Hey, guys! BD and GOTA, here, with the third and final installment of 'All Jokes Aside (No Laughing Matter).' This is a story filled with dark comedy and a cavernous amount of femdom. So, just warning you guys beforehand. Seriously! It gets there! Enjoy!

Emi knew that there wasn't any better time than the present. There weren't any puns intended when she wanted to be glazed by his naturally-made milk. It wasn't a joke that if Izuku was a pirate, then she would walk his plank. There were no buts about his entering his little rocket crashing into her Uranus. This game, this chase, this dance was drawing to a close. Excited like her tingling loins. She was prepared for the final trek to make Izuku hers.

She positioned herself at the end of the stairway at the train station. Izuku was to arrive shortly before the last stop. The stragglers who entered the train would be too drunk, too unconcerned or to care about what things she planned from her bag of tricks.

However her plans of tricks were more of a treat. More so for her than it is for Izuku. Planning her future and dismantling his future with that cesspit of shitty treadmarks that he called a girlfriend. Why would that festering bowl of pus that belonged in the deepest crevice of Mineta Minoru's ancient dick cheese have her grubby hands on her boyfriend. Izuku Midoriya belonged to her and there wasn't any laughing manner about that.

Target Acquired

A bolt from the blue, her husband appeared from the opposite end of the train tracks. He looked like a modest church mouse. So meek, so tender, so hers, she thought. She was fortunate that she was wearing her pad. Only God knows what could have happened if she didn't have it. Better to have and not need than to need and not have was her philosophy. With such a piece of eye candy bestowing yards away from her luscious booty, there would have been a repeat of the 2011 Tohoku tsunami. Even New Orleans wouldn't be prepared for another planned breach of the dams. She wasn't sure if there was a God and if there was a God, then he knew that a flash flood warning was approaching.

She reached for her cell phone. Thanks to her friend "Dr. Aoi," she received a distorted voice box to keep herself anonymous.

For now!

In return for "Dr. Aoi's" goodwill, she provided her with a severance package. Two one-way tickets to Hawaii with her loving brother. Emi smiled as she knew that there was a woman passionately loving and dedicated in taking care of her brother, "Sky." She wished "Sky" and "Autumn" well for their travels.

For her adventures began now!

She reached for her cell phone. She was comfortable, knowing that she wasn't going to be bothered. After all, it was almost the midnight hour.

The phone rang for a few seconds. The acoustics of the subway station made itself known to the sleepy passengers. Izuku reached into his pocket. He answered it on the fifth ring.

"You've answered! Good! Now listen to my instructions if you don't want to face certain consequences, you pervert!" Emi felt bad for calling the father of her kits a pervert. However, in order for the man to be loved by her, she must put him down so she can build him back up.

In the image of what Emi Midoriya is going to make him.

"Please, Dr. Aoi, I don't want any trouble," said Izuku timidly. "I am here as planned. I am awaiting your orders."

"Excellent," replied Emi purringly. "In a few moments, there will be a train taking the last passengers home for the evening. You will be boarding that train."

"Yes, ma'am," said Izuku nervously. Hearing the fragileness in his voice ignited her maternal instincts. She couldn't wait to surround him with lots and lots and lots of love. She couldn't wait to bring him some moist and soft batch of cookies.

And she wasn't talking about Pillsbury.

"When the train comes, walk to the nearest pole and stand there," she told Izuku in a stern voice. "Don't make any move until I say something. One false step and I can't speak to what can happen to certain people you care about."

"Don't hurt Ochako or my mother," said Izuku in a crackling voice. "Do what you want to me, but leave them out of this. They don't need to suffer."

Ara ara! You are so sweet in protecting the ones you love. Hope you do the same within the next nine months. If Ochako is lucky, she can come to the wedding. However, I am not sure if you can bring a kennel to the wedding. No need for fleas!

"Then, follow my orders!" Emi hung up. She clenched her fist excitedly. Hearing the fear in his voice and his timidity made her come a little.

Right on schedule, the final train for the night entered into the viaduct. Alas, such a metaphor, she thought. Seeing the train penetrating the subway in its final ascent. She viewed it as Izuku's final farewell to his virginity.

Wearing her trenchcoat and her sunglasses, Emi followed yards behind Izuku as he entered the train. He took the first entrance and Emi took the third entrance. As they both entered, her eyes were laid upon the boy that was to be hers.

