is laying so her head is beside Hanna's belly. She loves talking to her sister and brother.

"Well, we're not sure yet," Hanna answers.

"I can't wait for the babies to be here," As Naomi says this, putting her hand on Hanna's stomach, she gets a firm kick in response. Her face shows shock and her mouth is an o shape. No matter how many times she feels it, getting a kick from the babies always surprises her.

"Hi, babies," She whispers. "I am your big sister. I can't wait for you to be here. I am going to do lots of stuff with you. Bubba, I will teach you how to throw a football! And sissy, you can play dress up with me. I will even let you play with my special baby doll."

"Mamma, I think I know their names."

"Do you?" As Naomi nods, Hanna watches her intently. The love her daughter has for her siblings already is so pure. She's already picked out dozens of clothes and toys for the babies. And Naomi has helped Caleb, Toby, and Ezra with putting together the cribs, changing tables, and dressers in the nursery.

She can't wait for the babies to be old enough. Naomi has box, already, of toys that she wants to give her sister. And she even has some "boy" toys for her brother.

"I think we should name bubba the name of…um…Nuh-nuh…Nat'anul."

"Nathaniel?"

"Uh-huh. Nat'anul Sean Rivers, after daddy's bubba!" Sean was Caleb's little brother through foster care. He was 7 years younger than Caleb, putting him at 8 when Caleb was adopted at age 15. When Sean was 11, he was hit and killed by a car after riding his bike into the road.

"Nathaniel Sean Rivers." Hanna tries it out. "I like it. Let's tell Daddy when he gets home tonight, ok?" Naomi nods. "What about sissy? Do you have a name for her?"

"Um…I like a lots of names for sissy. I like Mackenzie, and Taylor, and Amalie, and, oh! And I like Amaya."

"What do you think, sissy?" Naomi whispers. "Which name do you like best? Mackenzie?" No response. "Taylor? ... Amalie? ... or Amaya?"

At that name, Naomi gets a kick from one of the babies.

"Nai, say that name again." Hanna is now attentively being a part of this conversation.

"Amaya! I like da name Amaya." Three thumps follows that sentence, making Naomi giggle. "I dink she likes dat, Mamma. I dink sissy wants to be named Amaya."

"Naomi, and her baby siblings, Nathaniel Sean, and Amaya. What do you think Amaya's middle name should be?"

"Um…I dunno?" Nai shrugs. She's all out of ideas. Nathaniel's middle name was easy, since Nathaniel is a boy, and so was Sean. But she does not know of any girl who has "went to heaven" like her Uncle Sean did.

"Well, maybe Daddy will have some ideas." For the next few hours, Naomi plays on her iPad and watches TV while Hanna gets in a short nap. Later in the evening, the two are downstairs. They are making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

Naomi is just setting the table when Caleb opens the door and shouts out to alert them of his return. Nai goes running over to her father.

"Daddy, Daddy! You're home!" Caleb lifts her up and swings her around in a hug before bending down so she can climb onto his back.

Going into the living room where Hanna is, Naomi climbs down from his back and pulls him over to the couch.

"Daddy, guess what!"

"What, what?"

"We picked out a name for bubba and sissy. Do you wanna hear'em, Daddy?"

"Sure, Princess. I would love to hear them."

"Okay! We picked out lots of name for sissy."

"What names did you pick out for sissy?"

"Well, I like Mackenzie and Amalie."

Caleb sits on the couch beside his wife. He lifts Naomi up into his lap, and says, "You know, I really like that second name. Amalie. It's unique, not something we have heard before. Amalie Rivers. What else did you pick out?"

"She also picked out Taylor and Amaya," Hanna tells him. "I like those names also. And I had some names of my own, too."

"What are they, Mommy?"

"Well, I kind of liked Abigail for sissy. Abigail Rivers. What do you think, babe?"

"Abigail Rivers," Caleb tries it out. "I like that. I also like what Naomi said. Amaya, was it?" Naomi nods. "Amaya Rivers. What else?"

"Well, I know it is uber popular right now, but I liked Emma," Caleb vetoes that one. He doesn't want to use a name where his daughter will probably be 1 of 3 in the hospital with it. "I didn't know if this was too close to Nai's or not, but what about Natalie?"

Immediately, Naomi scrunches up her nose. "No, Mamma. I don't like dat one."

"Okay, well, why don't we let Daddy pick out some names? Since we have said several and he also said one." Naomi takes that moment to jump down and run back upstairs. She brings her iPad over and clicks on a baby name app.

