Possibly the Worst P/V Ever Written

By Poe

Disclaimer:

THIS IS A JOKE. Do not take this seriously. I wrote this because I was so sick of reading terrible P/V fanfiction, I decided to take up the art of terrible writing and see what's so appealing about it. No one is meant to be offended by this, although if anyone should be, it would be me.

Oh, and beware. It's a songfic.

Chapter One: Glitter and Roses

            Pan was a really really pretty girl who didn't care what anyone else thought of her. She always acted like a tomboy, but one day she decided to dress like a girl. So she put on a really beautiful dress that fit really well and had a low v-neck and slits on the side and was a shimmering blue that sort of went with her eyes. She wore heels that were silver, and her hair was styled in curls. She was going to a party at Bulma's house and was excited because Trunks would be there.

***

I make the rules

I look good always

I'm a rebel

And your boyfriend likes me.

***

            Pan took a look in the mirror. She had always worn black and looked like a goth, but only in a cool way. Now she was really pretty and girly, and she could pull it off, because she could pull anything off. So she went off to the party.

            When she got to the party, she saw Bra and Goten talking. Pan went up to them and said hi and they said hi back. Bra told Goten she would be right back and then took Pan by the arm. She took her to a room where they could talk.

***

Don't mess with me

I'm prettier then you

I can dance and stuff

And I'm super smart.

***

            "I know you like my brother," Bra said, "so I'm going to hook you two up."

            "Thanks," Pan said.

            "Oh but he's a scientist person so he's like really smart."

            "That's ok," Pan said, "I'm a genius AND gorgeous."

            "Right, so here he is." Bra said, taking Pan to Trunks. Trunks was talking to a guy who worked with him. They heard part of the conversation.

            "Laissez-faire, in retrospect, isn't sufficient to keep a modern quasi-Capitalist economy afloat," Trunks was telling his friend, "economics will tell you that the human psyche and the fundamental principles thereof, do not allow corporations to engage all branches of social class into a status of even meager wealth. Every aspect of analytical psychology dating back to the earliest aristocracies-"

            "Trunks," Bra said, "stop talking about stupid boring politics or whatever and talk to Pan. Doesn't she look cute?"

            "Bra, can't you and Pan go do something else? I'm trying to have an meaningful conversation."

            "But Trunks," Bra nagged, "you and your friend are so BORING. Talk to us."

            "Tempting, but I think I'd rather have a bit of substance in my social life," Trunks said, and his friend laughed.

            Pan was very angry. "Hey, we're smart too."

***

I throw the best parties

We'll dance all night

I'll meet a cool guy

And then dump him right away because I'm too good for him

***  

            But Trunks wouldn't talk to them, so Pan felt really bad. So, in the middle of the party Pan left to go train. When she got to the Gravity Room, she saw Vegeta. He wasn't wearing a shirt so he looked really hot.

            In his hand he had a book, and he wasn't training at all. He was reading through the book and he looked very mad.

            "Hey Vegeta," Pan said, "What are you reading?"

            He looked up from the book and raised an eyebrow. "Oh it's you, Kakkarot's brat. Don't you have some dolls to go play with?"

            "I don't play with dolls, I'm 17. Don't be stupid!" she said, very angry.

            "The hell you don't. It says right here,  page 43, 'Pan sat in her room, playing with her dolls at age 17'." He pointed to a line in the book he was reading. Pan's eyes widened.

            "WHAT? How did you know that? What is that book? Why am I in it?"

            "This, you infant half-wit, is the chronicle of bad fanfiction. And the one I'm reading happens to be a poorly historical account of our actual lives."

            "Are you serious? Let me see!" Pan shouted, trying to grab the book. Vegeta held it away from her and she couldn't get it.

            "I can only imagine was childish reasons you invent to read this book, but I can safely assume that it's artful atrocity will be wasted on your kind."

            "What do you mean, 'my kind'? Just give me the stupid book!" She tried to grab it again, but failed.

            "Now where was I? Ah yes, 'Pan was really really pretty girl who didn't care what anyone else thought of her-'"

            "Ah! What else does it say about me?"

            He scoffed. "I don't think you're ready to hear just what it says about you."

            "Tell me! Tell me!" she kept saying.

            "Well, if you must know, it says you're going to go into heat and then we're going to have passionate Saiyan sex in the forest."

            Her eyes widened. "Really? Well, I'm ok with it."

            Vegeta smirked and threw down the book. The two went off to the forest and left the book behind. Of course, there was nothing in the book about having sex in a forest, that's another story entirely. A better story.

TO BE CONTINUED. UNLESS AUTHOR BEGGED TO CONSIDER OTHERWISE, OR AUTHOR IS REALLY LAZY.