I don't own the Stormlight Archive. Title is from "Stronger Than You Think" by Fireflight, but per usual its an "I'm going to post this so I better title it" title, so I might change it if I come up with something better.

I've been working on this for a while and I originally planned it post it in one part. However, last night I realized that I already have over 13,000 words and a ways to go so I figured that I should split it up to make it more manageable. I'm planning on three parts, but whenever I say stuff like that I always end up changing it so we'll see.

NOTE: This story is not particularly Dalinar friendly. This is partially a function of Elhokar's POV, however this story does deal heavily with that scene between Dalinar and Elhokar in Chapter 69 of WoK and its aftermath. That scene is easily the most horrible thing Dalinar has done outside of flashbacks and it's not something that can be ignored especially when writing about Elhokar. Be aware that while I as the author do not believe that Dalinar hates Elhokar and attacks him in a conscious effort to intimidate him into giving over more power, I do find the way Dalinar acts in that scene inexcusable and do not particularly like him as a result.

Elhokar Kholin was not sure how old he was when he realized that he was not the kind of son his father wanted.

That's not to say that in the years since the birth of his first child, Gavilar Kholin had not calmed down considerably, but he was still ultimately the kind of man who decided in his twenties that he deserved to rule more than everyone else and had gone out and wrought bloody havok on anyone who disagreed.

Elhokar was nothing like his father. Bloody conquest held no appeal to him. Of course, Jasnah had no interest in bloody conquest either, but she was Jasnah and she was not going to be king someday.

It wasn't that Gavilar ever outright said that he was disappointed in Elhokar, it was just that nothing Elhokar did seemed to ever be quite right. As the years went by, Elhokar became terrified of his father figuring out exactly how not quite right he was.

He'd tried to explain the feeling to Jasnah once in his teenage years. Jasnah had listened quietly while he forced himself to get the words out. He'd hated how difficult it was. He'd always had difficulties talking to people, but he normally didn't have a problem talking to Jasnah.

"You care too much what other people think about you," she'd said when he finally finished. "You'll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking like that. Who cares if you're not exactly what Father thinks he wants? You'll be a much better king than Dalinar would ever be. Just stop worrying about it."

How? Elhokar wanted to ask. Everyone always says just stop worrying like it's so easy. Please tell me what the secret is!

But he didn't ask. He loved Jasnah more than practically anyone else alive, but she was a hard person to live up to. Elhokar did not want her to think him any weaker than she no doubt already did.

That did not stop him from wishing he had asked for literally years.

The first time Elhokar saw the dark figure in the mirror behind, he screamed for his uncle. Not his finest moment, admittedly, but Dalinar always seemed to know what to do when Elhokar didn't. Not to mention that Dalinar had never tried to take the throne for himself even though everyone knew he could have easily so Elhokar had always figure he could trust him.

At Elhokar's request, Dalinar searched the entire room and all the exits. He found nothing. The guards said that no one had entered or left.

"There's nothing here, Elhokar," Dalinar said in that horrible, patronizing tone of voice he used whenever he thought Elhokar was overreacting.

Elhokar wanted to scream. This was not like the times when he knew there was no one in his chambers but he needed someone else to confirm it before his overactive mind would believe it. He knew for a fact that he had seen something real in that mirror. Something had been here. He'd been in danger and Dalinar refused to believe him.

He almost asked Dalinar how he expected to keep his nephew and king alive if he was just going to shrug off threats, but then he saw the look on Dalinar's face, the one that said he thought Elhokar was being irrational and not acting as a king should. Elhokar's frustration crumpled into shame. He knew he was a bad king, he knew he was ruining Alethkar. His paranoia was pointless; he should be able to control his anxiousness. He was supposed to be stronger than this.

He sent Dalinar away and spent the night curled up in the center of his huge bed jumping at shadows and too afraid to close his eyes.

"You look tired," Jasnah said the night before she was to leave the Shattered Plains and go back to hunting in libraries for something she never talked about.