The app is called Nametrix. You can look up a name and the app will give you a list of both boy and girl names in which those names usually have as brothers and sisters.

"Look, Daddy! Here is my name." Naomi shows the screen which does have Naomi on it. "And here are the names for sissy and bubba!"

"Well, let's look and see what names we like then." Caleb takes the iPad and clicks on something. A list of names comes up. These are names that are similar to Naomi; they have the "same flavor" and are often used with Naomi as a sibling name.

"Oh, look at this, Nai. Abigail is a sister name for you."

"That one says Chloe, Daddy. And that says Olivia, like cousin Livie! And this one is Kaylee. What is this one, Daddy?"

"That one says, Madeline."

"Oh, I like that one," Hanna breaks in. "I also liked Kaylee, and, Chloe, did you say?" Naomi nods. "What else is on the list?"

"Savannah,"

"Sophie! I like that one."

"Lily,"

"Phoenix,"

"Look, Hannah and Aria! But your name is spelled wrong, Mommy, look. It has two Hs instead of one." Naomi has never seen the name spelled with more than one H before. And she was also taught that Hanna's didn't have one on the end.

"Well, sweetie, that's because most people spell "Hanna" with two Hs instead of one. Grandma Ash just wanted something more unique when she named me, so she spelled it with only one H.

(AN ok I'll admit I forgot Hanna was Naomi's mom, so I had her first say "Auntie Hanna" instead of "mommy" :/)

"Ohhh."

"I think I liked the names Lily, Phoenix, and Sophie." Hanna reaches over and gets the notepad from the coffee table. She writes down all the names for "sissy" that they have discussed.

"I like Sophie also," Caleb says. "A lot more than the super popular Sophia. I like Amalie and Amaya, that's a unique name. Lily, I like Lily also. And Savannah"

"I like it, too, Mommy! And I like Lily. And don't forget Amaya and Mackenzie and Amalie."

Hanna makes three columns. One for Caleb (Abigail, Amalie, Amaya, Chloe, Kaylee, Lily, Savannah, Sophie). One for her (Abigail, Amalie, Amaya, Chloe, Emma, Kaylee, Lily, Madeline, Phoenix, Sophie). Then, the last one for Naomi (Abigail, Amalie, Amaya, Kaylee, Lily, Mackenzie, Sophie, Taylor).

Then, she makes a new list. One with the names that all three of them like – Abigail, Amalie, Amaya, Kaylee, Lily, and Sophie.

"Well, we have quite a few names for sissy, so how about we look for names for bubba now?"

"Okay!" Naomi taps on the "brother" names list. "Daddy, I like this name," Naomi points to Nathaniel. "I like Nat'anul."

"Oh, that's right," Hanna remembers their earlier conversation. "Naomi, did you want to tell Daddy the middle you picked out?"

"Uh-huh! I like Sean for da middle name, like Uncle Sean who's in Heaven." Caleb inhales sharply at this. He hasn't thought about Sean in a while. That's not to say he has completely forgotten about his brother, though.

"Nathaniel Sean Rivers." Caleb nods. If there were ever a time for that name to come back into his life, he would love for it to be on his son, in honor of his baby brother. "I love it. It's a fantastic name, and I would love for the middle name to be Sean."

"Naomi Grace and Nathaniel Sean Rivers. Well, it looks like all we need now is sissy's name."

"Sissy liked the name Amaya, you 'member, Mommy? See, Daddy, watch," Naomi climbs off his lap and kneels on the ground next to the couch. "Put your hand on Mommy's belly, Daddy!" He does so as she does it. "Sissy, don't you like the name Amaya?"

They get a kick in response. "What about the oder names? Do you like Amalie?" Another kick. "What about Mackenzie?" This time, there is no response. Naomi giggles, thinking that is the coolest thing ever, that her sister is only "responding" to certain names.

"You twy, Daddy!"

"Okay. Baby girl, do you like the name…Sophie?" A kick. "What about Abigail." This time he gets two kicks, as if she is saying absolutely! to the name Abigail.

Hanna goes next. "Baby, do you like the Kaylee?" A kick. "Lily?" Two kicks. And just to be sure, "You did like Amaya, right?" four kicks, almost as if she is giving two for each foot.

"Oh, I wanna ask bubba! Bubba, do you wanna be named Nat'anul Sean Rivers?" They wait, and then…

A kick.

