Title: Diary of a Father
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG, for now
Disclaimer: THEY'RE MINE! ALL MINE! Hehe, JUST KIDDING!!!! I don't own them!
Summary: Aragorns diary as he has kids. Poor him!
Okay, I got bit by this bunny when someone on the Mellon Chronicles list was asking for "Fatherly Aragorn" fics. I hope you all like it. Don't worry though, I haven't abanoned my other fanfics! LOL. They're just on hold for the second. Oh, note, this WILL continue. I have ideas for the next two or three chapters. YAY. :D
Day one -
Writing in a sunlit window:
Arwens pregnant. Two little words have never filled me with more fear or anticipation. The baby is due in nine months, and will be here in September. I hope it's a boy.
Day Twenty Four -
Writing from Kingly Throne:
Can really tell Arwen is with child now. Tell her she looks skinny as the first day I met her. Lets me keep my life and get extra make-out sessions when my advisors aren't looking.
Legolas dropped by a few days ago. He couldn't believe that I actually accomplished getting her pregnant. Cannot believe he would doubt me. Have banned the prissy elf from Gondor.
Day Sixty Two -
Writing From Doghouse:
Arwen found out I wanted a boy. Got extremely angry. Apparently, she wants a girl. Note to self: stay away from violent she-elf mood swings. Ada never warned me elf women were so touchy while knocked up. Further note to self: Find ice for bruise forming on upper cheek. Arwen has a hard right.
Day Ninety -
Writing From Dark Cellar in Basement:
Mood swings have gotten worse. Will stay away from Arwen until day of childbirth. Won't write anymore as it is very dark down here. Hope the guards don't forget to feed me.
----------
September -
Day before D-Day:
Have finally come out of basement. Skin is really pale now. Arwen mistook me for albino man. Told her albino men didn't have dark hair. She went off to have pregnant she-elf pout.
Unbanned Legolas from Gondor. Arwen would have my head if she found out I had banned him in the first place. Instead, have changed his title to "Legolas Thranduilion, Not A Natural Blonde". That should teach him.
Baby comes tomorrow. Wonder if I should escape while I still can.
D-Day -
Writing From Nursery
Awwww, baby is so cute! Such a little angel. And it's a boy! Arwen angry I won bet. Little boy so sweet and innocent. Cannot wait to teach him how to wield a sword.
Year 1 -
Writing from Throne Room:
Baby beginning to crawl. Have safe-guarded all lower cabinets and put away any sharp objects. Also, have made man who invented baby-bumpers very rich. Wonderful invention. Although, guards a bit worried all corners are covered in ducky padding. Say it's tacky. Have hired new guards who like ducks.
Year 1.5
Exhausted:
Why, oh why, does that kid have to wake up in the god awful hours of the morning? My life as a Ranger was nothing compared to stumbling out of bed, heading for the kitchens, and making warm milk for the baby. When Arwen is too sleepy to do it, that is. Need vacation. Bahamas of Mordor sounding like nice place to go this time of year.
Year 2 -
Ripping hair out:
Baby can walk now. And talk. Has somehow learned dwarf curses. Will kill my brothers later. After I find out what exactly that smell is.
Day later -
Didn't need to know what that smell was.
Year 3 -
Very Embarrassed:
Did you know a three year olds voice is louder than a party full of people? All nobles of Gondor now know that I can potty by myself. Resisting urge to strangle someone.
Year 3.5
Very Annoyed:
Ada came to visit. Son is now spoiled. Wants to go live in Imladris with Ada. Note to self: Don't let Ada spoil the kid anymore. Not good for my health.
Year 4 -
Wacking head off the wall:
Have found out that chandelier in dinning room is not strong enough to hold four year old boy who is determined to learn how to fly. Have also learned the easy way to prevent heart attacks.
Year 4.5
Look like drowned rat:
Took son for a father and son fishing trip. Went well 'til he caught a duck. Ducks don't like it when they get caught by a fish hook. They also don't like someone pulling a fish hook from their beak. Duck bites hurt. Faramir can take the boy fishing next time. Have developed small phobia of the web-footed critters.
Year 5 -
Dying hair back to brown:
Son can apparently start fire with flint rocks very easily. Have put away all flint. Will get more sheets for maids bed.
Year 6 -
Nursing baseball wound:
Son can hit a baseball very good. Windows in hall are not strong enough to stop baseballs. Baseballs hurt when flying in your eye.
Year 7 -
Pondering whether or not to take extended vacation:
Started sword training. Next time will use not-so-sharp swords. Kid takes after his mother too much.
Year 8 -
Archery Field:
Poor Haldir. Wonder if he'll ever be able to walk without limping. Son is taking after Legolas when it comes to bad temper. Knew Haldir shouldn't have made fun of his archery skills. Will have a talk with Legolas later.
