[Deployment 2002]

"Come with me," his eyes were pleading, so blue in the sunlight fading behind him.

"Killian, I– I belong here. Go home. Go home to your brother." She couldn't go with him, she doesn't belong in his family. She doesn't understand how to be a part of family, she has no practice. She gave away her only chance. Her son, she couldn't leave, she couldn't just disappear never to be found. She can't do to him what her parents have done to her.

Go home.

"Emma, please, come with me. Liam would love you, you can stay with us, we'll figure it out, Emma, I promise." He doesn't understand, he doesn't know about her son. And Emma can't bring herself to tell him.

"Killian," Emma pulled her body away from him, but kept her hand in his, pulling strength from the warm sensation. "I can't. I made a vow to my country and a promise to help these people. I can't just leave because I don't want to say goodbye."

Killian dropped his head, she was right, he knew. They both had a duty to land and country, Killian never thought he would start to regret following his brother into the Royal Navy.

He breathed deeply before stepping forward, leaning his forehead against Emma's and said "I guess it's time for me to depart then, Private Swan."

"I guess so, Lieutenant Jones." Killian turned then towards the portal, but stopped when he felt Emma's hand pull him back. She was right there, he should just kiss her, but they've never divulged their feelings and in the end they are both just scared and uncertain nineteen year olds afraid to take a leap.

Emma's smile was sad as she looked into his eyes and said, "Have a good life Killian." She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.

"Aye, Swan, you too." Emma watched as her true love walked in the portal, back into his real life, and was officially dead in hers. The sun went over the horizon, and the light was gone.

In the end, they were both too scared to say goodbye.

[Boston 2011]

"My name's Henry, I'm your son." Emma was left at her own door as the boy made his way into her apartment. He was looking at everything, chatting the whole time, and then he was in her fridge.

"Where are your parents?"

"Ten years ago did you give up a baby for adoption?" Emma didn't respond, she stood there taking him in. Recognizing his brown eyes and brown hair from another face, one that left her eleven years ago, pregnant and in prison. "That was me."

"Give me a minute."

A moment later and Emma was in her bathroom, okayokayokay, she always knew that her son would find her, just not so soon. Not when he was ten years old. The audacity. But if he was anything like her, Emma shouldn't expect anything less. Anything like her. God, she hoped he was better than her.

Fuck he has to be so nervous.

The kid didn't even say "hello."

-He's yelling at her through the bathroom door, asking for a glass for the juice he found in the fridge. By the time Emma walked out he already had the bottle tipped in the air, drinking straight from its mouth. When he was done he wiped his face with the back of his sleeve and said, "You know, we should probably get going."

"Going where?" Emma could see the forced casualness in his remark. How many times has he recited this very moment? Planned for their meeting?

"I want you to come home with me."

"Okay… Why don't you have your parents take you?" She knows he has parents. Emma researched every adoption agency in the country. She found one out of Boston that had a high placement rate. It took a lot of effort, but they eventually agreed to take her baby. She requested to be alerted to when he got adopted, she wanted to know that someone wanted her son. When she got the news that he was adopted at three months old Emma enlisted. She didn't have a reason to stick around for a while.

"My mom doesn't know where I am." A runaway. Check one for nature over nurture.

"Then how did you get here?" He's ten and it's 2011, surely he couldn't take the bu–

"I took the bus."

"You didn't." He's ten.

"Try me." But Emma didn't want to try him. In her mind's eye she could see herself, at ten years old, taking a bus to New York, thinking someone would want her there. She was wrong then, but she won't let her son go through that disappointment now. If he wants her to take him home, she will.

"Where's home?"

"Storybrooke, Maine"

"Storybrooke, seriously?" What a stupid name.

"Mhmm," he gave a small nod. Henry had put up a strong front, but now that he was so close to getting what he wanted she could see the fear coming through. It made her heart ache, in that moment of fear Emma could see herself yet again. Her own lost childhood beating at the gates, she never wanted that for her son.