Naomi falls over in a fit of giggles at that. The three spend the next little bit looking at names. Then, the timer goes off and it is time for dinner.

Afterwards, Naomi gets to play on her iPad for a little longer, before she gets a bath, watches a movie, and Caleb and Hanna read her a story and tuck her in for the night.

Friday, August 23rd, 2019

*2½ months later…Hanna is 8 months pregnant*

It's the end of August and Naomi has bene in school for two weeks now. The first day of school, the first day of kindergarten, Hanna and Naomi shed more tears between the two of them than Caleb had ever seen.

Today, however, is special because today is the day that Nathaniel and his sister's (they haven't picked a name yet), Nursery is finally finished. The painting, the furniture, the decorations, everything is all set for the twins when they come home.

Hanna had her baby show two months ago in late June. She and Caleb are now stocked up on wipes, diapers, clothes, bottles, bath items, pacifiers, toys, a bathtub, burp cloths, bibs, and everything else a parent could possible need for their twins.

Since it is Friday, Naomi is going to go to Aria and Ezra's house. She is having a sleepover with Harper, who is in the second grade and turned 8 years old two days ago, and Livie and Quinn, who are now in the first grade.

"Mommy, is Daddy going to take me to school?" Naomi asks over breakfast. Hanna no longer leaves the house unless absolutely necessary. She is just a few weeks away from her due date and is doing everything she can to not go into premature labor with the twins.

"Yes, sweetheart, Daddy is going to take you to school, and Uncle Ezra is going to pick you and the girls up after."

"Okay, Mommy."

"Nai!" Caleb calls out. "Nai-bug, we need to go or we will be late."

"Okay. Bye, Mommy, I love you!" Naomi stands on her chair to give Hanna a kiss since Hanna cannot bend down. "Bye, Bubba-Nat'anul, bye, sissy!" Naomi gives a kiss to Hanna's belly and then she is off to school.

Once they are gone, Hanna gets some chores done. She does the bare minimum, like washing the breakfast dishes, which is just a couple of plates, cups, and Naomi cereal bowl. Then she goes to put some laundry into the washer.

Finally, after just walking around (just to get some exercise), Hanna goes to her bedroom and sits on the bed. She goes through her hospital bag once more, just to be sure. She has a few comfy outfits for herself and a pair of pajamas. A couple of books to read, some pain medicine (for a headache), her comfy slippers, a blanket, toiletries, and other necessities.

For the twins, she has two "going home" outfits, pacifiers, bottles, wipes, diapers, a couple of blankets, and other "baby" things, like the little grey elephant Naomi picked out for Nathaniel, and the teddy bear with a pink bow that she picked for her baby sister.

Satisfied for now, Hanna decides to take a nap. She needs to try to get as much rest as possible. It is unlikely she will be sleeping any at the hospital and once the twins are home, she and Caleb will be getting up at all hours of the night.

As Hanna lays there with her eyes closed, she feels a tap on her stomach. Smiling, she rubs it with her hand. "I know, babies. Mommy can't wait to meet you. Just a few more weeks, ok, guys?"

But as she falls asleep, Hanna can't shake the sudden feeling that not everything will turn out ok.

September 5th, 2019

*Rivers Residence*

Two weeks later and Hanna is being woken up in the early morning. She couldn't get comfortable earlier and as she glances at the clock, she realizes she has only been asleep for a little over an four hours, the longest she has slept tonight.

The clock reads 5:15 a.m. Hanna sighs. She lays there trying to go back to sleep when she feels it again. That sharp pain. It happens a third time and she realizes what it is.

But no. No, no, no. This is not right. Hanna still has nearly three weeks left.

But, she feels the sharp pain again, this time, her movement as a reaction to it waking Caleb up.

"Han? What's wrong, baby? What's going on?"

"The babies," Is all Hanna gets out before Caleb is throwing back the covers and jumping out of bed. Hanna begins to panic. "Caleb, no. It's too early, they still have three weeks! They can't come now!" Seeing her on the verge of a full-on panic attack, Caleb stops what he is doing and comes back to the bed.

"Hey, hey, hey. Hanna, look at me, baby." He waits until Hanna does so. "It's going to be ok. They'll be ok. Remember, Dr. Heywood said this is normal for a multiples pregnancy. It's just a few weeks. They'll be ok, I promise."