It took a lot to not take her frustration and anger on that Uraraka bitch. Moments like this she wished she could have consulted with that meaningless, pointless Yaoyorozu cunt to produce a blunt or sharp instrument to go stabby stabby stab on the Hinata understudy. However, she knew how much of a tragedy it would be on her husband.

Besides, she wasn't sure if she would run away with two murders. Yaoyorozu would have been an accessory. And like a certain Chicago drill rapper has quoted, "no fucking face, no fucking case!" Then, the idea of one of their parents going on the news and detailing how their daughters were so smart that they should have known better to interfere with a yandere by taking another route. And Lord knows if their mothers were to testify, then she would have to take their mothers out.

Alas, incandescent murderous thoughts were put to rest as she was alone in her personal heaven with her Izuku.

Meanwhile….

Izuku felt this sudden chill as he knew he was being watched. To think that there was a person who has been stalking and harassing him.

Who was this mysterious person? Why was he/she creating trouble for him. As he wouldn't think he was a saint, but he felt he had put enough vibes on this Earth to prevent trouble. Especially enough sympathy points on not seeking revenge on a certain possessive blond. Lord knows there were enough credits to compensate on how he was feeling.

As instructed, he stood at the first pole near the window. Another surge of a chill went down to his spine. The feeling of all of Mineta's videos were coming true. Was he going to succumb to reverse train groping?

Someone wrapped their hand around him.

"Holy Esdeath," cried Izuku.

The brown glove enveloped his mouth, promoting silence. Izuku was trying to move, trying to speak, but he felt something sharp on the back of his neck.

Their hot breath lingered around him. I am surprised. Izuku have never been this off-guarded before.

The captor spoke.

"Don't you dare move," said the voice. The voice was distorted. Unable to tell if it was male or female.

Izuku wanted to budge, to move, something to alert of his potential danger. However, the words from the caller didn't leave his ears.

"Don't turn around unless you want pain," said the voice, reminding of the sharpness behind his neck. "It's a simple request!"

The distorted voice captor hovered over him. Izuku couldn't see who it was. Nevertheless, the emerald-haired teen tried to keep his composure.

"Dr. Aoi," asked Izuku worriedly.

"Call me whatever you want me to be. Call me God," said the distorted voice. Or lover! Or goddess! The mother of our five children Emiko, Izumi, Miku, Iku, and Jotaro.

In a stifled voice, Izuku managed to produce the next set of words. "What do you want? What can I do to make this stop?!" They nudged closer. Izuku was being pressed against the window. He was feeling uncomfortable. He didn't think Dr. Aoi could be so rambunctious in the public eye. Even if he cried for help, most of the passengers were in dreamland or either nodding off into a place where there wasn't space and time. He tried to turn around, but the distorted captor grabbed him and pushed him against the window.

"Who gave you permission to move," said the distorted captor in a hoarse voice. Izuku could feel the captor's hot breath tickling his neck. "It is like you are purposely wanting to cause trouble. Shall I go to Ochako and your Mother Dearest?"

He squeaked, which excited Emi. Oh, God, he is so easy to tease. It is like he is asking me to rape him! Kawaii!

Emi smirked. "That is why I thought." Taking advantage of this opportunity, she used her foot to spread his legs. "Remain still and I promise that you won't be harmed." She planted her mouth onto his neck. "Maybe nice things." She clicked her tongue. "How's that sound?"

She knew he wouldn't answer, which suited her. "Got to see if you didn't bring any suspicious weapons. Tee-hee!"

"So, you have me under your spell," Izuku said to the voice. "What are you gonna do to me? Keep me hostage? What are your evil plans? Oh, distorted voice ma'am sir?"

It came to the pressing of the glass to end Izuku's speaking.

"Seems like you like doing things the hard way," said Emi. "That's fine! I like it hard." Emi reached around Izuku's pants where his dick was located. Izuku yelped from the contact. Emi put a finger to his lip. "Not so tough, aren't you! As I said, I got to check any suspicious weapons." She used her tongue to lick his neck, which made Izuku tense. "Got a mighty weapon you are carrying. I need to do a little inspection. Remain still!"

Izuku felt the smirk behind his neck. As she fondled his now hardened dick, her finger trailed against his back. "Have to say, Izuku! You're quite tasty. Like a yummy cinnamon roll!"

Izuku's breath began laboring. Hearing his stifled moans excited the jokester.

"Please," cried Izuku in a begging manner. Although he was uncertain of the captor's identity, the feeling of his cock rubbing against his jean fabric was stimulating in such a sensual way. His breath faltered, as much as he wanted to resist, the captor knew how to please a man.

