The Better Ending

Summary: A man, a woman, a choice on a train. An alternate ending to an otherwise excellent series. EuShin pairing.

This chapter is for Kim Huiseong, who left us much too soon. Who laughed and smiled his cares away, who hid his broken heart behind a good mood. You, whom I miss; You, my star, flower, moon, wind, jokes. Everything and everywhere there is beauty, I see you. My heart aches, Kim Huiseong, and I don't regret loving you.

Pain, happiness, and love must be shared.
And you must endure all hardships in prayer
Until you can feel it together.
That's how we become a family.

You must be able to express your sadness
and be able to cry together to be a family.

You must be able to express your happiness
and be able to be happy for one another to be a family.

You must feel like you're under the same blanket
no matter where you are to be a family.

"Family" by Choi Bum Young

Chapter Eight
Family

Aeshin comes home to an empty house, devoid of husband or children. For the day, Eugene had taken both Sumi and Domi riding, teaching them how to handle a horse. Aeshin had never been an accomplished rider, but Sumi had taken to it like a duck to water. It seems Domi is more like his mother, unable to control his mount and often simply sliding sadly off to the side of the horse. Eugene is an excellent and determined teacher, so Aeshin does not doubt that Domi will soon master the art. However many times his sister rides in mocking circles around him.

At the silence of the house, she can only assume that Joonyoung took off after them, prone to following his teacher and father like a duckling. Something in the air feels off though, and Aeshin begins to prowl. Months of barely avoiding ambushes have made Aeshin very capable of sensing presences of people around her. This is her home, this is her safe haven, this is where her children come to eat and sleep. When she finds the intruder, well, no one will ever find the pieces. So she goes, room from room, hoisting the rifle up under her armpit and ready to shoot.

A sniffle stops her advances just as she reaches the threshold of her room. She pauses, waiting. Another wet sob escapes a niche by her closet, cloaked in shadows. But Aeshin can see the figure huddled there, weeping. She lowers the gun against the threshold, thinking. Joonyoung would probably feel shy and embarrassed to have been found crying. But just like Domi and Sumi, Joonyoung is her boy. Eugene had taken him in, orphaned and angry, and given him purpose. Her husband had given him the tools and the strength with which to live, survive and fight. In her eyes, Eugene had stopped just shy of giving Joonyoung his surname. He may only be ten years younger than her, but he's as much her son as if she had given birth to him. Her husband considers Joonyoung his, so Joonyoung is hers. When Domi and Sumi cry, she lends them her arms, her ears, her shoulder and her compassion. Joonyoung deserves the exact same, if not more.

So she crosses into the darkness of her room, silent, until she drops to her knees at his side. Joonyoung curls up into himself, his red eyes peeking at her over the curve of his knees. He doesn't turn away from her, but he makes an effort to wipe his tears. Aeshin doesn't say anything, merely offering her presence as solace to his pain.

Realizing he won't be scolded for sneaking into his mother's room, Joonyoung's shoulders drop. But as the silence slides past, Joonyoung realizes just how patient Aeshin is. She merely kneels primly at his side, poised but present. Somehow, it's stifling. Joonyoung can't help but speak up. "Why aren't you asking anything?"

Aeshin's eyes slide to him, and she responds by merely curling her arm over his shoulder, bringing him up against her side. She presses his head onto her shoulder, kissing his forehead softly. Eugene is the most affectionate parent of the two, but this has merely made Aeshin's hugs worth gold to her children. Joonyoung huddles into the embrace, wrapping his arms around her slim waist. His mother smells of fresh grass, sun, clean clothing and rain. It's a comforting scent, and he turns his face toward her, hiding his tears. She runs her fingers through his hair, and finally speaks up.

"Would you like to tell me what's on your mind?" she invites, her voice measured and calm. It's soothing, her rock steady presence, and Joonyoung relaxes against her. Amid the storm of emotions, she radiates eternal patience and serenity. It helps him focus his feelings to a more understandable and controllable level.

So he speaks up, pouring the brunt of his pain into a story of a man he knew. A man who had given his family a home, a safe place to stay; a man who had helped his sister live a maiden's life, given her dignity. A man who smiled as though the world itself was beautiful, declaring himself a lover of everything useless. A man who laughed as though life had meaning beyond absurdity and death, giving love no matter the squalls. A man who had died at the hands of the Japanese, bloodied and broken. A man who had not wanted to give Joseon his heart, but had ended up giving Her his life and his soul. A man who drank to the loveliness of flowers and became a friend to everyone. A man who ran from the tick-tock of a clock that stole his joy away. A man he had loved like a brother, admired as a man and cried for as though he had really been family.

Kim Huiseong had been a man of many shapes, colors and sizes. He had been a person unidentifiable by normal means, impossible to contain in a mere tag, a word or an adjective. He was a man impossible to describe and who burst at the seams in Joseon's humdrum society. Huiseong was a man who had run from his problems, but returned for the sake of the one woman who made his heart soar.

Joonyoung tells it all, unable to helps the broken sobs that escape him as he talks of this man, this titan… so he continues to cry. Because today is the day he died.

For a moment, Aeshin's hand pauses from its gentle sweeps across his hair. Her sigh slides across his forehead and Joonyoung sits up, looking into her tear-bright eyes. She smiles, somewhat sadly, and asks if he would like to hear more stories.

Joonyoung nods, crossing his legs underneath him as his mother holds his hands and surprises him. He had known, of course, that Kim Huiseong and Go Aeshin had been engaged to be married. Who didn't? He had not known much, however, beyond what had been available at the market gossip mill. As Aeshin tells him of how she had hated him for ten years for abandoning his duty, Joonyoung leans forward. How she had instantly assumed him to be worthless, as much as Huiseong had seen her as useless. How he had caught onto her double life faster than anyone else and provided help without her knowing. How he had become a friend to her husband despite the horrifying ties between their two families. How, more than once, he had saved her life and the life of her family.

She gives his impression of his older brother more color and life, filling in the shapes until the Huiseong in his head is three dimensional and real.

He remembers the looks between his sister and Huiseong. The pity in the older man's eyes, and the sadness in his sister's gaze; it had been something that Joonyoung had observed, but never understood. As Aeshin sheds more light to her relationship with the notorious playboy, Joonyoung realizes what love meant to Huiseong. The kind of love Buddha alludes to when he says that people who love flowers do not pick them, but nourish them where they grow. Huiseong had loved Aeshin more than the rumors had allowed. He had loved her so much, he made a selfless choice.

He had loved her enough to let her go.

As tears slide down Aeshin's face, she explains how hard it is to live with the sacrifice of another. She had never given it much thought before, until the broken smiles of Huiseong had taught her the true pain of infinite, forgiving love. She tells him how highly she esteemed her fiancé for his bravery, his strength and his confidence. Saying goodbye to him had broken her heart and his death had left a mark on her soul.

"I really liked listening to him talk, mom," Joonyoung whispers, gazing solemnly at the floor.

"I truly admired his flair and his style, son," Aeshin confides, smiling impishly and making her son snort.

So they sit, and trade stories, until they both fall asleep.

Eugene finds them there, curled up against the wall and still holding hands.

To be Continued…

I was watching "A Poem a Day" and Jang Dongyoon just... reminded me so much of Mr. Sunshine. I watched him cry during episode six and thirteen, and I just burst into Joonyoung-feels. He's an incredibly accomplished actor, so much that he had me writing this in a feverish frenzy over the course of a few minutes.

Then they had the poem about family and I had to. I just had to.

I hope y'all are crying. Because I died while I wrote this. I miss Huiseong so much.