You don't run away from home at ten years old for no reason.

And Emma wanted to know the reason.

She just didn't want to force it out of him.

"Alright, let's go to Storybrooke." If that is where he needed her, and where she can help him in whatever he needs, then that's where she'll go.

They were in the car leaving Boston. They. Emma was struggling to keep her grasp on the situation. Her son was sitting next to her. The baby she refused to hold because she was scared to keep him is right beside her.

"I'm hungry. Do you want to stop somewhere?" Stop? He wants to stop? Emma had a to take a deep breath. She knows he has been dreaming of this moment his entire life, but fuck she's scared too.

Breathe Emma. This isn't a road trip and his mother has to be worried sick. And if she calls that cops? It'll look like Emma kidnapped her child.

"Henry, we can't stop but I'll go through a drive-thru."

"Why can't we stop?" He sounded so disappointed. Why did he want to stop? To prevent going home? To tell her why he ran away? When Emma was a child she wanted to know everything about her parents. She often wondered if they did or liked the same things as she did. Now she'd just be happy to learn their names. Is that what Henry wanted to know? If they had similar eating habits?

"Because I'm sure your mom has called the cops and if they find us just eating in a restaurant, and not frantically trying to reunite you, I'll get arrested for kidnapping."

"Because you're my birth mother."

Emma looked over at him then, and he was disappointed. "Yeah, sorry kid."

"It's okay, I understand." It wasn't okay, but she'll try to give him that meal one day.

Henry buried himself into a large book he pulled out of his backpack, attempting to hide his disappointment.

"What do you like? Burgers? Tacos? Chicken, beef, fish?"

"Uhhh, I don't know. We don't have fast food in Storybrooke."

"No fast food in Storybrooke? What do you live in? An alternate reality?"

"Something like that."

"Alright, alright. We're coming back to that comment, but first, food. What do you want to try then?"

"Burgers. I want to try a Big Mac, the commercials look SO good."

"Okay, do you like onions and pickles?"

Henry shook his head vigorously in confirmation and kept doing so as he asked, "What do you like from McDonald's?"

"I like their chicken club, but I'm going to get a chicken wrap. It'll be easier to eat since I'm driving."

"If we weren't getting fast food, what would you eat?"

"Mmm. Grilled cheese and onion rings from a diner. Probably my favorite food. You?" Emma sees what Henry is doing. He's trying to get to know her, even in the simplest degree.

"Chocolate ice cream. Mom never lets me have it." Emma had to smile at that, the kid has a sweet tooth. Doesn't that sound familiar?

"Ha. Alright, I get that. I wasn't allowed to have a lot of ice cream when I was a kid either." Her foster homes weren't prone to spoiling her.

"What's your favorite drink?"

"Well," Emma looked over at him and gave a small smile, "this is going to sound weird, but I really like hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkled on top."

"Really? Me too! Must be a family thing." Henry was grinning at her. Family. That word bounced around her mind, knocking away all other thoughts. Henry wants to be a family, at least to some degree. He deserves that. To know who and where he came from. To know who his family is.

She just hopes she is able to give it to him.

Her parents never could.

But just because she stopped trying to answer her questions about her family doesn't mean she can't answer Henry's. He deserves everything she never got.

Henry liked his Big Mac, "I wish we had this in Storybrooke," he said around a mouthful of burger. He was using the large book as a makeshift table, but Emma caught the cover earlier when Henry was getting ready to eat. Once Upon a Time, it made her blood run cold.

"No fast food in Storybrooke? What do you live in? An alternate reality?"

"Something like that."

It's not possible, it couldn't be.

But it wouldn't be the first time a fictional story turned out to be someone's reality.