"I'm fine," Elhokar said shortly. Once, years ago, back when he wasn't a king with duties and image to uphold, he might have told her how he saw the dark shape everytime he looked in the mirror, how it hovered malevolently behind him like it was debating whether or not to kill him. He might have admitted that he couldn't sleep and felt like he was constantly on the verge of panic. He couldn't tell anyone those things now, if the warlords figured out their king was losing his mind, Elhokar would lose his head and he did not want to die.

"Are you sure?" Jasnah asked in the slightly stiff tone she always used when she was trying to show concern. Things like concern were for mortals, which Jasnah wasn't. "Dalinar said that you've been flighty recently. What's been making you so anxious?"

"The same things as always," Elhokar said, which wasn't completely untrue. He was still worrying about assassins and failing and looking like a fool in front of the infinitely more poised men he was supposed to leading, he was just worrying about a shadowy figure stalking him too.

"Elhokar," Jasnah said a sigh coloring her words. "We've talked about this before. None of that matters."

"Yes, well I'm sorry that I can't just logic away my emotions like you can!" Elhokar snapped a well of frustration he hadn't even realized he was carrying around boiling over.

Jasnah blinked which was how Elhokar knew he'd actually managed to surprise her. Instantly he felt terrible about it. What if Jasnah took so much offense to what he'd said that she never spoke to him again? "I'm sorry," he muttered, looking away and fiddling with the hem of his coat. "I spoke without thinking. I didn't mean any offense."

"Elhokar…" Jasnah set her covered safehand gently on his shoulder. It was a show of intimacy that was comforting even though he knew she only did it because she'd knew people thought it was comforting. Social interaction was as unnatural to Jasnah as self-confidence was to Elhokar. "It's fine," she said "You were right. I was being condescending. You don't need to apologize."

Elhokar stared down at his knees and studied the way Jasnah's shadow fell across them and the floor, stretching towards the fireplace.

Wait a minute...

Elhokar looked a second time, but Jasnah's shadow really was, impossibly, pointing towards the fireplace. Slowly he raised he his head and met Jasnah's eyes. "Jasnah?" he asked. "What's going on with your shadow?"

Jasnah went rigid. Elhokar watched her look from his face to her shadow and back again. She displayed no fear or shock at the impossibility; she'd already known about it. He watched as she realized there was no way to convince him that he hadn't seen what he thought he had. He was thankful that she at least didn't think he was that stupid.

"You can't tell anyone, Elhokar," she said. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone."

"Of course, I won't," Elhokar said. "You can trust me, Jasnah. You always have been able to."

The corner of her mouth quirked in the closest thing to a gentle smile Elhokar had ever seen on her. "Thank you."

Again, Elhokar thought about telling her about the creature who lurked in the mirrors, but stopped himself at the last minute. Just because Jasnah's shadow went the wrong direction, didn't mean that Elhokar was really seeing something in the mirror. He was probably still going crazy.

From that moment onward, every time Elhokar saw the shadow in the mirror or out of the corner of his eye he took a moment to stop and tell himself that he was seeing things and that there wasn't really anything there. He had assumed that directly confronting the falseness of the hallucination would make it go away, but it didn't. It remained stubbornly where it was.

Every time he saw it, Elhokar thought about calling Dalinar and admitting that he was seeing things, but something always held him back. Dalinar was Elhokar's only protection against assassination, and he already probably thought Elhokar was weak and a bad king. What would happen if Elhokar admitted that his mind was failing? Perhaps Dalinar would decide that Alethkar would be better off with a different king and would withdrawn his protection. The logical side of Elhokar didn't really believe that, but the idea of being abandoned to his fate frightened him too much to risk it.

He wasn't sure exactly when the constant reminders that what he was seeing wasn't real stopped working, but eventually he found himself looking into the mirror at the shadow on the far wall and wondering if maybe there really was something there. Maybe he wasn't seeing things. Maybe he was being stalked. Maybe he was in danger.

