Have a fun time in my happy little world!
(Dumbledore walks down the street, holding what seems to be some kind of miniature Thermos.)
Dumbledore- Weeh! This is fun! Maybe the audience will be so into watching the little flying pieces of fire they won't how incredibly old I sound! Oh yeah, and it will never be explained why I actually do this. Oh hey, Professor McGonagall. This is the only time I will ever call you that, by the way.
McGonagall- Even though you were being as serious and un-funny as I am, I still must act like you were goofing off.
Dumbledore- Hagrid's bringing the baby, by the way. I trust him fully, even though he's a half giant who raises evil animals and got expelled from school.
McGonagall- Are you sure this is a good idea? What if these people don't have a good health insurance plan?
Dumbledore- Since Harry's family all have mysteriously died, this is it.
Bookies- What about the Lemon Drop part? *whimper*
(Hagrid shows up)
Hagrid- Hey guys! Guess who I borrowed this bike from? SIRIUS BLACK!!!!!!!
JK Rowling- Score one for subtle foreshadowing
Dumbledore- OK, well bye Harry, have a nice life.
Hagrid- I have become emotionally attached to him, even though I only spent about 30 minutes with him.
*10 years later*
Bookies- Harry's eyes aren't green! This is the end of life as we know it!
Harry- It's the Hard Knock Life for me
Uncle Vernon- Come on Harry. I drop about 50 hints that you are weird, but you don't ever notice.
Harry- 'Steada treated, I get tricked.
Snake- Hey dude, what's happenin' bro.
Harry- Holy sh- I mean bloody hell! I can talk to snakes!
JK Rowling- Yah you better be British boy!
Chris Columbus- *sigh*
Snake- Yo, homie, it's not a good thing to talk to snakes.
Harry- I'll look totally serious until Uncle Vernon decides to look at me. Then I'll laugh.
Uncle Vernon- Not a good idea kid.
*
(Respect plays in the back round. We see Harry, jumping up and down on his bed)
Harry- R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!
Uncle Vernon- God Harry! Get the mail!
Harry- Woah! I got a letter! I'll make sure to hold it out in front of me so everyone notices I have it!
Uncle Vernon- Give me that letter! Ooooooh, look Petunia, a pretty symbol, aw crap, that's for Hogwarts.
Harry- Hey, give it back!
Uncle Vernon- No! It's a subscription to Playboy! I better burn it!
Harry- Since I am a preteen without hormones, I certainly do not need that subscription. I am a robot. What is your command.
Dudley- AAAAAAAAH! Harry's a..... Toy Harry like in The Santa Claus 2!
Harry- Dude, that movie sucked.
Audience- Except for the moleinater part.
Chris Columbus- What about "Home Alone"? Quote "Home Alone"!
Harry- Sorry, McCauley Culkin gives me nightmares now.
*
Harry- Wow, look at all the lovely letters. I'll try to grab the hardest one to grab, to assure I won't be able to get one.
Dudley- I'll take the subscription.
*
Harry- This is the part where everyone feels sorry for me.
Dudley- Look at my dorky pajamas!
Harry- Don't worry, I'll have a pair soon enough
(Loud knocking is heard on the door, and it falls over)
Hagrid- Sorry I knocked over your door. The camera had to zero in on my every body part to make it look as big as possible.
Perverts- Hehehe.
Dudley- I can talk like a baby!
Hagrid- Hey Harry, what's shakin?
Harry- Oh my god, it's Fat Bastard!
Hagrid- Hey....
Harry- Oh, sorry. You know, just a little more purple and you could pass for Barney.
Hagrid-...Anyway, you're a wizard Harry.
Harry- Well, duh. Didn't you see the previews?
Uncle Vernon- It's a cult! Don't go Harry....don't leave me....
( They fight about Harry going to Wizard school. Petunia gives a long, angst-filled speech.)
Hagrid- Ha, watch, I can turn your kid into a pig, aw crap.
Bookies- JK, what did the Dursley's do about that anyway?
JK Rowling- Um, they said, um, a wart got out of control! That's it, right.
Hagrid- Well come on, let's go.
Harry- Alright
(They skip off merrily into the sunshine, holding hands. The Barney song plays in the background.)
Harry- Hagrid, I'm glad you're with me.
*
So there's my lovely humor. Scary, isn't it?
I'll keep writing on sugar high at midnight if you like it, so yah, click the button if you want too.
