Pt. 3

Regret wasn't a strong enough word. Neither was any of its synonyms like remorse, shame, guilt, or sorrow. Self-condemnation and self-disgust were close but even those paled in comparison to what he felt come morning. He thought about not going to work and calling in sick just to avoid the slight possibility of running into her, but he really did have a lot of work to do. Plus, he didn't even know her schedule anymore. So, she could come home early or not even have to go to campus at all and he would still, inevitably, run into her.

He flicked his covers off of him then sat up and buried his face in his hands, gripping at the strands of hair that he could reach, and for a moment, he just sat there. He thought about taking his chances and staying home, but the moment he heard her muffled voice from behind the wall after something fell he knew that wasn't an option. He wouldn't be able to handle being this close to her if she really didn't have classes today. Still, he couldn't get ready and leave without her hearing. And that ran the risk of her coming out to meet him. Or worse, coming to him before he even walked out the door.

He sighed, throwing his fists in the air frantically like he was fighting the air or something before he fell back against his bed and stared at the ceiling. He gave himself just two more minutes. Two more minutes of listening for her door, her keys, her shoes, anything that told him she was leaving, and when neither sound came, and his two minutes were up, he stood and got ready for work, praying that lady luck was on his side.

She never was though. He was sure of that. Because the moment he stepped out, so did she.

"Neji san." She said, looking at him from the bottom up. "Good morning."

He nodded then turned, trying to leave but she caught him easily—and all it took was a soft touch, a graze to the arm that didn't even wrap around to a grab yet. He stiffened when she finally stepped forward, wrapping her arm around his for only a moment before he turned, and she finally let go.

He gulped.

"Can I get a ride…to class I mean? I'm running kind of late and the next bus would make me miss attendance."

He looked at her for a moment more before turning his head and clearing his throat. "Yeah. Sure…West campus, right?"

She smiled before flinging her backpack over her shoulder and closing her door behind her. "Yes please."

The drive was stifling. Neither of them talked and the atmosphere felt heavy with the tension. And he was sweating. He was sure it wasn't because of the heat—it was the end of the winter months and the skies were just barely warm enough to turn all the mush like snow into puddles of murky water—but because of his nervousness instead. She was sure to remember last night. Why wouldn't she. She wasn't the one who was drunk, he was, and he had an impeccable memory even while in that state, so he definitely remembered. But he wasn't going to say anything. And judging by the silence she gave him, neither was she.

"Can I tell you something?" She started suddenly, making him immediately take back what he thought before.

"…Sure." He said, turning to her in response.

"Promise you won't tell."

"Who am I going to tell?" he asked.

She stared at him for a couple of extra seconds before nodding and unbuckling her seat belt. "There's someone I like." She started, and his heart dropped. He felt it fall and sink further into the pool that unknowingly sat beneath it. He felt his body cool the further it sunk. Was it always this heavy? His heart? Was it always suspended above something so dangerous and by a thread as fragile as that one no less?

"Why are you telling me this?" He asked before he could stop himself.

She looked up at him with eyes of innocence, the kind that screamed trust as she stared at him in a kind of sibling like love he felt. "Because you're a guy…and what better person to ask than a guy himself."

"Ask about what?"

"I want to get to know him more. No! I want to…I want to start dating him…but he's older than me…and I'm not sure that he even likes me back."

He took in a heavy, unsteady breath then held it as he looked around the car, at the students that passed by him, at the birds that threatened to poop on his car if he stayed there any longer, at anything other than her. "I'm sure he likes you back." He finally said through clenched teeth.

"Really?"

He huffed, then loosened the grip he didn't know he had on the stirring wheel and fixed her with a forced smile after finally facing her. "Really." He started. "Why wouldn't he…I mean, you're an amazing girl. Smart, talented. You're easy to talk to even for some old guy like me."

"You're not that old."

"I'm going to be 31 this summer. I'm old…and yet you still managed to melt even my grumpy heart."—or rather, sink it into darkness— "Anyways, what I'm trying to say is…any guy would be lucky to have a girl like you. And if he has the gall to turn you down…then his loss."

She smiled, and he felt a pained cough crawl up his throat, so he looked away from it, refusing to bask in its glory for once. Especially since all it would do now is damage him even further. "Now go." He said, waving her off without looking her way. "You're going to be late."