Fully aware that even considering that the shadow might be real was a terrible idea and might just make things worse, Elhokar took a deep, careful breath and spoke, "Is anything there?" He asked quietly enough that none of the guards would hear him and start wondering why the king was talking to himself.

Yes. A voice that was both inside his head and outside it said. I'm here.

Elhokar had to practically stuff his hand into his mouth to keep from screaming. He stumbled back into the wall, hand extended for his Shardblade. Ten heartbeats.

Don't do that. The voice said. Those things aren't right.

"Who are you?" Elhokar demanded, moving his hand away from his mouth. The Shardblade formed in his hand, its coming hastened by his frantically racing heartbeat. "Why have you been stalking me all these months?"

I have chosen you. The voice said. It was getting clearer, more real. It was clear enough now that Elhokar could tell it was a female voice. And you can choose me in response.

"What are you?" Elhokar asked.

There was buzzing noise that was definitely completely outside his head. The sound came from of a patch of wall that was strangely darker than the rest of the room. It took Elhokar a moment to realize he was looking at an immensely intricate and constantly shifting pattern.

"I am a spren," the pattern said in a buzzy but still distinctly female voice. "And I have chosen you."

"Spren?" Elhokar asked. "Have I lost my mind? Is that what this is?"

"You're sane," the pattern said. "Trust me."

It occured to Elhokar that was probably exactly what the pattern would say if it was a product of his subconscious, but he couldn't exactly call Dalinar and say that he was being stalked by a talking pattern that claimed to be a spren. He took a deep breath and dismissed the Shardblade.

"Fine," he said. "It's not as if my life wasn't messed up before this."

After that, the spren stopped haunting Elhokar in the mirror and instead followed him around like a lost puppy, trailing him along the walls or clinging to his clothes in ways that made Dalinar roll his eyes and mutter about not even being able to convince his nephew to give up frivolous fashions. Normally Elhokar wilted with shame whenever Dalinar said things like that, but in this instance he was also sort of thankful because if Dalinar could see the pattern that meant that it wasn't just in Elhokar's head.

The spren spoke sometimes, but it (she?) seemed to have the sense to remain silent around other people. Sometimes Elhokar answered, sometimes he just let her monologue. He waited for her to get sick of him and move on, but she never did. In fact she seemed to treat their fledgling relationship like it was something permanent. Elhokar wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Things came to a head the day of the chasmfiend hunt. Elhokar went down to mount his horse and told the guards to put a different saddle on the animal. The groom was confused, but didn't try to argue. He put the new saddle on the horse, then stepped away to put the other saddle back in the tack room. That gave Elhokar all the time he needed to pull out a side knife and cut what he hoped was the right sized gouge into the girth strap.

"What are you doing?" the spren asked.

"Someone is trying to kill me," Elhokar said, quietly, fighting to keep his voice level. His hands were shaking so much he almost dropped the knife when he tried to put it away. "I know it, but Dalinar and Sadeas will never believe me unless there's an obvious attempt. When this girth breaks, they'll look into it."

"You do realize that Dalinar Kholin's men take care of your horses so this might frame him for your supposed attempted assassination?"

"How do I know he's not the one trying to kill me?" Elhokar hissed.

"You don't really believe that," the spren said after a moment.

The groom returned before Elhokar could respond. He mounted his horse, breathing a sigh of relief when the girth didn't break right there. It wouldn't have ruined the plan, but it would have required quite a bit more acting and Elhokar was not very accomplished at lying. He could equivocate with the best of them, but outright lying was a bit beyond him.

He waited until he was out in the sunlight before he responded to the spren, "No, I don't really believe that, but I need to know anyway."

"You're being irrational," she said very plainly.

"I'm always irrational," Elhokar said. He knew it was the truth. He'd heard it many times in conversations he wasn't supposed to overhear. People were always talking about him behind his back, which did nothing for his lifelong fear that people were talking about him behind his back.

"You also sell yourself short very consistently," the spren said. "We'll have to work on that."

Elhokar didn't bother to ask why she thought that was her responsibility.