***precaution, trigger warning begins here. please be cautious***

Hanna nods even as she doesn't believe it. That feeling from a couple of weeks ago is still there. Intensifying, growing bigger, making Hanna feel as though the babies being born is the worst thing that could happen. Like, they aren't as safe in the real world as they are in Hanna's stomach.

She doesn't say anything, though. Hanna just stands and pulls on her shoes. She grabs a jacket and lets Caleb lead her outside. He has sent a text to Toby, who wakes up early to go to his job, and told him to ask Spencer to come over to watch Naomi.

After getting a sure thing, and good luck, man in response, Caleb helps Hanna down the stairs, grabbing his own jacket, the car keys, and the hospital bags. By the time he is opening the car door for Hanna, Spencer is pulling into the driveway.

She calls out that she loves them, good luck, and to call if they need anything, before going inside the house. Caleb drives just over the speed limit all the way to the hospital, talking Hanna though the contractions that have already started.

:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/

*4 hours later*

The contractions do not last as long this time. In fact, all together, they last about 8 hours, and it is mid-morning, just before 10, when the doctor comes in and says those magic words,

It's time

"Ok, baby," Caleb pats Hanna's face with a cool washcloth. "Just like we practiced, breath and push."

"Ugh, shut up!" Hanna yells at him through a contraction. He just takes it in stride.

"All right, Hanna, on the next contraction, I need you to give a big push. Ready? And go…1…2…3…6…9…10. And rest. And go. 1…2…3…7…9…10."

A few more rounds of pushing, counting, Caleb telling her to breath, and her saying she blames you for this! and they hear that first wondrous cry.

"Congrats, Mom and Dad, you have a beautiful baby boy. Now, let's get your girl out, huh?"

And just like that, Hanna is hit with a feeling of dread. Her mind is telling her to push, but at the same time, there is a little inner voice that is saying don't do it, Hanna. Don't push. It's not safe. You have to keep her inside. It's not safe for her to come out.

"I can't do it," She cries. The doctor and Caleb believe she is saying it for the same reason every other mother does – she's tired and doesn't believe she can.

They have no idea.

"Yes, you can," Caleb soothes. "You can do it, baby, I know you can. Just a few more minutes and we'll get to meet our second baby girl."

Maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones.

Maybe nothing will happen.

Maybe…

Maybe…

Maybe…

"You can do it, Hanna," It's the doctor this time. "Two more big pushes and you'll have your daughter in your arms!"

"Ready? And push…1…2…5…6…8…9…10. One more, Hanna, just one more. And go! 1…3…4…6…7…9…10." Hanna delivers her baby girl. She and Caleb listen for that sound, the one that is just so wonderful.

Except…

They don't hear it.

In between panting, Hanna rasps out, "What's going on? What's wrong with her, why isn't she crying? What are they doing? Why aren't they letting us hold her?" Her questions get more frantic. No one answers her. The doctors are busy attending to her baby girl and Caleb is trying to calm his own nerves. He can't tell her everything is ok, because he does not know. Because first, he needs someone to tell him it will be ok.

"Caleb!" Hanna shouts it this time. "Caleb, what is going on? Dr. Heywood, what's wrong with our daughter? Why isn't she crying? Is she all right? Will someone please answer me!?"

One of the nurses hands Caleb a blue bundle. Nathaniel. He's squirmy and whining.

But what about his sister? What about her baby girl?

After a few more moments of the nurses and doctors bustling around, Hanna looks up from where she is now holding Nathaniel. She's terrified. Her heart hurts and she has no idea why. Nathaniel is restless. He's beginning to cry. No one will tell them what is going on.

That is, until Dr. Heywood comes over.

Hanna takes one look at her face.

She feels her heart stop. It's as if someone has doused her with a bucket of ice water.

Hanna looks to Caleb. Then to Nathaniel and then back to Dr. Heywood.

"I am so sorry –"

"No!" Hanna cuts her off. "Don't-don't say it. It isn't true!"

"I am…I am so very, truly sorry," Dr. Heywood – Karen's – voice breaks. "We did everything we could." She ignores Hanna's desperate cries for her to shut up it isn't true! "But I am afraid your daughter had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. It appears she passed away while still in the womb."

"No, you're wrong. Y-y-you have to be…wrong," Hanna gets choked up. Nathaniel senses the distress and starts waling. Caleb takes his son. He has hands him to Karen. He sits on the bed.