"Is that steel rod in your pocket or you're just happy to see me?"

"..."

"It's okay! The heart wants what the heart wants!"

She didn't stop stroking his cock through his jeans. She could see that a wet patch was forming around his groin. "Getting wet I see. You would get like this for any captor, would you pervert?"

"..."

"Maybe I should make you into my personal Dutch wife."

"..."

"Just a mighty magisword! Just feeling it from its garb shows that it is powerful. All it needs is a powerful sheath to…"

ZAP!

Suddenly Emi felt a shooting pain up her back that rattled her whole body, shaking her brain like a peanut in a jar.

"Nobody, I mean NOBODY, ever puts my Izuku in that position, you bitch!"

Before Emi could turn, she felt the volt of electricity hitting onto her back once again. It felt like hundreds of angry bees gnashing and prickling onto her skin.

"Oh, I am sorry! Did it hurt?" Emi noticed the sound of her voice. A sickly sweet kind of voice that she should have shut down before she had the chance. Lying on her back, she saw the devil herself.

"Ochako!" Emi barked as she spat at the brunette. "You dejected understudy of Hinata-" She was cut off when Ochako applied another shock onto Emi's stomach.

"You are the reject of the rejects. The wannabe Tsunade minus the juggs. The "D" student of the Sonozaki twins." Ochako angrily kicked Emi on her side. She returned the taser into her pocket. Immediately, Izuku ran to Ochako's aid. She embraced the teen, holding him tightly before pecking him on the lips. "You're okay, baby?"

Izuku nodded in compliance.

"It's okay, Izuku. I am proud of you." She pecked him on the lips. "You did everything that I asked."

Emi lost her breath when hearing those words. Weakly, she said. "Wh-wh-what?"

Ochako wrapped her hands tightly around his waist. "You see, Emi. The joke is on you." She gripped him harder. "One thing about my lover, we don't ever keep secrets." She snapped her fingers. "I must say, bravo on your ill, I mean, ill attempts at trying to take my man." She narrowed her eyes. "However, to know a yandere is to understand a yandere."

Emi watched as a sickening look appeared from Ochako's face.

"I know it has been quite a shocker, but tonight has yet ended for you, my dear." She gripped Izuku's ass. Immediately, he was presented with a cloth and a tiny canister.

"Let's see how much your lover gives a taste of your own medicine," said Ochako. "You say dismantling his future? His future is with me. Let's see how much of a future you are going to get?"

She watched as her husband draped the towel over her nose. Emi struggled while Ochako pressed her body on her. "Don't panic, Ms. Joke. It won't hurt. Don't fight it. Just breathe in. Breathe in, darling. It's okay. Relax and go to sleep. Have a peaceful, restful sleep. Don't fight it. Just go to sleep. Sweet dreams!"

Emi:s struggles were lessening. Her body became weak. Then, it went limp. Ochako placed her finger under her nose. She got up from her and dusted off her hands.

"She's out," said Izuku when holding Emi's limped wrist. "Thanks for saving me out there."

Ochako wanted to melt (in actuality, climax) from seeing her adorable cinnamon roll in such a piteous position. However, he couldn't help on how adorably dorky and moe he can be. If anyone was going to dominate and do lecherous things, that was her role.

Ochako placed her hands on her hips. "Thank God that I sensed a bitch in the mist that wanted to take my Izuku."

"How were you able to figure out it was Ms. Joke?"

Ochako reached to grab her glasses. Slowly pulling them to the bridge of her nose, she proceeded with her explanation.

[Insert Death Note Soundtrack whenever L explains his theories]

Emi should have known that I am much as a yandere as she is. I inspect your room day in and day out. When you explained to me about someone leaving ejaculate all over your things, I knew someone wanted a piece of you again.

"What do you mean again?"

It's elementary, my dear Izuku! Being a dedicated girlfriend means examining all things. That means stealing every girl's panties. I have collected samples of every girl from 1-A through Nejire of the Big 3. Even the faculty weren't exempt. After concluding that it wasn't Kayama-sensei, Nemuri, or Pro Hero 18+ Midnight, I knew then and there that there was someone outside the circle.

"Ochako, should we wrap this up? At some point, someone is going to phone the police."

Relax, Izuku! In this universe, time is slower the distance an ant makes from one blade of glass to an ant hill. Plus, whenever you were watching the video, I didn't go too far. I felt something was off as when I returned, I smelled a hint of seafood. Now, if she only knew that you were getting your cage washed, then there wouldn't be suspicion.