[Deployment 2002]

Emma's first deployment was 8 months wandering the East African countryside, there was a warlord named Kovu reeking havoc on the Tanzanian countryside. The local authorities were unable to stop him, so they reach out to the US and were sent the Wanderers, the special ops group that specializes in taking care of difficult, rural "problems." And the government considered Kovu to be quite the problem. But when 8 months had passed their captain decided it was time to go home, revel in their families, and regroup to attack it fresh. Unfortunately for Emma her captain approached her with a different idea.

"Private Swan, you don't have anyone waiting for you stateside." It wasn't a question, he knew it and had taken advantage of her lack of loved ones multiple times already. Using it to justify sending her into reckless situations.

She did not like her captain very well.

"In four months we're coming back, but there is still too much we don't know. Like where the fuck is Kovu going? How is he hiding so well? I'm telling you, it is somewhere in the south east of Tanzania. But we all got families ready to see us again and we're all kinds of excited to be with them. Except you." He was pointing at her now, wagging his finger. Emma wanted to grab it and break it.

"You don't need to go home, because you don't have one. So I've contacted the higher ups and elected to keep you here in East Africa to gain info."

Emma didn't respond, she couldn't respond. He was right, after all, why shouldn't she go? It didn't matter if she didn't go home. Like he said, she doesn't even have one.

"I want you to head south and sniff around there. And Private, smile, you'll be promoted after this." And he walked away.

Leaving Emma alone.

She'll need to get used to it again.

So Emma went south and found herself in an unexpected country, one not on any map she has ever seen.

[2011]

"No fast food in Storybrooke? What do you live in? An alternate reality?"

"Something like that."

"Henry, tell me about your book."

He shook his head before saying, "I'm not sure your ready."

"Ready for some fairy tales?" Memories flashed across her mind of a lost prince on the run from his uncle, pirates rebelling against a tyrant, and a magician who desperately wanted to help save his kingdom. But the impression that wouldn't fade was one of a boy with gentle blue eyes who fell through a portal from a land called Misthaven, where fairy tales were real life.

"They're not fairy tales. They're true. Every story in this book actually happened."

Fuck. "Of course it did."

"Use your superpower. See if I'm lying." He was defensive and Emma couldn't blame him, to a normal person what he was saying is crazy.

"No, I believe you believe that this is the truth and I want to learn more about it." Emma has seen too much to just write him off. If what he is suggesting is real, and he came all the way to Boston for her to come home with him, then he must need her help. And if it isn't real, then what Henry needs isn't someone telling him that what he believes isn't true. Emma has a feeling that Henry gets enough of that already.

"So you don't think I'm crazy?"

"I don't think you're crazy and I will listen to everything you have say."

And man, did he have a lot to say.

By the time they arrived in Storybrooke Henry had told Emma about the Dark Curse the Evil Queen, his mother, cast and how Snow White and Prince Charming had to give up their daughter in order to save their kingdom.

"Every person in Storybrooke is a fairy tale character and they are all cursed to never get their happy endings. They can't be happy. None of them remember who they are." He was dead serious and Emma was overwhelmed.

"Alright. Okay. You can stop. I just– I'm going to spend the night in Storybrooke. Can I borrow your book and read it? So I can have more time to digest this information?"

He grinned at her, "You want to read it?" She shook her head at him.

"Yeah,"

"Great! I'll leave it in the car. You can stay at Granny's, we're about to pass it on the right." Henry pointed out the dinner and told her that around the corner there was an entrance to the inn.

"Okay, now how about some directions to your house?"

"Forty-four-not-telling-you street."

Emma slammed on her brakes. She slammed the door behind her when she stepped out into the middle of the street. She heard a transformer bust somewhere behind her.

"Henry, it's been a long night and it's almost… 8:15?" Emma stared at the clock tower, she knew it had to be close to midnight.

"That clock hasn't moved my whole life. Time's frozen here."