"It's ok, baby," He whispers even as his world seems to have fallen apart. He tries to remember the last ultrasound. The last time he saw his daughter move. The last time he heard her heartbeat. He thinks of last night. When he was whispering how much he loved them to the babies, was it just Nathaniel's kicks he felt? Was his daughter dying or already dead?

Why did have to be them?

This repeats in his head. He wraps his arms around his wife.

Why? Why them? Why her?

He listens to Hanna's sobs and feels his own tears streaming down his face.

After what seems like forever, Hanna moves. She pulls out of his arms. She turns to face the other people in the room. Dr. Heywood is still there.

"I want to see her," Hanna says. Caleb is about to tell her no. No, they don't need to see her. No, because she is dead, so what good would it do?

But then, Karen is bringing her over. Their baby girl, their sweet, precious little girl, wrapped in a light pink blanket.

Karen lays her in Hanna's arms. She tells them she will give them some space.

Caleb looks at his daughter.

She feels cold. Her skin is wrinkled, but she is still beautiful. She is his baby girl and she is absolutely beautiful.

"Amaya," Hanna whispers. "Our baby girl, Amaya Hope Rivers. Born an angel, too good for this earth."

And they stay there. Caleb and Hanna. On the bed, in that room. The hospital uses what is called a Cuddle Cot. It cools the infant and stops the baby's body from deteriorating. It allows Hanna and Caleb to keep baby Amaya in their arms for the next several hours.

They hug her, talk to her, and tell her they love her. That they will miss her, and to keep watch over her brother. Caleb is the one to make the call. First to Tom and Ashley. They pull the girls aside and tell them.

Then, each family, Aria and Ezra, Emily and Alison, they tell their children that they have two cousins, little Nathaniel Sean Rivers, who was born at 9:54 a.m. and weighed 4 lbs. 8 oz. And their own angel. Amaya Hope Rivers. Born sleeping at 9:57 a.m. on September 5th, 2019.

*1 week later*

A week later, Hanna and Caleb are in the one place no parent ever wants to be. They stand in front of the tiniest coffin that they have laid eyes on.

They listen to the preacher as he speaks of life and loss. As he says that, An Angel in the Book of Life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, "Too beautiful for this earth." As he tells them, they'll see Amaya one day.

All Hanna and Caleb can think (and everyone else) is, why? Why couldn't she be here with her parents, her sister and brother? Why did she have to leave before she even got a chance to live?

The ceremony is beautiful, although Hanna cannot bring herself to think so. She has not stopped crying, stopped wondering, stopped blaming herself, since the day that is both a wonderful and god-awful date.

The kids each read a letter they have written for their cousin, or, in Naomi's case, for her baby sister.

"I only knew you for a little time," Naomi says, standing in front of her family and her friends, wrapped in her father's arms. "When I first said your name, you kicked – that meant you really liked your name. I love you, 'Maya. Even though I never got to hold you, you are still my sissy. I wish you were here. I wanted to play dress up with you and read you stories, but Daddy says you're an angel now. I miss you, Sissy. I promise I won't forget you."

Then, the coffin is lowered into the grave. In front of it is a headstone. It is an angel with the engraving,

"There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this earth"
~ Amaya Hope Rivers
Born sleeping September 5th, 2019

And here it is. God, this was both fun and heartbreaking to write. That ending. I don't think my emotions have caught up to me yet. This is the longest chapter of anything that I have ever written. Over 10,000 words.

This chapter was written for the month of October, for Pregnancy/Infant Loss month. Babies born sleeping and women miscarrying happen every day. More than a person may want to admit. Sure, it's not as happy as saying "my baby was born at this time, weighing –– and ––" or "I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl".

But that does not mean it doesn't happen. They're still babies. They still grew in their mothers' bellies. They kicked, they moved their arms and legs, they were still a baby.

To those of you who have miscarried, had a baby "born sleeping", or lost a child shortly after birth, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Please, do not let anyone tell you get over it. Well, at least… You should be over by now. It wasn't really a baby so…

Ever. YOU choose when to "be over it". YOU choose how often you do or do not speak of your lose. YOU choose whether to include your angel in "how many kids do you have?" YOU choose whether to or how to celebrate your angel's birthday. YOU choose these things. Not your family, not your friends, not well–meaning strangers.

If you can, please review. Let me know how I did. Also, let me know if you would like to read more for this story. It will be Hanna, Caleb, Naomi, and Nathaniel celebrating the "firsts" like first step, first word, etc. and over the next few years, while also grieving the loss of their daughter Amaya.