It was safe to say that when Elhokar had decided to cut his own girth strap, he had not intended for the chasmfiend to climb up onto the plateau and attack them. Still he'd survived and Sadeas agreed to look into it in exchange for being Highprince of Information.

"Beware of him," the spren muttered once Sadeas was gone. "He lies."

"What would you know about lies, spren?" Elhokar asked, trying to hold back a snort.

"I am liespren," she said. "So much, probably, though I have forgotten many things. Coming here to be with you was traumatic."

"Glad to know that even spren would prefer not to be in my company," Elhokar muttered. It was something he wouldn't have said aloud to anyone but the spren. She was easy to talk to, perhaps because she was always around and never spoke except to him so he knew she wasn't gossiping about him behind his back. Jasnah had been much the same way-a super-intelligent heretic did not have many friends to gossip with-if you could ignore that she was perfectly capable of judging you by herself.

"That is not what I meant," the spren said. "Spren are from a world separate from yours. I chose to crossover and come to be with you, but the crossing was hard."

Elhokar wasn't sure how he felt about that. The idea that anything would want to risk memory loss to follow him around didn't make any sense. "Do you have a name?" he asked after a minute. "You can't like just being called 'spren.' Do spren even have names?"

"We do," the spren said, "but mine is too complex for humans to remember. You can give me a nickname if you'd like."

"You want me to name you?" Elhokar couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice. "I didn't even name my own son, what makes you think I'd be any good at it?"

"It's just a nickname," the spren said. "I'll tell you if it sounds stupid."

"You just confessed to being a liespren," Elhokar pointed out.

"And I also confessed to having forgotten most of what I once knew about lies," she replied. "You'll just have to take your chances."

"Alright…" Elhokar said. "How do you feel about Shadow?"

"Because I followed your around and made you fear insanity for months?" she hum/buzzed thoughtfully. "I like it."

"That simple?"

"That simple," she said. "Now you should know that there are some words you're supposed to say. Words to strengthen our bond."

"What kind of words?" Elhokar asked.

"I can't tell you," Shadow said. "But you'll know them when the time comes."

"That's helpful," Elhokar muttered. "You can't just tell me them now?"

"That's not the way it works," Shadow said.

It didn't take Elhokar long to figure out that agreeing to appoint Sadeas as Highprince of Information had probably been a bad idea. Even if Sadeas had no intentions of misusing his position there was the problem that Dalinar thought Sadeas was up to something and thought Elhokar was an idiot for not seeing it.

Perhaps Elhokar was an idiot, but he couldn't help but be a little frustrated. Dalinar and Sadeas spent most of their time distrusting each other and blaming the other to Gavilar's death. Elhokar wished they could just see what he did, which was that once the Assassin in White had been told to go after Gavilar there was no chance that he would survive. That was why Elhokar was so afraid of the Assassin; he was legitimately a death sentence, but of course no one else could see that.

"The Blackthorn tells interesting lies," Shadow mused one day after Dalinar had left her and Elhokar alone after yet another tense conference.

"What do you mean?" Elhokar asked, studying the handful of spheres that had been sitting on his desk when Dalinar had come in. They had all gone dun. That had been happening a lot recently, and Elhokar was starting to suspect Shadow had something to do with it, though he had yet to work up the courage to ask her about it.

"He claims not to want to be king," Shadow said, "but grabs for power at every opportunity. He claims to be honorable, but on some level he still thinks that everything would be better if he had the power to force people to do what he wants."

Elhokar was quite for almost a minute before he worked up the courage to ask, "You really see that?"

"Of course," Shadow said. "Did you not notice?"

"I did," Elhokar said. "But I worry that basically everyone thinks they'd be a better king than me and is slowly taking power from me because I'm too stupid to notice, so I was trying to ignore it."

"Well," Shadow said after buzzing thoughtfully for a moment. "If it makes you feel better, I also think he believes that he is doing what is best for your people and for you."

"That doesn't make me feel better," Elhokar grumbled after a moment. "But thanks for the heads-up."