"Right, the curse. Storybook characters. Frozen in time in Storybrooke, Maine. Hence the clock tower." Emma took a deep breath, this has been a lot for her to take in and if this curse is real then they can't be working together and still have Henry doing this. "Look, kid, I can't help you if I get arrested for kidnapping, which can still happen. I need you to not play games with me right now." Henry looked away from her, holding his book closer to his chest. "I know you're scared, Henry, but you have already been so brave and if we're going to get through this, I am sorry, but you're going to have to keep being brave. Please, tell me where you live."

There were tears in his eyes when he said, "She doesn't love me. My mom doesn't love me."

In all the scenarios Emma pictured in her head when she gave Henry up, him ending up with someone who didn't love him was the worst curse she could have imagine for her son.

Emma bent down on one knee and looked up at Henry, "Hey, listen, when I gave you up for adoption ten years ago I made sure you went to the agency with the highest adoption rate in the country. I grew up in the foster system Henry, and for someone to adopt you they have to want you. They have to want you a lot. And Henry, that means your mom loves you. Maybe it isn't perfect, but she does love you. You don't go through the struggle of adoption if you don't love the kid."

"Then why doesn't she act like it?" He was crying now and Emma didn't know what to do. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of touching him, they just met, but she remembered being a child, crying in the bed of another new foster home, wishing she had her mother to hold her.

So Emma did what she so desperately wanted as a child. She reached forward and wrapped Henry in her arms. She looked for any signs of resistance, ready to let go if he wanted her too, but instead of pulling away he fell into her shoulder.

"I don't know, Henry." But she wished she did.

"Henry!" There was a man with a dog jogging towards them. "What are you doing here? Is everything thing alright?" They had pulled away from each other and Henry schooled his face to the best reassuring expression he could.

"I'm fine, Archie."

"Who's this?"

"She's my mom, Archie."

"Oh, I see. That's why you missed our session." Where ever Archie was going with the session talk, Emma decided that now wasn't the time for it.

"Do you know where he lives?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." He looked less suspicious and concerned after he gave her directions, realizing that she was returning Henry and not stealing him. "The Mayor's house is the biggest one on the block."

"You're the mayor's kid?"

"Uh, maybe." Of course she is. If she's the Evil Queen, why wouldn't she run her cursed town? Emma huffed out a breath of frustration, she really wanted to go to bed.

"Alright, well I better get you home. Get back in the car Henry."

Archie stepped back, "Yeah, sure, have a good night. You be good, Henry." He clapped Henry on the shoulder and walked away.

Emma turned to him, "So he's a therapist?"

"I'm not crazy." He was defensive again, Emma couldn't blame him.

"Didn't say that. I also have a therapist, just wondering who he is and a little suspicious that he walks his dog at midnight."

"He's Jiminy Cricket." Henry called it over the car as he made his way to the passenger seat.

"Well, that explains it."

"Do I have to do this?" They were walking up to the house and Emma wanted to run. She wanted to take Henry and run. He shouldn't have to go through this. He should live with someone who loves him. Someone he isn't afraid of, but if he's right and this entire town is cursed, then they have to stay and they have to keep Regina complacent.

"Henry…" She wanted to comfort him, but she didn't know how.

"I know, it needs to be this way if we're gonna break the curse." He was so brave, her son.

"Henry?!" A woman was running at them, more specifically, she was running towards Henry and pushed Emma out of the way. "Oh, Henry." Her voice was breaking, like a scared mother relieved to see her son alive and well. "Ohh. Are you okay?" She engulfed him in her arms, but unlike earlier with Emma he didn't hug her back.

"Where have you been?! What happened?"

"I found my real mom." He was running away now, disappearing into the house, and leaving Regina looking heartbroken and stunned before finally looking at Emma.

"You're Henry's birth mother?"

"Hi." This could not be worse.

"We'll just go and check on the lad, make sure he's alright." Emma looked past the woman in front of her and noticed for the first time the two men behind her. The man who spoke sounded british, with a beard and leather jacket.

