It felt like my legs had been dipped in burning oil for the last few hours. Running had been both the right choice and the wrong choice. Right in that it the sun was getting low in the sky, but wrong in that I wanted to die. Well not actually I wanted to collapse into a bed and sleep for like a day, mostly because I think that my legs were about to fall off.

To make matters worse the sole of my sandal shoe thing broke like a mile back so I've been stumbling, grumbling, and bumbling along a road that cut through the forest for the past two hours. The forest itself was rather pretty, and the trees were actually just kind of fucking massive, and this coming from someone that grew up in the redwoods.

With every step, I took I half expected some giant animal to appear and eat my fucking face off. But thankfully that hadn't happened yet, probably because of the ninja, it wouldn't make sense for a potential client to get murdered on the way to their village. Not that I had money. Just an extensive knowledge of the Naruto universe that I was going to be abusing.

Still, I haven't seen anybody of note on my way to the village. Or anyone really. Like the road was super empty. Was I do something wrong? Maybe there was some super genjutsu around the village that made people get lost on their way to the village? Probably not. Again, that didn't make any sense economically.

Didn't Orochimaru say the chunin exams were coming up soon? Was that why? That couldn't be it, there'd be a bunch of other ninja heading towards Konoha, one of which was the girl that was supposed to kill me in canon. But still Konoha was probably the safest place for me. Suna was a flat out no, because well, I could burn on a cloudy day before I got here, and somehow I was even paler!

Wait I'd been in the sun all day. Why wasn't I a lobster?

Mizu was just no because, well, they're in the middle of a revolution or something right? I'm fairly certain that's one of the worst times to move somewhere. And Iwa was basically a rock in the middle a wasteland. Lastly, Kumo, I'm accident prone, I don't mean the cute kind either I'm talking about, the 'why the fuck are you bleeding from your forehead, you just woke up' kind of accident prone.

I had a scar from putting on a seatbelt.

So yes, despite everything Konoha was the safest place for me. Besides, the trees reminded me of home…. Well, the home I saw whenever I looked out my window or dared to go outside for.

That and I know the most about Konoha, best to go where I'm familiar with things and people. That and I really wanted ramen. I didn't even like ramen! But here I am nearly salivating at the word. Ramen chief would probably be a pretty safe career choice, get in good with one of the most powerful ninja in the world while he was still young and bam.

But I sucked at cooking. And dishes. And it sounded like a lot of work.

I was good with kids… well good enough that I was paid for it. Did ninja need math? Was there a public school? Wait, that sounded a bad idea, I quit for a reason. And being a ninja was just kind of a flat out no. I should become an author! Now that was a good idea!

I'll just convert some of my fanfictions, like Sound of Freedom, and other stuff, I just had to change the names and stuff.

Alright, good game plan. I wonder how much being an informant paid.

"Son of a fuck nugget!" I stepped on a sharp rock. "Shit!" I began to fall to the side, remember the part where I said I was clumsy? Exhibit A. I stab and trip myself on the only rock in the middle of a road. Knowing my luck this was where I fall and crack my head open and I start back over.

"Yosh!" Oh god. Really? I was going to be saved by him of all people? It's not that I had anything wrong with the guy, but my introvert soul was already depleted just thinking about dealing with him. "Fear not! The Handsome Devil of the Hidden Leaf Village: Rock Lee has arrived!"

His teeth were actually blinding.

The foot that I currently wasn't hemorrhaging blood out of was still touching the floor, but Rock Lee's arms had me from around the shoulder and thigh. I still clutched my bleeding foot but managed to smile. "Uhh, thanks."

"Anything for a beautiful young woman such as yourself," did he communicate via teeth flashes. Also I needed to get him a fedora. "Would you like me to dress your wound?"

"Knock yourself out stud." I rolled my eyes as he placed me down onto the ground. "So are you a ninja? Shouldn't you be with your squad or something?"

Not that I wanted to meet them or anything. Holy crap my brain is turning into a tsundere. Tenten would be okay, and Neji would be like hanging out with the angry emo kids that always sat on the steps behind the cafeteria at school. Before I could blink Rock Lee had a ball of gauze and was wrapping it around my foot like a pro.