It was surprising how little knowing that Dalinar was trying to usurp him changed anything. It wasn't like knowing he was losing his position as king suddenly gave Elhokar the knowledge necessary to rule by himself. He still needed Dalinar and Sadeas just as much as he ever had, the only difference was that he now felt even more pathetic when he gave into their help.

Still, things had a tense holding pattern. Dalinar didn't realize Elhokar was onto him, and continued on as usual. If anything, he and Sadeas were getting along better than usual. The only thing that changed was the rumors that had begun to circulate about some kind of amorous relationship between Dalinar and Navani. Elhokar didn't actually believe them; Navani was Gavilar's late wife so she and Dalinar were basically brother and sister. Elhokar couldn't imagine wanting a relationship like that with Jasnah so he assumed his mother and uncle must feel the same. What bothered him was the simple existence of the rumors. For better or worse, everything Dalinar did reflected on Elhokar, and the idea of what people would say about House Kholin if they actually started believing Dalinar capable of that terrified Elhokar.

He realized he had bigger problems when Sadeas's army marched back into camp without Dalinar's. Dalinar had finally managed to convince Sadeas to try one of his crazy joint plateau runs, which Elhokar had hoped was further proof that things were getting better between them. This, however, did not seem good.

"Perhaps Sadeas headed back while Dalinar stayed to harvest the gemheart?" he asked, speaking under his breath so only Shadow could hear him.

She buzzed in the tone she only used when she was unsettled. "Mmmmm. I think not. Lies. Treachery."

Elhokar's mouth went dry. He clenched his fists in a somewhat futile attempt at keeping his hands from shaking. "What kind of treachery?"

Shadow buzzed again. "I am not sure."

Elhokar turned to the guards standing by the doorway. "One of you go to Sadeas's war camp and figure out what happened to Dalinar and his men," he ordered. One of the men nodded and hurried off. After a moment, Elhokar took a deep breath, turned back to the window and tried to remain calm and patient.

The guard never returned with the news, which was even more proof that Elhokar was fast losing all the power he was supposed to hold. Eventually, Dalinar's forces did stumble back to the war camps, though they had obviously lost thousands of men. Elhokar's stomach flipped at the thought of all the death that must have taken place.

"Send another messenger to figure out what's going on!" he snapped to the new rotation of guards. "Make sure this one actually comes back!"

He wasn't even surprised when this messenger also failed to return. He was surprised when Dalinar stalked in several hours later, still clad in his gray Shardplate only it was now accented by a bright blue gauntlet Elhokar was pretty sure was from Adolin's Plate. Dalinar looked really unhappy and that instantly made Elhokar nervous. He started talking, only vaguely aware that he was saying something inane about Dalinar and Navani, then Dalinar lunged across the room and clobbered Elhokar with a blow of Shardplate augmented strength.

As a rule, Elhokar didn't lie to himself, if anything he was too honest with himself, but there was one thing he tried not to think about. It was his biggest and most carefully concealed lie, and Dalinar's attack shattered what fragile shielding he had around it. Most Alethi would have fought like their lives depended on it, but Elhokar's mind clogged with panic and all he could do was try fruitlessly to draw his Shardblade while screaming at the top of his lungs for help that never came.

It was the single most horrifying thing that had ever happened to him. Dalinar didn't stop and Elhokar couldn't fight back and no one answered his cries for help. He was completely and utterly helpless. He was going to be murdered by his uncle without even managing to fight back. He was a failure as a king and a failure as an Alethi.

Then Dalinar stopped. Right when he had the opportunity to crush Elhokar's chest and be done with it, he suddenly pulled back and then he talking, talking like nothing happened, like he hadn't just almost killed his nephew. Elhokar could barely hear him over the ringing in his ears, over the horrible inner voice that was howling over and over that he was a coward and a failure and that Dalinar hated him and wanted him dead.