"Charmed," said Izuku. "So, what about Dr. Aoi?"

Let's say that a certain jealous tsundere sister and her lover caught wind of what "Autumn" and "Sky" were doing. Let's leave it at that! So, what are going to do with this one?

Sometime later….

Ochako was grateful that it was another glorious weekend. And nothing brought great joy than being with her man.

Ochako opened the door to her dorm room as she could smell the fresh scent of lilac and squid.

"Mommy's home," cried Ochako. She turned as she saw Izuku sitting on her bed. Heart-shaped pupils filled his mind as he was being occupied at this point in time. Ochako can see her precious boyfriend having fun with their new precious pet. Sporting a white diamond-studded collar, their pet Emi was gyrating her hips ferociously at her co-owner.

"Oi, Emi! There is my precious pet," said Ochako as she clasped her hands.

"Nyaa," cried Emi as she felt the surge of freshly-packed semen cramming inside of her walls. She purred as she landed on top of Izuku's sweaty body.

Ochako smiled delightfully. As it turned out, having Emi around wasn't so bad anymore. After spending some time doing a modification program, she didn't mind keeping her around.

After all, Emi is now the property of Ochako and Izuku.

And by property, Ochako is the onee-sama, the mistress, and most of all, her God.

"Nyaa," meowed Emi as she removed herself from Izuku and crawled to Ochako, licking her hand.

"Oh, Emi!"

"Nyaa!"

"Oh, my God! She is so adorable," cried Ochako. "Emi, honey, today has been a long day and I have put up quite a sweat." Ochako removed her skirt, followed by her shoes and her socks. "Would you mind tending to my sweat, my precious little Emi?"

"Nyaa," cried Emi as she shook her "tail" as it dangled from her ass. Emi stuck out her tongue as she proceeding licking Ochako's legs. Ochako trembled from the pleasure as she fell backward to the bed. Using her free opportunity to massage Izuku's cum-soaked dick.

"You know, baby," she informed Izuku. "Emi isn't a bad girl after all. Just needed some loving."

Izuku didn't answer, still in the ebb and flow as he was approaching a second coming. Maybe it was ebb and flow or maybe it was from the anti-psychotic medicine she slipped in his coffee. Whichever it may be, she was gratefully that things have worked out in the end.

Izuku is mine, Emi! As I create my future with Izuku and you as my pet, here I am dismantling yours. Things have turned out perfectly. Well, almost! There is one more loose end there needs to be done and that involves a certain little asshole!

Yandere DENIED!

NTR DENIED!

The End!

Katsuki woke up with a tremendous headache. His brain couldn't rattle on why he had such a throbbing head pain. As he tried collecting his thoughts, he realized that something was wrong.

Where in the hell am I?

Why am I tied up?

What in the hell am I wearing?

From his position, he was stuck in a wall. Another thing was he was wearing an outfit similar to the character 2B from the video game, NieR: Automata.

"I'm stuck," he cried. "Someone get me out of this wall! Whoever did this, you will pay, you baka!"

Meanwhile, Mineta was finishing collecting his latest samples from the girls' locker room to use for his nightly ritual.

Mineta delightfully inhaled the latest catch of the day. "Sweet baby Jesus! I am thinking of a threesome with Ashido and Jiro with these panties! And I have the pillows for a great humping post."

As he was leaving, he noticed an obstruction that he didn't recognize. Becoming curious, he decided to examine. His eyes couldn't deceive what was in front of him. His fantasy was finally coming true. He saw a perilous woman stuck in the wall and etched with permanent markers with words of vulgarity.

Free pussy! Insert one!

Hi, I am a whore! Please fill me with your natural oils.

I am a liar and need to be resolved of my sins.

Tight and like a virgin! Need someone to quench this insatiable thirst!

Mineta looked to the heavens and praised the gods of sex.

"Today's the day I can finally lose my virginity," cried Mineta.

Wait! What in the hell is going on!

Holy Dio in hell! God, somebody help me!

The End...for real this time!

BD: Whoa! Never did I think we could ever deny a yandere and a NTR scene in the same story.

GOTA: I am speechless on what was written. However, it is something different.

BD: More stories to come! Still feel bad for Emi. Yet again, she did get Izuku!

GOTA: But, not on her own terms.

BD: And Katsuki! Damn, that sucks to be him!

GOTA: At least Mineta gets to score...almost. Stay tuned for more stories, ladies and gentlemen. Until we meet again!