"Thank you, Neji san." She hummed as she climbed out the car. He dared himself to look at her once more and he did. He stared at her as she quickly gathered herself, straightening her jacket and hair a little before she spared him one more glance and smiled again, closing the door. She waved at him and he waved back, keeping his arm and happy façade up just until she turned away.

He wheezed once she was gone and stared at the passing students with a blank look on his face, eyes darting sideways as he racked his brain for a reason, an explanation for what he just heard. But no matter how hard he tried, how far he dove to retrieve what had fallen, he couldn't find any reason other than the obvious; he was dumped. Dumped before anything even started. And for that reason alone, his heart continued to sink until he couldn't breathe right.

This wasn't right. He had no reason to be so upset. He had done worse to her. He had cut her off from his life before, sent her a message of not wanting her to be in his life long before she told him about some new unknown guy she supposedly built a crush on. Was her liking him even real. Was he even real?! Or was she saying this in the wake of his kiss to get it through to him that she was in no way interested in ever going anywhere romantically with him?

"Right." He sighed before looking for his keys, forgetting that they were in the ignition. "Right."

He turned the car on then sat there, one hand on the keys and the other on the steering wheel. His eyes darted from one side to the other as he fully took in his situation again. Slowly his head fell till it was resting on his white knuckles.

He was dumped.

"…Right…"

Just tell him. She pondered on the words of her friends. For a while now, they have been the open books in which she pours her love life into. And the most recent chapter: One Neji Hyuga. He had caught her attention from the moment she met him outside in spring on their respective balcony's. He hadn't spoken much but his face, his voice, his demeanor…it was breathtaking. Honestly, at that time, she was glad he didn't try to continue the conversation since she was sure that his questions would only be answered with loose replies that either made no sense or made her out to be some kind of bubbling fool. And their second encounter hadn't been that great either so she was honestly surprised with how close they seemed now despite all that happened before. So surprised…that she thought she had a chance.

"But he's older than me."

Fuck it. Her friends would say.

"We'll have nothing in common."

Then make something happen. No better time to start then after you bag him.

"What if he has a girlfriend?"

I'd feel bad if he does with the way he handles you.

"What if he turns me down."

Then he turned you down. The worst that could happen is he tells you no. At least then you'll know to give up and get on with your life.

"I'm starting to think that you're not that interested in me possibly going out with him."

He's a man approaching his thirties who works at this large and powerful place that's obviously thirsting after a girl whose barely able to drink. Of course, I'm not too excited about this. They answered.

But…he is respectful. He hasn't tried to push himself on you or anything. Hell, if anything, he was trying to stay away from you after realizing how bad this may look…but YOU kept on coming. So…if you're going to insist on being this persistent, then who's to stop you.

She smiled, nodding as she got off the bus and started for her apartment. All day she had been thinking about what to do. How was she going to go about asking him out? Sure, it may be obvious, but the thought of confessing and him being completely blown away—and not in the good way—by it was terrifying. And aside from that possibly embarrassing moment, there was one other pressing issue with her; How does one confess to an adult. Given she was also one too, the ever pressing differences in their age/generation/lifestyles made confessing hard. The usual high school method was for sure out of the picture, but telling him out in the public where she's sure her voice would grow twelve times as loud at least was also not an option.

She rounded the corner, pausing once she saw that all too familiar car sitting in the parking lot, and before she knew it, her feet started to move again. She took small, uncertain steps at first that quickly became an all-out sprint as she made her way to the complex. All those thoughts she had before, her uncertainty, her friend's advice, their outward reluctance to helping her any with this one, gone the moment she thought that he might be home early.

He heard her approach. Her frantic steps and heavy breathing hand him sitting upright and alert, but the long pause she took in front of his door made him calm down. It wasn't serious. She wasn't dying or being chased…she was fine. She was just standing outside of his apartment complex in a frenzy, trying to catch her breath. Maybe it was starting to rain and she was trying to get home before it began to pour, and on the way up she remembered something she wanted to tell him. Or, with his luck, ask him, considering her "having a crush and all".