"Come on, James." The man next to him, James, was dressed the same, and when Emma looked at his face her world for the second time that night came to a standstill.

Killian. The feeling of a forehead pressed against hers. This can't be real. The goodbye they couldn't bear to say. He died.

You can't go back two hundred years in the past and be alive in present.

You fucking can't.

Grief.

Shock.

Relief.

The regret of a kiss they never shared. All of these sensations pressed in on Emma at once, overwhelming her.

"How would you like a glass of the best apple cider you've ever tasted?" What? Regina was looking at her, but she didn't hear whatever she had said as Emma watched an impossible man walk back into the house.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Regina was clearly annoyed that Emma wasn't paying attention, but she didn't care. She wanted to see that man again.

"I asked if you would like some apple cider."

"Oh, uh, does it have alcohol?" Emma tries to regulate her drinking. She's seen too many soldiers deal with their problems through liquor to think it's a good idea.

"No, but it does taste good with whiskey."

"No, I just don't drink much and wanted to know what I was being offered. But yeah, apple cider sounds great. Thanks."

"How did he find me?" Emma would bet money that the woman in front of her didn't have anything to do with it.

"No idea. When I adopted him, he was only 3 weeks old. The records were sealed. I was told the birth mother didn't want any contact." Her back was turned to Emma, trying to be nonchalant, but Emma could still see the tension in her shoulders.

"You were told right." The records were supposed to be sealed until his eighteenth birthday, then he could access them if he wanted.

"And the father?"

"No one to worry about." Emma wanted to shut that down quickly, Regina would be more hostile if she thought there was another person to be afraid of.

"Do I need to worry about you, Ms. Swan?" This was a careful situation, Regina was fishing and Emma didn't want to take a bite. Thankfully, Emma's impossible man and the sheriff stopped her from having to answer.

"Madam Mayor, you can relax. Other than being a tired little boy, Henry's fine."

"Thank you, Sheriff, Deputy." Emma got a better look at the Deputy this time before they left the house. The boy she knew was clean shaven when they met and it grew into a patchy beard during their three months together. The man before her had more defined facial hair, and much shorter hair. Those superficial differences couldn't hide the fact that it was definitely Killian in front of her. Roughly ten years older looking, but just as frighteningly attractive.

When they met ten years ago, Killian just stared at her and blinked.

He did no less now.

But Emma couldn't miss the lack of recognition in his eyes.

The sheriff stepped forward and stuck out his hand, "Hello, I'm Graham Humbert and this is my deputy, James Jones." Killian, James, stepped forward and shook her hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Swan."

Emma couldn't speak, couldn't form words because he was here and he was touching her.

That didn't stop Regina from speaking for her.

"No need to get acquainted, Ms. Swan was just leaving." She was right, Emma wanted out of there. She needed out of there and away from the Evil Queen and away from Killian. She dreamed of seeing him again, but never actually thought it would happen. And now that it has, it was possibly one of the worst experiences of her life. I'm nothing but a stranger.

"Yes, um, I better go." She didn't wait for a response and walked out of the door, brushing past Graham and James, but they weren't far from her heels as they were leaving too.

Killian was calling after her, "Ms. Swan, wait!" God, she just wanted to get away from him. "Do you need directions out of town? Don't want you running over street signs and what not."

"No, no thank you. I'm actually going to stay at Granny's. Henry pointed it out to me on the way into town."

"Oh, are you staying?"

Come with me.

He looked desperate back then, but he looks hopeful now. He doesn't even know her here, but Emma could see some part of him remembered her and wanted her to stay.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Then I'll see you around, Ms. Swan. Have a–"

"Emma. It's Emma." He smiled at her then, Graham stood awkwardly to the side and cleared his throat.

"Yes, good night Emma. Come on, James."

Emma didn't watch them walk away before driving to Granny's.

But she could see Killian watching her in the rearview window.

Fuck it has been a long day.