A/N: These are bits and bots of audition tapes that I made using the information I received from characters. Since it's taking so long for me to write the actual story, this is kind of a teaser and an apology. Thank you for your patience, everyone! Have fun guessing who's who!

Snoooooore. The security guard was obviously sleeping in his office chair, and that meant it was Chris' cue to strike.

He snuck into the security office with a duffel bag, dropped the bag on the floor, and wheeled the officer in the chair out of the room and into the hallway.

Chris then opened the bag, and inside was a hefty amount of video tapes. "Let's get started." Chris triumphantly said to himself.

The security cameras were all displaying different areas of the studio lot before Chris ejected the tapes. Now, they were all showing the faces of at least 30 teenagers.

"Umm… H-Here I am, Mr. McLean! The shooting star that, um… Shines! In the night!" The girl in the audition tape wore a smile on her face, but her annunciation combined with the nervous sweats said loud and clear that she was fairly anxious. "A-And I'm no ordinary shooting star either! I shine light on the people in the dark! In the name of justice! I-I'll go down in history, I tell you!"

"Behold! The Blender-Wavebot!" A blender (or is it a microwave?) wheeled itself in front of the camera and dinged. Whether something just finished getting pureed or microwaved, it's fairly hard to tell. "That's right, Christopher! My ingenious invention blends any ingredients and uses the radioactive waves of your everyday microwave to zap them into muffins! Epic, right?! Watch, I'll open it up and show yo-" The entire contraption blew up in the girls face, leaving ash everywhere and a small fire where the contraption once stood.

"Puedo cook, puedo clean, puedo speak spanish y… Sp-ingles… Mister McLean, I think that I am a very good candidato por your show." The kid in the sweater vest smiled, displaying his perfect teeth. "Con biblia in one hand y dictionary de ingles in the other, I'll at least make it to the merge! If you just give me the opportunity!"

"How do ya do, Mr. McLean? I may look like just your average beefy farmhand, but I'll have you know, I'm not just your average beefy farmhand." The 'kid' was right- he was beyond the average beefy, and the fact that his clothes strained on him meant that his over-beefiness wasn't an opinion. His over-beefiness was a fact. "I really don't mean to brag or anythin', but I do think I'm a pretty good student, especially for someone who didn't have the luxuries of tutors and gel pencils. The secret is motivation." Of course he had more beef than average, but apparently his mind is pretty beefy too… Does he notice there's a tear in his shirt?

"I'm here to save your life!" claimed a girl. "Did that get your star-studded finger outta your ear? Because I mean it! Something's coming for you, McLean, but I'll head over there and kick its ### if you let me! This message will self-destruct in 10 sec-" The girl's timing was apparently off since smoke arose from VCR in the middle of her sentence.

"Ah-choo! Ugh, excuse me…" said a girl as she wiped her red nose. "Hi there, Mr. McLean. I'm honestly just the average girl you find volunteering at the animal shelter down the street. I actually just recently hear about this 'Total Drama', and I watched a few episodes of Total Drama Island… It doesn't seem too mortally terrifying.. So I thought I could give it a shot… There are some good charities that could use that prize money, you know…"

"Everyone's just in it to win it, face it. There are people in the other audition tapes, probably saying things like 'Oh my gosh, save the whales!' and 'I just want to make friends!', but we both know reality: everyone's in it for themselves." The kid leaned back in his chair, how cool. "I'm going to show some people a lesson, McLean. All the liars and cheaters- they're not gonna get the best of me. What goes around comes around before it even goes, check it."

"Don't worry, citizen! I am here!" shouted a kid in barbaric clothing. "That's what you say before you stop evil in its tracks. I should know, since I'm basically a hero. I hang out with mall security all the time- I catch shoplifters like Velma catches jinkies- so basically all the time. I don't get paid or anything though, I do it all in the name of righteousness!"

"Deep breath… Alright, Mr. McLean." said a girl, blushing a little bit. "I've been watching Total Drama for years! Ever since Courtney came back in Total Drama Action! I'm totally up to date with everything, believe me, and I really think I found out the ultimate strategy to winning this game. There are certain types of contestants who make it to the late game, you know! And if I just piece everything together, I think I can do it right!"

"And that (pant) is how you pour your ####### soul (pant) into a ####### awesome guitar riff. If I throw some effects in there, I could prolly turn that into an internet hit." The girl put down her blood red, battle-axe shaped guitar. "Anyways, McLean, you can tell I'm a pretty chill girl. I totally bring some coolness to the table, am I right or what? You're gonna accept me or whatever, and I'm gonna walk over there and slay, 'cuz that's just what I do! A'ight, kick rocks, McLean!"

"All I want to do is go home, I hate the America." said a kid in a heavy French accent. "Students can not feel safe at school, the people can't agree about a single thing in the government, and like, It it too screwing hot here! I do not even want to really compete, sir! I just ask for a donation- help me get back to France!"

Did somebody send in a creepy staring contest audition by mistake…? No, a very, very pale girl is just… Taking her time. "I want to be on your show, Mr. McLean. I have the spirit to compete, I'm… Interesting, and I want to make friends. Goodbye."

"Yeah, so I watched a season or two. You and that Hatchet guy seem like total psychopaths, but at least this isn't like that Ridonculous Race show." Said a boy a green jacket, walking down a library aisle with a stack of books. The person operating the camera following him asked him if it was a good idea to call the host a psychopath. "I'm just showing off a little personality, dude. Call it character development. Audiences like that."

"And this is my cat! her name is Blayr! Say hi Blayr!" The boy in the newsboy cap held his white cat up to the camera, the cat not resisting, but not happy about it either. Meanwhile, a black cat and a golden cat appear from both sides of the screen and start playing with the camera. "Boxxi, Cupcake, I'm going to need you to not do that with my camera, 'kay? Love you guys!"

"Oh gosh, is this going out to Chris McLean? I can't believe I'm actually going to do this; I'm so excited!" Said a girl in a sea-green parka. "Total Drama is like, my most favorite TV Show ever, and I think I'm ready to actually compete in a season!" The girl played with her braid for a second. "I'm not just a pretty face y'know, but I've got strategy and brains too, and let me tell you why I could use that prize money…"

Behind a boy in a purple ski jacket was a flaming Bel Taco with people running for their lives. The boy was just casually walking however with a sheepish smile. "Chris McLean sir, I know this looks really bad, but I swear this is just kinda the norm at this point." At that point, a wrecking ball crashed through the Bel Taco. "I'm not like a pyromaniac or anything, I just thought I'd record my audition from my favorite restaura-" A meteor smashed into restaurant and the boy covered his ears. "Look, I'm just kinda unlucky. I SWEAR it doesn't get this bad most of the time. Ugh, I'm not submitting this. Is this the delete butto-"

"...Is it conceited for me to say I like having a lot of friends? I don't think they'd think so. But it doesn't really matter what they think when you're the host… OH MY GOSH, that could've sounded so rude to them just now! I hope they don't take it the wrong way!" The girl with the ginger curly hair was doing so well in her audition before she started rambling. At this point, it's hard not to tune her out.

"Thanks again for letting me use your camera, pal! Could I get a moment alone please?" asked a boy in a New York Yankees jacket. His 'pal' gave him a thumbs up and left the room, and the boy waited a couple seconds. "I freaking hate that idiot." he sighed. "McLean, I know you're not looking for angels to play your game, I totally dig it. You put me on your show, and for that prize money, I'll do whatever it takes. I think that's enough said."

"These are the ones." Chris said to himself with a devilish grin. "The ones that are going to revive Total Drama."

Chapter 0.5 - Complete