He didn't want to let her in. He was sure seeing her at this moment wasn't going to do him any good, but he knew that she knew he was home, and running away was not something he was keen on doing—from personal experience. So, he stood and waited by the door, listened to the sound of her trying to catch her breath.

Sighing, he laid his head on the door and tried to steady his self, his emotions. He wasn't usually so bothered and easy to read, but he feared that the hold she had on him had changed him. His subordinates, his friends, even the security guard at the front of the complex, all of them could tell that he wasn't okay recently. All because of her. She caused him to let his guard down—and all form just a smile—she made him weak and not just to her but to everyone around him. And it was too late to try and go back. Her spell was caste, he drunk the potion, the cure was nowhere to be found…and he was trapped until further notice.

He wondered if he would ever be free again, if she would ever let him go…

He opened the door, no longer having the patience to wait for her to knock., surprising her into silence and for a moment, they stood there in it.

"…Hi." She said lamely, tucking her now useless hand behind her.

He nodded. "I heard you standing out here." He sighed, leaning against the door frame. "Is there something you need?"

"Um…yeah." She said, biting her lip. Why did she have to bite her lip? "Can I come in?"

He stepped aside, forcing himself to forget the fact that she has never been in his place before, and watched as she gingerly walked in. She moved slowly. She took off her shoes slowly, she walked to the room slowly, she placed her things down slowly. Everything was just too slow!

"Your home is nice." She said.

Small talk. Usually he was up for small talk, especially with her. But at the moment, he was far too deep in his own pity to even want to try anything. So, he pretended to not hear her and took a beeline for the kitchen area.

"I don't have anything much to offer for drinks." He started, trying to at least play his card at hospitality. "Is water fine?"

"Yes. Water's fine." She called from further in the room.

Upon hearing her, he looked up and nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw her sitting prettily on his bed. He took a moment to calm himself and to save the picture in his mind for later before approaching her and sitting on the other side.

Why he didn't invest in some chairs, he didn't know, but now he was regretting being frugal with his money. Now he was stuck sitting next to the woman who inadvertently checked him before he even had the chance to set the board.

He looked at her, took the time to really see all of her. Her hair was plastered to her forehead from the humidity, her eyes were wide and alert despite there obviously being nothing to worry about…her skin was still sun kissed, more than his will ever be, her hair was up for once in two tightly wrapped buns on either side of her head, her limbs still long and beautiful—he still wanted to have them wrapped around him.

He was still under her spell…and he may be for a much longer time than he would ever be prepared for. So, he accepted defeat. He was probably forever going to be a slave to her.

"Can I ask you something. It's really important." She said suddenly

He laughed, seeing where this was going. "Is this about the guy you said you liked? Have you not asked him out yet?"

Her eyes widened—something he thought was not possible—and her hand shot up to tuck hair that wasn't there behind her ear. Blushing and blinking 20 miles per minute, she looked away from him before covering her red cheeks with her palms, pushing them up and, inadvertently pursing her lips.

He swallowed his spit but forced himself to look on. Who knows when he'll ever be able to see something as cute as this again.

"It's just…" she started, "I just wanted to check with you on something…before I do it."

"What?"

She looked up at him, keeping her hands against her cheeks and further taking hold of his heart. By now she had a replaced her vice grip with a lock and key—a lot less effort, you know—where the key was tucked delicately between her breasts, a place he both wanted to and didn't want to reach for. She had him around her finger so tightly that it was turning blue, but she didn't care.

"You said…you said that any guy would be lucky to have a girl like me, right?"

Lucky until they realized the kind of trouble they got themselves into, yes. Honestly, she had so many things he liked about her but each and every one of those things would only make him, and any other guy unlucky enough to like her, fall deeper and deeper into the pits of their own souls. Their only chance at survival being a silver string of a chance at getting her to recuperate your feelings.

"Yes, I did."

"Well, what makes you so sure?"

"Because I would have been." He thought.

"Because you're you…and you do such a great job at being you that it's no wonder people just gather around you. Everything about you deserves to be loved, to be favored…and if anyone thinks otherwise then"—then you can come to me…and I'll love you harder than anyone ever will— "then they are missing out on one of the happiest moments of their lives"— because everything about you sends chills down my spine as it should do to all who find themselves lucky enough to have seen you— "Tenten, there's nothing for you to worry about"—because you're perfect in every way possible—"Just trust in yourself,"—be happy—"be confident, and just…confess."