"Yes I am, I wanted to challenge myself so I decided to race my rival Neji to a hand race back to Konoha!" He stopped the bleeding and my foot already felt better. "But may I get your name fair maiden?"

"It's Tayuya, and thanks. I should be able to make it to-"

"Yosh!" Fuck round two. "Lee! My Youthful student! I am so proud that you stopped to help someone in need!" Might Gai looked like a buffer version of Bruce Lee that put extra points in chin power. Also, while the green suit was indeed skintight, he was sensible enough to be wearing a cup, and it was actually kind of bulky. "And what was your name young lady?"

"Gai-sensei, weren't you listening?" Tenten bounced up behind her sensei. She was actually kind of cute for a thirteen-year-old girl. Which as someone that was closer to Gai's age I really shouldn't be thinking. At least mentally, physically I was slightly older than her. Maybe even the same age. Hmm, nope morals wouldn't allow it. "She said her name was Tayuya."

"Sup," I gave them a small wave doing my best to suppress my inner bitch. This was going to end badly for me. "You guys coming home from a mission or something?"

"Indeed!" Rock Lee stood, helping me up in the process, still hurt like fuck to walk on my foot. "Are you headed to Konoha as well? If so I would ask that you go out on a date with me!"

"What you fancy redheads or something?" I couldn't help but jab in the side. "I must admit you have good taste in hair color, but no, I'm not interested in boys."

The three young ninja blushed, yes even Neji, I'm marking that one down as a win.

Gai spun around offering a thumbs up. "Ahh, the springtime of youth is in full bloom with you!" His smile died, "But I must ask why are you heading towards Konoha?"

I was reminded that this was Might Gai, the guy that at his maximum power kick literally faster than light. And that crushing me would be like splatting a juicy bug. And he was a jounin. Probably was good at telling when people lied even if he was bad with names. "I umm, want to talk to the Hokage?"

He raised a giant eyebrow at me.

"I, umm, have some information I want to tell the Hokage, in exchange for protection." I winced taking a step back. I reached behind me and dropped the three Kunai I had. "See I'm unarmed, well unless you count a flute as a deadly weapon, which it might be because I can't actually play it."

"Come on Gai-sensei, go easy on her." Tenten, who was still blushing, tugged on her sensei's jacket. "Just look at her she looks like she's been through a lot."

"Nah, it's no-big-deal, he's just trying to make sure I'm not trying to do anything too bad, which is fair considering how I'm an escapee from Orochimaru," All four of them grew silent at that. "Yep, risked life and limb" Actually mostly life, surprisingly my limbs were rather attached to me. "To travel all the way here to tell them about some traitors, his vague location and-"

Gai's hand clasped over my mouth. "Has anybody ever told you, you have a big mouth?" He gave a sigh. "If you really do have information on Orochimaru I will take you to the Hokage, now hold on tightly."

He tossed me on his shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes. "Hey wait, what are you doing? Put me down! I can walk! I'm afraid of heights! And going fast! And you smell funny! Put me down!"

"Nonsense!" He laughed, getting down into a running pose. "You're as light as a feather! Like this, I'll be able to get you to the Hokage before you even blink an eye."

"That's what I'm afraid of! Put me down you jack ass! When you get into a wheelchair because you're stupid and crazy I'm going to push you down a hill and laugh!" Despite the fact that he could kick my ass in a wheelchair. Hell, if prior experiences are any indication, wheelchairs can kick my ass.

"Neji, Lee, Tenten, I will meet you at the tower!"

"Wait!" I kicked, screamed, hit, and clawed at him. Desperate to try and get away before take off. I was stuck onto the shoulder of a literal rocket ship that was-

Approximately seven Gs of force hit me all at once and I saw the landscape fade to black, then pop back when the gates of Konoha were behind him. Then again. And again. Until I was somehow sitting in front of the Hokage.

He was flanked on several sides by Anbu, and Gai was nowhere to be seen. How did I get here? Why was I here?

"Greetings," Hiruzen Sarutobi folded his hands a warm smile on his face. "I understand you have some information regarding my student Orochimaru?"