Vaguely Elhokar was aware that Dalinar was asking to be made Highprince of War. He was saying something about having the power to force all the other Highprinces to follow the Codes. Through his panic, Elhokar found himself wondering if Nohadon taught that you should beat up people to get them to do what you wanted, or if that was what Dalinar had learned from his conquering spree with Gavilar. Apparently-if Dalinar was to be believed-Sadeas had been trying to become Highprince of Information for his own selfish ends as well, but at least he'd had the decency to manipulate Elhokar into giving him the position instead of using physical violence.

Still, Elhokar found himself agreeing. It wasn't like he could do anything else. Dalinar had made it blatantly clear that he'd kill Elhokar if he didn't agree, and Elhokar was a useless coward who did not want to die. He'd do just about anything to keep living, and, unfortunately, Dalinar knew that.

Dalinar smiled and spoke to him just as he always had, like nothing had happened. Elhokar had always found Dalinar's fatherly smiles comforting, but now they terrified him. How could someone almost kill their own nephew and then act like that same nephew should be grateful they'd done it, like they'd somehow done a great service? Dalinar actually had the nerve to say that Elhokar should listen to Nohadon's book. If Elhokar had possessed more courage he would have spat that if that book helped Dalinar rationalize this then Elhokar wanted nothing to do with it.

Finally Dalinar left, not without calling over his shoulder that he and Navani were courting, like he thought Elhokar had enough brain space to care that his uncle was in love with the woman who should have been like his sister now. When the door closed behind Dalinar, leaving Elhokar alone, he curled up into the smallest ball he could while still in his damaged Shardplate. He couldn't breathe and he felt like he was dying. Maybe Dalinar really had managed to crush his chest and he just hadn't noticed until now. Maybe this was the end.

Some indeterminable amount of time, he finally managed to breathe again. He came back to himself to find that he was still curled up on the floor where Dalinar had left him. The sun had set and the room was pitch dark because all the spheres in the lamps had gone dun. No one had come to check if he was alright, and Elhokar wasn't sure if he was happy about that or not. It was good that no one had seen how Dalinar's attack had undone him, but that was just one more demonstration about how he wasn't really in command of his kingdom.

Shadow was twisting on the floor next to his face in frustrated circles buzzing and snarling things that Elhokar suspected might have been curses in a spren language. "Shadow," he croaked, his mouth dry as the Shattered Plains when there hadn't been a Highstorm in a long time. "How long has it been?"

She turned towards him, though he didn't know how he knew that when one side of her was the same as any other. "That is a truly horrid man," she buzzed. "I hate him. His lies are abhorrent."

Elhokar's first urge was still to defend Dalinar, to argue that it wouldn't have been so bad if he was a true Alethi, if he wasn't such a coward, but deep down he knew that wasn't right. He couldn't imagine Dalinar doing something like that to Adolin or Renarin. Dalinar had done what he had because he thought Elhokar was too stupid to comply with him any other way. Maybe Dalinar was right, but that did not make what he had done right.

In that moment something changed. Elhokar didn't think that he actually hated Dalinar, but the child-like awe he'd harbored for the man for most of his life was gone. If that was honor than Elhokar wanted nothing to do with it. He and Dalinar both knew which one of them was stronger; Dalinar hadn't needed to pound Elhokar into the floor and beat him over the head with his own weakness. Even if there was a part of Elhokar that whispered that he'd deserved all that and more, that said that he was overreacting and that Gavilar could have handled that without even getting worked up, he couldn't quite decide to ignore the whole thing and move on. Elhokar might be afraid that he was overreacting, but he knew that no matter what he did not want to be like Dalinar Kholin.

And then he knew the Words. It was strange because there was logically no way he could have known them, but somehow he did. He didn't know exactly what they would do or even what they meant, but he knew that they would separate him from Dalinar, make him something that his uncle couldn't be.

"Elhokar?" Shadow asked. She had calmed a little and her buzzing voice was now almost soothing. She did not insult his intelligence by asking if he was alright.

"The Words," he said. "I know them now. 'Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination.' Right?"

"Right." Shadow replied and just like that, everything changed.

Hope you enjoyed! Please favorite, follow and review!

Emjen