She watched him as he spoke, eyes slowly getting brighter as she listened. A smile played at her lips and he begged her silently every time it did to not surface, and, thankfully, it never did. For some reason, she held back her smile and settled with looking away again. She thanked him quietly, for lack of anything better to say—he figured it was because of how cheesy his words sounded since even he was taken aback by them—and for a while they sat in silence.

"What's this guy like anyway?" He suddenly asked. The silence was killing him from the inside out, telling him about how she was uncomfortable and now wanting to leave. But he didn't want her to leave. Despite his recent heartbreak, he was still hers in theory. "I hope he's not some douche like your last boyfriend."

She laughed then, the sound bubbling around him and almost making him laugh himself. "He's not." She started with a fire in her voice. She sounded more confident, so at least his little embarrassing speech did something.

"He's really sweet and very mature…I don't know it just feels like…. if we get together, he'll be different from everyone else."

"…That's good." He lied, missing the way she watched him. "I wonder who he is…getting such good praise from you."

She smiled. "It's you."

…

…

…

He didn't know how much time passed—two, no three minutes maybe—since she said that or since he last breathed. He also didn't know if he heard her right but he stared at her anyways and tried to decipher what it was he was trying to tune out just before.

"What?"

"It's you."

"You're…" he started as he searched her, watching for signs of a lie, something that was going to make him stop—and possibly move away and never look back at this horrible experience where he got dumped then embarrassed by his next door neighbor who he had a huge crush on. "You're not lying…are you?"

She shook her head, laughing even as the blush formed on her face. "I'm not."

"You like me?"

She nodded again.

"Me?" He asked again.

She laughed. "You're acting like there's something horribly wrong with you…is there?"

He shook his head and she laughed at the image it brought before they fell into silence. She wanted to say something to break it, but one look at him and she was back to blushing away on her side of his bed. And it didn't help that he was staring at her, not saying anything…just…staring, like she had just said something ridiculous.

Was she sure?

"So…" He started, still staring, never once looking away. She tried to look at him as he spoke but his gaze was still too much for her. She didn't know if she would ever get used to it.

"So…" she mimed, biting at her lip, missing the way his eyes followed the motion. "If you'll have me…then, we can start…start…"

"Dating." He finished with a smile. "If you'll have me…then I'm all yours."

It started out slowly. Like the change from summer to fall that brought the changing leaves, dying in all their splendor before falling into the puddles beneath them. Like the breezes that once tainted the sky with heat and sweat and unkept promises of clouds heavy with rain that now coolly reminded them of the deathly cold threat that winter will be. Like the time it takes the children, in their rainboots, walking beside their mothers/sisters/grandmothers, to contemplate the jump that was sure to follow whenever they came across a puddle on the street. Slow like the feel of her hands listlessly drifting through his hair as she read up on an article for class, like the rise and fall of his chest as he pretended to sleep when he was really watching her, waiting for her to inevitably give up and collapse on his chest like she usually does. Just slow. But just right.

"You've been reading that same page for over five minutes." He started, shaking her out of the trance she was falling into for the fourth time thus far. Instantly, her hand stopped and she was staring at him like he had just kicked a puppy. "Just quit."

She scoffed. "Look at you? A whole adult telling an up and coming one to just quit. You know my professor asks about these articles in class."

He nodded before taking her phone and putting it somewhere to the side. "But it's something about my family's business. Why read about it when you can just ask the person directly?"

"Maybe because I don't know what the article was about to be asking you directly." She said before allowing him to pull her down to the bed beside him. "Give me back my phone."

"No."

She sighed but gave up anyways and slid closer to him. "Fine! Then wake me up in an hour."

"Hm."

"Hm." She repeated, before slowly falling asleep. And like the slow changing of the seasons and the easy smile that spreads across her face whenever she sees him, her breathing matched the rhythm of his and she fell asleep happily smiling while he lay beside her softly running his hands through her hair and taking in the silence of the room around them.

Everything, the way she felt against him, the subtle signs of her being in his life, and the sound of her breathing echoing in time with the ticking of a clock in his otherwise quit room, was all so simple…like them.

Just simple.