Disclaimer: Do I look rich? gestures down to ratty jeans and faded orange T-shirt
Warnings: humor...that about it.
Twelve years old Tom Marvolo Riddle sat contentedly in the Slytherin common rooms, staring at two lists.
What are on the lists you ask?
Well, the first is a list of possible names he had created earlier that week using the letters of his own name. You see, Tom had a dream, a wonderful dream, he wants to be feared and hated. He wants to kill muggles and mudbloods, he wants to have millions of mindless servants to do his bidding, and he wants to rule the world.
That isn't so much to ask for is it? I mean every twelve year dreams of world domination right? Right...totally and completely normal.
Anyway, the prospects were as follows,
1. volterra mild doom
2. volterra mild mood
3. overload trim mold
4. vomited molar lord
5. I am lord voldemort
6. vomited moral lord
7. vomited armor doll
8. motive mad roll rod
9. violet ramrod mold
10. revolt moral dim do
11. marvel motor dildo
Tough decision.
The other is a checklist of goals in preparation for his glorious future.
The list went a little something like this.
1. Create a new (fear inspiring) name
2. Get a bunch of mindless lackeys willing to die for you
3. Find the Chamber of Secrets
4. Kill some mudbloods to instill a fearful loyalty from lackeys
5. Get out of the orphanage
6. Graduate from Hogwarts
7. Build an army
8. Gain immortality
9. Kill Dumbledore
10. Rule the world
Yes, it was a good list.
Now...which name to choose...
Years later in a shack by the sea...
Hagrid sat down, stared into the fire for a few seconds, and then said, "It begins, I suppose, with - with a person called - but it's incredible yeh don't know his name, everyone in our world knows -"
"Who?"
"Well - I don' like sayin' the name if I can help it. No one does."
"Why not?"
"Gulpin' gargoyles, Harry, people are still scared. Blimey, this is difficult. See, there was this wizard who went... bad. As bad as you can go. Worse. Worse than worse. His name was..."
Hagrid gulped, but no words came out.
"Could you write it down?" Harry suggested.
"Nah - can't spell it. All right - Marvel Motor Dildo."
Hagrid looked scandalized as Harry burst out laughing.
"It's no laughin' matter Harry, You-Know-Who is a seriously evil wizard."
Harry could only nod through his chuckles.
Sorry...couldn't resist. C&C please.