Year 9 -
Amused:
Son is buttering me up. He wants something. He thinks he has me fooled, but I know him. Perhaps better than he knows himself. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Later That Day -
Yup, I was right! He wants to learn to race horses with Eomer's son. "But Dad, HE gets to race horses!" Asked him if Eomers son jumped off a cliff, would he follow. He asked how high the cliff was. Little smart--. Little does he know, Eomer and his son grew up around horses. Told him he was too young, maybe when he's 13.
The Next Day -
I cannot believe that little snot! He turned right around and asked Arwen the very same thing! Of course, Arwen couldn't say no. Hah. I told him so. Better go to the hospital wing and see how he is doing. He better hope Eomer doesn't find out he used the Horse Lord's best racing horse. Doubt that horse will ever come back...
Year 10 -
WHY ME?! :
It happened. I hoped this day would be far away from now, but the Valar obviously doesn't care what I hope. The boy has finally asked where babies come from. It didn't help matters that I was drinking something at the time, although it was pretty funny that Legolas ended up wearing some of my finest wine.
So, after sitting there with my mouth gaping trying to find the best words, I finally found the perfect thing. Hope my brothers don't mind I sent him their way.
Next Day -
Son has come back from getting thoroughly educated by brothers. He proceeded to tell me everything they taught him. I have learned a few things myself. Wonder if I can get everyone out of the Palace tonight, so Arwen and I can have some.....quality time.
Year 11 -
Where's a wall so that I can bang my head against it? :
Son has discovered my stash of chocolate, and eat every bit of it. Have you ever seen a hyper eleven year old? It's not fun. Have saved my son from guards trying to strangle him numerous times today. Legolas' hair is now completely black, and someone shaved Gimli's beard off. Have decided to lock son in his room for the rest of the day. Wonder what that loud crash was.....
A few hours later -
Reminder to self: son obviously knows how to climb out of windows from three stories up. Seeing your son climbing down a wall, three stories up, will cause small heart attack. Lucky Arwen was there to catch me. Son won't be able to sit for a week.
Year 12 -
VALAR HELP ME!
Arwen is two weeks pregnant! Have decided to escape while I still can, and go on 9 month hunting trip. Taking Legolas, Gimli, and son. Will catch diary up when I get back.
YAY! The first part is DONE. The next chapter will continue with the second kid going into teenage years, and all that. :D Saber has written a WONDERFUL fic in response to this, it's Elladan explaining "The Question". *snickers* I highly recommend it, and it's called THE Question.
Reviews? Is it worthy enough? ;)
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG, for now
Disclaimer: THEY'RE MINE! ALL MINE! Hehe, JUST KIDDING!!!! I don't own them!
Summary: Aragorns diary as he has kids. Poor him!
Okay, I got bit by this bunny when someone on the Mellon Chronicles list was asking for "Fatherly Aragorn" fics. I hope you all like it. Don't worry though, I haven't abanoned my other fanfics! LOL. They're just on hold for the second. Oh, note, this WILL continue. I have ideas for the next two or three chapters. YAY. :D
Day one -
Writing in a sunlit window:
Arwens pregnant. Two little words have never filled me with more fear or anticipation. The baby is due in nine months, and will be here in September. I hope it's a boy.
Day Twenty Four -
Writing from Kingly Throne:
Can really tell Arwen is with child now. Tell her she looks skinny as the first day I met her. Lets me keep my life and get extra make-out sessions when my advisors aren't looking.
Legolas dropped by a few days ago. He couldn't believe that I actually accomplished getting her pregnant. Cannot believe he would doubt me. Have banned the prissy elf from Gondor.
Day Sixty Two -
Writing From Doghouse:
Arwen found out I wanted a boy. Got extremely angry. Apparently, she wants a girl. Note to self: stay away from violent she-elf mood swings. Ada never warned me elf women were so touchy while knocked up. Further note to self: Find ice for bruise forming on upper cheek. Arwen has a hard right.
Day Ninety -
Writing From Dark Cellar in Basement:
Mood swings have gotten worse. Will stay away from Arwen until day of childbirth. Won't write anymore as it is very dark down here. Hope the guards don't forget to feed me.
----------
September -
Day before D-Day:
Have finally come out of basement. Skin is really pale now. Arwen mistook me for albino man. Told her albino men didn't have dark hair. She went off to have pregnant she-elf pout.
Unbanned Legolas from Gondor. Arwen would have my head if she found out I had banned him in the first place. Instead, have changed his title to "Legolas Thranduilion, Not A Natural Blonde". That should teach him.
Baby comes tomorrow. Wonder if I should escape while I still can.
D-Day -
Writing From Nursery
Awwww, baby is so cute! Such a little angel. And it's a boy! Arwen angry I won bet. Little boy so sweet and innocent. Cannot wait to teach him how to wield a sword.