(Dumbledore walks down the street, holding what seems to be some kind of miniature Thermos.)
Dumbledore- Weeh! This is fun! Maybe the audience will be so into watching the little flying pieces of fire they won't how incredibly old I sound! Oh yeah, and it will never be explained why I actually do this. Oh hey, Professor McGonagall. This is the only time I will ever call you that, by the way.
McGonagall- Even though you were being as serious and un-funny as I am, I still must act like you were goofing off.
Dumbledore- Hagrid's bringing the baby, by the way. I trust him fully, even though he's a half giant who raises evil animals and got expelled from school.
McGonagall- Are you sure this is a good idea? What if these people don't have a good health insurance plan?
Dumbledore- Since Harry's family all have mysteriously died, this is it.
Bookies- What about the Lemon Drop part? *whimper*
(Hagrid shows up)
Hagrid- Hey guys! Guess who I borrowed this bike from? SIRIUS BLACK!!!!!!!
JK Rowling- Score one for subtle foreshadowing
Dumbledore- OK, well bye Harry, have a nice life.
Hagrid- I have become emotionally attached to him, even though I only spent about 30 minutes with him.
*10 years later*
Bookies- Harry's eyes aren't green! This is the end of life as we know it!
Harry- It's the Hard Knock Life for me
Uncle Vernon- Come on Harry. I drop about 50 hints that you are weird, but you don't ever notice.
Harry- 'Steada treated, I get tricked.
Snake- Hey dude, what's happenin' bro.
Harry- Holy sh- I mean bloody hell! I can talk to snakes!
JK Rowling- Yah you better be British boy!
Chris Columbus- *sigh*
Snake- Yo, homie, it's not a good thing to talk to snakes.
Harry- I'll look totally serious until Uncle Vernon decides to look at me. Then I'll laugh.
Uncle Vernon- Not a good idea kid.
*
(Respect plays in the back round. We see Harry, jumping up and down on his bed)
Harry- R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!
Uncle Vernon- God Harry! Get the mail!
Harry- Woah! I got a letter! I'll make sure to hold it out in front of me so everyone notices I have it!
Uncle Vernon- Give me that letter! Ooooooh, look Petunia, a pretty symbol, aw crap, that's for Hogwarts.
Harry- Hey, give it back!
Uncle Vernon- No! It's a subscription to Playboy! I better burn it!
Harry- Since I am a preteen without hormones, I certainly do not need that subscription. I am a robot. What is your command.
Dudley- AAAAAAAAH! Harry's a..... Toy Harry like in The Santa Claus 2!
Harry- Dude, that movie sucked.
Audience- Except for the moleinater part.
Chris Columbus- What about "Home Alone"? Quote "Home Alone"!
Harry- Sorry, McCauley Culkin gives me nightmares now.
*
Harry- Wow, look at all the lovely letters. I'll try to grab the hardest one to grab, to assure I won't be able to get one.
Dudley- I'll take the subscription.
*
Harry- This is the part where everyone feels sorry for me.
Dudley- Look at my dorky pajamas!
Harry- Don't worry, I'll have a pair soon enough
(Loud knocking is heard on the door, and it falls over)
Hagrid- Sorry I knocked over your door. The camera had to zero in on my every body part to make it look as big as possible.
Perverts- Hehehe.
Dudley- I can talk like a baby!
Hagrid- Hey Harry, what's shakin?
Harry- Oh my god, it's Fat Bastard!
Hagrid- Hey....
Harry- Oh, sorry. You know, just a little more purple and you could pass for Barney.
Hagrid-...Anyway, you're a wizard Harry.
Harry- Well, duh. Didn't you see the previews?
Uncle Vernon- It's a cult! Don't go Harry....don't leave me....
( They fight about Harry going to Wizard school. Petunia gives a long, angst-filled speech.)
Hagrid- Ha, watch, I can turn your kid into a pig, aw crap.
Bookies- JK, what did the Dursley's do about that anyway?
JK Rowling- Um, they said, um, a wart got out of control! That's it, right.
Hagrid- Well come on, let's go.
Harry- Alright
(They skip off merrily into the sunshine, holding hands. The Barney song plays in the background.)
Harry- Hagrid, I'm glad you're with me.
*
So there's my lovely humor. Scary, isn't it?
I'll keep writing on sugar high at midnight if you like it, so yah, click the button if you want too.