Year 1 -
Writing from Throne Room:
Baby beginning to crawl. Have safe-guarded all lower cabinets and put away any sharp objects. Also, have made man who invented baby-bumpers very rich. Wonderful invention. Although, guards a bit worried all corners are covered in ducky padding. Say it's tacky. Have hired new guards who like ducks.
Year 1.5
Exhausted:
Why, oh why, does that kid have to wake up in the god awful hours of the morning? My life as a Ranger was nothing compared to stumbling out of bed, heading for the kitchens, and making warm milk for the baby. When Arwen is too sleepy to do it, that is. Need vacation. Bahamas of Mordor sounding like nice place to go this time of year.
Year 2 -
Ripping hair out:
Baby can walk now. And talk. Has somehow learned dwarf curses. Will kill my brothers later. After I find out what exactly that smell is.
Day later -
Didn't need to know what that smell was.
Year 3 -
Very Embarrassed:
Did you know a three year olds voice is louder than a party full of people? All nobles of Gondor now know that I can potty by myself. Resisting urge to strangle someone.
Year 3.5
Very Annoyed:
Ada came to visit. Son is now spoiled. Wants to go live in Imladris with Ada. Note to self: Don't let Ada spoil the kid anymore. Not good for my health.
Year 4 -
Wacking head off the wall:
Have found out that chandelier in dinning room is not strong enough to hold four year old boy who is determined to learn how to fly. Have also learned the easy way to prevent heart attacks.
Year 4.5
Look like drowned rat:
Took son for a father and son fishing trip. Went well 'til he caught a duck. Ducks don't like it when they get caught by a fish hook. They also don't like someone pulling a fish hook from their beak. Duck bites hurt. Faramir can take the boy fishing next time. Have developed small phobia of the web-footed critters.
Year 5 -
Dying hair back to brown:
Son can apparently start fire with flint rocks very easily. Have put away all flint. Will get more sheets for maids bed.
Year 6 -
Nursing baseball wound:
Son can hit a baseball very good. Windows in hall are not strong enough to stop baseballs. Baseballs hurt when flying in your eye.
Year 7 -
Pondering whether or not to take extended vacation:
Started sword training. Next time will use not-so-sharp swords. Kid takes after his mother too much.
Year 8 -
Archery Field:
Poor Haldir. Wonder if he'll ever be able to walk without limping. Son is taking after Legolas when it comes to bad temper. Knew Haldir shouldn't have made fun of his archery skills. Will have a talk with Legolas later.
Year 9 -
Amused:
Son is buttering me up. He wants something. He thinks he has me fooled, but I know him. Perhaps better than he knows himself. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Later That Day -
Yup, I was right! He wants to learn to race horses with Eomer's son. "But Dad, HE gets to race horses!" Asked him if Eomers son jumped off a cliff, would he follow. He asked how high the cliff was. Little smart--. Little does he know, Eomer and his son grew up around horses. Told him he was too young, maybe when he's 13.
The Next Day -
I cannot believe that little snot! He turned right around and asked Arwen the very same thing! Of course, Arwen couldn't say no. Hah. I told him so. Better go to the hospital wing and see how he is doing. He better hope Eomer doesn't find out he used the Horse Lord's best racing horse. Doubt that horse will ever come back...
Year 10 -
WHY ME?! :
It happened. I hoped this day would be far away from now, but the Valar obviously doesn't care what I hope. The boy has finally asked where babies come from. It didn't help matters that I was drinking something at the time, although it was pretty funny that Legolas ended up wearing some of my finest wine.
So, after sitting there with my mouth gaping trying to find the best words, I finally found the perfect thing. Hope my brothers don't mind I sent him their way.
Next Day -
Son has come back from getting thoroughly educated by brothers. He proceeded to tell me everything they taught him. I have learned a few things myself. Wonder if I can get everyone out of the Palace tonight, so Arwen and I can have some.....quality time.
Year 11 -
Where's a wall so that I can bang my head against it? :
Son has discovered my stash of chocolate, and eat every bit of it. Have you ever seen a hyper eleven year old? It's not fun. Have saved my son from guards trying to strangle him numerous times today. Legolas' hair is now completely black, and someone shaved Gimli's beard off. Have decided to lock son in his room for the rest of the day. Wonder what that loud crash was.....
A few hours later -
Reminder to self: son obviously knows how to climb out of windows from three stories up. Seeing your son climbing down a wall, three stories up, will cause small heart attack. Lucky Arwen was there to catch me. Son won't be able to sit for a week.
Year 12 -
VALAR HELP ME!
Arwen is two weeks pregnant! Have decided to escape while I still can, and go on 9 month hunting trip. Taking Legolas, Gimli, and son. Will catch diary up when I get back.
YAY! The first part is DONE. The next chapter will continue with the second kid going into teenage years, and all that. :D Saber has written a WONDERFUL fic in response to this, it's Elladan explaining "The Question". *snickers* I highly recommend it, and it's called THE Question.
Reviews? Is it worthy enough? ;)